I get physically sick after every time a girl flakes

[Vrubel]

I have noticed this psychosomatic trend when each time a girl flakes I get physically sick for a week or so while also going through the 5 stages of grief. 

I know you're not supposed to get attached before the sex but I just do. Some girls drive me mad with their flirtatious, cute and "innocent" acting and I know for a fact that they are attracted to me but nonetheless their level of flakiness and not-really-caring is absolutely profound. 

This one girl I meticulously "courted" for more than a half year and after we agreed to go on a date, she "kinda forgot" and I kinda reacted butthurt out of the frustration. Which is of course a giant mistake. But damn she drove me mad. 

This other girl (I already had a date with) is very into me judging by the sweet and cute way she texts me. But each time I go for the date she is too "busy". 

And so I have some more of these frustrating cases.

Of course, I realize these girls have incredible abundance. Like it's insane how easy they can get a guy. Anyhow, I just hope these attachment issues will get less severe with time and experience.

Edited May 30, 2022 by Vrubel

[Razard86]

12 minutes ago, Vrubel said:

I have noticed this psychosomatic trend when each time a girl flakes I get physically sick for a week or so while also going through the 5 stages of grief. 

I know you're not supposed to get attached before the sex but I just do. Some girls drive me mad with their flirtatious, cute and "innocent" acting and I know for a fact that they are attracted to me but nonetheless their level of flakiness and not-really-caring is absolutely profound. 

This one girl I meticulously "courted" for more than a half year and after we agreed to go on a date, she "kinda forgot" and I kinda reacted butthurt out of the frustration. Which is of course a giant mistake. But damn she drove me mad. 

This other girl (I already had a date with) is very into me judging by the sweet and cute way she texts me. But each time I go for the date she is too "busy". 

And so I have some more of these frustrating cases.

Of course, I realize these girls have incredible abundance. Like it's insane how easy they can get a guy. Anyhow, I just hope these attachment issues will get less severe with time and experience.

Sorry to burst your bubble....but if a girl flakes on you...she doesn't want to date you. Women derive a high amount of value off of interaction. As a man you do not value your attention....but what you need to understand is that non-sexual attention for women is equivalent to sexual attention as a man. Women love good conversation, it gives them the same energy that a man gets from sex with a woman. So women can have a lot of male friends who they interact with but are not sexually attracted too. If you talk to a woman and get her number and invite her on a date and she flakes, does not apologize and try to set a new date....she doesn't want to date you.

Are there exceptions to this rule? Yes, as always some women maybe scared, shy, had bad experiences etc. But understand.... this extreme example most women....if you put their favorite male celebrity in your situation....they most likely won't flake on them.

When a woman wants to spend time with a man....she will move heaven and earth to be with that man. To get a woman to spend time with you, you have to raise her interest. All woman attempt to feel a guy out before they are willing to spend time with him and this is based on a myriad of factors. The most important factor is the "vibe" she picks up from you. If you give off the right vibe, and she finds you attractive (what I call the minimum level of attractiveness in which she would be willing to have sex with you) then she will give you a chance.

Here are the killers:

1. Bad Vibe: This is deeply subjective as every woman has a unique vibe they are drawn to. But mostly if you are positive and energetic and full of life you can pass this. Confidence is the universal attractive trait. 

2. Smell good/look presentable: This is a given but women are highly sensitive smell and they look at everything especially the shoes, teeth, nails, some even look at things like nose hairs, etc...

3. Do you have an interesting personality? Can you expand her mind? Can you teach her something new? Make her laugh? Are you a good listener? Do you know how to direct the flow of a conversation? Do you have any interesting hobbies?

4. Are you physically fit? You don't have to be Mr. Olympia but physical fitness is important and directly related to sex which women do love. The better in shape you are, the better you can use that for your performance in bed so yeah they do like to know if you are active.

There are some more deeper stuff I could share with you....but modern dating is really a minefield right now...the media has made both men and women in the market toxic....right now both men and women have no idea how to have healthy relationships, combine that with the prevalence of mental illness, if you are living in America your odds are low of finding a healthy relationship. Not impossible just low...you would need to know where to look.

[Vrubel]

44 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

When a woman wants to spend time with a man....she will move heaven and earth to be with that man.

Of course, but most regular people will only get that dynamic after sex and love.

 

46 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

Sorry to burst your bubble....but if a girl flakes on you...she doesn't want to date you.

Nope, they were open-to-date alright (at least the girls in the example) I just wasn't a priority. 

The difference between a girl's loyalty before and after sex is like heaven and hell.

Though I agree with most of your points.

[Leo Gura]

Girls are super flakey in general before sex. Expect zero respect for your time or your needs.

Solution is to just make very low investment and keep talking to many girls at once.

Don't do dumb things like courting a girl for months. You have to set standards and don't let them waste your time.

