Sometimes i want to Kill People

[zurew]

I think you need to work on your embodyment, and your ego is fragile. You are getting overrun by your emotions by a pretty basic everyday situation. In the future, you will bump into a lot of cold and provocative people and they will be much more triggering than the one you interacted with.

 

That being said, i agree ,that there is a subjective line for everyone ,where they will decide to kill someone. That line is being drawn at different places depending on the person. But i think your tolerance level is way too low. 

If you got so triggered by this situation , that you started contemplating about killing other people, that means that you have work to do, and you are dangerous. You need to figure out why you get so bothered by basic life situations. You may need to go to a psychologist or a psychiatrist to work on yourself and on your ego to be able to tolerate more shit.

Your ego will be shattered by other much more serious situations. 

6 hours ago, SQAAD said:

Wanting to kill people is a natural thing.

I don't think so. Even if a cop kills someone who is dangerous, he doesn't want to kill that person but he doesn't have any other option. He doesn't do it because he wants to, but he hast to. There is a big difference between wanting to kill and when there is no other option, but to kill. (In the first you have other options, in the second you pretty much ran out of options)

If you get satisfaction by the thought of killing other people you have something seriously fucked up in your mind and you should go to a psychologist or a psychiatrist.

But to be more charitable to you, there are exceptions of course. For instance, if a pedophile would rape and torture my kid ( I don't have any but if i had ) i would probably want to kill that person because of the emotions. But that is a pretty exceptional situation and not some basic everyday situation that can happen on a regular basis. My tolerance level is pretty high, i try to avoid and do everything before things get physical. Even if i was to get attacked there are a number of things i could do, before i would get into a fight.

Edited June 9, 2022 by zurew

[Loba]

5 hours ago, SQAAD said:

Many times we invite such behaviors. You let them treat you that way. There are some narcissistic scums of the earth in this existence, who look for the ideal victim. They look for someone to manipulate and do all their selfish devilish bs.

Nowadays i put boundaries to people. I used to be a people-pleaser. To be honest, i am still a people pleaser but to a lesser degree. 

I don't like that you compare and downplay my suffering. My suffering was very intense. We all suffer.

A war veteran with PTSD who has seen people getting raped and chopped off with machetes could also downplay our suffering. How would that make you feel though?

I would ignore, they like to play the "who's the biggest victim" game.  Don't play that game.  It's a game for losers.

[Loba]

I would just let it go, people are disrespectful all the time.  I live with a borderline and a codependent who needs to scapegoat, they get off on pushing their fake ass personality onto me.  They survive by abusing me, especially in the morning.  Then they claim I am the one doing it to them, it's super crazy inducing behaviour.  I am just waiting for the day that they die from old age and go to hell where they belong.  They abuse me, and then threaten to kick me out, they have taken my animals to the animal shelter while I was in the hospital, they treat my retarded brother like the golden child.  I get it, people can push you past their limits, but just remember - death is the equalizer, they do all die one day, and hopefully, if you're lucky, they will with a lifetime of regret.  No one gets out of this alive.  We all die.  You don't have to speed up the process, let them suffer in their own unique ways.  They always do it to themselves in the end.

Who you gon be when the world gets fried
Listen to your friend, it’s the voice inside
If you lose me where the hell you gonna go
Take somebodies life who the hell gonna know
Who you gon be when the world gets fried
Listen to your friend, it’s the voice inside
If you lose me where the hell you gonna go
Take somebodies life who the hell gonna know

[RMQualtrough]

6 hours ago, something_else said:

Are you leaving out a part of the story where she shouts at you for nothing? I re-read that part of your thread, all you say is that she didn't give you attention, and was cold when you spoke to her.

The main story of your thread is about a pharmacy clerk who you believe disrespected you

 Your thread is titled 'Sometimes I want to kill people'

And after that story you talk about how you understand why people want to kill when they are disrespected.

I believe my interpretation is perfectly fair.

It wasn't meant to be advice, it was meant to tell you that your emotional response in this situation seemed very over the top to me, and encourage you to be less fragile about similar situations.

