Girl ghosted after videocalling > triggering insecurity

[actually]

So been talking to this girl over a week. Found her on a dating app. All was going really well and we had some cool conversations about alot of interesting topics. We called for hours just talking about stuff and she was constantly flirting with me. Its safe to say her interest was definitely there and so on. She was the first to begin messaging every morning lol

So we did a video call and I immediately saw a switch in her behaviour. I reacted by asking some questions but definitely saw the vibe was off. She was kinda shit testing me by asking questions like with how many women I had sex with & implying that she had sex very often and had no trouble getting boys. So I just cut it off and told her I had to go. 

Afterwards another girl came to my house and so I thought whatever. But then she (girl i videocalled) got very silent after that. Next day asked her if the weekend was still on (that we planned) and no reaction. I then thought yea she is not attracted to me. Which is fine I guess. Id say im average looking and I get girls. Some hot some not so hot.
 

But this one girl who ghosted me is triggering this deep rooted insecurity I have. This stupid insecurity that I know does not matter but still is haunting me and making me angry and sad. I shouldn’t even be because the same night she ghosted I was with another girl (that was actually hotter) and we fucked twice that night. Still it keeps triggering my insecurity about my looks whenever I get confronted with any girl not finding me attractive.

I need some healthy realistic perspective to get this out of my head. Why does this opinion of 1 girl matter to me so much? Its not necessarily this particular girl but any girl dismissing me cuz of my looks. I got good game and Im very talkative with women. No problem texting but this little insecurity of mine is extremely limiting of how I live my life and stop me being the confident self I need to be. 

 

Any insight to this problem or people that experienced the same and overcame im interested in your story

Edited May 31, 2022 by actually

[actuallyenlightened]

4 minutes ago, actually said:

So been talking to this girl over a week. Found her on a dating app. All was going really well and we had some cool conversations about alot of interesting topics. We called for hours just talking about stuff and she was constantly flirting with me. Its safe to say her interest was definitely there and so on. She was the first to begin messaging every morning lol

So we did a video call and I immediately saw a switch in her behaviour. I reacted by asking some questions but definitely saw the vibe was off. She was kinda shit testing me by asking questions like with how many women I had sex with & implying that she had sex very often and had no trouble getting boys. So I just cut it off and told her I had to go. 

Afterwards another girl came to my house and so I thought whatever. But then she got very silent after that. Next day asked her if the weekend was still on (that we planned) and no reaction. I then thought yea she is not attracted to me. Which is fine I guess. Id say im average looking and I get girls. Some hot some not so hot.
 

But this one girl who ghosted me is triggering this deep rooted insecurity I have. This stupid insecurity that I know does not matter but still is haunting me and making me angry and sad. I shouldn’t even be because the same night she ghosted I was with another girl (that was actually hotter) and we fucked twice that night. Still it keeps triggering my insecurity about my looks whenever I get confronted with any girl not finding me attractive.

I need some healthy realistic perspective to get this out of my head. Why does this opinion of 1 girl matter to me so much? Its not necessarily this particular girl but any girl dismissing me cuz of my looks. I got good game and Im very talkative with women. No problem texting but this little insecurity of mine is extremely limiting of how I live my life and stop me being the confident self I need to be. 

 

Any insight to this problem or people that experienced the same and overcame im interested in your story

When I read your scenario, it didn't even occur to me that it's because of your looks. Might be, might be something else. I don't have that same insecurity but get rid of mine by bringing up all the associated feelings and letting them pass. That's sitting cross legged and with my eyes closed for 45-60 min.

[Michael569]

Don't take online dating too personal. Most girls on dating apps get so much attention that it becomes hard to justify talking to just one guy and eventually many get to a point when they are hanging around just for the endless attention and dopamine fuckery associated with having so much interest. 

She might have ben talking to few other guys at the same time she spoke to you and at some point she just got bored. It's nothing personal, maybe she treats other guys the same way.

1 hour ago, actually said:

he was kinda shit testing me by asking questions like with how many women I had sex with & implying that she had sex very often and had no trouble getting boys.

Lol, the immaturity  Sounds like the opposite of what you would want actually. The last thing I'd want ina  relationship is a young women who boasts about how many guys she has had sex with. 

Move along, forget about her.

 

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, actually said:

Still it keeps triggering my insecurity about my looks whenever I get confronted with any girl not finding me attractive.

God damn, dude. Such a primadonna. That's gonna be a tough life.

You should be thanking God each morning that even one girl in the world finds you attractive.

P.S. She prolly ghosted you cause your vibe was off. Video-calling someone is very revealing of their vibe and personality. Your mistake is doing these long video calls. Just get her out for a coffee.

