My personality (understanding the kind of person I am)

[Preety_India]

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Edited June 7, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

 

I swear the only reason I stayed in abusive relationships was because I felt so guilty whenever I felt like leaving. 

 

 

I'm glad and grateful for all the recent changes in my life 

 

Anyone who loves me deeply and cares about me deeply should hold me tightly and hug me tightly and tell me that they aren't hurt by me. That's all I would want from my loved ones. 

 

I feel like slamming my wrist on the wall.. 

 

I just can't take this gaslighting. I'm breaking down. 

I'm tired of being called the  BAD GUY when I'm just a FUCKING INTROVERT WHO DOESN'T WANT TO BE HURT. I JUST WANT TO BE  Understood AND NOT SHAMED. 

 

I SWEAR PEOPLE KEEP RAMMING INTO MY WOUNDS AND THEN PRETEND TO BE INNOCENT. 

IT'S TIRING.

 

 

IF YOU THINK I'M A BAD PERSON THEN LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE 

I DON'T HAVE TO DESTROY MYSELF JUST BECAUSE PEOPLE DON'T LIKE ME. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited June 7, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

On 5/31/2022 at 10:34 PM, Preety_India said:

Imported entries 

Anyone who loves me deeply and cares about me deeply should hold me tightly and hug me tightly and tell me that they aren't hurt by me. That's all I would want from my loved ones. 

 

I swear the only reason I stayed in abusive relationships was because I felt so guilty whenever I felt like leaving 

 

 

 

What kind of environment is good for me? 

What kind of an environment will I flourish in? 

What is suited to me 

Steps to healing from my issues 

 

First step. 

 

 

I'm EMOTIONALLY SENSITIVE 

THAT'S WHAT I NEED TO KEEP IN MIND. 

 

 

I was diagnosed with bpd and autism on April 8, 2022. 

May 5th was a breakup. 

 

 

List of my problems and issues. 

 

INFJ-T persona

bpd

autism

Borderline psychopathy

anger issues

 

My brain will have problems in the areas of 

Limbic system 

Hippocampus 

Memory 

Prefrontal cortex 

Amygdala 

 

I'll divide all of my issues (which are an awful lot and mostly emotional/psychological. 

 

 

The problem of lying. 

2 scenarios

Lying in front of a person who I don't trust 

Why will I lie? 

 

Why I will not lie? 

Lying in front of a person who I trust 

Why I will lie? 

Why I will not lie? 

This is the first time in my life that I encountered sociopathy in its full form 

Babloo

Babloo 

Babloo

Babloo

Babloo

Babloo

Babloo

 

The last few days I have been extra ordinarily calm even in the face of wrath. 

Like I have become psychopathically calm. 

Don't know what happened to me 

 

But major changes in my personality are on the way. 

One being that I'm definitely going to be even more introverted now. Than ever before. 

Are these changes in me due to Satan meditation?? 

Is Satan indirectly helping me? 

I don't know. 

But stuff is beginning to feel better now than before 

Like I don't give a care in the world what people think of me anymore. 

 

I was heavily traumatized by the recent chain of events. 

But I have learned to believe the badness of humanity and not be surprised by it all anymore. 

It's as if Satan is saying to me, 

"Babloo, do you see now at least, the unfolding of human nature in its morbid glory.... Do you realize that you were prey all along. Do you realize how many mind games were being played with you right from the get go. Do you realize that you were trusting people so much with your Vulnerability. And what was the result? There was a petty error in psychopathic matrix, an error for a day and such a huge price had to be paid, yet you have learned the most important lesson, that you cannot afford to trust others with your vulnerability, no matter how madly you are in love with them. "

That's called gaining self confidence

 

It's as if Satan is saying to me, 

"Babloo, do you see now at least, the unfolding of human nature in its morbid glory.... Do you realize that you were prey all along. Do you realize how many mind games were being played with you right from the get go. Do you realize that you were trusting people so much with your Vulnerability. And what was the result? There was a petty error in psychopathic matrix, an error for a day and such a huge price had to be paid, yet you have learned the most important lesson, that you cannot afford to trust others with your vulnerability, no matter how madly you are in love with them. "

I'm sorry Satan and I apologize for not following your suggestions. 

