The moment when you should get most worried..

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, thisintegrated said:

Wait.. so what you said about being able to talk to you was a lie?

What do you mean? 

 

[thisintegrated]

2 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

What do you mean? 

On 05/06/2022 at 5:28 AM, Preety_India said:

You can always talk to me. 

 

 

 

(I can't reply as fast as you as I must wait "119 seconds before submitting")

[Preety_India]

@thisintegrated can explain me what's going on instead of going in circles quoting things. 

 

[thisintegrated]

Just now, Preety_India said:

@thisintegrated can explain me what's going on instead of going in circles quoting things. 

You were saying anyone is free to talk to you.  But you attack anyone who comes close.

[Preety_India]

Just now, thisintegrated said:

You were saying anyone is free to talk to you.  But you attack anyone who comes close.

I don't feel attacked by him. Only "certain types" who kinda enjoy triggering me. Not everyone is like them now. 

 

[Blackhawk]

Well, I'm gonna get wasted tomorrow saturday. Anyone else?

[snowyowl]

22 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

@snowyowl I'm not feeling good. I feel worse than in a long time.

I'm completely alone and unloved (romantically by a woman).

It's really sad, no matter how much I try and how much I would like to be lovable (romantically by a woman).. I'm just not enough.

Life is absurd. Why are we alive at all? What's the point? And why does even the universe exist? Why does anyone suffer when ultimately there's no point with anything. 

 

2 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

Well, I'm gonna get wasted tomorrow saturday. Anyone else?

Sorry you're feeling down, yeah a good night out sounds a great idea. And if you can, try and leave the negativity behind so you can have some fun in the moment. It'll make you more attractive to women too. Can't you see that all those depressing thoughts create a downbeat aura which the women around you will pick up on and put them off.  

There's nothing wrong with a bit of philosophy, asking questions about the meaning of life & the universe etc. But when you're feeling  depressed and can't climb out of it by yourself, there's no shame in asking for some professional help. 

[Preety_India]

2 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

Well, I'm gonna get wasted tomorrow saturday. Anyone else?

What are you going to do? 

 

[Blackhawk]

@snowyowl I'm just gonna stay home.

@Preety_India I will probably play Second Life while being wasted.

Edited June 10, 2022 by Blackhawk

[Breakingthewall]

@Blackhawk make a question to yourself: i want to be free, or i prefer to torture myself? If the answer is b (as it is) ask yourself: why? 

To detache yourself from the self torture is possible, but first you have to really want to. If you don't want, no one is going to do for you

[snowyowl]

@Blackhawk  ah I see. Well I hope you have a good night. I guess I'll be staying home too, I don't have a big social life either. 

[Blackhawk]

@Breakingthewall I don't want to hear "just stop torturing yourself".

That nonsense doesn't help me, it just pisses me off.

@snowyowl Thank you.

Edited June 10, 2022 by Blackhawk

[Breakingthewall]

Just now, Blackhawk said:

don't want to hear "stop torturing yourself".

That nonsense doesn't help me, it just pisses me off.

Yah man because you don't want to stop. Your choice. When you stop to think about the things that are supposedly wrong in your life, and you really make the decision to stop beating yourself up, the evolution will be fast. I know you think it's idiotic, but your whole movie of suffering has zero reality. I was torturing myself 24/7 2 or 3 years ago. I know exactly how it works. You are programmed for that . Revert the programming is not easy at all, but totally possible. You just have to understand 

[snowyowl]

@Breakingthewall  @Blackhawk  I can in a way, agree with both of you on this one. I used to be heavily depressed too and one thing which delayed my getting useful help was a doctor literally telling me to snap out of it and sort myself out. I just wasn't ready for that approach, was too embroiled in my suffering and not strong enough to pull up my own bootstraps. It took me a few more difficult years to go back to a doctor and ask for help again, luckily that time I got someone more attuned to where I was at. Eventually, after getting help from others I got to a point where I could start to help myself. 

If getting wasted means getting drunk, well yeah I can relate to wanting some escape from all the pain. But I don't recommend frequent drinking, it's likely to get you more depressed in the long run. 

