I will spend over half my life completely alone, just so you know...

[RMQualtrough]

Very small family. Dead. Grandpa left, he's 83. I'm not even 30 yet... Zero interest in a relationship. Don't like making friends. Even with fam I always had a lot of alone time...

There's a chance I spend over half of my life literally completely isolated.

I wonder what that will be like? Once I pass the midway mark, I wonder... Coz I mark my time by when my mom died, and that's now over half my life away... I plan to own a cat or two...

[Yarco]

55 minutes ago, RMQualtrough said:

Zero interest in a relationship. Don't like making friends. Even with fam I always had a lot of alone time...

It's kind of on you then. Maybe one day you'll get lonely enough to reach out and make some friends.

This whole post is kind of confusing and sounds really conflicted. On one hand it sounds like you're bragging about being able to handle being completely alone, on the other hand it sounds like you're grieving the fact.

Do you place a negative value on the idea of being alone? If you don't feel any interest in trying to change your situation, then it must not bother you that much.

[RMQualtrough]

58 minutes ago, Yarco said:

It's kind of on you then. Maybe one day you'll get lonely enough to reach out and make some friends.

This whole post is kind of confusing and sounds really conflicted. On one hand it sounds like you're bragging about being able to handle being completely alone, on the other hand it sounds like you're grieving the fact.

Do you place a negative value on the idea of being alone? If you don't feel any interest in trying to change your situation, then it must not bother you that much.

It is conflicted... I don't like relationships or friendships much, but TOTAL isolation is perhaps different, and especially when it extends out over half of your lifetime.

I'm just not really sure how I'll handle it. My grandpa is still alive rn, and I spend most of my time alone but I know he's THERE so it's different, and I love my grandad.

I don't really have any thoughts either way. I just worry I might handle it badly.

[puporing]

4 hours ago, RMQualtrough said:

Don't like making friends. Even with fam I always had a lot of alone time...

Maybe you're just picky haha. 

[Waken]

6 hours ago, RMQualtrough said:

Very small family. Dead. Grandpa left, he's 83. I'm not even 30 yet... Zero interest in a relationship. Don't like making friends. Even with fam I always had a lot of alone time...

I don't see a problem :-). You're not interested in a relationship.. so what? Maybe more than anything you're feeling a bit like this is a bad thing because you've taken on other people's judgement that a good or proper person is social and outgoing, lively, always doing interesting stuff, etc. I live in a Yoga center and for the last months I've been pretty much sitting alone here, while there is a lot of oppurtunity for me to join people. I simply feel to sit alone a lot, which is very fine. Maybe later I feel to be more social, but now I'm fine

[RMQualtrough]

4 hours ago, Waken said:

I don't see a problem :-). You're not interested in a relationship.. so what? Maybe more than anything you're feeling a bit like this is a bad thing because you've taken on other people's judgement that a good or proper person is social and outgoing, lively, always doing interesting stuff, etc. I live in a Yoga center and for the last months I've been pretty much sitting alone here, while there is a lot of oppurtunity for me to join people. I simply feel to sit alone a lot, which is very fine. Maybe later I feel to be more social, but now I'm fine

Good point yeah, that does cause "FOMO".

I do think everyone needs at least ONE companion though. At least ONE relative or friend. I've never had literally NOBODY, so I'm nervous how it will be.

[Breakingthewall]

from what you say you have big social anxiety. having people around makes you sick. there is a problem there. This is not going to make your life more pleasant, it is obvious. Having some human that you really love and accept and who loves and accepts you makes life a lot less miserable. beware of depression, humans are social by nature, life could turn very dark. It is true that most people are very stupid and quite false, it is not easy to establish a real relationship. there are a thousand traps, the first ones of our own mind. but do you have something better to do than go deeper and try to solve the maze? I do not

[RMQualtrough]

@Breakingthewall Yup that's correct, I've had Avoidant PD since I was 14. I'm 29 now. Medication allows me to function in social situations just fine. It's a big thing for me to be able to function well, since I used to have panic attacks and hyperventilate just walking into a building with a reception desk. Now ofc I can go shopping, order food/drink, ask staff for help finding stuff...