I acted naive, gullible and stupid and for the first time in my life I foolishly gave into the emotions the situation created and paid badly later. Then the wool was drawn from my eyes. Then the truth was revealed to me. Then I woke up from slumber and realized what I had been put through and subjected to, utterly heinous treatment after being told fairy tale stuff. The real faces of the demonic dead came to life. And I think God saved me total ruin miraculously. 

Satan I'm thankful that you took me under your wings. Now nobody can dare to mess with me. You care, I know. 

 

Satan I have been calm as you told me to be. I remained silent and calm. 

I did 

And then storm passed. 

I took all the humiliation and fall with absolute grace, dignity and calm. 

I knew what I was doing and why I was doing. 

And I realized how the inner child in me had been fucked up so hard. 

But I pulled through Satan, I pulled through. 

 

I ended up with my fingers cut and mutilated and bleeding. I will never deal with a sociopath in me again. 

Ashamed? 

Too vile? 

Too cowardly? 

Too much ego? 

Too scared? 

Too delusional? 

Too proud? 

 

 

Now Babloo, this is a gift that keeps giving. Just watch. Watch being stoned. 

Love made it possible. 

I don't know it its Devi or Satan who told me to hold love when everyone was hating me. 

Just love. Let em hate. 

But never back down. Never give in

https://youtu.be/9SKFwtgUJHs

This ain't a song for the broken-hearted
No silent prayer for faith-departed

And I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd
You're gonna hear my voice when I shout it out loud

It's my life
It's now or never
But I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said, "I did it my way"
I just want to live while I'm alive
It's my life

Yeah, this is for the ones who stood their ground
For Tommy and Gina, who never backed down

Tomorrow's getting harder, make no mistake
Luck ain't even lucky, got to make your own breaks

It's my life
And it's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said, "I did it my way"
I just want to live while I'm alive
'Cause it's my life

Better stand tall when they're calling you out
Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down

It's my life
And it's now or never
'Cause I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said, "I did it my way"
I just want to live while I'm alive

And it's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said, "I did it my way"
I just want to live while I'm alive
'Cause it's my life

 

 

Current mood /emotion : exhausted, tired, frightened, scared, terrorized, traumatized, (feeling like prey), stressed, volatile, defensive, afraid and weak. 

 

I'm scared of men. 

I don't know. 

I'm just 

 

Scared. 

 

 

If a man ever approached me, I'm gonna freak out in fear and anxiety. 

I can't handle male aggression anymore. 

 

 

I feel like giving up 

 

That's why I stayed in those abusive relationships. I was damn scared of my past boyfriends. So I did whatever they demanded and I didn't leave them. 

 

Joseph even gave me death threats multiple times and whenever I tried to leave, he would put intense fear in me and I would surrender. 

 

 

I'm too tired of life. 

I just wish I was dead. 

 

I give into a man sexually if he terrorizes me enough. This has been a pattern in my life. 

 

I'm tired and sick of men who took advantage of me 

 

I try to push away all men who approach me at some point. 

I feel sick and frightened inside. 

 

I wish some loving man would hug me and relax me and tell me that everything is gonna be alright. 

 

 

Caffeine is my favorite drug of choice. When I'm tensed, I do a ton of caffeine. 

And then use loud music to wash away my tension. 

God I hate people. I'm in a very bad mood. 

I don't like anyone 

I don't like anyone 

I don't like anyone 

I don't like anyone. 

I don't like anyone 

I don't like anyone 

I don't like anyone 

I don't like anyone 

I don't like anyone 

 

I feel like nobody wants me. 

I feel like nobody wants me. 

I feel like nobody wants me. 

I feel like nobody wants me. 

I feel like nobody wants me. 

I feel like nobody wants me

I feel like nobody wants me. 

I feel like nobody wants me. 

 

Frustrated Frustrated 

Frustrated

Frustrated. 

I'm not in a proper frame of mind. 

I need to feel okay. 

 

 

OK so. 

I feel like my life is like a chess game. I always have to add moves in order to get somewhere. I feel like this is psychopathic and I truly want to cut down this shit. 