I'm not immune to human insult and disrespect at all, far from it. I have social anxiety, that shit hits hard. But it doesn't make me wanna insult, hurt or kill people over small matters of disrespect

Yeah, it's clearly psychotic behavior. Lmao...

[integral]

Product idea: glasses that change what you see and hear to only pleasant things. 

if someone says something nasty it blocks it out or replace it with something pleasant, call now.

Don't wait! Call now, Bliss is an interpretation away. 

Edited June 9, 2022 by integral

[Ima Freeman]

@integral

Don't pray for better times, pray for more strength.

[SQAAD]

@Preety_India

On 9/6/2022 at 2:34 PM, Preety_India said:

Well at least that's good news. Although I still feel like you have some hidden disorder, imbalance, rage issues, maybe hidden ptsd or similar condition that is probably undiagnosed, because I remember that I would go nuts and want to destroy everything whenever I was angry for being mistreated, later I got diagnosed with Cptsd and now bpd.

I don't have any hidden 'disorder' except from OCD which is treatable and very manageable at this point after years of recovery work.

The issue is that i get triggered when i feel lack of love from others. It triggers insecurities in me.  It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me.

[Preety_India]

Just now, SQAAD said:

@Preety_India

I don't have any hidden 'disorder' except from OCD which is treatable and very manageable at this point after years of recovery work.

The issue is that i get triggered when i feel lack of love from others. It triggers insecurities in me.  It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me.

There's nothing wrong with you. When others mistreat you, it shows who they are and not who you are. You should just let it go and accept the reality that not everyone is cut from the same cloth. And they won't have the same love, compassion and empathy, respect that you have for others. Cultivate forgiveness and grace and throw love where you don't receive it and let go. 

 

[SQAAD]

@Breakingthewall

On 9/6/2022 at 2:40 PM, Breakingthewall said:

Big mistake . realize that the thing is encysted in your mind and eats you from the inside like a worm. you can't let pass single one. for one you let pass, you will get two, or more. are patterns, karma. It's a serious thing, causes social anxiety, etc

I believe progress is better than perfection. I don't put so much value in being perfect all the time. Sometimes i am more assertive than others. But each time is a learning experience.

Fortunately i don't suffer from social anxiety. My only issue is that i am sensitive to signs of lack of love or lack of respect from others. It triggers all my insecurities lol.

I try to be assertive . Today i used your advice, and when i went to a store and bought something, this time i kinda forced the cashier to take my order. He was busy doing something else and wanted me to wait lol. But i kindly asked him ''how much does this cost'' and he was forced to do his job lol.

Edited June 10, 2022 by SQAAD

[Ima Freeman]

4 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

When others mistreat you, it shows who they are and not who you are. 

It shows you both. Their action shows you how they are and your reaction shows you how you are.

[SQAAD]

@Ima Freeman

On 9/6/2022 at 3:35 PM, Ima Freeman said:

I still do have thoughts of violence towards others, but they are very rare now.
In my case it was due to brain health issues, because I detoxed heavy metals. This made my mind extremely agitated. The rage is still a natural reflex, that healthy people with an stable, peaceful environment normally do not encounter.
And very important, look into detoxing, nutrition and health in general. You want to detox agitating chemicals out of your body and find foods that are calming to you not stimulating or inflaming.
 

I don't buy into this whole notion that i may feel anger or violent thoughts because of some chemicals. That could be true but it is not true in my situation. Because i never feel anything like this when i am sitting at home.

I know from others that in America many things have tons of chemicals in them. Here in Greece where i live, everything is much more healthier than America. Healthier fruits and veggies, tons of sunlight, more chill pace. America is Stage Orange on steroids basically. Everything too large, too much, etc. 

My mind is not agitated at all. Its very alert and calm actually.

I think people have not properly understood my thread. It is not like i walk out everday  wanting to kill people for the slightest of things. I never really want to kill people actually. The desire is never strong or serious. 

As far as the rage part, i disagree. When you have all your needs met then yeah you can act very spiritual and not be prone to rage or anger. But i can, just for a day, ruin your health, steal all your money, lock you up somewhere for the rest of your life. Lets see how you will feel afterwards lol. 

