If people are being mean to you in their journal, please block them.

[Carl-Richard]

After having had to deal with reports from the journaling section for about a year now and having tried repeatedly to find adequate solutions to these problems, I've come to a few conclusions: 

 

1. Moderating personal feuds in the journaling section is nearly impossible to do from an unbiased point of view, both from a technical standpoint and a purely practical standpoint.

1.1 Technical

It involves the same people over and over again; long-term and recurring interpersonal feuds with no definite starting point. This is a known phenomena, and there is no simple solution. Communication theory teaches you this. 

1.2 Practical

It involves scanning through pages upon pages of walls of text in multiple journals, often many hours, days or weeks back in time, and frequently changing between tabs and cross-referencing statements, all while holding two or more conversations in PMs.

 

2. Moderating, as in giving out warning points, should ideally only be done when there is a definite cause of blame.

With complex issues such as these (as stated in 1.1), this is generally not possible. Often, the only valid course of action is manually talking to people, trying to de-escalate tensions, and finally making said people leave each other alone. This is of course ultimately futile when said people like reading other people's journals, and sooner or later, the cycle continues.

 

3. Personal feuds in the journaling section generally happen in a grey area with respect to the guidelines.

These feuds are often fought using covert, subtle and ambiguous language which is not in direct violation of the guidelines. The intended meaning of such language is also hard to decode for a moderator who is not immersed in the same context as the people involved, which goes back to the technical and practical problems in 1.1 and 1.2.

 

Summary and solution:

Personal feuds in the journaling section should therefore be regarded as generally not a moderating issue. That said, moderators are still able to take actions against you the way they see fit, the same way they always have (you're not granted some special protection because you were posting in the journaling section). 

You should only use the report function if there has been a concrete violation of the guidelines, or if you deem it absolutely necessary to do so. It's up to the individuals themselves to decide whether they want to start using the block function, stop reading other people's journals, or leave their emotions aside. Blocking other people keeps you from reading their journals and posts in general, which is the safest option.

Please voice your opinions below.

[Preety_India]

Very good Carl. Excellent. I totally agree. 

We shouldn't complain to mods like school kids. 

We need to handle it like grownups and just leave the fighting. 

Thank you for the post. 

 

[Preety_India]

10 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

After having had to deal with reports from the journaling section for about a year now and having repeatedly tried to find adequate solutions to these problems, I've come to a few conclusions: 

 

1. Moderating personal feuds in the journaling section is impossible to do from an unbiased point of view, both from a purely practical standpoint and a more technical standpoint.
 

1.1 Technical

It involves the same people over and over again; long-term and recurring interpersonal feuds with no definite starting point. This is a known phenomena, and there is no simple solution. Communication theory teaches you this. 

1.2 Practical

It involves scanning through pages upon pages of walls of text in multiple journals, often many hours, days or weeks back in time, and frequently changing between tabs and cross-referencing statements, all while holding two or more conversations in PMs.

 

2. Moderating, as in giving out warning points, should only be done when there is a definite cause of blame.

With complex issues such as these (as stated in 1.1), this is not possible. Generally, the only valid course of action is manually talking to people, trying to de-escalate tensions, and finally making said people leave each other alone. This is of course ultimately futile when said people like reading other people's journals, because sooner or later, the cycle continues.

 

3. Personal feuds in the journaling section generally happen in a grey area with respect to the guidelines.

These feuds are often fought using covert, subtle and ambiguous language which is not in direct violation of the guidelines. The intended meaning of such language is also hard to decode for a moderator who is not immersed in the same context as the people involved, which goes back to the technical and practical problems in 1.1 and 1.2.

 

Summary and solution:

This is therefore generally not a moderating issue, and should not be reported to moderators, unless there has been a concrete violation of the guidelines (or you deem it absolutely necessary to do so). It's up the individuals themselves to decide whether they want to start using the block function, stop reading other people's journals, or leave their emotions aside. Blocking other people keeps you from reading their journals and posts in general, which is the safest option.

Please voice your opinions below.

Great points and all valid.

Noting. 

[Preety_India]

@Benton it's not for creepiness. You're taking it the wrong way. It's just the Devi pendant that I like. Please don't take me wrong way, just please. 

[Loba]

I think the main problem is when people start to converse in each other's journals or watch them.  I have a very very small block list, but of people I have fought with - or even on my end treated wrongly, I just block and move on.  Especially if someone requests that, I always do this.  If someone flat out asks me, "Don't bother me, just ignore me."  The message is received and I do just that, even if I don't get closure on the issue, it's closure for them.

I think the problem is that we are problem people.  A lot of us have serious things going on in our lives and need to be seen and heard and understood and everyone is looking for this, but we don't know how to give it to one another - only to ask for it.  It seems to me like this is a more serious section of actualized, because we take our work as something to express what we can't in the real world and this is where we need to all see eye to eye and respect that even if we don't all get along.

