Whats the point of it all?

[Egzoset]

@Nilsi:  I would not recommend contacting me again over anything.

[kamwalker]

If you've truly realized how you are constructing all of this then what's the issue? There's no one left to be sad about anything.

We're all trained to behave in certain unconscious ways as a result of our upbringing. You are still holding to many of these things like most of us. If something within your life is making you unhappy it can be undone if you really want to. 

[Razard86]

On 5/28/2022 at 4:16 AM, Nilsi said:

I started when I was 16. I think I saw some Video from Leo talking about open-mindedness or something and that got the ball rolling.

At 17 I started meditating, got my first girlfriend, and finally made some good friends I could hang out with and talk about live and shit with.

At 18 shit kind of 180ed on me. I got kicked out of home by my psychotic stepdad, i broke up with my gf because her bipolar ups and downs were too much for me to handle. I betrayed my best friend by making out with his crush and thus lost him too, for a while at least.(I know this is fucking silly but we were teenagers lol) 

I had a good amount of money saved up by that point and my mom was willing to help me a bit financially so I moved into my own place (I was still in high school at that point).

I spent all my free time producing music, trying to make it in the hip-hop industry.

19 was kind of a normal year for me. I finished school, spent a lot of time with my friends, doubled down on my gym efforts (i started working out at 16) and got more into spiritual contemplation (back then this was just a conceptual endeavor for me).

Now at 20 is where shit was starting to go somewhere. The corona pandemic had just hit and I was spending all my time in my crib, smoking weed and making music. At that point I worked a side job in a factory to pay the bills, convinced that at any moment I would have my breakthrough in the music industry. I used to search the emails of all the big german hip-hop producers and mail them my shit. Sure enough, I got into contact with three of the biggest producers in the german music industry. They liked my shit and wanted me to send them more and see if they could use something for their artists to record on.

At the same time I got really committed in my meditation practice and I went for weeks on end on cannabis induced vision quests and had many profound mystical experiences. I now knew this shit was the real deal and not just some intellectual exercise.

My spiritual endeavors took up more and more of my time and focus and I slowly started getting less and less interested in making music. My connections were going nowhere. I was always told to just keep making more and eventually something would get a placement, but I was not having it.

It got harder and harder to pay my bills as I eventually burnt through all the money I had saved up to that point. I decided something had to change and enrolled in university in austria to study psychology. I figured a new country and new occupation might get me out of my rut.

At 21 I still had to wait almost a year until university would start and so I had a lot of time left and was kind of in a weird limbo. This is where shit got really real.

I had done some mushrooms once with my friends and it was an enjoyable and innocent experience so when one of my buddy's told me he had some LSD and asked me if I wanted some I was quite thrilled - finally i could start tripping and exploring this domain of spirituality.

I took my first tab of acid late at night on my sofa. I was expecting it to be fun but thought the dose was probably too low to have any profound effect on me (100 micrograms). Boy was I wrong.

I had my first enlightenment experience that night and I understood now what it meant to lose ones mind. This shit hit me like a fucking sledgehammer. How was this possible? How could this be true?  This is what reality is? It's just all my mind? I was shocked and couldn't accept it.

After the trip I went into denial for a few weeks but at some point I just could not run away from it anymore. I had to come face to face with Nihilism and this existential terror that had cooked up inside of me.

At that time I was working full-time in my job and made some decent money so I at least did not have to worry about my survival too much and it was a nice distraction from that profound loneliness and solipsism that had suddenly taken grip of me.

In the summer I went to Switzerland with my buddy's and we rented a nice, big cabin in the mountains in the middle of nowhere. On the 4th day of our vacation my buddy's decided to take some LSD (they are not into spirituality at all so for them it's more like getting drunk I think lol). I don't know how I could have possibly thought that it would be a good idea for me to trip with them but I did.

This trip was even more terrifying than the last. I now had my friends there with me, being fully conscious that I'm imagining all of us, trying to communicate somehow what's going on with me and utterly failing and going completely insane. Time had stopped going linear and just jumped back and forth. I felt like I was mind controlling my friends. It was terrible.

After that I had to do some serious healing but eventually I got back to normal again (still, the solipsism and existential dread was lingering in the back of my mind at all times). 

University started but since it was all online for the first semester i decided to stay a few more months in Germany until I would find a nice place.

I'm 22 now. It's the beginning of the year and I decide to take a psychedelic again. Maybe this would be the last time for a while that I would be alone and have some time since I would soon live with roommates and I hadn't taken one for 6 months now so my curiosity got the better of me.