 

I am fluctuating between states of intense fear/panic/isolation to calm/okayish/numb. 

The recent chain of events have triggered my bpd very badly and caused me to become numb, panicky, chaotic and unstable. 

 

I don't like preachy people. I hate that crap. 

 

 

 

My most mystical observations so far (sarcasm included) 

I observed that all sociopaths tend to beautifully line up, shake hands, become friends and form a gang. 

They resonate so well with each like notes in music. Always perfectly falling in line. Good job, keep it up. 

Hmm............. Full of sociopaths.

Im the only psychopath. *pats herself. 

Well I'm gonna start a clean up business. 

Slowly chucking out every sociopath from my mental space. You're not going to be living in my head rent free. Fucking sociopaths go fuck yourselves, you're not gonna feed on me anymore, enough of 

 

Power test your ideas 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On 5/31/2022 at 10:38 PM, Preety_India said:

I have a.......... codependent profile. 

When you are a victim of abuse, there are possibilities of developing a victim complex. This is not the same as playing victim 

 

I think that being exposed to terrible levels of abuse as a kid caused me to develop Stockholm Syndrome over time and I began to love/empathize with my abuser. 

This dynamic caused me to develop a victim/prey complex. This led to me developing a "codependent profile" as an adult. 

So essentially what I did was to keep reliving that abuse/trauma scenario. 

Because deep in my psyche I had accepted it as second nature. 

The abuse/trauma scenario became a part of me and I began to accept/embrace it (brain wiring changes happened at this point) 

So now... I have to keep in mind my "codependent profile" and work with it. 

It's like unable to walk and until you're able to walk you'd need a stick. You can only let go of this stick when you are fully able to walk. Till then you need the stick. 

The codependent person should choose a leader in a relationship since they themselves are the follower. 

They will need to choose the leader follower dynamic. 

The codependent will need the following needs to be met in a dynamic 

Negative aspects of the leader 

Controlling (leader) 

Punishing. Scolding 

Disciplining 

Judging 

Critical 

Harsh 

Owning 

Challenging 

A bit sociopathic/sadistic 

Monitoring 

Stalkerish

Positive aspects of the leader 

Caring 

Comforting 

Soft 

Gentle 

Extremely protective 

Powerful 

Secure 

Extremely intimate 

Accepting 

Non judgemental 

When the codependent is making mistakes, falling off the wagon, engaging in psychopathic behavior (for example a bpd person like me engaging in lying/manipulating /scheming), the leader will have to be judgemental and use the whip (a psychological whip - challenging, criticizing, dominating, cornering, owning, punishing and disciplining) 

When the codependent is either feeling weak, disoriented or is opening up about their lying/psychopathic/manipulative behavior and trying to trust you  and act vulnerable, then give them space and openness and adopt a non judgemental role and give them leverage/comfort and attention and understanding and acceptance and love. 

So there's a dualistic role for the leader in this dynamic with the abused codependent. 

Don't be passive or coddle the codependent too much. It will be negative. 

The codependent is more productive when the whip is used. Also use instructions and control. 

For all of this to work out well, the leader has to be extremely trustworthy in this dynamic. The leader also has to provide a healthy dose of selfish love to the codependent. They should really keep the codependent's interests in mind in order to show this selfish love. 

This dualistic behavior expectation from a leader is needed for 2 reasons. 

I'm explaining these 2 reasons 

One is to give a sense of love, belongingness, attachment, support, care, protection and trust... 

What happens if the leader only keeps loving in passive ways 

If this happens then the leader cannot contain the self destructive behavior of the codependent. The leader will only become a mute spectator to this self destruction. 

What happens if the leader keeps punishing all the time 

This can create fear, worry, suspicion and emotional stress in the codependent causing them to slowly lose trust and think of the leader as a tyrant and enemy. 

A careful balance of control and harmony/love is needed. 

5 things are needed in the leader codependent relationship. 

Trust (leader has to show extremely high levels of trustworthiness. Every challenge will be test of this trait. The leader is in a high risk position since he has absolute authority and with absolute authority comes absolute responsibility and risk. The codependent have handed over their personal authority to the leader with complete faith, trust, loyalty and with the hope that this trust won't be destroyed, 

Vulnerability 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

On 5/31/2022 at 10:42 PM, Preety_India said:

 

The leader has to play this dualistic role. 