A lot of us are going through unseen battles. 
And I think... maybe real life sometimes those emotions leak into the journal section.  We are like, all seeking how to use Fe appropriately, as most of us are either introverted or mentally unwell - there are few genuinely grounded people who use this section so drama is bound to happen, we just need to learn how to handle it better.

I'll tell you how I handle it:  I panic.  I panic and react, and I think that's a common thing.
We will as a community do better and grow together and maybe now is a time to have this kind of discussion on an equal playing field and try to respect each other's space - because although these journals are just online blogs about our lives, they contain a lot of energy that is useful, information that is valuable, and in some of them we are baring our souls, simply because there is something that comes from writing that allows you to do this - and that needs to be treated with care, like a glass sculpture or something.

This place will get better, I think we are just airing out old grievances and that moral will improve, with or without the beatings.

 

[Preety_India]

Just now, Benton said:

@Preety_India Yeah but that one is mine specifically.

Actually.. have fun idc

I like it anyway. Thank you for allowing me. 

I'm having fun actually because I'm doing it for fun not for serious reasons. 

 

[Carl-Richard]

19 hours ago, modmyth said:

But I feel like a line has been crossed when you don't permanently ban a user who has made physical threats against someone (the site owner here no less) and you can't get through to them (as in, they won't back down). This isn't just "being mean" or "private drama" IMO (or drama out in the open). There is a reason why I'm writing about this as opposed to keeping to myself in this case (in my own case with the person that I'm talking about).

If you see anything that is in violation of the guidelines, or if you truly deem it necessary to do so, then you use the report function. Threats are against the guidelines. I've just tried to give a general summary of what moderators can and cannot do, and that often what moderators do in these situations is to serve as a human block function, which is completely unnecessary when the block function is open for anyone.

[Proserpina]

@Loba I agree.  Well said. 

Just FYI everyone, I never talk about anyone in my journal -except maybe once I have-, it's just personal stuff. 

Being apart of the journalling section on and off I find even myself feeling as if others are critisizing me and attacking me in their journals (even when they're probably not). It's very easy. And if they are, hey, it's feedback.  Not all bad.

 

[Preety_India]

Just now, Benton said:

I'm chill with ya'll. 

I hope you are chill with me. 

I'm damn scared though. 

 

[Preety_India]

Just now, Benton said:

@Preety_India And why are you scared?

I thought you were offended by me.  That's all. 

 

[Preety_India]

5 minutes ago, Benton said:

No

I decided I don't care

That's fine. Just don't tell Spiderman. I'm scared of spiders. 

 

Edited May 30, 2022 by Preety_India

[Loba]

@Proserpina Thanks!

Me personally, I am not arguing with anyone in my journal, I just use it to take notes and sometimes talk about my home life, and post music, and I find that I write better if I know other people are there.  I've gotten into arguments in the past, but I left them alone after a few days - I have a hard time holding onto anger for things, mostly because I'm an ideas person and i just forget the social aspect altogether (infp 5w4 - usually I'm working on a project or something to represent an insight)

I think the solution is going to be giving each other space when they ask for it, and letting things go and moving on.  That always works.  You don't want drama in your head because it takes away from the positive energy that could be manifesting healthier things in the world, we should all seek to try and benefit that, energetically, through offering unique ideas instead of fighting one another.

I've experienced the same feeling, where I am not sure if someone is saying something negative about me, but I think it is more paranoia than anything - I have read some of your journal and I glean nothing but good things from it, so no snark from my end, ever.

[Roy]

Treat each other kindly ¯\_(ツ)¯\_

[Preety_India]

Treat each other with some fun and games. 

Cmon you guys you go batshit crazy over petty things. 

It's time for me to do my dance. 

Elmo teaches me to wiggle. 

 

Edited May 30, 2022 by Preety_India

[Gesundheit2]

I have a few select people that interest me and I like, so I do read some of the journals here, but rarely comment. And when I do comment, I try to be as supportive and positive as possible, while keeping in mind that the outcome can be counter-intuitive, so I always anticipate a backlash regardless of the nature of my comments.

I have no problems with anyone commenting on my journal(s). To be honest, I don't even mind personal insults and whatnot, especially in this section, because I understand that people are generally experiencing hard times in their lives and in need for a safe venting space. I'm of the opinion that everyone should be allowed the space to express themselves freely, sometimes even malignantly. I don't believe that people are inherently bad or evil, but that hardships can veil the goodness even of the best people.

I treat and think of this section as a more high consciousness variation of Facebook, and I don't use the blocking functions on either sites. I don't use the ignore function here, cuz I'm interested in any input whether it concerns me or not, but I am very specific about the people/content I follow.

