Wanting Feedback For Working On Past Traumas

[Joshuar]

Hey everyone, I just wanted to share this and get any helpful feedback as I am trying to uncover and get to the root of any past significant traumas in my life. Since I've been going through some of Leo's Life Purpose Course, two themes that I have seen come up in my inner work process are that I am afraid to be alone and feeling lonely from isolation. The other theme is around self esteem and lack of accepting myself and needing validation externally. 

From the first theme, I beleive a lot of that comes from moving around a lot as a child and each time I got close with people, then I would get moved and be all alone again. I think this got lodged into my subconscious and I most likely stopped trying to get close to people because subconsciously I was afraid of being hurt again and being left alone.

I think how this ties into the second theme is that in order to avoid getting hurt again, especially in a late period in my life like high school. I came up with a story of I'm not good enough and avoided the people I wanted to be a part of when in actuality I was pretty popular in all of the schools I went to as a kid. So instead of recognizing that and being open to a new experience, I shut myself off from possible pain of being let down and losing people again. 

All and all, this experience gave me the insight to realize that it wasn't my fault about my somewhat chaotic lifestyle as a kid, but I am responsible now to realize that I have to start trusting that is not going to happen anymore. 

Was curious about any feedback about this? I'm really just trying to dig deep and find out the earliest traumatic experiences in my childhood that are giving me the two negative themes I mentioned at the beginning going on in my life.

 

[Arman]

It sounds to me like you're doing a wonderful job in identifying and placing awareness on these themes. I would take a moment to acknowledge the significance of such a discovery.

I will say a few simple things - firstly, the important of these 'imprints' is not necessarily in discovering the exact story of 'why' they came to be the way they are. Knowing the story and specifics can help, and it is certainly insightful, but it is not necessary for healing. What is more important is the recognition that the imprint or trauma simply is. The awareness of the imprint/trauma/energy, and becoming aware of the way the imprint is reflected into your life is all that is required, and this is the same intelligence and awareness that will automatically unravel it on behalf of you. 

Secondly, take some care in not demonizing traumas and going on a witch hunt to uproot them. In my experience, it is not common and sometimes counter-productive to make large leaps or undergo forceful measures to uproot traumas. If you feel an urge to 'fix it', that is usually a sign that more patience and relaxation on the subject is required. Self love, temperament and conscious awareness are good qualities to cultivate and will serve you more than most methodologies or active efforts to heal and uproot. 

As a practical suggestion for shifting into a preferred version of yourself, here is something you can do: When you recognize that these imprints are active in your life, simply place awareness of the energy of it within your body, relax, send it a bit of love and acknowledgement (you can thank it for having served to protect you in the past) and then instead of reacting as the imprint would have, simply choose a new, preferred behavior, thought, feeling, response, etc and consciously play that out. In this way you may begin to shift without suppressing or rejecting your innocence. You can do this any time you wish, as often as you wish. 

Edited February 4, 2017 by Arman