But I never actually "enjoy" socializing for too long. I can feel good about brief interactions, but knowing someone is very stressful. I've tried having friends, I honestly don't enjoy it for the most part. I feel under a lot of pressure.

I'm thinking of getting a cat for sure... But right now as said, I have my grandad, so I have one person who's there and I can see etc.

[Breakingthewall]

@RMQualtrough difficult, no doubt. but even so, I would continue fighting every day. you can reach a level that you don't even suspect, the mind is malleable. you can do therapy, psychedelics that are not changa as you always say, combine therapy with psychedelics, anything. What do you say about your grandfather... and when your grandfather is not here, what? unwanted loneliness sucks, and in your case it's obvious that it's your barriers that trap you in loneliness. Fight and make them weaker, 100% sure you can open yourself to human love

[Razard86]

11 hours ago, puporing said:

Maybe you're just picky haha. 

This!!!! and more THIS!!!! 

Don't put such high expectations on people. People WILL LET YOU DOWN, YOU let yourself down. We are flawed it happens!!! If you cannot accept other people's imperfections then that means you cannot accept your own. Relationships only exist to point to how you feel about yourself. So if you don't like other people....you don't like yourself. Please be kinder to yourself. You deserve to be loved, both by yourself and others. But you first need to give it yourself. Allow this to happen and making friends will and maintaining those relationships will be a piece of cake.

[blankisomeone]

17 hours ago, RMQualtrough said:

I wonder what that will be like?

Hellish

Stay strong.

You need friends and a community for health. It’s non-negotiable

Edited June 9, 2022 by blankisomeone

[Loba]

I was nearly isolated for 6 years - only went out once a week.  It has it's pros and cons.  I miss it, and yet I don't.  I'm like you, I can't really be bothered with socialization, I find it takes me away from my divinity in a lot of ways, not interested in small talk, but there's really only so much to talk about anyways.  I tend to push people away who want to get to know me better as well, out of fear of rejection.

I wish I could give you some positive answers towards this, but the best thing I have found is to let go and sort of meld with one's own death and there's often something to be gained from there, strength, wisdom and so forth.  I did find that after the fourth year, I started to go mad a bit, as when you are isolated all you have left are your thoughts - I'm trying to sift through them now that I have people around and see what is worth keeping, if anything at all, or if it's all in my head that I ever even found anything of value, it could be complete shit for all I know.

Music helps...

 

Edited June 10, 2022 by Loba

[thisintegrated]

Damn, INXXs, you scary.

[Proserpina]

It's great.  People are difficult.  

You get all that time to work on yourself, heal and invest in yourself instead of having anyone pull you down and undo all that investment. 

Edited June 10, 2022 by Proserpina

[puporing]

11 hours ago, Razard86 said:

This!!!! and more THIS!!!! 

Don't put such high expectations on people. People WILL LET YOU DOWN, YOU let yourself down. We are flawed it happens!!! If you cannot accept other people's imperfections then that means you cannot accept your own. Relationships only exist to point to how you feel about yourself. So if you don't like other people....you don't like yourself. Please be kinder to yourself. You deserve to be loved, both by yourself and others. But you first need to give it yourself. Allow this to happen and making friends will and maintaining those relationships will be a piece of cake.

LOL I was trying to say it's okay to be a bit picky...  as in that might be why someone is choosing to be very secluded. 

[Waken]

13 hours ago, Razard86 said:

Don't put such high expectations on people. People WILL LET YOU DOWN, YOU let yourself down. We are flawed it happens!!! If you cannot accept other people's imperfections then that means you cannot accept your own. Relationships only exist to point to how you feel about yourself. So if you don't like other people....you don't like yourself. Please be kinder to yourself. You deserve to be loved, both by yourself and others. But you first need to give it yourself. Allow this to happen and making friends will and maintaining those relationships will be a piece of cake.

That did something for me, thank you :-) ?

[PenguinPablo]

I kinda feel the same tbh..

Kinda focused on stacking a lot of cash for the next couple years and then focus on friends when I achieve financial freedom.

Right now, I'd feel like a fucking loser if I invested any significant portion of my time towards socialization and leisure.

Feel kinda behind.

 

 

[Arcangelo]

^Exactly socializing costs money.