 

Emotional system. 

  

Continued from above. 

5 things are needed in the leader codependent relationship. 

Trust (leader has to show extremely high levels of trustworthiness. Every challenge will be test of this trait. The leader is in a high risk position since he has absolute authority and with absolute authority comes absolute responsibility and risk. The codependent have handed over their personal authority to the leader with complete faith, trust, loyalty and with the hope that this trust won't be destroyed, and they have relied fully on the leader, that is they are absolutely reliant on the leader for their needs. In such a case, the leader has a high responsibility to not breach the trust placed by the codependent. 

 

 

 

  9 hours ago, Preety_India said:

5 things needed from the leader

 

Trust (leader has to be extremely and I mean it, extremely trustworthy... No abusing, breaching or breaking the trust ever, no playing games. 

Intimacy (leader has to be extremely intimate with the codependent. Very strong and powerful intimacy) 

Vulnerability (the leader has to be vulnerable himself and create room for extreme Vulnerability from the codependent) 

Harmony (leader is in full alignment with the goals, interests and needs of the codependent) 

Love (leader must provide love, care and comfort and protection to the codependent. No compromise on providing protection) 

One thing that I would expect from a leader is that he should not judge me while I'm opening up 

 

 

On 6/1/2022 at 0:18 AM, Preety_India said:

 

Move towards good karma. 

You never suffered from anything, you piece of mmmmm

 

Current mood /emotion : exhausted, tired, frightened, scared, terrorized, traumatized, (feeling like prey), stressed, volatile, defensive, afraid and weak. 

 

 

I'm tired of lame ass people who simply conform to rules. 

 

I set my own path. I'm victorious. Call me arrogant. 

But I never bent over for anyone whatsoever. 

My moral integrity is mine 

I don't give up on things I truly believe in. 

Sometimes I need to think like an ENFP or INTP

Way to go. 

 

I love being a psychopath. Where was my psychopath brain when I needed it the most? Huh 

Thank God I didn't vomit too much out  of emotional submission. 

Don't ever do that again Miss Babloo. 

 

 Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Lesson learned or nah??????????? 

 

I would definitely benefit from a course on pr relations. 

 

I have 6 major insights. I forgot to note down when they came on. 

 

 

1... I have a lying disorder. I'm a pathological liar and this is difficult to cure. I lie out of deep fear. This fear doesn't go away. 

 

 

 

3.... I can't differentiate between abuse and love. And I'm a codependent who needs a disciplining punishing protective leader 

 

 

4..... I have bad memory and trauma amnesia that gets worse during bpd episode. After every bpd episode, I forget a lot that happened. My memory goes blank and I forget whatever I felt before. My brains generates new memories and new patterns and creates a new environment as a coping strategy 

 

5.. My emotions are extremely intense and volatile and stay this way for weeks especially after an emotional trigger or emotional event

6..... I engage in massive levels of self destructive behavior as a coping strategy against pessimism, nihilism, low mood, bpd depression, and intense emotional highs. 

 

So far I did not engage in any psychopathic behavior. 

So that is a wrong diagnosis. 

Haha. 

I'm not a psychopath. 

I'm not psychopathic at all

 

 

The caffeine trip gave me a clarity that I'm not a psychopath. 

 

Leo said it perfectly about me. Quoting him below. 

 

"You have a very warped way of pursuing love because of your childhood trauma which caused your BPD. Until that trauma is addressed and healed you will keep getting into dysfunctional, toxic, and abusive romantic relationships. You are attracted to abusers.

Much of the stuff I teach will not work for you until you get that trauma healed.

Psychedelics could seriously help you do that healing work, but that's going to be serious long-term work, not some quick fix."

 

I can't differentiate between abuse and love. 

And I tend to be attracted to abusers. 

I fall in love with them and believe and trust them even if they break my trust repeatedly.. 

I don't think I would be with an abuser again. 

But my mind is hooked on them like cocaine 

Why do I like them? 

Why do I tolerate and even appreciate all the demonic shit they do to me? 