But just the fact that you assume it was your looks reveals how insecure you are, and that's something to drop. That insecurity itself makes you unattractive.

It is impossible to even get 20% of girls attracted to you.

[bazera]

@Leo Gura

Quote

But just the fact that you assume it was your looks reveals how insecure you are, and that's something to drop

What do you think are the best ways of dropping that?

[StarStruck]

Don’t take anything personal. Just find one that matches your vibe frequency and use her to level yourself up. After a while, if you leveled yourself up enough, you will be the one who will be doing the rejecting.

Dating is very selfish , so are girls, so develop yourself and be fun to hang out with. Offer more than you take. Don’t be a value suck. She needs to get the feeling she is winning by being with you; she shouldn’t get the feeling she is letting you win by being with her. This is very important. If you give her the vibe that she is letting you win by being with you, you are done. 

Essentially you need to find out what makes women tick. They are very different than guys in the realm of emotion and mentalization. 

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, bazera said:

@Leo Gura

What do you think are the best ways of dropping that?

Well, in this case obviously focus on the other girl who slept with you.

How many girls must sleep with you before you feel secure?

3 hours ago, Something Funny said:

Are you talking about looks (girls picking who they are attracted to by looking at a photo) or do you mean that personality wise, after you start talking to them, 80% will not click with you?

It's a holistic equation that factors in everything.

Quote

Edit: also, by "attracted" do you mean "omg, this guy is hot and awesome" or "he is good enough for me to date him"?

Just reaching hook point. Enough that she would be willing to sleep with you if things moved forward smoothly. Attraction usually happens within 5 mins. The rest is just follow-thru.

Less than 20% of girls will get attracted to you. Don't make it personal. You are attracted to less than 20% of girls so its only fair.

[bazera]

@Leo Gura

Quote

How many girls must sleep with you before you feel secure?

Increasing that number is a very direct way. 

But don't you think it's also a matter of working and integrating a shadow? I mean, psychological and spiritual work. 

[actually]

21 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

God damn, dude. Such a primadonna. That's gonna be a tough life.

You should be thanking God each morning that even one girl in the world finds you attractive.

P.S. She prolly ghosted you cause your vibe was off. Video-calling someone is very revealing of their vibe and personality. Your mistake is doing these long video calls. Just get her out for a coffee.

But just the fact that you assume it was your looks reveals how insecure you are, and that's something to drop. That insecurity itself makes you unattractive.

It is impossible to even get 20% of girls attracted to you.

Thanks I needed this lol. Went out yesterday after reading some thread replys here and definitely it clicked in me that it absolutely has nothing to do with my worth if a girl fucks with me or not. Im still walking around with great energy and looking girls in the eyes. I just sometimes can get in my head and perhaps should see a therapist to heal some childhood trauma. 
 

I even had that insecurity before we made the video call so I think during the video call I was subconsciously aware of that which made me act insecure and thus my vibe was off. 
 

Anyways thanks leo

[Roy]

Whenever you get ghosted it's a good thing (though it certainly doesn't feel good), it means you dodged a bullet. People who ghost are usually emotionally underdeveloped/immature. All the women I've known who ghost are usually fuckin nuts.

[something_else]

20 minutes ago, Aleister Crowleyy said:

We don't condone toxic masculinity here. 2 warning point will be added to your account. Women, are not "fucknuts". 

Please choose a better word choice on this forum. Or, if our standards are not met then you will be permanently banned.

So salty, lol

[actually]

11 hours ago, something_else said:

So salty, lol

Lol what did he say I think his posts got deleted ?

[something_else]

21 hours ago, actually said:

Lol what did he say I think his posts got deleted ?

He got warning points for toxic masculinity on another thread and now he’s posted roughly what I quoted above on another two threads

[thisintegrated]

Talk to a few more hundred girls and you'll stop being so emotional.

The fact you make posts like this tells me you're insecure, and this alone will gross people out.  Fix that first.  It's not hard.

[Danioover9000]

@thisintegrated

10 hours ago, thisintegrated said:

Talk to a few more hundred girls and you'll stop being so emotional.

The fact you make posts like this tells me you're insecure, and this alone will gross people out.  Fix that first.  It's not hard.

   In your opinion, does this fixing differ from personality to personality? Like is it different fixes if one person is an introvert and the other is extrovert?

[thisintegrated]

42 minutes ago, Danioover9000 said:

@thisintegrated

   In your opinion, does this fixing differ from personality to personality? Like is it different fixes if one person is an introvert and the other is extrovert?

Good question.  No idea how an introvert would manage this.  You really have to be able to enjoy talking to lots of people.  Introverts usually have to rely on luck, and don't get many opportunities to develop social skills or confidence or any real preferences.