[Razard86]

44 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

Yah man because you don't want to stop. Your choice. When you stop to think about the things that are supposedly wrong in your life, and you really make the decision to stop beating yourself up, the evolution will be fast. I know you think it's idiotic, but your whole movie of suffering has zero reality. I was torturing myself 24/7 2 or 3 years ago. I know exactly how it works. You are programmed for that . Revert the programming is not easy at all, but totally possible. You just have to understand 

Everything you said was true....but he isn't ready yet. It sucks I know when you see someone dealing with a feeling you have felt before and you want to help but they are not ready to receive it. But you are right but sometimes...people don't want to leave their suffering...I've learned that for some people they are addicted to that feeling. It is what it is.

[Breakingthewall]

10 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

suffering...I've learned that for some people they are addicted to that feeling

True. And you know why it's so hard to see when you're inside?. because, linking to the other thread, it is a form of narcissism. and the narcissist is spellbound. He can't see

[snowyowl]

12 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

True. And you know why it's so hard to see when you're inside?. because, linking to the other thread, it is a form of narcissism. and the narcissist is spellbound. He can't see

In my case (and after following @Blackhawk's  threads over several years now, perhaps him too), I put the underlying cause down to social anxiety. Being stuck between the devil of inner loneliness and the deep blue sea of fear of social interaction. It's painful to be lonely but there's also a safety in being alone, compared with the anxiety of socialising. The horns of that dilemma create a stalemate which results in depression. 

Or maybe anxiety isn't the original root cause, it could be something genetic or childhood trauma causing the anxiety as a symptom. 

It could be linked to narcissism too, I don't know much about that I'll have to read the other thread. 

Edited June 11, 2022 by snowyowl

[Breakingthewall]

9 minutes ago, snowyowl said:

In my case (and after following @Blackhawk's  threads over several years now, perhaps him too), I put the underlying cause down to social anxiety. Being stuck between the devil of inner loneliness and the deep blue sea of fear of social interaction. It's painful to be lonely but there's also a safety in being alone, compared with socialising. 

Or maybe anxiety isn't the original root cause, it could be something genetic or childhood trauma causing the anxiety as a symptom. 

It could be linked to narcissism too, I don't know much about that I'll have to read the other thread. 

Well i talk for myself and my experience, and for me social anxiety is narcissism. Why are you anxious? Why you can't show yourself exactly as you are? Narcissism. Maybe induced by others, like always, all narcissistic have been created by others narcissistic, like the vampires, but at the end, who is hidden, pretending, projecting, is yourself, and only yourself can stop to do it. Of course I'm not saying it's your fault, I'm saying it's a solution, but before you must take the responsibility. It's not like narcissistic disorder, when you make a fake character very self confident that feeds of the others, it's another way to be, but at the end the same root. Both of them are humans, and they do the best that they could in a given moment, but it's possible to go beyond 

Edited June 11, 2022 by Breakingthewall

[snowyowl]

10 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

Well i talk for myself and my experience, and for me social anxiety is narcissism. Why are you anxious? Why you can't show yourself exactly as you are? Narcissism. Maybe induced by others, like always, all narcissistic have been created by others narcissistic, like the vampires, but at the end, who is hidden, pretending, projecting, is yourself, and only yourself can stop to do it

I'm open to that possibility, I don't know much about narcissism yet but probably need to find out. All I can say for sure is that certain situations result in physical  symptoms of anxiety which have a disabling effect on my behaviour, such as my ability to engage in conversation and generally open up, because I'm in a state of fff (fight-flight-freeze response). It's completely subconscious so I'm not in control, I can't just switch it on or off. Although not nearly as bad now as it used to be, hence my recovery, although in reality it's only a partial recovery. 

Why am I like that? I can't remember any particular childhood trauma apart from perhaps a lack of parental presence (my parents did love me but were often absent having careers and then got divorced). Then there could be a genetic component, my dad suffered something similar as far as I can discover. But perhaps there is some narcissism passed on too, I'll have to look into that. 

Edited June 11, 2022 by snowyowl

[Breakingthewall]

@Blackhawk @snowyowl well, i talked only from my experience. perhaps there are other nuances and I am speaking with too much certainty about a topic that is broader. 

For me the fear to open up can come from your parents. It is not necessary that there has been an obvious abuse, you may have perceived their insecurity about yourself and themselves and you have internalized it, and now your core has that fragility that you should be otherwise, there is something wrong with you. as you are an honest guy, and able to admit your reality, you don't make mean strategies and vampirize others, but there are people who can't handle it and create a vampire character and become true narcissists

Edited June 11, 2022 by Breakingthewall