Why don't I feel like they are doing wrong to me? 

I have gotten used to being abused. 

It's all I can come up with. 

I'm suffering memory loss too. 

I feel very weak

 

I can't take anymore. 

 

I sometimes have these fantasies that an abuser should kill me and finish me off. It's better that way. 

At least I will be put out of my misery. 

Dangerous thought I know. 

 

But I feel helpless. 

I feel only an abuser can love me. 

Only an abuser can love me. 

 

I need an abuser in my life. 

So I can recreate the trauma I was put through. 

 

I can relive patterns of abuse that I became comfortable with 

 

I want the guy to beat the shit out of me. And then hug me and tell me how much he loves me. 

 

I need protection is all I know. At last I know what I need. 

Oki. Devon is the abusive guy I'm in love with. 

But he is protective too. 

I don't wish to get out of this relationship. I love him. He is the one for me. 

I'm feeling sleepy. I feel like sleeping in his arms. He will take care of me. 

That will automatically correct my issue..

What r

 

 

I think this goes back to my childhood

I need a man with big big balls. Not big dick, don't want that. Big big balls. Only that man can have me. 

In the end I belong to the one who really wants me

I'm still dealing with a ton of heavy emotions 

 

I feel like I need another shot of caffeine. 

 

I am not in a proper frame still. 

 

 

 

On 6/1/2022 at 4:49 AM, Preety_India said:

Why bother about pleasing everyone? Just be yourself 

 

 

On 6/1/2022 at 5:10 AM, Preety_India said:

My heart is a piece of glass. 

My heart is like an ocean 

Hurt it and it breaks into a thousand pieces. 

Then my heart turns into ocean and absorbs those broken pieces and drown the pain 

 

 

On 6/1/2022 at 8:49 AM, Preety_India said:

.

Babloo, listen. 

You don't have to trust anyone 

It's hard to let go 

It's hard to think bad 

It's hard to come out of illusions 

It's hard to imagine bad things

Because denial is so strong. 

Can't you see. 

It will be harder the more you trust 

Your trust will be broken a million times 

Things will be assumed a million times 

Move away 

You'll do better if you are with those who genuinely care 

Let go let go let go. 

 

 

 

On 6/1/2022 at 8:52 AM, Preety_India said:

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

On 6/1/2022 at 10:13 AM, Preety_India said:

I have never felt so miserable. 

So tired. 

So beat down. 

So fed up 

 

So gone. 

 

So hurt 

So much in pain 

 

 

I give up. God save me. I can't be hurting anymore 

 

 

On 6/1/2022 at 7:07 PM, Preety_India said:

 

 

I am disabling my PM for good. Anyone who wants to be a proper decent  friend can contact me on Snapchat. My Snapchat handle is buttercup_cup1 

 

 

 

On 6/1/2022 at 7:30 PM, Preety_India said:

 

I also disabled my recent profile visitors block. So peace. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

On 6/2/2022 at 2:49 AM, Preety_India said:

Take stock of stuff. 

Concepts and spiritual projects this week 

• Focus on the differences between bipolar and BPD. 
• A better understanding of bipolar 
• Activation of Chakras and Kundalini Activation 
• Note down information from Entity John 
• Work on art projects 
• Write insights on neuroticism and Malice 
• Work on emotional self awareness 
• Healing BPD and Autism 
• Practicing-empathy
• LSD trip reports 
• Write about the mechanics of abuse and trauma. Abused and abuser relationship 
• Write about dominant and submissive, 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On 6/2/2022 at 3:41 AM, Preety_India said:

 

There are four types out of which only 1 type is suitable to me.. 

Dominant Protective (ideal match) 

Dominant Non Protective 

Submissive Protective (okayish) 

Submissive Non Protective (horrible match) 

 

 

 

On 6/2/2022 at 3:45 AM, Preety_India said:

 

 

Take stock of stuff. 

Concepts and spiritual projects this week 

• Devi meditation 
• We protect those who  we love 
• Management of Intrusive thoughts 
• My perspectives on evil and good 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

On 6/2/2022 at 3:49 AM, Preety_India said:

So four groups. 

