Girl wanted to have sex but I pussied out

[spiritual memes]

 

Just wanted to rant because I had the weirdest sexual experience tonight.

I'm 23 and still a virgin. It's something im quite insecure about and i've put a lot of work into myself to try and get better at attracting women. I'm still terrible at pickup and still struggle with approach anxiety and flirting and all that stuff. Well i must have done something right because a girl who i thought was just a friend slid into my DM's tonight, started flirting with me over text, and offered to come over. It threw me completely off guard because i wasn't really sure i was attracted to this girl in particular. I had feelings for her but i wasn't sure if I just saw her as a friend of something more. Because this had never happened before and I was in desperate need of sexual experience I told her to come round even though i wasn't really in the mood for sex. (I was in the middle of watching anime ). As soon as she said she would come round I suddenly felt extreme anxiety wash over me. I was not in a sexual mood in the slightest and I was worried about whether I could even get an erection up in this state. She came round and we started making out, one thing led to another and she was naked on top of me. It was at this point that I realised that I wasn't sexually attracted to her and I suddenly started feeling really uncomfortable. I told her to stop and we just sat there for a bit. We talked a bit and she went home.

My mind is completely scrambled from this situation. I have been desperate to lose my virginity for years to the point where its driving me nuts yet when its right in front of me I refuse??? wtf is wrong with me? I also feel terrible because one of the reasons why i said no was because I didn't find her physically attractive even though her personality is exactly what I wanted in a partner.

It's also probably ruined our friendship now and made things awkward between us. Fuck my life. 

[Roy]

If you aren't attracted to her, and didn't want to have sex. You did the right thing. There is nothing more to analyze or understand about the situation.

Go find someone you're attracted to.

[puporing]

It was a learning opportunity, don't be too hard on yourself about "how it shoulda went". Next time figure out the attraction thing first, move a bit slower if you have to, give yourself some time and distance before you figure out if you're even attracted to this person.

[spiritual memes]

@Roy Fair enough, I guess i'm overthinking this because it happened like an hour ago. I'm worried that i'll get anxiety like this when im with a girl i'm attracted to. One of my goals is to become experienced at sex and dating so I was a bit desperate for sexuak experience. I guess this is what scarcity mentality gets you.

[Leo Gura]

1) This is why it's important to develop an eye for the kind of girl you like. This requires practice and experience. Train your eye to quickly identify and decide whether a girl is hot enough for you or not. There's little point in sleeping with girls you aren't attracted to. It just creates a lot of problems and wastes a lot of time.

2) Once you find a girl you actually like, then you push yourself to close no matter what your anxiety level or insecurities or mood. Push your mood and just get it done. Your mood will catch up.

3) Then again, you can also learn to have fun with girls who aren't your ideal type. Takes some practice. Once she's naked you should basically just push yourself to finish the job. You don't have to marry her.

[kag101]

3 hours ago, spiritual memes said:

i must have done something right because a girl

YES, you did! you were being yourself with her. that's 1000x more attractive that entering a fake alpha-male mode and be completely artificial.

 

3 hours ago, spiritual memes said:

I told her to stop and we just sat there for a bit.

i'm really glad you did that. you have to respect your natural desires.

 

3 hours ago, spiritual memes said:

It's also probably ruined our friendship now and made things awkward between us.

it probably hasn't. my only suggestion is to not try anything sexual with her again.

[puporing]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

you should basically just push yourself to finish the job.

That'd be the more loving thing to do. No lady blue balls. 

Edited May 30, 2022 by puporing

[Breakingthewall]

The most idiotic thing you could have done is feel obligated by the situation and continue to try to live up to expectations, or to prevent the girl from feeling bad. You owe yourself total respect. you did the perfect thing

 another thing, don't think: why I'm not attracted to her, if she was physically fine? is something wrong with me? none of that, sex is the connection between two people, not something purely physical. if it didn't flow, it didn't flow, and that's it. my advice is that on another occasion you try kissing, being close, etc, without having sex the first time, and see how you feel. good luck with the next one!

 

[NoSelfSelf]

Its self sabotage whole psyche how you view yourself is not in aligne with you having sex so extreme anxiety comes to stop it from actualizing...

Second problem you dont know yourself and you dont have confidence in yourself because society and gurus telling you how to live your life so you are unsure how to deal in those situations and makes you scared...you could push through it but deep down that confidence issues will be there you having sex or not sex wont fix nothing assuming thats why you desperate to lose virginity...

[StarStruck]

Stop porn and that hentai shit. A healthy guy should be able to do it even though the girl is not your type.

[Breakingthewall]

another possibility: it's just a strange situation for you, you're not used to it. Not used to sex, not to that girl. maybe you try again, and the thing flows, or not. knowing yourself and understanding your reactions takes time and experience

[spiritual memes]

11 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

2) Once you find a girl you actually like, then you push yourself to close no matter what your anxiety level or insecurities or mood. Push your mood and just get it done. Your mood will catch up.

This is a worry of mine, if my anxiety is high and im not in the mood, how would i even be able to maintain an erection?

[integral]

There is an over focus on what you want. 

Flip is up side down: Focus on what they want and by giving them what they want that gives you satisfaction.

Dont over do it. Needs to be balanced.

Also practice seeing the beauty in everything with mindful observation. 

-

Not to sound like an ass, but when a girl bends over its all the same.

The holy grail. Its extremely stimulating. 

Edited May 30, 2022 by integral

[spiritual memes]

3 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Stop porn and that hentai shit. A healthy guy should be able to do it even though the girl is not your type.

I'm trying :'( 

[StarStruck]

53 minutes ago, spiritual memes said:

I'm trying :'( 

Was it awkward after you rejected her? Or was she chill about it? 

[Neon]

17 hours ago, spiritual memes said:

(I was in the middle of watching anime )

wtf is wrong with me?

There's your problem.

Your level of masculinity is nearly at zero. If you were masculine, you wouldn't be watching anime at all and you would never have a random stupid intention to have sex with a random stupid girl.

I have no idea what's wrong with you but you're seriously dysfunctional.

Edited May 30, 2022 by Neon

[spiritual memes]

6 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Was it awkward after you rejected her? Or was she chill about it? 

she was chill about it but it was very awkward

[spiritual memes]

2 hours ago, Neon said:

If you were masculine, you wouldn't be watching anime at all

lol out of all the shit i wrote, thats the one big problem?

[spiritual memes]

24 minutes ago, Aleister Crowleyy said:

Hahahahhahahahahaha. Bro.... 

1.] She sounds like she'd be a 2/10. In my experience I have a range(6/10 - 20/10). You need to set standards and not get naked with anything that has a vagina.

2.] This is weird. I've never stopped sex during sex, usually women do that weird sh!t. I'm under the impression that she was probably overweight and not attractive at all. In my experience no matter if she is a best friend, if she is sexy and is naked then we are having sex...

3.]Idek bro.

yeah I think one of the reasons was that I wasn't attracted at all to her naked body. It was decent before she took her clothes off and when she did i just realised that I wasnt attracted to her. Which feels kinda horrible as I don't like the idea of judging people for their bodies especially considering by own insecurities about my own body.

Normally i would have said no but I had just watched Leo's video on always doing the most emotionally difficult thing...

[integral]

20 minutes ago, spiritual memes said:

she was chill about it but it was very awkward

Its likely the first time in her life someone turned her down while shes naked lmao, shes likely wondering what she did wrong or if it was her the issue.