This time was even more shocking. Before it was kind of me as the human that had these experiences. Now the whole room I was sitting in woke up and realized itself as God. My vision turnt white and all my senses and memories and thoughts collapsed into this primordial soup of nothingness. I guess that is what they call the godhead. (This all happened on 100 micrograms of LSD lol). I cried a lot as I was coming down from this trip but I was more calm and accepting than I had been before. I started to accept what I am.

After this experience my life was not the same anymore. I would just randomly start to cry some days and realize that what I really am is Love and this helped me accept myself even more. My finite self would get annihilated randomly with no warning. Material reality would just break down sometimes. But what I learned is that if I accept these experiences there would always be Love on the other side of it.

This was 4 months ago. Nothing feels really real anymore but that's ok. All I ever knew was how to go faster, better, stronger but it just doesn't satisfy me anymore. I don't want to complain. I feel amazing but still something is off, something is missing.

 

If you don't mind me asking....could you go into more detail about the mind control of your friends? (Also you felt like you were doing it....because you were by the way). But mind explaining that trip more for me?

[Razard86]

On 5/28/2022 at 4:16 AM, Nilsi said:

I started when I was 16. I think I saw some Video from Leo talking about open-mindedness or something and that got the ball rolling.

At 17 I started meditating, got my first girlfriend, and finally made some good friends I could hang out with and talk about live and shit with.

At 18 shit kind of 180ed on me. I got kicked out of home by my psychotic stepdad, i broke up with my gf because her bipolar ups and downs were too much for me to handle. I betrayed my best friend by making out with his crush and thus lost him too, for a while at least.(I know this is fucking silly but we were teenagers lol) 

I had a good amount of money saved up by that point and my mom was willing to help me a bit financially so I moved into my own place (I was still in high school at that point).

I spent all my free time producing music, trying to make it in the hip-hop industry.

19 was kind of a normal year for me. I finished school, spent a lot of time with my friends, doubled down on my gym efforts (i started working out at 16) and got more into spiritual contemplation (back then this was just a conceptual endeavor for me).

Now at 20 is where shit was starting to go somewhere. The corona pandemic had just hit and I was spending all my time in my crib, smoking weed and making music. At that point I worked a side job in a factory to pay the bills, convinced that at any moment I would have my breakthrough in the music industry. I used to search the emails of all the big german hip-hop producers and mail them my shit. Sure enough, I got into contact with three of the biggest producers in the german music industry. They liked my shit and wanted me to send them more and see if they could use something for their artists to record on.

At the same time I got really committed in my meditation practice and I went for weeks on end on cannabis induced vision quests and had many profound mystical experiences. I now knew this shit was the real deal and not just some intellectual exercise.

My spiritual endeavors took up more and more of my time and focus and I slowly started getting less and less interested in making music. My connections were going nowhere. I was always told to just keep making more and eventually something would get a placement, but I was not having it.

It got harder and harder to pay my bills as I eventually burnt through all the money I had saved up to that point. I decided something had to change and enrolled in university in austria to study psychology. I figured a new country and new occupation might get me out of my rut.

At 21 I still had to wait almost a year until university would start and so I had a lot of time left and was kind of in a weird limbo. This is where shit got really real.

I had done some mushrooms once with my friends and it was an enjoyable and innocent experience so when one of my buddy's told me he had some LSD and asked me if I wanted some I was quite thrilled - finally i could start tripping and exploring this domain of spirituality.

I took my first tab of acid late at night on my sofa. I was expecting it to be fun but thought the dose was probably too low to have any profound effect on me (100 micrograms). Boy was I wrong.

I had my first enlightenment experience that night and I understood now what it meant to lose ones mind. This shit hit me like a fucking sledgehammer. How was this possible? How could this be true?  This is what reality is? It's just all my mind? I was shocked and couldn't accept it.

After the trip I went into denial for a few weeks but at some point I just could not run away from it anymore. I had to come face to face with Nihilism and this existential terror that had cooked up inside of me.

At that time I was working full-time in my job and made some decent money so I at least did not have to worry about my survival too much and it was a nice distraction from that profound loneliness and solipsism that had suddenly taken grip of me.

In the summer I went to Switzerland with my buddy's and we rented a nice, big cabin in the mountains in the middle of nowhere. On the 4th day of our vacation my buddy's decided to take some LSD (they are not into spirituality at all so for them it's more like getting drunk I think lol). I don't know how I could have possibly thought that it would be a good idea for me to trip with them but I did.

