Leading

[StarStruck]

My leading skills in social situation have gone up from level 1 to level 5 on the scale of 10 but it is still not where is suppose to be. Sometimes I’m still a little bit reserved and too watchful. In such cases I get stifled and turn into a moron. If I’m not stifled I don’t have a problem: this thread is about cases when I’m stifled.

For example seeing a girl I like and thinking “what the fuck am I going to say to her?”. And then just I start bullshitting and fuck it up. I’ve tried multiple things but sometimes I just can’t snap out of it. If I’m in a good mood I know what to say.

Personally I think it is a matter of intuition. I discovered my mood is key but what to do if my mood is just not good. Everybody has a bad day and I have many of them. So the question is should I  just accept I have a bad day or just pretend I don’t and push through?

[puporing]

Well personally I prefer someone being more authentic than faking some persona.. and it doesn't bug me much if they're struggling to come up with something to say. Actually having gaps in conversation is great for connecting, if the other person can allow it.

[StarStruck]

2 minutes ago, puporing said:

Well personally I prefer someone being more authentic than faking some persona.. and it doesn't bug me much if they're struggling to come up with something to say. Actually having gaps in conversation is great for connecting, if the other person can allow it.

Great point you made there. Being authentic is definitely a skill. I have some in deprogramming to do to be more authentic. 

[puporing]

12 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

Great point you made there. Being authentic is definitely a skill. I have some in deprogramming to do to be more authentic. 

Thanks yeah you just gotta find someone that kinda matches your conversation style. Personally I have trouble when someone talks very fast haha. 

 

[something_else]

When you have an off day, just give yourself the most basic of tasks and let yourself feel good about completing them

If it comes to Friday night and I feel tired and feel like shit, I set my limit as low as going out and just talking to like three girls, sometimes even one if my mind is being an absolute dick with resistance

Ironically I’ve often ended up being more charismatic and gotten better results on those nights, because after my goal is complete I know I’m free to just dick around, have fun and be authentic and that ends up being way more attractive

[universe]

What you want is Emotional Mastery.

Having said that, fluctutating states are normal. Everyone can be great with an optimal state, it's how good you can stick with it even in a bad mood that's key. But don't be too hard on yourself. It's possible the girl you are talking to is just not a good match.

[Leo Gura]

This is why you build state by approaching a lot.

First 10 approaches of the night are just a warm up to build your state. You must discipline yourself to approach 20-30 sets a night. No excuses. Your state and mood will build until you're on fire. The key is to approach even when you don't feel like it. Just approach and let sets blow up in your face. And then approach some more. And don't be picky about who you approach.

[puporing]

@Leo Gura Geesus Christ that's some endurance you've got. Most guys don't even approach one girl let alone 30.

[Ninja_pig]

It is a misconception that our mood, confidence, and self worth are fluid things that change according to external factors. In reality, you can determine your own self esteem and confidence at any given moment. Always go in with the mindset that you are a 10/10 man and the girl is already attracted to you. Of course there will room for improvement, but you should never doubt yourself. Evaluate interactions after the fact, not during. The surest way get a girl to think you are a 4/10 is to think you are a 4/10.

[Ninja_pig]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

This is why you build state by approaching a lot.

First 10 approaches of the night are just a warm up to build your state. You must discipline yourself to approach 20-30 sets a night. No excuses. Your state and mood will build until you're on fire. The key is to approach even when you don't feel like it. Just approach and let sets blow up in your face. And then approach some more. And don't be picky about who you approach.

This is my biggest problem with Leo's pickup advice. There is only such thing as "state" if you believe there is. If you drop that belief then suddenly you have the ability to approach every set with maximum confidence and self assuredness. A truly actualized man should be a rock and his demeanor and mindset should not be swayed by external events. You can save a lot of time by just going into the first set with the presumption that you are 10/10 and the girl already likes you.

Also, don't approach girls unless you find them attractive. Do I need to explain this? 

[Loving Radiance]

@StarStruck IME, talking to peeps becomes easier when I'm in my body - grounded, centered, self-secure. Eat some raw ceremonial cacao. It's just showing you what's possible and where to go. And don't rely on it.

[StarStruck]

5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

This is why you build state by approaching a lot.

First 10 approaches of the night are just a warm up to build your state. You must discipline yourself to approach 20-30 sets a night. No excuses. Your state and mood will build until you're on fire. The key is to approach even when you don't feel like it. Just approach and let sets blow up in your face. And then approach some more. And don't be picky about who you approach.

I’m already in state after two approaches. The thing is that night game is not my thing. I don’t have the friends to do it at this moment. Currently just doing day game, in dance class, shops and such.

Day game is low intensity and indirect game. Direct game (night game) is easy for me: leading is straight forward. Indirect game (which is day game) is much more difficult. Especially leading in indirect game while staying socially calibrated is a tough nut. I still have some insecurities and bullshitting to weed out.

I could just throw out indirect game and just do direct game in day game but I’m over that. It takes too much energy to plow through. Currently trying to refine my skills. 

Edited June 2, 2022 by StarStruck

[something_else]

8 hours ago, Ninja_pig said:

This is my biggest problem with Leo's pickup advice. There is only such thing as "state" if you believe there is. If you drop that belief then suddenly you have the ability to approach every set with maximum confidence and self assuredness. A truly actualized man should be a rock and his demeanor and mindset should not be swayed by external events. You can save a lot of time by just going into the first set with the presumption that you are 10/10 and the girl already likes you.

Also, don't approach girls unless you find them attractive. Do I need to explain this? 

You are probably far more extroverted than average and that’s why you think there’s no such thing as state

For introverted people it takes time for us to ramp up into extroversion and get out of our heads

That isn’t a belief. What you’re doing by saying there’s no such thing as state is basically equivalent to saying  “just be extroverted dude”

State is just another word for mood, and if you don’t believe that your mood affects how well you socialise, especially for introverts, then you are totally deluded

[Razard86]

11 hours ago, Ninja_pig said:

This is my biggest problem with Leo's pickup advice. There is only such thing as "state" if you believe there is. If you drop that belief then suddenly you have the ability to approach every set with maximum confidence and self assuredness. A truly actualized man should be a rock and his demeanor and mindset should not be swayed by external events. You can save a lot of time by just going into the first set with the presumption that you are 10/10 and the girl already likes you.

Also, don't approach girls unless you find them attractive. Do I need to explain this? 

When Leo talks about state I don't think he is talking about state like you are. You are referring to mind set, I believe he is talking about consciousness. I could be wrong. Also there is no end all be all in pickup. There are multiple schools of thought on pickup. Its whatever works for you

 

[StarStruck]

14 hours ago, Ninja_pig said:

This is my biggest problem with Leo's pickup advice. There is only such thing as "state" if you believe there is. If you drop that belief then suddenly you have the ability to approach every set with maximum confidence and self assuredness. A truly actualized man should be a rock and his demeanor and mindset should not be swayed by external events. You can save a lot of time by just going into the first set with the presumption that you are 10/10 and the girl already likes you.

Also, don't approach girls unless you find them attractive. Do I need to explain this? 

But you can’t sit at home and develop a diamond unshakeable self image/esteem. Diamonds are created under pressure so he is right about taking massive action. Once it is developed you don’t need 20 approaches. Nowadays I need two approaches and I’m on fire.