If you suggest a date and she isn't eager for it, next. Do not try to win her over. Girls who are willing to sleep with you don't need to be won over. They will readily agree to a date without manipulation.

It's a big mistake to try to work hard to get a girl. Instead invest that energy into talking to lots of new girls. It's a huge numbers game, not a manipulation game. Less manipulation, more numbers. Get 5 phone numbers per night and you will stop caring if 80% flake.

[puporing]

5 hours ago, Razard86 said:

non-sexual attention for women is equivalent to sexual attention as a man.

This is not true for all women but I get why you say this. Personally I find that an indication of no sexual interest and move on usually rofl. (Can still be friends or just something more platonic)

@Vrubel I know the struggle, guys do it too sometimes (the flirting and stuff and then act like nothing happened lawl) . I have also taken on Leo's advice of just not being too invested before anything tangible. I think it's a balance of investment and being aware that it may not lead to what you want out of it.

Whatever is happening right infront of me right now is all that I can "count on" but even that can change. So the ability to be in the now more so than an imaginary future helps.

Maybe cut down the courting time to where you feel is emotionally acceptable to you, where you can still enjoy the process of courtship but not get too attached until you see clear indication of it reflected back to you. ?

 

 

Edited May 30, 2022 by puporing

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHfAMh6Edm4

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L2MzmE8cwo

 

[Brivido]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Girls are super flakey in general before sex. Expect zero respect for your time or your needs.

Solution is to just make very low investment and keep talking to many girls at once.

Don't do dumb things like courting a girl for months. You have to set standards and don't let them waste your time.

If you suggest a date and she isn't eager for it, next. Do not try to win her over. Girls who are willing to sleep with you don't need to be won over. They will readily agree to a date without manipulation.

It's a big mistake to try to work hard to get a girl. Instead invest that energy into talking to lots of new girls. It's a huge numbers game, not a manipulation game. Less manipulation, more numbers. Get 5 phone numbers per night and you will stop caring if 80% flake.

I was pondering over this today. Honestly, if a girl is so dumb to not understand the value that I am bringing to the table, I don't even want to waste my time to convince her to go out with me and I kind of feel sorry for her. 

To make this frame work, you actually need to be working on yourself though, you can't fake it. If you are really working on actualizing your full potential as a man, you are in the 0,0001% of the population and as such should consider yourself as an incredible opportunity for every girl that has a chance to meet you.
 

From now on, I am going to start consciously projecting this frame in the field.

[somegirl]

If I had extreme physical reaction to guys rejecting me time and time again, the guys I so desperately wanted to be with in the past, I would not be a sane person anymore lol.

Now things are a little different, but even now I thought it would be a lot easier to get a guy I want, now that I'm much more physically attractive and more confident than I ever ever was growing up.

Thought I would have to just point my finger to a guy I want and he's mine. But it's a bit more complicated than that. And plus, it seems like I have a thing for guys who do not like me back. Last time I went on a date and after that never heard from him again.

So I don't know, you have to not take it personally and like it means anything to your self-worth. That's the most important thing. To keep thinking you're the shit even after rejection. But really believe it.

Then things will change eventually.

Edited May 30, 2022 by somegirl

[Tudo]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Girls are super flakey in general before sex. Expect zero respect for your time or your needs.

Solution is to just make very low investment and keep talking to many girls at once.

Don't do dumb things like courting a girl for months. You have to set standards and don't let them waste your time.

If you suggest a date and she isn't eager for it, next. Do not try to win her over. Girls who are willing to sleep with you don't need to be won over. They will readily agree to a date without manipulation.

It's a big mistake to try to work hard to get a girl. Instead invest that energy into talking to lots of new girls. It's a huge numbers game, not a manipulation game. Less manipulation, more numbers. Get 5 phone numbers per night and you will stop caring if 80% flake.

Listen to this guys. Leo, your advices are sooo good sometimes.

 

[Vrubel]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Get 5 phone numbers per night and you will stop caring if 80% flake.

Thanks for the advice, I will stop investing when a girl doesn't go on a date within a reasonable timespan. 

Are night numbers any good? Because I heard they are notoriously flaky and unpractical.
I am also asking because I am already familiar with the "interacting and date-close" and have never done a "club game and sex-close."  

 

 

 

[Vrubel]

@Raze @somegirl @puporing Thanks!

[something_else]

2 hours ago, Vrubel said:

Are night numbers any good?

I mean I’m sure they can be sometimes, but in my experience they’ve been pretty flaky

If you’re at a busy enough club/bar there’s no reason to go for numbers when there will almost certainly be opportunities for a pull IMO

If a girl is super hot and you hit it off but logistics don’t work for a pull then may as well take her number, what’s the worst that can happen

[Federico del pueblo]

1 hour ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

Bruh

???

