Opening up about my life story and my biggest fear

[michaelcycle00]

19 hours ago, Someone here said:

You experience your own mind every waking second, but you can only infer the existence of other minds through indirect means. Other people seem to possess conscious perceptions, emotions, memories, intentions, just as you do, but you cannot be sure they do. You can guess how the world looks to me based on my behavior and utterances, including these words you are reading, but you have no firsthand access to my inner life. For all you know, I might be a mindless bot.

Sure. I mean I've personally read a handful of trip reports from other people detailing how they experienced the lives of others so who knows.

19 hours ago, Someone here said:

Basically, solipsism is a truth that asserts nothing practical.

Therefore, its truth has no practical effect one way or the other.

Again, a bit over a month ago I believe a guy here experimented with salvia leaves and shared his experience. He said an insight he received is that it is critical for you to believe in the dream in order for it to keep going. So you might wanna hold your horses there too. 

[Razard86]

24 minutes ago, Someone here said:

@Breakingthewall

All attempts made to dismiss solipsism here are finally conjured within my own mind, regardless of how complicated and far reaching they may be. My conjurings may be complex, or simple, for their reality is there only as long as I entertain them in my thought, whether I think of this coffee cup on the table or of the multi-billion year story of the universe.

I’m looking for answers that can convince me otherwise. But that is also just my game, for into my thought you come walking with your solipsism denials.

Don’t advise me of ways to escape from my viewpoint, for it is really quite blissful.

Thank you for being here in me.

 

Did you watch Leo's Infinity of Gods video? The Solipsism you are talking about...I don't think you understand how it actually works. You are all that is, but it doesn't mean that all that you are is the same. When we say that everything is ONE and at the META Level there is no distinction we are saying that because it all comes from the same source. 

For example, if I am an artist everything I draw is distinct. But it is ultimately the same because it came from the same source. The expression is different but the source is the same.

So what we could call God is Infinity nothing that can become anything. So the same source creates everything, but how each thing expresses itself is different. So as God you can interact with infinite versions of yourself and each version is Sovereign. So technically you are not alone because you have infinite different selves that can constantly come into existence because you can imagine them into being. A way to understand this is notice in your mind there are different versions of you. There is a mean you, a cowardly you, a brave you, a bored you, a funny you, a philosophical you, and on and on. Each version of you is YOU, but how each version of you expresses itself is different. Now how would you feel if each version of you separated and became its own infinite being? Also someone would say you cannot separate infinity, I agree which means...finitude doesn't exist.

So even in this life we are living right now....everything is already infinite, but we experience it as separate and finite. There is a famous phrase 'So above So below. Our current reality, actually mirrors the reality outside the dream. So when we die....we won't be alone. We can as God still experience the infinite aspects of ourselves as separate and have relationships.

[Someone here]

@Razard86 

4 hours ago, Razard86 said:

Did you watch Leo's Infinity of Gods video? The Solipsism you are talking about...I don't think you understand how it actually works. You are all that is, but it doesn't mean that all that you are is the same. When we say that everything is ONE and at the META Level there is no distinction we are saying that because it all comes from the same source. 

For example, if I am an artist everything I draw is distinct. But it is ultimately the same because it came from the same source. The expression is different but the source is the same.

So what we could call God is Infinity nothing that can become anything. So the same source creates everything, but how each thing expresses itself is different. So as God you can interact with infinite versions of yourself and each version is Sovereign. So technically you are not alone because you have infinite different selves that can constantly come into existence because you can imagine them into being. A way to understand this is notice in your mind there are different versions of you. There is a mean you, a cowardly you, a brave you, a bored you, a funny you, a philosophical you, and on and on. Each version of you is YOU, but how each version of you expresses itself is different. Now how would you feel if each version of you separated and became its own infinite being? Also someone would say you cannot separate infinity, I agree which means...finitude doesn't exist.

