Opening up about my life story and my biggest fear

[Someone here]

I was raised Hindu from birth. And  I will share a few things about my relationship with this religion and how it shaped my personality. 

The way in which I became a Hindu is by far the most common: by birth. What make it usual are my race and nationality:Indian. 

The house in which I grew up was much like a Hindu temple in many ways, with thirty-six Murtis of the Gods and Goddesses filling almost every room. Every morning my priestess-like mother worshipped each of them with Sanskrit Mantras and Aarti, and I ate the Prasadam of the offerings for breakfast. Throughout my childhood I learned the Pujas from her and came to love performing them myself.

When I went to school or almost anywhere else outside of home, it felt like stepping into an alien realm. No one else shared this pervasively spiritual world of loving, colorful deities, incense, and Mantras that filled my house. In my early childhood, Hinduism (a term I hadn’t even heard; we used “Sanatana Dharma”) was a tradition of home, not community. But when I felt lonely or scared – in the dentist’s chair perhaps, or most dramatically when I nearly died of appendicitis – I mentally called on Krishna, and i felt comfort enter my heart, giving me something to cling to.

Then I decided to abandon all religions and all dogma and seek truth .that was before I discovered Leo and actualized.org. 

I wanted actual truth .but I didn't know what I was getting myself into . The more I did spiritual work and contemplating the more my reality started to fall apart . And now I'm stuck in a toxic skeptical mode .where I Don't even know what's the truth anymore . And I'm very confused  as to what life choices should I take. 

I have thoughts in my mind that Convinced me that my entire life was a lie/misunderstood experience, that the people I know aren't who I think they are and that reality isn't what it seems.  And that I'm being stuck  at the center of a grand joke/conspiracy. I was totally ungrounded and caught up in my life at the time so these thoughts weren't easy to understand. I had to convince myself after the fact that what I thought I learned wasn't real because it was absolutely traumatizing to my young self...

This is basically my biggest fear .that my whole life is an illusion. That life is a dream .and death is waking up.
And the sad part is I verified that is true in my recent awakening.  Now I wish that all the spiritual path that I walked until now is nonsense .

Edited June 1, 2022 by Someone here

[Maka]

How old are you?

[Someone here]

27 minutes ago, Maka said:

How old are you?

25.

[Breakingthewall]

I think you know the answer to your crossroads: get out of the rational mind, out of the concept. go into the now, as deeply as you can. reason is not going to give you answers, only more questions. but I d say that your attachment to reason is such that you do not see that there is anything else. my advice: something simple and non-threatening, eat 2 grams of mushrooms. They will show you that there is understanding beyond reason. Moreover, they will show you that there is understanding only beyond reason

[Someone here]

@Breakingthewall psychedelics are illegal in my country.  

Plus ..I have verified some of things I mentioned here for myself through direct experience.  I know that I'm the only conscious being in the entire Universe and everything and everyone are my sock puppets.

Enlightenment is conscious death. Full blown enlightenment is total conscious death on all levels. To fear death and seek enlightenment is the cosmic giggle. Don't seek enlightenment, seek to remove all limitations in your way right now. You can't climb a mountain with a broken ankle. Ego work may be necessary at some parts and you may dissociate at others. No right or wrong. Ultimately were all just going deeper into ourselves. Ego is just a thought, then silence, then another thought and so on.

[Breakingthewall]

5 minutes ago, Someone here said:

I know that I'm the only conscious being in the entire Universe and everything and everyone are my sock puppets.

that's how it is? I am not that sure. I would say that reality cannot be understood rationally. when you understand you are out of reason. when you return to reason, you no longer understand. Or at least me

[Maka]

9 minutes ago, Someone here said:

@Breakingthewall psychedelics are illegal in my country.  

Plus ..I have verified some of things I mentioned here for myself through direct experience.  I know that I'm the only conscious being in the entire Universe and everything and everyone are my sock puppets.

Enlightenment is conscious death. Full blown enlightenment is total conscious death on all levels. To fear death and seek enlightenment is the cosmic giggle. Don't seek enlightenment, seek to remove all limitations in your way right now. You can't climb a mountain with a broken ankle. Ego work may be necessary at some parts and you may dissociate at others. No right or wrong. Ultimately were all just going deeper into ourselves. Ego is just a thought, then silence, then another thought and so on.

how did you verify?

[Someone here]

@Breakingthewall @Maka I didn't arrive at that conclusion through armchair speculation. It all started with watching Leo's solipsism video over and over again and I contemplated it  deeply for myself for days with no end .and that was my conclusion:

in principle, “existence” means for me my existence and that of my mental states. Existence is everything that I experience..physical objects, other people, events and processes..anything that would commonly be regarded as a constituent of the space and time in which I coexist with others and is necessarily construed by me as part of the content of my consciousness. For me, it is not merely the case that i believe that my thoughts, experiences, and emotions are, as a matter of contingent fact, the only thoughts, experiences, and emotions. Rather, i can attach no meaning to the supposition that there could be thoughts, experiences, and emotions other than my own. In short, the true solipsist understands the word “pain,” for example, to mean “my pain.”  He cannot accordingly conceive how this word is to be applied in any sense other than this exclusively egocentric one.