3 hours ago, somegirl said:

Thought I would have to just point my finger to a guy I want and he's mine. But it's a bit more complicated than that.

Incredible how hard reality slaps us in the face sometimes, isn't it? ?

[Jacob Morres]

This is why I developed a thing for integrity, compassion and empathy. If girls do that to me, I just get turned off.

It's also a very bad foundation for a relationship.  Before the relationship started she's treating you like that? She'd have to apologize for being so flaky idk that's just my thoughts 

But does sound like inner child work could be helpful. Also to practice detachment and help you clarify which girls are right for you, and what you deserve (attention, time, respect) 

Edited May 30, 2022 by Jacob Morres

[Flint]

@Vrubel

If you meet a girl during the night the best way is to try to pull her the same evening. One night stand style.

Don't theorize about numbers from x/y being flakey, it depends. Simply take action, get feedback and fix what you're doing to take even more action.

Don't fantasize about girls you've just met, even been on dates with, etc, until you have sex with them. And by that I mean litteraly you are inside them. They can throw random shit tests when you're the most relaxed and unguarded and that will play tricks on you.

You need to invest the bare minimum in a girl (including thoughts and fantasies !)  and as Leo said get more girls. More more more !

If you're building an actual real connection in real life and you have some chemistry girls will be more than happy to see you again. I think you misunderstand the complete lack of good options that women have in general.

Yeah, it might seem that they have a lot of options, but are people that you are not attracted to really options ?

Imagine you have a master degree and expect to earn a six figure salary, and all of those shitty jobs with 15k per year salaries are harassing you daily ? Why you considers hundreds of those jobs even a real option ? Of course not. Of course.

And of course if girls flake you there are not interested. You should never invest so much upfront. Just go out more if you can't stop thinking about a particular girl.

And to re-iterate the point: go out more !

[puporing]

4 minutes ago, Flint said:

I think you misunderstand the complete lack of good options that women have in general.

Good observation. Yes actual good option is closer to 0.1% of guys if not less. So women should learn to also be by themselves and not get too attached to someone ultimately not good for them.

Edited May 30, 2022 by puporing

[Razard86]

12 hours ago, Vrubel said:

Of course, but most regular people will only get that dynamic after sex and love.

 

Nope, they were open-to-date alright (at least the girls in the example) I just wasn't a priority. 

The difference between a girl's loyalty before and after sex is like heaven and hell.

Though I agree with most of your points.

You really do not understand how women work. If a woman wants to date you....you become a priority. I have a friend who pulls women EASILY. I did some research on women both through personal experience, asking tons of women that I knew personally and strangers, reading and consuming official statistical research and anecdotal research from some of the smartest minds in the pickup community. 

After all that... I discovered that I could EASILY get women to go out on a date with me. Again... if she is flakey....she does not want to date you. She just likes conversing with you and obtaining your energy. The same way a woman shouldn't spend time with a guy who only hits her up for sex if she wants more, is the same reason a guy shouldn't waste time talking to a woman for months with no date when he wants a date.

Here is some MORE tips for you. YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO DATE A WOMAN to have sex with her. You are living right now in the most sexually liberated era in human history. Many women will go back home to your place after just one interaction. It is all a numbers game, and being able to tell when a woman chooses you. The secret is WOMEN CHOOSE, so if you can figure out which woman has chosen you...all you got to do is not mess it up and you can have sex. I know the game VERY WELL I spent 2 years finding out how it works. LOL.

I just don't play it because at the end of the day...its just an ego game. Majority of people are not ready for relationships as 99 percent of humanity is Co-Dependent and are looking to enter relationships to project all their insecurities onto you. You should only seek to be in a relationship when you want to ADD to that person's life. Not adding them to your life so your life should be better.

If both Men and Women sought to improve the life of their partner as their main priority....then there would be no real problems in relationships. A relationship should be two people LOOKING AT EACH OTHER, most people enter a relationship and ask "what are you going to do for me?" LOL. 

[Karmadhi]

6 hours ago, somegirl said:

And plus, it seems like I have a thing for guys who do not like me back.

Like all girls out there, not suprised at all.

Humans want what they cannot have, not what is best for them.

I expect people on this forum to be a bit wiser than this though.

[somegirl]

2 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

I expect people on this forum to be a bit wiser than this though

It's not about being wise.

It's more about human nature and things that are out of our control, such as who we get attracted to. 

Edited May 30, 2022 by somegirl

[Karmadhi]

5 minutes ago, somegirl said:

It's more about human nature and things that are out of our control, such as who we get attracted to. 

Plenty of guys hitting all your attraction triggers that would be into you. You are just making excuses for continuing to date people u shouldnt.

So you re telling me there are no funny, confident, cute, smart guys out there that are into you that do call you back? Not 1?