So even in this life we are living right now....everything is already infinite, but we experience it as separate and finite. There is a famous phrase 'So above So below. Our current reality, actually mirrors the reality outside the dream. So when we die....we won't be alone. We can as God still experience the infinite aspects of ourselves as separate and have relationships.

That's a nice way to put it but I disagree . I have verified in my direct experience that I'm the only conscious being in the universe . My sense of self has expanded to include all sentient being .but not just conscious being .all inanimate objects as well . Basically all of reality is me .

Most people take a subject-object view, wherein which they are subjects that relate to the objects of their perceptions. But a solipsist holds the view that there exists only a singular subject. The supposed objects of perception, put otherwise, are no more than elements of the singular subject.

 

[Breakingthewall]

1 hour ago, Someone here said:

@Razard86 

That's a nice way to put it but I disagree . I have verified in my direct experience that I'm the only conscious being in the universe . My sense of self has expanded to include all sentient being .but not just conscious being .all inanimate objects as well . Basically all of reality is me .

Most people take a subject-object view, wherein which they are subjects that relate to the objects of their perceptions. But a solipsist holds the view that there exists only a singular subject. The supposed objects of perception, put otherwise, are no more than elements of the singular subject.

 

if that's real, not only an idea, it is a real awakening. Subject/object is an illusion. It's the reality (you) interacting with itself.    but the explanation about what are the others is still confusing. At least for me it is. The only explanation is that what we are unfolds infinitely. each proton is you completely, each proton is infinite, and the set of all protons is you equally, which is not understandable

Edited June 3, 2022 by Breakingthewall

[Someone here]

@Breakingthewall

38 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

if that's real, not only an idea, it is a real awakening. Subject/object is an illusion. It's the reality (you) interacting with itself.    but the explanation about what are the others is still confusing. At least for me it is. The only explanation is that what we are unfolds infinitely. each proton is you completely, each proton is infinite, and the set of all protons is you equally, which is not understandable

listen ..you are really pushing the limitations of my understanding and that's a great thing. But you have to understand that I'm speaking from direct experience not from a position of belief or speculation. 

What you have to understand is that You can come up with the philosophical idea that you are God or that everyone on this planet is God. You can even come up with the philosophical idea that everyone will one day join their conscious minds together. None of those things I just mentioned can be disproven but it can not be proven either way,I say this  because I know damn well that I am conscious of my own mind. I know damn well that I exist, and though you have to believe me when I say that, I too have to believe you when you say you’ve got a conscious mind. The Earth realm will always tell you that others have a conscious mind so long as they are alive (or not brain dead), but remember that if it can’t be proven, it is only considered a theory. It doesn’t mean we can disprove it, or prove it. Now, I will say on a philosophical note, that others have claimed to have experienced “God”, and that there more alarming signs of “God” than you can conceive of being the only one to exist as a conscious mind .  because it is in my opinion to be a healthier alternative. With that, I end this answer with what you need to know and that is  you’re the only conscious mind that exists and  solipsism is true. Some how, some way, “you know my answer to be true”, and you’ll be okay. Because I'm you.

[Bobby_2021]

On 6/1/2022 at 8:53 PM, Someone here said:

Then I decided to abandon all religions and all dogma and seek truth .that was before I discovered Leo and actualized.org. 

You grew up in a beautiful house with good Religious traditions. Such discipline and respect people carry towards reality is beautiful. I think you missed it.

I thought that the church was complete bullshit before I listened to leo. Sunday school, church and daily prayers all annoyed the crap out of me. But when I realised that religion was an institution based on the ultimate truth of existence I was overflowing with joy.

It was even a little ego stroking to me to go to church, and thinking

"Look at all these idiots, they don't have any clue about what they are doing. I have more knowledge than the persists. "

I am much more accommodating of religion right now. Sadly too many people hate their upbringing simply because someone from the internet told them so. I think it's demeaning and naive.