• Evil. 
• Good 
• Common enemy 
• Predator (ignorant, addicted, unaware, instinct based) 

 

 

On 6/2/2022 at 4:15 AM, Preety_India said:

Single minded focus and firm determination.. 

 

 

 

 

On 6/2/2022 at 4:17 AM, Preety_India said:

 

 

I don't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks about me anymore. 

 

 

Bah.... 

 

 

On 6/2/2022 at 4:21 AM, Preety_India said:

 

I'll rise back up again. 

I will regrow from my bones 

I will rise like a phoenix from the ashes. I will not give up. 

I will be reborn. I will be transformed. I will be new once again. 

 

 

 

 

I know I have lost a fuck ton. But I will gain back what I lost. 

 

So much was taken from me. Time to claim it back. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

On 6/2/2022 at 4:36 AM, Preety_India said:

 

  I liked these words from the post. 

 

You can still forgive people in your own mind.

If you are abused, then in my opinion forgiveness means to forgive the other person for not being high conscious and mature enough to act better, but it doesn't mean to forgive the abuse itself.

So if someone is abused, that person should do everything possible to avoid further abuse and leave. But now the conscious thing would be to not hate the absuer but forgive their lack of maturity. But not forgive the absue itself, and that the person did the abuse.

 

Taken from here. 

 

 

On 6/2/2022 at 5:02 AM, Preety_India said:

I'm not here to respond to trollish comments. 

And I am going to put my foot down and avoid users who dislike me or act mean/bitter/trollish or bring their unnecessary criticism/hate to me. No thanks. 

If you can't hold a healthy decent conversation with me then stop bothering me and move on. 

 

 

 

On 6/2/2022 at 5:18 AM, Preety_India said:

It's about growing in love. 

 

On 6/2/2022 at 5:21 AM, Preety_India said:

It's not about loving myself or self love 

It's not even about becoming more loving as a self 

 

It's simply growing in love.. 

What does this mean? 

It's like... If I have to describe 

 

"my own love will rise from the ashes. My own love will be my fuel." 

It's not about loving someone else or being Jesus kinda loving or kind 

 

It's about holding this loving energy like a vessel in your hands. 

And letting this loving energy rise above all the fucking negativity that people bring to you.. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Forms of evil 

Emotional predator

Bully

Cold opportunistic vulture 

 

 

Malicious or wicked or cunning 

 

 

Neurotic evil

 

 

 

 

 

On 6/2/2022 at 1:37 PM, Preety_India said:

I want to focus on the essence of true love. 

It makes my heart come to the right place every time I do it. 

It corrects my heart Chakra which is already big enough. 

It's more like if someone Said - our love will triumph. 

 

 

On 6/2/2022 at 5:36 PM, Preety_India said:

Now I'm more confident than before. 

It feels good. 

I want to take the seven seas with me. 

There are lots of things on my mind. 

 

 

On 6/2/2022 at 6:10 PM, Preety_India said:

Ok I had enough distraction in my life from August 2021 to May 25, 2022. 

That's a long period. I learned some things. But I also regret spending so much time into it. 

It partially cured my relationship trauma. 

Because I met good men, high quality men 

Men who cared for me. Gave me attention. 

It felt good. But enough of that now. 

It's time to wrap up that chapter 

See what I can do more with my life. 

I have to complete a few things about my past and then I'll be ready to hit the road with new vigor. 

I learned so much by the way. This whole Satan thing was completely new. 

But hey whatever works and whatever floats my boat

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

On 6/2/2022 at 6:17 PM, Preety_India said:

 

What's the trajectory of my life? 

I want to focus on building skills. Satan meditation. 

Work on my issues. Heal them. 

Rebuild myself from the ground up. Of course spirituality. 

And having a stable structure to my life till the end of my life. 

 

Baby begin.. Baby start. 

Plus I want to invest in new information. 

I want to make my writing better and fluent. Poetry. 

 

 

 

On 6/2/2022 at 6:20 PM, Preety_India said:

I want to divide my life into projects now 

Project 1

Project 2

Project 3

And so on...... 

And I want to juggle multiple projects at a time. 