People wanna act more developed than they really are. But we are all animals. Some more or less than others.

Edited June 10, 2022 by SQAAD

[SQAAD]

@something_else

On 9/6/2022 at 2:56 PM, something_else said:

And after that story you talk about how you understand why people want to kill when they are disrespected.

I believe my interpretation is perfectly fair.

It wasn't meant to be advice, it was meant to tell you that your emotional response in this situation seemed very over the top to me, and encourage you to be less fragile about similar situations.

I'm not immune to human insult and disrespect at all, far from it. I have social anxiety, that shit hits hard. But it doesn't make me wanna insult, hurt or kill people over small matters of disrespect

I don't have social anxiety. But i have been hurt by the behavior of other people in the past.

This has caused some resentment towards the human race. And that is the reason, sometimes i may have thoughts of killing some fkers who have mistreated me. That is very normal.

You probably grew up without much hurt from others. So you probably don't understand the situation. If you never have felt hatred towards the entire human race, then it is hard to understand.

In the case of the pharmacists, i just got angry. But nothing too severe. I did not wanna kill her. I wanted to insult her yeah of course. 

I just don't like when people are misdiagnosing the situation i am describing.

The title was just to show a general abstract idea i entertain sometimes when i feel nihilistic.

[SQAAD]

@ZenAlex

On 9/6/2022 at 4:31 PM, ZenAlex said:

I think the main problem is that disrespect bothers you so much. Get over yourself. You're not entitled to respect.

One could argue for the opposite. Still though if i come and spit  in your face, you probably won't like it very much. 

So your advice does not hold any water. It sounds similar to like ''the problem is that rape bothers you too much, get over it''. lol

[SQAAD]

@gettoefl

23 hours ago, gettoefl said:

how people go about their day to day life isn't your business

even if you happen to be in the firing line of it

get out of dodge

why you letting another make you a monster

if they did you the kind favor of showing you there is a monster inside you i say thank them and get to work on your trauma / demons

That is good advice. I usually just feel bad for few hours and the next day i don't even think about it. I would like if situations like this, did not bother me at all. But i think this is unrealistic.

[Preety_India]

On 6/9/2022 at 7:01 PM, ZenAlex said:

I think the main problem is that disrespect bothers you so much. Get over yourself. You're not entitled to respect.

Disrespect does hurt a lot. And it's not about entitlement. Respect is like the most basic right that everyone deserves. 

We respect animals too. 

Feeling disrespected is the first sign of abuse. 

 

[SQAAD]

@Michael Jackson

On 9/6/2022 at 5:26 PM, Michael Jackson said:

@SQAAD I fully agree with you.

Living in a cold robotic world without any Love for too long will lead to you wanting to do cold, loveless things for revenge too.

However, there is a possibility of understanding the world. The coldness you see in other people comes because they are lacking Love too. They are unfulfilled and they are living lifes full of suffering and pain. So they get numb, cold, and the cycle repeats itself.

The most precious Love and Goodness you could ever imagine exists, and the joke of it it, it is inside of YOU. Discover this Love and nothing other people will do to you will matter anymore. True Love cannot be touched and will always be here with you, even in your darkest hours. And with true Love in your eyes, you will see other people as what they truly are, which is Love, masked as sickness, pain and sorrow. And by seeing the truth in them, you will be a their light. And this light is Love, and it will heal all of them.

This was great . Thank you.

[SQAAD]

@Elton

On 9/6/2022 at 2:41 PM, Elton said:

@SQAAD can you try going back tobher today or maybe tomorrow and tell her that hey I dispise you because you treated me in a disrespect way yesterday and I'm truly hurt about it I felt very sad and unacknowledged when you behaved the way you did with me yeaterday.

Maybe something was wrong with her personal life and that's why she treated you like that?

Yes i try to recognize that how people treat me , has more to do with them than me.

I don't have the need to do that now. After few hours, it stopped mattering. Its like it did not even happen ^_-

I just suffer for a few hours and the next day i don't think about it. I would just like love to be less triggered and feel less hurt at times. Bu we are all humans. If i disrespect any person, he probably won't like it very much.