On 6/1/2022 at 8:53 PM, Someone here said:

I wanted actual truth .but I didn't know what I was getting myself into . The more I did spiritual work and contemplating the more my reality started to fall apart . And now I'm stuck in a toxic skeptical mode .where I Don't even know what's the truth anymore . And I'm very confused  as to what life choices should I take. 

The thumb rule is that

"If something is causing you to be hateful, you are doing it wrong.

If something is causing you to be loving, then you are doing it right."

So you may not be in accordance with Truth to abandon religion or be guilty of your Indian upbringing. You are missing so much nuance by simply calling them as blue and they are somehow lower because some model says so. Maybe you have some integration left to do in those aspects. 

On 6/1/2022 at 8:53 PM, Someone here said:

This is basically my biggest fear .that my whole life is an illusion. That life is a dream .and death is waking up.
And the sad part is I verified that is true in my recent awakening.  Now I wish that all the spiritual path that I walked until now is nonsense .

I am actually scared of living forever too. ?? 

Like imagine living through all the rape and slavery and torture. And you will be doing that for infinity.

That's something that i have not come to terms with. Maybe I need psychedelics for that which I cannot access in India. 

[Razard86]

8 hours ago, Someone here said:

@Razard86 

That's a nice way to put it but I disagree . I have verified in my direct experience that I'm the only conscious being in the universe . My sense of self has expanded to include all sentient being .but not just conscious being .all inanimate objects as well . Basically all of reality is me .

Most people take a subject-object view, wherein which they are subjects that relate to the objects of their perceptions. But a solipsist holds the view that there exists only a singular subject. The supposed objects of perception, put otherwise, are no more than elements of the singular subject.

 

You disagree because you have not awakened high enough. This topic many people on this forum think Leo discovered something new. He didn't. 

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John 10%3A33-34&version=NIVl

Jesus himself confirmed multiple Gods. Also you are not understanding. RIGHT now you believe you are conscious right? Well within YOUR OWN MIND you right now have INFINITE SELFS. If you are not even aware that right now you have more than one self in your own mind then you are not awake. Where do you think multiple personality disorder comes from? The disorder is created by trauma where each aspect of the personality has different memory. Right now you have multiple personalities but because they share the same memory you experie cnce them as one. 

Again SO ABOVE SO BELOW. So yes each personality within you is you, but how they express themselves is different. Have you not noticed that sometimes you are conflicted? You are conflicted because there are different parts of yourself that sometimes disagree and you have to come to a consensus to make up your mind. If you cannot notice even this....then you are truly asleep.

[Someone here]

40 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

You disagree because you have not awakened high enough. This topic many people on this forum think Leo discovered something new. He didn't. 

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John 10%3A33-34&version=NIVl

Jesus himself confirmed multiple Gods. Also you are not understanding. RIGHT now you believe you are conscious right? Well within YOUR OWN MIND you right now have INFINITE SELFS. If you are not even aware that right now you have more than one self in your own mind then you are not awake. Where do you think multiple personality disorder comes from? The disorder is created by trauma where each aspect of the personality has different memory. Right now you have multiple personalities but because they share the same memory you experie cnce them as one. 

Again SO ABOVE SO BELOW. So yes each personality within you is you, but how they express themselves is different. Have you not noticed that sometimes you are conflicted? You are conflicted because there are different parts of yourself that sometimes disagree and you have to come to a consensus to make up your mind. If you cannot notice even this....then you are truly asleep.

If you are familiar with spirituality and nondual teachings you likely' know' that the sense of individuality or separation is false or illusory. That there isn't an actual separate self inside the organism. Who you think you are is not who you actually are. Who you think are - the ego is literally just a thought. An arising sensation that says "im me here inside this body ".   When this thought disappear.. What is left is pure awareness of various perceptions and sensations without any personal relationship to them. Without "my perception and my sensation" identification. 

You can grasp in direct experience that "you" is false identification with thought.. It is not real. Yet it is the most real thing for you. After all what is more real and important to you in your life then yourself? Right? 