This trip was even more terrifying than the last. I now had my friends there with me, being fully conscious that I'm imagining all of us, trying to communicate somehow what's going on with me and utterly failing and going completely insane. Time had stopped going linear and just jumped back and forth. I felt like I was mind controlling my friends. It was terrible.

After that I had to do some serious healing but eventually I got back to normal again (still, the solipsism and existential dread was lingering in the back of my mind at all times). 

University started but since it was all online for the first semester i decided to stay a few more months in Germany until I would find a nice place.

I'm 22 now. It's the beginning of the year and I decide to take a psychedelic again. Maybe this would be the last time for a while that I would be alone and have some time since I would soon live with roommates and I hadn't taken one for 6 months now so my curiosity got the better of me.

This time was even more shocking. Before it was kind of me as the human that had these experiences. Now the whole room I was sitting in woke up and realized itself as God. My vision turnt white and all my senses and memories and thoughts collapsed into this primordial soup of nothingness. I guess that is what they call the godhead. (This all happened on 100 micrograms of LSD lol). I cried a lot as I was coming down from this trip but I was more calm and accepting than I had been before. I started to accept what I am.

After this experience my life was not the same anymore. I would just randomly start to cry some days and realize that what I really am is Love and this helped me accept myself even more. My finite self would get annihilated randomly with no warning. Material reality would just break down sometimes. But what I learned is that if I accept these experiences there would always be Love on the other side of it.

This was 4 months ago. Nothing feels really real anymore but that's ok. All I ever knew was how to go faster, better, stronger but it just doesn't satisfy me anymore. I don't want to complain. I feel amazing but still something is off, something is missing.

 

I had a near death experience while under the influence of edibles (my first and last time ever doing them) and after that experience about a week or so later material reality would break down for me and I had to tell myself lies to keep it stable. You can keep it stable by saying things like "I am a human" and my life is real or something like that. What I noticed is if your awareness is high enough....you can destabilize reality if you ponder about the true nature of reality....its jarring that can happen. 

[Nilsi]

2 hours ago, Razard86 said:

If you don't mind me asking....could you go into more detail about the mind control of your friends? (Also you felt like you were doing it....because you were by the way). But mind explaining that trip more for me?

Haha yeah I know I was doing it lol. At the time I was just confusing Mind with my everyday ego mind and so I felt like a crazy person who should be locked up and electrocuted. I don't think I can communicate the terror and helplessness I experienced on that trip but you seem to know what I'm talking about.

[Nilsi]

2 hours ago, Razard86 said:

I had a near death experience while under the influence of edibles (my first and last time ever doing them) and after that experience about a week or so later material reality would break down for me and I had to tell myself lies to keep it stable. You can keep it stable by saying things like "I am a human" and my life is real or something like that. What I noticed is if your awareness is high enough....you can destabilize reality if you ponder about the true nature of reality....its jarring that can happen. 

Yeah you can pretty much pierce the veil by asking too much questions lol. I'd say the solution here is to just accept it and let it happen - there is always so much Love on the other side of such terrifying experiences. But yeah, sometimes it's just too much and there is no need to constantly keep reminding yourself of the illusion.

[Nilsi]

3 hours ago, Egzoset said:

@Nilsi:  I would not recommend contacting me again over anything.

I never contacted you over anything

 

[Razard86]

17 minutes ago, Nilsi said:

Yeah you can pretty much pierce the veil by asking too much questions lol. I'd say the solution here is to just accept it and let it happen - there is always so much Love on the other side of such terrifying experiences. But yeah, sometimes it's just too much and there is no need to constantly keep reminding yourself of the illusion.

It feel good to know there is someone else out there who has experienced what I have. For a week I thought I was going crazy.

[Razard86]

21 minutes ago, Nilsi said:

Haha yeah I know I was doing it lol. At the time I was just confusing Mind with my everyday ego mind and so I felt like a crazy person who should be locked up and electrocuted. I don't think I can communicate the terror and helplessness I experienced on that trip but you seem to know what I'm talking about.

Of course I know what it felt like I actually had to call 911 lol. I was walking at night with my awareness skyrocketed. The more fear I felt, the faster the cars drove. The less fear I felt the slower they drove. That's when it really dawned on me that our whole life is a psychedelic trip. That's why the law of attraction works etc.. because the same way your thoughts and emotions influence your trip the same thing happens in real life.