[SQAAD]

@Jowblob

On 9/6/2022 at 5:10 PM, Jowblob said:

You have to look at it differently man, if your conscious would be at a higher level you could've easily known that she was probably acting like that because of low consciousness. Specially the older generation from like below the 70s have low consciousness they don't know any better. Jesus said, father forgive them for they know not what they do. When i reached a certain point in my consciousness development it stopped bothering me, back then when my consciousness was low and my ego was big i would beat them up for disrespect thats how i got 35-40 fight . My advice is just to lower your ego and just show that it doesnt bother you, you will get liked for showing no ego or care to insults. Ofcourse when it happends often or bullying you can fight them to teach them a lesson. But usually people are like that is because of their low quality of consciousness and their personal problems has usually nothing to do with you. Most of the time these people are miserable trust me on that. So sometimes just suck it up and lose your ego, it's a sign of high quality consciousness. Im the kind of guy that would beat everyone easily but still sometimes get some disrespect and it doesnt bother me. Trust me if they disrespect you specially around other people, most often these other people wont like them for their ego/ low quality consciousness.

I usually never fight back or cause problems to others who are being disrespectful. I just feel very very terrible afterwards. And it passes after few hours. I think that is a sign of increased Consciousness.

I know that others have their own issues but i still think ''what did he not like about me ''. And that makes me feel bad. Because it creates uncertainty and doubt about myself. Your mind really wants to know why the other person acted that way. And it usually starts thinking about all your possible flaws.

Edited June 10, 2022 by SQAAD

[SQAAD]

@zurew

23 hours ago, zurew said:

I think you need to work on your embodyment, and your ego is fragile. You are getting overrun by your emotions by a pretty basic everyday situation. In the future, you will bump into a lot of cold and provocative people and they will be much more triggering than the one you interacted with.

 

That being said, i agree ,that there is a subjective line for everyone ,where they will decide to kill someone. That line is being drawn at different places depending on the person. But i think your tolerance level is way too low. 

If you got so triggered by this situation , that you started contemplating about killing other people, that means that you have work to do, and you are dangerous. You need to figure out why you get so bothered by basic life situations. You may need to go to a psychologist or a psychiatrist to work on yourself and on your ego to be able to tolerate more shit.

Your ego will be shattered by other much more serious situations. 

I don't think so. Even if a cop kills someone who is dangerous, he doesn't want to kill that person but he doesn't have any other option. He doesn't do it because he wants to, but he hast to. There is a big difference between wanting to kill and when there is no other option, but to kill. (In the first you have other options, in the second you pretty much ran out of options)

If you get satisfaction by the thought of killing other people you have something seriously fucked up in your mind and you should go to a psychologist or a psychiatrist.

But to be more charitable to you, there are exceptions of course. For instance, if a pedophile would rape and torture my kid ( I don't have any but if i had ) i would probably want to kill that person because of the emotions. But that is a pretty exceptional situation and not some basic everyday situation that can happen on a regular basis. My tolerance level is pretty high, i try to avoid and do everything before things get physical. Even if i was to get attacked there are a number of things i could do, before i would get into a fight.

Every ego is fragile ^_- To different degrees of course. But still all egos are house of cards that you can easily destroy in an instance. Get abducted by Los Zetas or CJNG and see what happens to your ego.

If my tolerance level was too low, i would not be in my home, typing this message here lol.

Nope, i did not wanna kill her. I never said such thing anywhere in the thread. 

I just left the store and never looked back. Now it doesn't bother me at all. People are quick to demonize me in the worst way for feeling bad when being disrespected by others. 

I understand, its hard to make a proper diagnosis if you don't see face to face someone...

Nevertheless, thanks for the advice. I can handle toxic behavior from others. But it hurts. Thats my issue. I don't like feeling that way.

Edited June 10, 2022 by SQAAD

[SQAAD]

@RMQualtrough

20 hours ago, RMQualtrough said:

Yeah, it's clearly psychotic behavior. Lmao...

To a fool who has not read carefully the thread, and is quick to jump to consclusions ..everything is crystal clear and super obvious  ^__^

Thank you for the free diagnosis man. 

 

Edited June 10, 2022 by SQAAD