So what exactly is grounding this sense of self? Why does the "I" thought keep arising throughout your whole life even after seeing through the misidentification?  And what is the personality ?  What makes this body-mind here to have a different personality than that body-mind over there even tho there is no "person" to begin with?  What role do memories play in grounding your sense of self?  What is the difference between a memory and a thought? 

Now a whole pack of questions can open up about memory .is the past even real ? No matter where you look you can't find anything but the present and How can we trust our memory if any at all? Etc but I will just stop here. 

For example your entire life story and who you think you are and how you view yourself and your life is just a thought story.. Mostly memories... But those thoughts are not occurring 24/7.. So once they stop occurring even for a second you are left not knowing who you are and how you got there (interesting huh?). And so what prevents you from losing yourself and going Insane is these stories and memories keep arising to ground your sense of self and reality. 

 

[Galyna]

On 6/1/2022 at 5:53 PM, Someone here said:

I know that I'm the only conscious being in the entire Universe and everything and everyone are my sock puppets.

If this knowledge came from heart but not a logical understanding then it would lead to a complete total freedom, right?

Freedom to create reality and give it a meaning which aligns with your heart. God mode. 
What is it that you truly want and how do you want this illusion to unfold? Do you see that You are in charge of it? 
Do you realize that reality appears, reflects, and matches the state of your limited mind? 
Let go of the mind and create in a way that would feel pleasurable. 
You have created This reality. Enjoy this character along with his pain. 

You are literally a God! There are no limitations. Concentrate on a feeling in your heart, not on your mind.

How cool and wonderful to be limited for a while! 
You don’t want to remember your true Self because you get ecstatic from every single emotion, perception and feeling. Does it resonate with you?  
But the cool part is when you realize the possibility aka black whole in front of you and you literally can make anything you want out of nothing. 

How does ToE even exist if everything (that exists as nothing, literally) exists as a probability and highly impacted by the observer and the observation “bundle”? 

Edited June 4, 2022 by Galyna

[Galyna]

On 6/1/2022 at 10:23 AM, Someone here said:

This is basically my biggest fear .that my whole life is an illusion. That life is a dream .and death is waking up.

You are not scared of the illusory nature of existence. You are scared of the illusory nature of the ego-mind. 
It is not that life is an illusion, which is true and false at the same time, it is that you are the illusion itself.  
 

Edited June 4, 2022 by Galyna
I

[Someone here]

15 hours ago, Galyna said:

You are not scared of the illusory nature of existence. You are scared of the illusory nature of the ego-mind. 
It is not that life is an illusion, which is true and false at the same time, it is that you are the illusion itself.  
 

 

From an existential perspective: does the fact that the experience may be imaginary make it any less valid?

Pain is pain, fear is fear, and pleasure is pleasure.

There is no denying that we interpret the world psychologically. Does it matter what percentage of it is psychological construct?

Besides, the only way to answer this question is to push the limits of the illusion. You can only disprove an illusion externally.

The  only way to disprove our reality is by exiting it. And death is the only way to escape life.

It's possible that life is an illusion, but are you willing to bet your life on it?

Whether or not life is an illusion is a question that can only be answered in death. It is also a question that can only by answered by the individual, because the dead seem disinclined to share their knowledge with the living.

This  question intrigues me, but I'm willing to postpone my curiousity for a couple of decades, or so. I'm young, and my bucket list feels real.

 

Life asked Death, “Why do people love me and hate you?” Death replied, “Because you are a beautiful lie and I’m a painful Truth.”

[Galyna]

3 hours ago, Someone here said:

From an existential perspective: does the fact that the experience may be imaginary make it any less valid?

I have never questioned the validity of the experience, it’s there with regards how you name it. 
 

You can only understand what you already know.  The psyche itself is not the enemy now.  The psyche is trying to revive the limits of its understanding within the competence that expresses itself in the first person, in the form of a real one.  You are incapable of being the very awareness when you are trying to understand it!

sure, go for it. Remember it is possible to keep both. Just marry them both: dual and non-dual and enjoy your life fully. You don’t have to choose between these two. 
 

