Inferiority complex throughout life and till now college

[Rishabh R]

As 1 year ago I posted about a girl rejecting me then what happened later that her friend called me and threatened me to study and don't do all these things. After a year I messaged my friend to tell her that I was hurt by her and I contacted a senior to tell her that I was hurt by her so he contacted her and told her to talk to me. What followed was her abusing me on WhatsApp and the matter being resolved as I apologised to her as she was defamed due to me in college.Few days later I contacted her friend who threatened me and he abused me and said to stop crying(in fact I was not crying).When he was talking to me he was with his girlfriend She then said me to wait till the college reopens and she will handle me. She even shared the screenshot of his girlfriend calling me juvenile,inferior. Then I blocked that girl whom I initially proposed.I talked to one of my friends who is a girl about this she said that contacting her friend was a immature decision and don't do all these things as you are a child.I argued that I am not a child as I am of their age.So the question is what are reasons that people call me inferior since childhood (I have a childhood trauma associated with it ). I also fear that what will happen further in college.Why people are so tribal?

Edited May 31, 2022 by Rishabh R
Changing the heading

[Rishabh R]

Please guys reply as I need answers at this moment and also am utterly confused ,fearful ,angry,jealous etc.

[SgtPepper]

They are calling you inferior because you are putting up with their name calling, disrespect, and control tactics. It's not because you are actually inferior, but I am not sure why you are engaging with these kind of people? Tell them to go f*ck themselves and live your life.

I made a clear rule for myself to not tolerate disrespect from others, I cut them off and move on if the relationship is irredeemable. People/friends should be uplifting you or at the very least engaging with you neutrally. Not everyone in college is like that, I met lots of cool and interesting folks in college.

You are angry because people are disrespecting you and you are kind of tolerating it and even engaging with it. I am not sure why you are jealous, you might be afraid because you're finding it challenging to defend yourself. That stuff can be worked on by building self-confidence with physical activities.

Edited May 31, 2022 by SgtPepper

[Rishabh R]

@SgtPepper Ya but there is one more thing that I just wanted honestly to communicate to the boy that I was hurt by him but he abused me called me to meet in the college place and that girl whom I initially proposed when I called her she abused me and told me to tell him sorry so I told him sorry as I didn't wanted to provoke him and he said ok.But she told to meet me in college and she wouldn't spare me .By the way I also don't understand myself till now that why do I get jealous of people who are in a relationship.Whenever I hear or see people in relationship it makes me so hurt that I cannot stomach that.

Edited May 31, 2022 by Rishabh R
Forgot to include some lines

[SgtPepper]

@Rishabh R It does sound like they are being abusive. Do not let others abuse you please. I think it is wonderful to communicate how you feel, but sometimes people are not willing to listen or follow through on your requests. They want to spread their hell onto you and I would respond by forgiving their shortcomings because they are enslaved by their sin. There is compassion to be had for the abusers. Move on to creating a good and loving relationship with yourself and others who can appreciate what you have to offer.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” ―Oscar Wilde

It will be bring you deep joy and peace in your life.

 

Instead of focusing on relationships of others, notice how you are imagining what their relationship is like, and it is leading you to suffer. Some relationships are awful and some are good. Just let it go. As someone who has been in a relationship for 11 years, I can tell you, you are in a good position. You have time to invest in yourself. Being in a relationship has its pros, but so does time by yourself. Learn to have fun and someone will come along when it's the right time, just don't give up on meeting new people, and it will happen.

However, if you are looking for relationship/connection as soon as possible because you genuinely enjoy them like myself - then expand your sense of relationship more than just romance. Get to know your family deeper, volunteer and help the elderly, homeless or those with intellectual disabilities. Join a club. It will change how you view others and generate your ability to make impact on others, thus create long-lasting relationship in your life. You will attract the right romance partner just by being true to yourself. This is what happened for me.