[Maka]

8 hours ago, Someone here said:

@Breakingthewall @Maka I didn't arrive at that conclusion through armchair speculation. It all started with watching Leo's solipsism video over and over again and I contemplated it  deeply for myself for days with no end .and that was my conclusion:

 

But that’s an arm chair speculation, you didn’t come to it to yourself

 

[michaelcycle00]

12 hours ago, Someone here said:

Plus ..I have verified some of things I mentioned here for myself through direct experience.  I know that I'm the only conscious being in the entire Universe and everything and everyone are my sock puppets.

 

Nigga say what? Yet, to ME, you're just a bunch of pixels. I'm not sure your direct experience means much when it comes from an extremely limited state of consciousness, such as the one you're in right now. Watching a video, ANY video, won't turn you into Infinity. Come on now... 

[Someone here]

What you guys have to understand is that solipsism doesn't change the practicality of everyday life . You still gotta go to work and pay the bills and feed yourself. 

Solipsism is like a little layer of gloss you can put on your perception of reality that doesn’t really have a set effect. Some people like it, it makes them feel safe, other people don’t like it a lot, they prefer something else.

It doesn’t actually affect reality one way or another. The explanation for one’s perception is usually developed after the fact, and this is one case where that applies.

Some people think solipsism is a good reason to be selfish or apathetic. But just like how reality comes before explanation, those emotions appear before solipsism too. They would probably do it anyway.

Basically, solipsism is a truth that asserts nothing practical.

Therefore, its truth has no practical effect one way or the other.

[Someone here]

@michaelcycle00 You experience your own mind every waking second, but you can only infer the existence of other minds through indirect means. Other people seem to possess conscious perceptions, emotions, memories, intentions, just as you do, but you cannot be sure they do. You can guess how the world looks to me based on my behavior and utterances, including these words you are reading, but you have no firsthand access to my inner life. For all you know, I might be a mindless bot.

[Breakingthewall]

3 hours ago, Someone here said:

Other people seem to possess conscious perceptions, emotions, memories, intentions, just as you do, but you cannot be sure they do

So since you can't be sure that others have an experience of their own, are you sure that they don't? As an absolute truth?

[Someone here]

25 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

So since you can't be sure that others have an experience of their own, are you sure that they don't? As an absolute truth?

It gets tricky here because the way you are framing it .

you see ..the bottom line is that Solipsism can't be proved or disproved. And I know this very well.  However,If you understand how consciousness works (it’s fundamental) and how reality works in idealism, you will possibly reach the conclusion that we are all solipsists in superposition.

What is the problem with solipsism? It seems you are looking for a solution without a problem.

Philosophically, I am a solipsist and a panpsychist.

My position is that we are all solipsists in superposition with each other and so the only mind that exists that we can know for certain is our own.

From that standpoint (mine), all the other entities (solipsists) might as well be p-zombies (7.5 billion at least ,from fully fleshed examples fading to abstract conceptual entities. I believe that the others to themselves are fully fledged solipsists in their own right and not p-zombies but from each of our individual existences, the all the others are p-zombies.

For example: I am writing these words and from my vantage, I am a sentient being that experiences all the trappings of existence. Qualia and physicality are mine and exist because I consciously/subconsciously create and experience them.

To you however I am whatever you conjure as an abstract concept. I am the pixels on a screen that you conceive/perceive as some forum user with the label “Someone here” generated in replies to questions. Your brain translates those pixels into symbols that you perceive as words which point to connotations within your consciousness and cobble their (your) meanings into concepts.

What do i mean by this?  You are projecting the idea that what you are experiencing right now has a deeper independent reality to it. Which you call the external objective world. You Believe the world exists when you are not perceiving it. 

 recognize it’s a more of convoluted belief system that requires extra mind baggage.. that careful.. objective.. direct study of experience and reality does not need. In fact.. if you studied your direct experience long enough you’d notice all sensory perception has no solidity to it at all.. it’s just a fluid.. spacious.. fluctuating field of is-ness popping into and out of a void. the “objective” reality science thinks is out there is quite literally impossible if they knew what they were actually studying, which is perception. The thoughts that think there’s an objective layer are also popping into and out of this void. This  requires an extremely stable...mindful concentration of what is really happening vs what your mind thinks is happening. 

However your consciousness of the present moment is actual. regardless of whether you deny perception/consciousness, it’s here, it’s primary, it’s completely undeniable. Any extra metaphysical claims about the substance of reality are subject to unfalsifiable skepticism. 

And again.. It's impossible to prove an objective external world outside of your imagination due to the nature of conscious experience only having the ability to exist as experience. Consciousness is all you have to prove a world. So you are always using consciousness as the actual substance of inquiry and you cannot step outside of consciousness to verify is something outside of consciousness. 