 

[Someone here]

1 hour ago, Galyna said:

I have never questioned the validity of the experience, it’s there with regards how you name it. 
 

You can only understand what you already know.  The psyche itself is not the enemy now.  The psyche is trying to revive the limits of its understanding within the competence that expresses itself in the first person, in the form of a real one.  You are incapable of being the very awareness when you are trying to understand it!

sure, go for it. Remember it is possible to keep both. Just marry them both: dual and non-dual and enjoy your life fully. You don’t have to choose between these two. 
 

 

Yeah I know.  I recently got on with a grip on my biggest fear. Even if life is an illusion, we are still present here to live or to survive it. It is up to us to choose whether we want to live or just survive.

That being said, it is normal for us to have questions about life, about us, about everything. However, if it gets difficult for us to deal with life, or if confusion arise about life, decision making, it is better to seek an expert (counseling psychologist) of the field. And I'm considering seeing a therapist. 

[Galyna]

@Someone hereTherapy is just a patch, with this level of awareness it won’t help you. It will suck you back in a dream state. You don’t need a therapist at all. It will be hard to align with the proposed protocol of the conventional counseling. But you can play this game and see it yourself. 
Telling from the experience. About three years ago I left my psychologist I used for five years. I won’t ever get back again, these pants are too small. 
Once crossed this line you ain’t gonna  buy into the bs of the egoic games. 

Edited June 4, 2022 by Galyna

[Preety_India]

@Someone here you can't mix this kind of knowledge with practical life. Have those ideas and thoughts in mind. But those ideas and thoughts are also illusions. At the fundamental level, all illusions must collapse and you attain nirvana and liberation. 

[Someone here]

@Galyna @Preety_India

Its necessary to see a therapist because I struggle with this a lot.   My limited thinking gets pretty deep sometimes and the deeper I think the more believable it seems. I Imagine micro organisms and a pyramid. I wonder where we are at on that pyramid. It gets worse. I struggle with anxiety.i Wish I had an answer. Sometimes I feel like I'm from another planet and being around people is like watching Animal Planet.

Sometimes I go like , life is really an illusion. It is impermanent. Nothing remain constant and things change. People change, conditions change and to think that everything remains the same is an illusion. If we understand this, embrace it, then we would not go crazy when someone dumped us, betrayed us or when we lose our wealth or fame.

For some people, a deep part of themselves intuitively know that life is a kinda of illusion. But when everyone surrounding you are not like you, when the media is only showing what you want to see and bombarding your senses, you would seriously be doubting yourself and feel very conflicted inside.

The best way to find the answer is to take the path less travelled. To pray (based on your religious faith) that one day you can find the answers you are looking for. And that's what I'm working on currently. 

[Preety_India]

@Someone here you are going through existential crisis. It happened to me when I was 18 and lasted till 20. No worries. You'll get over it. 

Usually for most people it happens in the age range of 15 to 18.

For you it's delayed. 

Goodluck. 

 

[Razard86]

On 6/3/2022 at 5:53 PM, Someone here said:

If you are familiar with spirituality and nondual teachings you likely' know' that the sense of individuality or separation is false or illusory. That there isn't an actual separate self inside the organism. Who you think you are is not who you actually are. Who you think are - the ego is literally just a thought. An arising sensation that says "im me here inside this body ".   When this thought disappear.. What is left is pure awareness of various perceptions and sensations without any personal relationship to them. Without "my perception and my sensation" identification. 

You can grasp in direct experience that "you" is false identification with thought.. It is not real. Yet it is the most real thing for you. After all what is more real and important to you in your life then yourself? Right? 

So what exactly is grounding this sense of self? Why does the "I" thought keep arising throughout your whole life even after seeing through the misidentification?  And what is the personality ?  What makes this body-mind here to have a different personality than that body-mind over there even tho there is no "person" to begin with?  What role do memories play in grounding your sense of self?  What is the difference between a memory and a thought? 