I also rarely, if at all, use the report function for guideline violations, but absolutely never for personal reasons. And I'm pretty comfortable with rejection and criticism, even if they're not always accurate/justified. Though, I have to admit that they used to get to me easily before, and therefore I used to get triggered a lot. Gladly, I'm now over such issues, and hoping to share that with others.

Let me know if anyone wants me to adjust how I interact with them here, or how I carry myself around the entire forum in general. Feedback is most welcome and encouraged, and being direct/blunt is preferred. Wishing the best for everyone.

Edited May 30, 2022 by Gesundheit2

[Michael569]

A lot of conflicts in the journal section are caused by people reading each other's journals and making lots of personal conclusions "this has to be about me". "this is definitely about me". 

I'd say for folks who feel other people are writing about them, just stop reading those journals and stop giving those people fuel of your attention.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT !! YOUR ATTENTION.

Block these people in personal messaging and block all forms of communication from them in "Account Settings" - this person will cease to exist for you. Sometimes that is the only way to resolve a long-standing conflict, unfortunately. Life is too short to give in into other people's bitterness and negativity. 

Also remember that EVERYONE in the world can read what you write. There is no privacy in journal sections so think 10-20  years ahead. Would you still wish you wrote that thing 20 years later? Especially sharing a personal information. If you do share lot of sensitive and emotional information, make sure to keep your privacy protected at all cost.  There are a lot of sick people on the internet, sick to the head and even potentially dangerous if triggered the wrong way. Can you be sure someone is not meticulously print screening everything you write and have ever written? Only share what is not sensitive and what cannot be used against you or what someone can use to actually trace you down in real life

You can't change what someone writes about nor what they think about you. All you can control is how you respond and you can choose not to respond at all by ignoring their journal. Gradually the fire of conflict will become weaker and weaker as the attention to it subsides.  Now ofcourse if someone spews toxic content directly into your own journal, make sure to report that and we can help deal with it. 

Focus on your own growth and don't let negativity of other people stunt your progress. Don't agree -> Ignore -> block -> move along. If this person keeps making new accounts to harass you, report it to one of the mods. 

And finally, if the forum is giving you too much grief and pain, consider taking a month of. You may notice a new type of freedom as you can expand your lungs freely without fear of "I wonder what he/she wrote about me this time, better go check"

[Esilda]

11 minutes ago, Michael569 said:

A lot of conflicts in the journal section are caused by people reading each other's journals and making lots of personal conclusions "this has to be about me". "this is definitely about me". 

I'd say for folks who feel other people are writing about them, just stop reading those journals and stop giving those people fuel of your attention.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT !! YOUR ATTENTION.

Block these people in personal messaging and block all forms of communication from them in "Account Settings" - this person will cease to exist for you. Sometimes that is the only way to resolve a long-standing conflict, unfortunately. Life is too short to give in into other people's bitterness and negativity. 

Also remember that EVERYONE in the world can read what you write. There is no privacy in journal sections so think 10-20  years ahead. Would you still wish you wrote that thing 20 years later? Especially sharing a personal information. There are a lot of sick people on the internet, sick to the head and even potentially dangerous if triggered the wrong way. Can you be sure someone is not meticulously printscreening everything you write and have ever written? Only share what is not sensitive and what cannot be used against you 

You can't change what someone writes about nor what they think about you. All you can control is how you respond and you can choose not to respond at all by ignoring their journal. Gradually the fire of conflict will become weaker and weaker as the attention to it subsides.  Now ofcourse if someone spews toxic content directly into your own journal, make sure to report that and we can help deal with it. 

Focus on your own growth and don't let negativity of other people stunt your progress. Don't agree -> Ignore -> block -> move along. If this person keeps making new accounts to harass you, report it to one of the mods. 

And finally, if the forum is giving you too much grief and pain, consider taking a month of. You may notice a new type of freedom as you can expand your lungs freely without fear of "I wonder what he/she wrote about me this time, better go check"

I have had a really stressful day.

I admit I was carried away I have been holding a lot in I realise now I was acting irrational.

I don’t want this to echo out to affect me.

I am sorry to the moderators and anyone else affected. 

Hiding my comments now I did not mean to add fuel to the fire.

My relationships are important to me and I care about people on the forum, I acted irrationally I did not mean anything bad towards lxlichael.

[Esilda]

I have CPTSD.

Please research to understand why this would trigger me.

My overreaction is my fault. I understand this. I meant no ill will a lot built up and I’ve felt like I haven’t known how to express myself about it.

[Gesundheit2]

I clicked it by mistake and thought it's worth rehashing here. I should read it more often to remind myself of why I'm journaling to begin with.

[Loba]

What about stalking?

Someone here has been stalking and abusing another member here while pretending to be "a victim" - why has this person not been completely banned from this site yet, for all the issues they have caused... again.. and again, and again, without a single iota of a learning curve?  You all just let it slide.

Edited June 5, 2022 by Loba