The moment when you should get most worried..

[Blackhawk]

..is when you are the most happy.

------------------

Because the way down will be most steep.

 

This is my belief.

Am I wrong, or am I right? (I know that I'm right, but I guess let's have fun and debate*).

 

The way down might make me put a noose around my neck, slightly bend my legs, and then die peacefully, it's really that simple.

 

 

(*Actually might not be that fun.)

Edited June 5, 2022 by Blackhawk

[Preety_India]

You can always talk to me. 

 

[Blackhawk]

Just now, Hydreigon360 said:

@Blackhawk Not really. What I've found is that when I'm feeling most relieved or at peace, it makes me okay with suicide (I think about suicide every other day and make plans) but it also makes me okay with living. Although there have been some rare occasions where the contrast of constant misery, to the misery being gone for a few moments, makes me think "I should kill myself now while I'm feeling better and at peace, I can't believe I'm in that state of pain all the time". 

Interesting.

Maybe the "okay with suicide" and "okay with living" is the same shit. 

Because maybe you can't escape life.

Search this on YouTube: "Quantum immortality".

[Preety_India]

Dude are you really scaring me?

[Blackhawk]

7 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

You can always talk to me. 

I have tried that. So apparently not.

[Blackhawk]

1 minute ago, Preety_India said:

Dude are you really scaring me?

Yes.

And I get "scared" too. But it mostly makes me laugh.

[Preety_India]

8 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

Yes.

And I get "scared" too. But it mostly makes me laugh.

 Well as you know, it's never worth it. Come back to life. There are so many fun things to do. Go join some group or festival in Sweden. It's not that hard. 

 

[Blackhawk]

5 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

 Well as you know, it's never worth it. Come back to life. There are so many fun things to do. Go join some group or festival in Sweden. It's not that hard. 

No I don't know it. And you don't either.

Is "come back to life" a choice? I don't think so.

And no there isn't any fun things to do. Groups or festivals or whatever isn't any fun.

And yes it's hard.

Edited June 5, 2022 by Blackhawk

[Raptorsin7]

@Blackhawk What do you think is holding you back?

And have you ever experienced happiness in your life?

[Ulax]

Depends what you mean by happiness.

If you integrate, and connect with enough aspects of your psyche most falls will be met with love.

Imagine if you were in a community where everyone was psychologically integrated and loving. However, one member got really sad all of a sudden. Would the other members become sad too, and lose all their happiness. Or would they more likely become a loving form of support for that sad member, with the likely outcome that the sad person retains their psychological wellbeing.

Well, that's what, to my mind, its like inside an integrated/ connected-enough psyche when most falls happen.

Edited June 5, 2022 by Ulax

[Blackhawk]

On 2022-06-05 at 1:06 PM, Raptorsin7 said:

What do you think is holding you back?

My parents.

I would probably hang myself right now if I wouldn't have parents. And I don't even like my parents.

Edited June 6, 2022 by Blackhawk

[Breakingthewall]

Let's see, surely you are aware that your existence is painful because you yourself are inflicting pain every second. if you didn't, your life wouldn't be unpleasant at all. zero. It would be perfect perfection. Are you aware of that?. It's very simple. I have tortured myself, otherwise I would not know this. what is the solution? stop doing it. How? Only you can find out. It is like a difficult game, an enigma. you can play or not, but since you're here, what else better to do you have? kill yourself? what nonsense. There will be time for death.  accept the challenge that is proposed to you. play the game. It's a lot of fun, I guarantee it.

 What are you afraid of, if you have already assumed death, do you even find it desirable? play, and bet with everything, there is nothing to lose

[Blackhawk]

2 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

Let's see, surely you are aware that your existence is painful because you yourself are inflicting pain every second. if you didn't, your life wouldn't be unpleasant at all. zero. It would be perfect perfection. Are you aware of that?. It's very simple. I have tortured myself, otherwise I would not know this.

No I'm not inflicting pain.

2 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

accept the challenge that is proposed to you. play the game. It's a lot of fun, I guarantee it.

Your guarantee has been broken. I want to use the money back guarantee.

[Breakingthewall]

12 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

No I'm not inflicting pain.

So where the pain is coming from? 

12 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

Your guarantee has been broken. I want to use the money back guarantee.

First you have to play to the end of the game. 