Now a whole pack of questions can open up about memory .is the past even real ? No matter where you look you can't find anything but the present and How can we trust our memory if any at all? Etc but I will just stop here. 

For example your entire life story and who you think you are and how you view yourself and your life is just a thought story.. Mostly memories... But those thoughts are not occurring 24/7.. So once they stop occurring even for a second you are left not knowing who you are and how you got there (interesting huh?). And so what prevents you from losing yourself and going Insane is these stories and memories keep arising to ground your sense of self and reality. 

 

What you do not realize when it comes to Non Duality.....what is illusionary and what is real is the same. So the ego is real, it is also illusionary. Non-Duality means everything is one. If everything is one then false and true is the same. There is no distinction. Do you know what everythingg is made up of? Nothing. Everything is nothing. So any distinction that is created is illusionary. Why? Because everything is made up of the same thing. So if the ego is false, it is also true. You say the ego is false yet you live your life through the ego. Without the ego you have no backstory, without the ego you would not see distinction. Without the ego you couldn't live as a human. So the ego is both real and false at the same time.

Reality is an infinity loop. This means everything always turns inward. This means there is no separation of anything, and that everything is a relationship, a relationship of one. If you do not even realize that the ego is both real and false....then I don't know what to tell you. Again, if the ego was false you couldn't live as a human or even speak to me right now.

[Someone here]

24 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@Someone here you are going through existential crisis. It happened to me when I was 18 and lasted till 20. No worries. You'll get over it. 

Usually for most people it happens in the age range of 15 to 18.

For you it's delayed. 

Goodluck. 

 

Thanks. 

Not sure if I would call it an existential crisis .but its just my mind by its very nature is so metaphysically and philosophically oriented and I like to think deeply about reality .I don't accept half-assed answers to big existential questions .I want to get to the bottom of  things.

 Currently I'm working on a list of questions that I need to find answer to them ASAP to know where I'm headed in life

1) Who are you. (The essence of even I’d say, what you are as a person)
2) Who you want to be. (Visualization, timeframes, etc…)
3) Why are you alive. (Don’t look for it outside, find your own answer based on the previous questions)
4) What do you value in people.
5) What is your Morality.
 

I'm still struggling with figuring out the correct answer. But I guess it's a part of the journey. 

[Someone here]

18 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

What you do not realize when it comes to Non Duality.....what is illusionary and what is real is the same. So the ego is real, it is also illusionary. Non-Duality means everything is one. If everything is one then false and true is the same. There is no distinction. Do you know what everythingg is made up of? Nothing. Everything is nothing. So any distinction that is created is illusionary. Why? Because everything is made up of the same thing. So if the ego is false, it is also true. You say the ego is false yet you live your life through the ego. Without the ego you have no backstory, without the ego you would not see distinction. Without the ego you couldn't live as a human. So the ego is both real and false at the same time.

Reality is an infinity loop. This means everything always turns inward. This means there is no separation of anything, and that everything is a relationship, a relationship of one. If you do not even realize that the ego is both real and false....then I don't know what to tell you. Again, if the ego was false you couldn't live as a human or even speak to me right now.

 the ego is kind of "intelligent" (is not just a dumb robotic system) and it will modify its behavious with the new understanding.

It seems like the ego is neccesary for surviving (If you want to survive in a body, a selfish "I" thought is neccesary to know and interact with the world). But the ego can become self-aware (like it is connected with a ubs-cable to Consciousness Lol) and be less neurotic and have more concious behaviours aligned with the Truth of reality. (But of course, the ironic thing is, that if the ego would be really aligned with this Truth,he would just dissapear Lol).

Ultimately of course there is no duality between ego and conciousness because it´s all Consciousness. But Consciousness is imagining this differences so Consciousness still lives the dream of being a human being I guess