So I achieve a lot in the shortest possible time 

 

Let's begin. Whoosh 

 

 

 

 

On 6/2/2022 at 6:36 PM, Preety_India said:

 

Peace liberation growth harmony bonding love

 

 

On 6/2/2022 at 6:45 PM, Preety_India said:

There's absolutely nobody in my ignore list 

Cleared it out today. 

... 

My skype is PeachesandPineapple

My snapchat is buttercup_cup1 

 

 

On 6/2/2022 at 6:51 PM, Preety_India said:

My fundamental problem is that I get stuck in toxic things. But then I see benefit in those things. Some benefit. 

 

 

 

 

On 6/2/2022 at 7:08 PM, Preety_India said:

Nothing matters 

Nothing matters 

Nothing matters 

Nothing matters

Nothing matters 

 

Nothing matters 

 

On 6/2/2022 at 7:10 PM, Preety_India said:

 

I'm extremely conflicted between good and evil. 

It seems like my spiritual journey just cannot kickstart without this being fundamentally sorted out.. 

I constantly feel like good and evil are same 

 

But then again this conflicts with the social conditioning of evil. 

 

 

 

 

On 6/3/2022 at 0:11 AM, Preety_India said:

There's a subject and there's an object 

 

What you feel is subjective 

 

[Preety_India]

 

On 6/3/2022 at 9:36 PM, Preety_India said:

I'm glad and grateful for all the recent changes in my life 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On 6/3/2022 at 11:21 PM, Preety_India said:

Now it's finally time to move on and focus on other parts of my life. 

 

 

On 6/3/2022 at 11:28 PM, Preety_India said:

 

I have to organize stuff and elements. 

 

 

 

If you are navigating through information, it's important to have some pointers in mind so only relevant information can be considered. The other thing to do is to taken in information that is beneficial and throw out useless stuff that doesn't really matter 

 

 

 

On 6/3/2022 at 11:32 PM, Preety_India said:

 

Along with autism, I also have concentration and memory issues 

 

 

 

 

 

On 6/3/2022 at 11:54 PM, Preety_India said:

 

I have to divide and organize my life into parts and projects. 

I also have journals from November last year where I have used some effective organizational techniques. 

But first I need peace of mind which I call POM and clarity of mind COM in order to achieve proper focus, intent, purpose and set the vision/goal and then organize my efforts towards it. 

 

I already have peace of mind now. I have gotten over the emotional stress and knowing that I have BPD has already helped tremendously in managing my erratic symptoms. 

Clarity of mind - for which I'm relying on coffee and caffeine for the time being. 

 

To achieve a smooth flow, set parameters. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On 6/4/2022 at 0:30 AM, Preety_India said:

Vision, goals, charts, lists, boards, drop down menus, issues, swot analysis. Weaving. Maps. Cue Statements. 

Positive affirmations 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

 

On 6/2/2022 at 1:49 PM, Preety_India said:

Take stock of stuff. 

Concepts and spiritual projects this week 

• Focus on the differences between bipolar and BPD. 
• A better understanding of bipolar 
• Activation of Chakras and Kundalini Activation 
• Note down information from Entity John 
• Work on art projects 
• Write insights on neuroticism and Malice 
• Work on emotional self awareness 
• Healing BPD and Autism 
• Practicing-empathy
• LSD trip reports 
• Write about the mechanics of abuse and trauma. Abused and abuser relationship 
• Write about dominant and submissive, 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Vision

I want to be a writer. 

 

Goals 

• Solving problems and issues 
• Facing challenges(current and future) 
• Learning new skills and things 
• Spirituality 
• Psychology and philosophy and implementing those in life 
• Health goals 
• Empowerment 
• Learning to keep toxic people out of my life 
• Creating love in my life 
• Living a good life 
• Reconciling with my mom 
• Helping my siblings 
• Helping people 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I don't want to deal with people anymore. They only hurt me. 

[Preety_India]

Time for self flagellation

I'm a psychopath

I'm a liar 

 

I am selfish as fuck 

 

I manipulate. 

 

I'm not innocent 

I deserve to be shamed 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I suck. 

I am a bad person. 

 

I need to shame myself until I'm sick of myself. 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

But there is a road to healing.