[snowyowl]

On 05/06/2022 at 5:24 AM, Blackhawk said:

..is when you are the most happy.
------------------
Because the way down will be most steep.
This is my belief.
Am I wrong, or am I right? (I know that I'm right, but I guess let's have fun and debate*).
The way down might make me put a noose around my neck, slightly bend my legs, and then die peacefully, it's really that simple.

(*Actually might not be that fun.)

How are you feeling today bro? If you've got suicidal thoughts like this then please forget internet forums and get straight on the phone to your local emergency suicide helpline. Best wishes man. 

Assuming you are feeling ok today ... 

"This is my belief". Are you saying this from personal experience or is it just a belief?  If it's from experience then you're saying that you have experienced being most happy. In which case yes life is full of ups and downs and by that logic the time to be free from worry is when you're most unhappy because things will be on the way up. Why should that be a cause of feeling suicidal? 

 It reminds me of the Buddhist talk about impermanence. "Every conditioned phenomenon is impermanent". Including happiness and also unhappiness. There was a time in my life years ago when I was kind of drifting and unsure what to do. But I was into Buddhism and used to see monks and visit monasteries. I was even toying with the idea of becoming a monk myself. I was talking to this monk and he was explaining how, before he ordained, he experienced emotional highs and lows, how it was a cause of disturbance and suffering. Now, after being a monk for some years practising intense meditation & mindfulness the highs & lows had subsided and he was more on an even keel, in the middle without getting involved in any dramas going on around him.  He was happy like that. 

I thought about that a lot afterwards and decided I didn't want that kind of life, without the ups and downs, having flat emotions all day long. I wanted to find some passion even if it meant the emotional crashes too. So I didn't become a monk, and carried on looking for my passion which I did eventually find in loving a woman, having a family and a career. As well as continuing my spiritual practice. But can't say I got as enlightened as that monk though ha ha! 

Maybe my story is no help for you but there are choices to make around whether to jump into the river of life to find your passion or whether to try and protect yourself from the emotional volatility and avoid the drama. No judgement either way, whatever works for your happiness.  

Edited June 9, 2022 by snowyowl

[Blackhawk]

@snowyowl I'm not feeling good. I feel worse than in a long time.

I'm completely alone and unloved (romantically by a woman).

It's really sad, no matter how much I try and how much I would like to be lovable (romantically by a woman).. I'm just not enough.

Life is absurd. Why are we alive at all? What's the point? And why does even the universe exist? Why does anyone suffer when ultimately there's no point with anything. 

When I work I do it because I want money. But my life itself.. what is the reward after I have died?? Why the hell would I, or anyone else live?? What's the motivation to be alive?? This is what I mean with life being completely pointless.

Why are we conscious? If reality is like the materialists say then why the hell are we even conscious? All the shit in the whole universe could happen without consciousness, in the dark, just dead atoms flying around and interacting with each other. Consciousness shouldn't have any place in reality at all.

And yes I know you spiritual people believe in all kind of crazy shit like "I am God and immortal" and MAYBE that's true, but there's no real evidence for that, I'm not gonna believe it just because some people say it. Anyone can claim anything. And I'm not satisifed with "maybe" stuff, I have to know.

Edited June 9, 2022 by Blackhawk

[Loba]

On 6/6/2022 at 2:52 PM, Blackhawk said:

My parents.

I would probably hang myself right now if I wouldn't have parents. And I don't even like my parents.

I feel the same way, also, I feel that it would cause a problem with karma potentially and a short human life, followed by a decent afterlife sounds better than ending it and having a long, long time full of suffering.  It would ruin my family's life and I don't want that, they're recently retired and even if they kind of suck, they don't deserve to have the remainder of their days filled with regret and "what ifs".

Edited June 10, 2022 by Loba

[thisintegrated]

On 05/06/2022 at 5:28 AM, Preety_India said:

You can always talk to me. 

???????????

[Preety_India]

@thisintegrated why do you talk to me if your only agenda is to mock me? Like fuck off right. Are you going to turn this thread again about me? 

 

 

[thisintegrated]

Just now, Preety_India said:

@thisintegrated why do you talk to me if your only agenda is to mock me? Like fuck off right. Are you going to turn this thread again about me? 

Wait.. so what you said about being able to talk to you was a lie?