The point of psychedelics is to wake you up to this fact, and to apply the same methods you use in your psychedelic trips to real life. Face your fears, become an observer to what happens in life, and you will get whatever it is you desire. Its to kill your ego's desire for control, face your fears, and enjoy the ride.

[Nilsi]

30 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

Of course I know what it felt like I actually had to call 911 lol. I was walking at night with my awareness skyrocketed. The more fear I felt, the faster the cars drove. The less fear I felt the slower they drove. That's when it really dawned on me that our whole life is a psychedelic trip. That's why the law of attraction works etc.. because the same way your thoughts and emotions influence your trip the same thing happens in real life.

The point of psychedelics is to wake you up to this fact, and to apply the same methods you use in your psychedelic trips to real life. Face your fears, become an observer to what happens in life, and you will get whatever it is you desire. Its to kill your ego's desire for control, face your fears, and enjoy the ride.

I don't think you have to frame it that way. Life is just what it is. Don't paint yourself into a corner.

[Kshantivadin]

2 hours ago, Razard86 said:

Of course I know what it felt like I actually had to call 911 lol. I was walking at night with my awareness skyrocketed. The more fear I felt, the faster the cars drove. The less fear I felt the slower they drove. That's when it really dawned on me that our whole life is a psychedelic trip. That's why the law of attraction works etc.. because the same way your thoughts and emotions influence your trip the same thing happens in real life.

Oof! Thanks for sharing hahahahaha, I had the same experience but sober. Really threw me off. Funny thing is I called the police too but then I realised that I was being foolish and went to the forest to meditate

Edited May 30, 2022 by Kshantivadin

[Razard86]

18 minutes ago, Kshantivadin said:

Oof! Thanks for sharing hahahahaha, I had the same experience but sober. Really threw me off. Funny thing is I called the police too but then I realised that I was being foolish and went to the forest to meditate

Nice!! Haven't done forest meditation yet.

[Maka]

-

Edited May 30, 2022 by Maka

[Razard86]

2 hours ago, Nilsi said:

I don't think you have to frame it that way. Life is just what it is. Don't paint yourself into a corner.

How is it painting myself into a corner? Have you not noticed that life continually presents to you what you fear the most? That life is constantly changing...forcing you into unknown situations. You do have brief rest periods to recuperate....but then after all you are then thrust back into situations that force you to face the unknown. Life is literally just like a trip, it just unfolds slower. The same way you have to learn to embrace whatever arises is the same way you should embrace whatever arises in life. To embrace is to love, so psychedelics teach you to love, and so does life. You are either loving your experience...or you are fearing it. When you love it....it puts you into the present moment, when you are fearful, you are stuck in thoughts, and emotions and are projecting onto the present moment. Its interesting how psychedelics reveal this. Its not putting you into a corner it just is what it is.

There was a guy who read a bunch of epics and ancient literature and noticed a trend both in his life and in the ancient teachings. This guy was Joseph Cambell and he wrote what is termed the Hero's Journey which is the blueprint many T.V. show and movie writers use to write their stories. Why? Because real life follows this blueprint.

https://www.movieoutline.com/articles/the-hero-journey-mythic-structure-of-joseph-campbell-monomyth.html

If you notice a psychedelic trip follows it too....just VERY quickly, and more in a symbolic way.

Edited May 30, 2022 by Razard86

[Nilsi]

48 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

How is it painting myself into a corner? Have you not noticed that life continually presents to you what you fear the most? That life is constantly changing...forcing you into unknown situations. You do have brief rest periods to recuperate....but then after all you are then thrust back into situations that force you to face the unknown. Life is literally just like a trip, it just unfolds slower. The same way you have to learn to embrace whatever arises is the same way you should embrace whatever arises in life. To embrace is to love, so psychedelics teach you to love, and so does life. You are either loving your experience...or you are fearing it. When you love it....it puts you into the present moment, when you are fearful, you are stuck in thoughts, and emotions and are projecting onto the present moment. Its interesting how psychedelics reveal this. Its not putting you into a corner it just is what it is.

There was a guy who read a bunch of epics and ancient literature and noticed a trend both in his life and in the ancient teachings. This guy was Joseph Cambell and he wrote what is termed the Hero's Journey which is the blueprint many T.V. show and movie writers use to write their stories. Why? Because real life follows this blueprint.

https://www.movieoutline.com/articles/the-hero-journey-mythic-structure-of-joseph-campbell-monomyth.html

If you notice a psychedelic trip follows it too....just VERY quickly, and more in a symbolic way.