[Breakingthewall]

9 hours ago, Someone here said:

 

I don't know. What I know is that if you have an experience, let's call it shamadi, whether it's sober or drugged, you're going to be certain that the entire universe is focused on your current experience. the infinite void is creating an idea and that idea is your experience. Let's say this is so. then you draw the conclusion that everything within that experience, for example, you, is imaginary. Only I am real, you are not. doesn't that sound like too simple? ...you say: if you know how conscience works...and how do you know it? saying with great certainty that you know so that others believe it? the reality is that I see a cat and I know that this cat is having an experience exactly the same as mine but without the idea of the self. why wouldn't he have it? Is there any physical law that prevents it? infinity divided by 1000 million, or by any finite number, = infinity. That's what the math says at least. 1000 million infinities, exact and total, which are only one since they are the same because any infinity is exactly the same to other infinity since they are everything, total. But which appear to be others, since they could be divided. So, solipsism is real, only one infinity, but many manifestation. 

Edited June 2, 2022 by Breakingthewall

[Someone here]

1 hour ago, Breakingthewall said:

I don't know. What I know is that if you have an experience, let's call it shamadi, whether it's sober or drugged, you're going to be certain that the entire universe is focused on your current experience. the infinite void is creating an idea and that idea is your experience. Let's say this is so. then you draw the conclusion that everything within that experience, for example, you, is imaginary. Only I am real, you are not. doesn't that sound like too simple? ...you say: if you know how conscience works...and how do you know it? saying with great certainty that you know so that others believe it? the reality is that I see a cat and I know that this cat is having an experience exactly the same as mine but without the idea of the self. why wouldn't he have it? Is there any physical law that prevents it? infinity divided by 1000 million, or by any finite number, = infinity. That's what the math says at least. 1000 million infinities, exact and total, which are only one since they are the same because any infinity is exactly the same to other infinity since they are everything, total. But which appear to be others, since they could be divided. So, solipsism is real, only one infinity, but many manifestation. 

if there’s a creator, and he Is indeed infinite. Then it’s a definite possibility. Why create 7 billion people and make them live together? If God wants to create and develop a soul, why not give him his own personal world to live in. It’s no extra work… at least not for someone capable of building this universe

 Everything ‘here’ is sheer illusion. It's completely illogical for ‘you’ and ‘other people’ to assert that they or any of their silly words exist in any sense. If you're so clever, prove the definition of your little sloppy world there. I guarantee you will resort to an infinite regress of using other imaginary axiomatics to justify each other. Wake up.

[Breakingthewall]

7 hours ago, Someone here said:

there’s a creator, and he Is indeed infinite. Then it’s a definite possibility. Why create 7 billion people and make them live together? If God wants to create and develop a soul, why not give him his own personal world to live in. It’s no extra work… at least not for someone capable of building this universe

You are trying to understand with logic and reason. A cat understands better than someone who uses logic. this is an obstacle. there is no creator god, there is this creating himself. spirituality is to leave the labels, it is the real thing.

[Realms of Wonder]

@Someone here This is going to sound rude, but dont take this the wrong way, I mean it with love. 

 

What I see happening from a big picture with your posts, is.

1. Post a statement about who you are, or your point of view.

2. Explain your logic behind why you think what you think. A story.

3. Debate people that disagree.

 

It seems that you post these not to understand deeper, or to be open to different perspectives, but instead to re-affirm that what you believe is true.

 

I could be wrong, I have been before, I dont know you personally, but I do know that there is a lot more to who you are than is shown through your posts. I want to understand why you come to the forum and say the things you say.

 

Are you searching for deeper a understanding?

Why do you post anything on here at all?

Edited June 3, 2022 by Realms of Wonder

[Someone here]

@Realms of Wonder

You are responsible for your intention, not your reception.” ~Amy E. Smith

I’ve realized that I put a lot of energy into trying to explain my point of views . Sometimes those explanations are an honest attempt to connect with another person or to step a little further out of hiding. Often, they are a result of my own self-doubt and desire for people to like me.

For example, I feel an obligation to say yes to any invitation or request I receive. Sometimes I’m glad to agree, other times I’d prefer to do something else. It gets tricky when the thing I’d prefer to do seems unimportant.

So you might be right about some of your observations but that's not the full picture. 

I'm here to share my knowledge. And to engage with people to gain from their knowledge as well.

I post here because I like chatting with highly Intelligent people from all over the world about interesting topics .

that's all 

[Someone here]

@Breakingthewall

All attempts made to dismiss solipsism here are finally conjured within my own mind, regardless of how complicated and far reaching they may be. My conjurings may be complex, or simple, for their reality is there only as long as I entertain them in my thought, whether I think of this coffee cup on the table or of the multi-billion year story of the universe.

I’m looking for answers that can convince me otherwise. But that is also just my game, for into my thought you come walking with your solipsism denials.

Don’t advise me of ways to escape from my viewpoint, for it is really quite blissful.

Thank you for being here in me.