When I found that I am nothing...

[RMQualtrough]

I did many high dose psychedelic combinations. But this time I took perhaps one hit of DMT while I had been doing a little exercise.

I had in-ear noise cancelling earphones in, with meditative flute music. Stereotypical zen stuff. And while sober I tried to "locate" the area in space where the sound was happening... I found that I was able to shift its location around by imagining the source to be in different areas. E.g. I could make it seem the sound was playing in front of my head, on top of my head, or at the back of my neck. I could shift it around like that, but never find the actual location of it.

As I did this sober, I took only a small hit of DMT with my eyes still closed. The music was still playing.

Some of the typical patterns emerged, a jester fellow pointed at me and this is when it started. When it pointed into the foreground at "me", it forced me to stop focusing on what is out there such as the jester, and feel myself here.

The space in which the music was happening became sizeless. There was no location where it was happening. It was just happening... Various images and thoughts unfolded, but all of them unfolded before me. Like the jester which pointed into the foreground and made me recognize myself here, that anchor remained.

It was like being on a park bench watching things happen in front of me. There was nothing at me or behind me. Every appearance was unfolding to me. And I WAS nothingness. The thingness was the objects and thoughts and sound and everything else. If it was a thing, it was observed by me. I was just purely nothing. I had no quality or dimension. Qualities and dimensions were all appearances before me. I remained rooted firmly and completely in the foreground. The me the jester had pointed to.

It subsided at some point. But that is when I found myself and found that what I am is nothing. Void. Perhaps someone with good visualisation skills could recreate this sober, you just need a character to point into the foreground of your mind at you......