How easily can you love people?

[thisintegrated]

Just wondering as I really have no idea how big other people's capacity for love is.

And I'm wondering how this is reflected in one's stage, and personality type.

 

As far as I can tell, there are two ways to estimate one's love.  I can't tell which is more reliable:

1. How little fear they have.
2. How outwardly loving they are.

Orange/Green should have less fear than Blue, but a Blue ESFJ will typically be more outwardly loving.  So it's not very obvious.

 

 

I seem to have an above average capacity for love, but want to find out if it's because of my stage of because I'm an Fe user, or anything else.

Edited May 31, 2022 by thisintegrated

[Realms of Wonder]

Interesting question, the only thing I have to compare my capacity of love to... Is myself in the past.

 

I used to be so much more hypocritical, I used people, I manipulated people, I took without giving, I didn't show them attention or give them approval or praise, I was toxic and mean.

 

Not that I am no longer those ways, but now more important to me is, understanding others, their motivations,  accepting them for who they a re, seeing the good in them even if they dont. giving them my attention. its not "easy" but it IS easier than it used to be. I "feel" others, (INFJ-A,) and often can tell if my presence is loving or not, but its a continual process. I want to be ultimately loving, but that's decades away  

 

I think a more accurate estimate of how loving someone is, is how they treat themselves.

[thisintegrated]

I really don't know how much I should love everyone.  What purpose would loving everyone here serve?  Would it be practical?  Does it matter?  What's an "appropriate" amount to love random strangers on the internet?

I could love everyone on the forum to the point that I can't physically take it anymore, if I wanted to.  But I don't think others do this, so it would be inappropriate.  I really don't know how I should feel.

 

14 minutes ago, Realms of Wonder said:

INFJ-A

Another Fe user.  We'll see if it's a trend.

 

14 minutes ago, Realms of Wonder said:

Interesting question, the only thing I have to compare my capacity of love to... Is myself in the past.

 

I used to be so much more hypocritical, I used people, I manipulated people, I took without giving, I didn't show them attention or give them approval or praise, I was toxic and mean.

Although I'm much more accepting of others now, I feel like I've always had a high capacity for love.  I had to learn to turn it off as a kid.  

Edited May 31, 2022 by thisintegrated

[Carl-Richard]

22 minutes ago, thisintegrated said:

or anything else.

Trauma associated with upbringing, family situation, interpersonal relationships, socioeconomic status, culture, health problems etc.

[thisintegrated]

4 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

Trauma associated with upbringing, family situation, interpersonal relationships, socioeconomic status, culture, health problems.

Not so sure about that.  This would affect outward appearance of love, and communication, but not the love within.

Even if I hated my parents, the hate is just love turned negative.  The mass of emotion is still the same.  And when not thinking about parents, all the love should be there.  If I meditate and forget about life, all the love is there.

Edited May 31, 2022 by thisintegrated

[Carl-Richard]

Just now, thisintegrated said:

Not so sure about that.  This would affect outward appearance of love, and communication, but not the love within.

Please elaborate.

[thisintegrated]

2 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

Please elaborate.

Please.. refresh.

[Carl-Richard]

5 minutes ago, thisintegrated said:

Even if I hated my parents, the hate is just love turned negative.  The mass of emotion is still the same.  And when not thinking about parents, all the love should be there.  If I meditate and forget about life, all the love is there.

I'm sorry I really don't understand ? 

[thisintegrated]

Just now, Carl-Richard said:

I'm sorry I really don't understand ? 

If you tried beating the love out of me with "Trauma associated with upbringing, family situation, interpersonal relationships, socioeconomic status, culture, health problems etc."  any of these things.. it wouldn't work.  If I meditated, then, regardless of the trauma and culture, my love capacity would be the same.  I'd still be able to feel high on love, even if I was a North Korean in a prison camp or whatever.

[VeganAwake]

It's unconditional love and it's unwaverable!

Love for all of existence exactly as it appears regardless of circumstance.

❤ 

 

[Carl-Richard]

55 minutes ago, thisintegrated said:

If you tried beating the love out of me with "Trauma associated with upbringing, family situation, interpersonal relationships, socioeconomic status, culture, health problems etc."  any of these things.. it wouldn't work.  If I meditated, then, regardless of the trauma and culture, my love capacity would be the same.  I'd still be able to feel high on love, even if I was a North Korean in a prison camp or whatever.

I'm saying if your parents were say meth users, that certainly has an impact on your ability to love today. Things like having experienced love and warmth during the critical period of psychosocial development, to be privileged enough to reach beyond your immediate survival needs and learn about meditation and achieve peak states.

[gettoefl]

the 7s's of love: sharing serving shining spreading singing seeding

if you haven't loved today you haven't lived today

Edited May 31, 2022 by gettoefl

[thisintegrated]

10 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

I'm saying if your parents were say meth users, that certainly has an impact on your ability to love today. Things like having experienced love and warmth during the critical period of psychosocial development, to be privileged enough to reach beyond your immediate survival needs and learn about meditation and achieve peak states.

I think this is likely to affect one's fears, and so make them a more loving/trusting person.  Though it's not the same as potential love capacity.  Without any challenges / things to fear, e.g. in a meditative state, trauma shouldn't have any real impact?

[Carl-Richard]

2 hours ago, thisintegrated said:

I think this is likely to affect one's fears, and so make them a more loving/trusting person.  Though it's not the same as potential love capacity.  Without any challenges / things to fear, e.g. in a meditative state, trauma shouldn't have any real impact?

If the meditative state is completely dissociated from any underlying psychic structures, then personality type and psychological development doesn't matter either.

[Loba]

Not easily, I hate most people.  As they say, "Hell is other people."  And it's so true.
I don't think people in general are worthy of love, for the most part.

[thisintegrated]

4 hours ago, Loba said:

Not easily, I hate most people.  As they say, "Hell is other people."  And it's so true.
I don't think people in general are worthy of love, for the most part.

???

I can understand the quote, it's not wrong.  But it's definitely not the best perspective to have.

[Preety_India]

5 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

If the meditative state is completely dissociated from any underlying psychic structures, then personality type and psychological development doesn't matter either.

Good point 

[thisintegrated]

5 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

If the meditative state is completely dissociated from any underlying psychic structures, then personality type and psychological development doesn't matter either.

We don't know.  Different types have different brain structures.  We know that everyone has different capacities for love, and we know there's some reason for this.  Types could account for these differences, or something else.

[Preety_India]

You rely too much on personality types. Because you have nothing else to go on with. 

But a person's inner character, goodwill, intent and motivation/purpose are not defined by a personality type. 

 

[Asayake]

10 minutes ago, thisintegrated said:

We don't know.  Different types have different brain structures.  We know that everyone has different capacities for love, and we know there's some reason for this.  Types could account for these differences, or something else.

I think psychedelics changed my personality type. I was more of a rationalist and was thinking a lot in my teens, very into science etc. But brain structure is changeable to some extent. Psychedelics made me realize I had built my understanding of the world on a castle of sand and as time passed I managed to connect more and more to my feelings and become more like I was when I was a child, less of a thinker. Now I experience the world more as a piece of art rather than a problem to be solved. And some of the overflowing joy I had in my childhood has been finding it's way back when I stopped thinking so much about everything, it reconnected me to my feelings and changed my personality.

I'm not quite sure what my personality type was when I was younger but I think it might have been INTP or INTJ and now it's INFP.

Edited May 31, 2022 by Asayake