I don't think we disagree. I'm just not comfortable with statements like "life is like a trip." It's really a meaningless statement.

I think it's just your Mind seeking out these fearful experiences. I know a lot of people whose lives have basically stayed the same for decades without any challenges or novelty whatsoever. It's just what happens when you're curious and open and ask too many serious questions.

Edited May 30, 2022 by Nilsi

[Razard86]

4 hours ago, Nilsi said:

I don't think we disagree. I'm just not comfortable with statements like "life is like a trip." It's really a meaningless statement.

I think it's just your Mind seeking out these fearful experiences. I know a lot of people whose lives have basically stayed the same for decades without any challenges or novelty whatsoever. It's just what happens when you're curious and open and ask too many serious questions.

4 hours ago, Nilsi said:

I don't think we disagree. I'm just not comfortable with statements like "life is like a trip." It's really a meaningless statement.

I think it's just your Mind seeking out these fearful experiences. I know a lot of people whose lives have basically stayed the same for decades without any challenges or novelty whatsoever. It's just what happens when you're curious and open and ask too many serious questions.

7 hours ago, Nilsi said:

I don't think you have to frame it that way. Life is just what it is. Don't paint yourself into a corner.

When did I say it HAD to be fearful? I'm saying that life is going to continually force you to face your fears. If you know people who do not have this experience.....then you know people....who have overcome their fears, either that or they are just not sharing with you their fears. Everyone has fears to a certain degree, some are just able to deal with it and process it in a way that those fears do not control them.

But TRUST ME, everyone is dealing with their own journey and the journey will force you to grow. My statement isn't meaningless, its literally been said since the dawn of humanity by pretty much all of the greatest teachers. Its why Yoga exists, movies and t.v. shows, nonfiction books, archetypes, I could go on and on with the examples. Saying what I am saying as meaningless is like saying every single statement all of humanity is saying including you is meaningless.

We can even use you for an example. Why do you think you sought out this information? Why do you think you are on this forum even discussing these topics? Because your life like every human's that has lived before and will live after you follows this theme. If you research spiritual awakening the process a human goes through to "awaken" follows general steps. If that process didn't exist, awakening would never happen. It is the fate of all human kind to eventually awaken. How many lifetimes it takes....well that depends on them.

[Nilsi]

1 hour ago, Razard86 said:

 If you know people who do not have this experience.....then you know people....who have overcome their fears, either that or they are just not sharing with you their fears. Everyone has fears to a certain degree, some are just able to deal with it and process it in a way that those fears do not control them.

I know my grandma has been sitting in front of her TV for the last 20 years. 

You are creating those experiences. I am too. Im not saying stop it. Im not saying I would even know how to stop it. I see it as the symptoms of an unstable mind and I share your experience so im not trying to talk down on you here.

1 hour ago, Razard86 said:

Saying what I am saying as meaningless is like saying every single statement all of humanity is saying including you is meaningless.

Its just your interpretation of reality. Life is not a trip. Life is just Life. Im not trying to split hair. You can make up whatever kind of meaning you want and then defend it like its true. Its what we all do.

[Nilsi]

1 hour ago, Razard86 said:

We can even use you for an example. Why do you think you sought out this information? Why do you think you are on this forum even discussing these topics? Because your life like every human's that has lived before and will live after you follows this theme. If you research spiritual awakening the process a human goes through to "awaken" follows general steps. If that process didn't exist, awakening would never happen. It is the fate of all human kind to eventually awaken. How many lifetimes it takes....well that depends on them.

You're just making shit up at this point lol.

[Thought Art]

On 2022-05-27 at 7:21 PM, puporing said:

Duude, if you reached the godhead how can that not be enough?!? Everything else is a bonus after that, you can enjoy the dream while being awake. Realize just how lucky and blessed you are. That you can see everything from the mountaintop if you wanted to. That you can zoom in and out at your will. The freedom of knowing that you can't do anything "wrong" and each day you have the choice to align with the Love. Don't take all that for granted!

Because you are still finite after you come back to earth ? have to endure being a human with all the bs

[puporing]

9 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

Because you are still finite after you come back to earth ? have to endure being a human with all the bs

Yes but you know you're dreaming now. So you can laugh at hardships and not take it so seriously. Doesn't mean you stop caring obviously.