Relationship with Parents and Siblings (I have 5 siblings)

[ash]

Hello everyone,  I am in my 40s (43 to be exact).  English is my second language and I will try to write grammatically correct sentences, per Leo's guidelines.  If anyone sees grammatical errors I would appreciate the feedback to correct them.  

I am raised in a very close knit family.  Growing up there was no concept of boundaries in my childhood.  I have been through physical, verbal, emotional and mental abuse, the whole package , in my married life.

Today, I reach out because I need to understand, move on, and process the consistent feeling of guilt, self-doubt, auto-programming of mind to please family.  I am trying very hard to setup boundaries, take care of myself and "focus" on my life. I fail at times and then I pull myself together again.  I feel I am stuck at a loop. 

All my siblings think I am evil, crook, and many other things... my truth is that I have never borrowed money from anyone of them, have never lived with them in their homes.  Non of them have jobs and they are either dependent on their partners or parents.  I have been living on my own for 13 years and I have never moved back in with my parents. I also have a child who I took care of myself.  

How should I deal with my siblings? My parents are diplomatic, they need to keep all their kids happy.  I start believing in what they label me as.  

 

Thank you in advance for reading this and providing any suggestions.

Edited June 8, 2022 by ash

[Spiral]

None of them. I believe, English is my second language. Furthermore I prefer saying “kindly” instead of “thanks in advance” as it’s less presumptuous.

[puporing]

Can be tough when the boundary initially is being created. Sounds like you're in the process of becoming an individual This is a healthy thing. It's just that our society (including most families) currently discourages it and even demonize it. I guess first the recognition that you're moving towards health, healing, empowered living. Affirm this to yourself that you have chosen to say no to mediocrity, and yes to actualized living. Be your own ally first and foremost. This is about self-love and you know deep down you deserve to live the best life possible. ?

In short, saying no will be an important part of living and creating the life you want. I suggest finding voices from those on the path (coaches, teachers, therapists) that affirm these things with you if you need some help to get going. There are many videos online now by various coaches/teachers that can help you with clarity and conviction. And you will be able to find a way when something is important enough to you. Best wishes.

Edited June 8, 2022 by puporing

[Razard86]

You: I am raised in a very close knit family.  Growing up there was no concept of boundaries in my childhood.  I have been through physical, verbal, emotional and mental abuse, the whole package , in my married life.

I had a similar issue with my Dad and certain bullies from my childhood so I can relate. Boundaries are important. I struggled with this myself because I had believed that love was sacrifice. It is, but love is also...love of self. You need to be your own best friend first. Your own romantic lover first. So the first question you need to ask yourself if you ever feel any anger, or fear from someone is "Do I feel like I am being attacked?" If so then you have the right to kindly assert your boundary and let the person know how their actions are impacting you. If the person gets defensive and tries to blame you by calling you sensitive.... then give them the same medicine!!!! (LOL I'm joking but I've done it in the past....guilty pleasure) But seriously if they call you sensitive that lets you know two things. THEY ARE SENSITIVE, and are BEING INSENSITIVE TO YOU! So create some space because this is not healthy for either you or them.

You: Today, I reach out because I need to understand, move on, and process the consistent feeling of guilt, self-doubt, auto-programming of mind to please family.  I am trying very hard to setup boundaries, take care of myself and "focus" on my life. I fail at times and then I pull myself together again.  I feel I am stuck at a loop. 

You are only failing because you feel like you have a duty to others. YOU DON'T!! DUTY is an illusion. Either do something out of love or don't do it at all. Do not allow anyone to guilt you into anything! If you do not believe that action is in alignment with how you wish to express yourself don't do it! You are sovereign!! You are life itself!! You true nature is love, so please provide yourself the love you give to others. You deserve it!!

You: All my siblings think I am evil, crook, and many other things... my truth is that I have never borrowed money from anyone of them, have never lived with them in their homes.  Non of them have jobs and they are either dependent on their partners or parents.  I have been living on my own for 13 years and I have never moved back in with my parents. I also have a child who I took care of myself.  

How should I deal with my siblings? My parents are diplomatic, they need to keep all their kids happy.  I start believing in what they label me as.  

The only opinion that matters in life at the end of the day is yours. You are the Ultimate Authority in your life and you can either choose to exercise that power or give it away to others. You only believe what they label you because you trust their opinions over that of your own. This means you need to trust yourself more. You need more self-love. Please give yourself the love that you give others. Don't deny the best part of you, from you.

[Vincent S]

@Razard86 On fire today! Thanks ??