Depression and anxiety from doing too much spiritual work

[Jo96]

I was writing this post hoping to get some kind of support from the people here. I don't really know where else to turn to. I have been feeling kinda overwhelmed somatically and emotionally and physically as of late. What I feel is going on with me is that I just finished a long stint of doing Hatha yoga and silent meditation in a neo advita type yoga school for 5 hours a day for about 3 months straight. I have also In the past year and a half  taken Ayahuasca 6 times and done peyote three times along with do 5meo dmt twice. To say the least I went on an adventure. I was thinking that I wanted to go super deep and find out the truth of who I am. I had some amazing moments and some rather intense spiritual experiences. I can't really describe them all because it's been happening pretty much non stop for the last couple years. it feels like my mind and world has shifted where I'm cognizant of very subtle energies. States of oneness and some profound states of consciousness. I know for sure that I could go deeper but to be honest I have little desire to at the moment. As of late the payoff has been low and the sacrifice has been high. My body has been getting sick multiple times a month. What also seems to be happening is that I am overly sensitive to everything. Almost like I went backwards and became some kind of toddler. I feel kinda in a rut because I've become cognizant of how my mind is fooling me constantly and I'm failing to follow through on basic things that I want to do. I also don't really want to take spiritual practices deeper for now but at the same moment I feel existentialism at doing anything else. I have tried to get back into hobbies and interests. Ive hit a barrier though with some depression. I feel a lot of anxiety with all the energetic things happening to my body. I just don't know what to do. Does anyone have any tips. I don't know I just wanted to vent more than anything. Thanks for listening. Any ideas to help my mind get out of this negative cycle.

[puporing]

Can relate. Maybe take some time to integrate or just some time off, do some stuff you might be still interested in besides spiritual practices. Integrate what you've gained and apply it to your baseline consciousness.

Talk to someone who gets it (well like you're posting about it now).

Spiritual practices can make you not be nearly as interested in "normal human activities" as you once were. Just be mindful when you feel that way, of at least the minimum you need to do to take care of your body, survival stuff etc, don't have to emotionally invest in it if it doesn't feel in alignment but just follow through like on autopilot. It can be easy to be influenced by people around you who are not like this and creating doubt in yourself. So just be mindful that's just the environment we're in. 

Ultimately it's best to integrate the two so they aren't "at odds" with each other, and ideally "feed" each other , but that might take some time to flesh out.

That's my 2 cents for now hope that helps.

 

Edited June 9, 2022 by puporing

[Waken]

The way I understand and see things, it's very obvious for me that you're trying too hard, and thinking that you should try hard and could listen much better to your own system. How about less trying to make life happen, and more doing whatever makes you feel better, more following your own guiding system?

[Thought Art]

I think when you do it right, life becomes more interesting and you can enjoy the simple things. 
 

Give all this a break if it isn’t serving. It sounds like it’s back firing on you and making you less connected to reality. Enjoy the small things.