You are not stomaching it because you are judging yourself too much, its unnatural and it's creating dissonance in your life. It is causing you to not love yourself and it repels the love of others and attracts abusive people. Be prudent to treat yourself with love.

“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.” —Rupi Kaur

“Self love—it doesn’t mean that everyone will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. It means that you won’t let them change the way you see yourself; nor will you stick around for them to destroy you.” —Tony A. Gaskins Jr.

---

I hope that makes sense. Some practical actions is just to take some time for self-care. Read a spiritual book, take a walk in the park, say hello to people who pass you by. Touch grass. Go for a jog. Smile more often. Notice things you can be grateful for. Call someone who loves and cares about you. Play an instrument and listen to music. 

Edited May 31, 2022 by SgtPepper

[Rishabh R]

@SgtPepper thank you.I was contemplating what is the way out of this situation and one of the answers came that I am good as myself.

 

[SgtPepper]

Of course. you will always be the best source to know what is going to serve yourself. don't give up!

[Razard86]

1 hour ago, SgtPepper said:

@Rishabh R It does sound like they are being abusive. Do not let others abuse you please. I think it is wonderful to communicate how you feel, but sometimes people are not willing to listen or follow through on your requests. They want to spread their hell onto you and I would respond by forgiving their shortcomings because they are enslaved by their sin. There is compassion to be had for the abusers. Move on to creating a good and loving relationship with yourself and others who can appreciate what you have to offer.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” ―Oscar Wilde

It will be bring you deep joy and peace in your life.

 

Instead of focusing on relationships of others, notice how you are imagining what their relationship is like, and it is leading you to suffer. Some relationships are awful and some are good. Just let it go. As someone who has been in a relationship for 11 years, I can tell you, you are in a good position. You have time to invest in yourself. Being in a relationship has its pros, but so does time by yourself. Learn to have fun and someone will come along when it's the right time, just don't give up on meeting new people, and it will happen.

However, if you are looking for relationship/connection as soon as possible because you genuinely enjoy them like myself - then expand your sense of relationship more than just romance. Get to know your family deeper, volunteer and help the elderly, homeless or those with intellectual disabilities. Join a club. It will change how you view others and generate your ability to make impact on others, thus create long-lasting relationship in your life. You will attract the right romance partner just by being true to yourself. This is what happened for me.

You are not stomaching it because you are judging yourself too much, its unnatural and it's creating dissonance in your life. It is causing you to not love yourself and it repels the love of others and attracts abusive people. Be prudent to treat yourself with love.

“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.” —Rupi Kaur

“Self love—it doesn’t mean that everyone will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. It means that you won’t let them change the way you see yourself; nor will you stick around for them to destroy you.” —Tony A. Gaskins Jr.

---

I hope that makes sense. Some practical actions is just to take some time for self-care. Read a spiritual book, take a walk in the park, say hello to people who pass you by. Touch grass. Go for a jog. Smile more often. Notice things you can be grateful for. Call someone who loves and cares about you. Play an instrument and listen to music. 

What a master level response!! Well Done!!! I love everything you wrote here!!

[SgtPepper]

@Razard86  

[Hugo Oliveira]

If you are in your early 20's, understand one thing: You are NOT supposed to have everything figured out. 

Shit will happen, you have to be able to forgive yourself, be patient, and be resilient. Be humble to learn from your mistakes and time will vanish everything forever. When you look back you'll see how stupid and childlike was the whole situation and all the participants.

Slowly bring your attention to what feels good and fuck being perfect. Connect with goodness. The authority these people apparently have is not real.

In practice, these events you described seem to be a result of your obsession. Learn that obsession can f*cking harm you. 

[Rishabh R]

@Leo Gura what is your opinion on this condition of mine ?

[mostly harmless]

Read 

The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem  by Dr. Nathaniel Branden

audio book version is available

 

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=Nathaniel+Branden

 

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=Nathaniel+Branden+six+pillars