The difference between dating in Western countries vs India

[Someone here]

Im not trying to make excuses but this is the harsh reality of my situation..

How dating works in Western culture:

1.You approach a girl.

2.Ask her out. If she says yes, you go out with her. If she says no, you don't or you try again or you go for another girl.

3.If she says yes you go on a date and have fun.

4.A few more dates and you call it a relationship and after you get into a relationship and then have fun blah blah...

Indian dating:

1.Approach a girl.

2.Basically there is no term called "Ask out" in India. If you go to a girl in your class or office and ask her for a cup of coffee, she'll give you an angry look or punch you in the face.

3.Since there is no term called "asking out", you become friends with her, because that's the only way you will get to know her.

Let me introduce the term "Proposing"

What proposing means in other countries: Permission to marry

What it means in India: Permission to be in a relationship with her by saying "I love you."

4.So you take your time and you propose (Indian way), there are chances that you get friendzoned mostly, but if you are lucky she'll get into a relationship with you. If you get friendzoned you'll probably feel really bad that you wasted your time as you didn't know that the girl you liked didn't like you back in the same way.

So unlike in Western culture, you have to probably do a lot of hard work to date an Indian girl in India

[Yarco]

You make a biodata sheet and circulate it to all of your family and friends, saying that you are looking to date a girl with the intentions of marrying her and settling down. Then they find girls and bring them to you. It's easier than in the West if you have half-decent connections. Let your parents talk to their friends with similar-aged daughters or nieces and do the work for you.

[Federico del pueblo]

Maybe instead of changing your course in university to business you could have traveled for some time.

Some guys travel even if they don't have a lot of money. They just travel and work, some time only work, then some traveling, then some work and some travel.

And like this they visit a lot of countries and come back completely changed.

Just in case you've never considered this as an option ?

[Someone here]

5 minutes ago, Yarco said:

You make a biodata sheet and circulate it to all of your family and friends, saying that you are looking to date a girl with the intentions of marrying her and settling down. Then they find girls and bring them to you. It's easier than in the West if you have half-decent connections. Let your parents talk to their friends with similar-aged daughters or nieces and do the work for you.

I'm basically thinking about that.  That's the only option I have.  But then again I need to find a job ,a way to make money first. No one is gonna marry me if I don't  have my own house and I can pay the bills . So it's definitely not a over night thingy. It does take time and effort .and that's what I hate the most about this whole thing .

[Someone here]

7 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

Maybe instead of changing your course in university to business you could have traveled for some time.

Some guys travel even if they don't have a lot of money. They just travel and work, some time only work, then some traveling, then some work and some travel.

And like this they visit a lot of countries and come back completely changed.

Just in case you've never considered this as an option ?

Im actually living in Thailand at the moment. The major reason is to get laid here. I had a girl sucking my dick in a night club . But I felt regret after it .I'm really big on soulmates,true love ,deep connection etc all that cool shit .

I will have to come back to India next month to start my new semester in uni tho.

[Preety_India]

There's a lot of hypocrisy in this post. Sad. 

I'm an Indian girl and meanwhile I acknowledge the problems you encounter dating an Indian woman, you completely miss how the situation looks to an Indian woman and why they act in a way not suiting your dating needs

First things first. The situation is not created by women. The situation is created by Indian Patriarchy. And who runs Indian Patriarchal Social SYSTEM? INDIAN MEN.... LOL

So let's look at this in depth. 

If I wore a skirt and lipstick, a bunch of men (Indian men) on the street will give me weird looks and might tell their guy friends that I'm a SLUT. 

So basically I have zero freedom to express myself sexually because everytime I do I get shamed and labelled as a slut. 

As a woman I also have sexual needs. No???? Most Indian men don't even think that a woman can have sexual needs. My first Boyfriend who was Indian (unfortunately) asked me why I masturbate and told me that girls don't masturbate or shouldn't masturbate. I was like....okkk?

So basically according to the average Indian man, my sexual needs are zero and if I ever expressed a sexual desire, I'm either a Slut or a prostitute or a whore. So basically my sexual needs are terribly repressed since expressing my sexual needs means that I must be a whore. 

In western countries they don't demonize a woman for their sexual needs. BIG DIFFERENCE. 

Next. If I have a boyfriend, an Indian guy will automatically assume that I have bad character. Omg she has a boyfriend, Jesus Christ, how dare she!!!!!!!!! 

 

You Indian men want a girl who never had a boyfriend. How is that even possible? Is she not supposed to fall in love? And why not? 

So when I told my second Indian boyfriend that he was my second boyfriend, he looked at me with raised eyebrows, and said "if you had told me that you had a boyfriend before, I would have had second thoughts about dating you." I was like, what???????? 

Because as per his expectations, I'm supposed to be a virgin and only then I'm pure and holy in his eyes. I'm a fucking virgin.... That's why. I never had sex, because guess what. An Indian man would consider me undesirable and impure if I had already slept or lost my virginity. 

Does this ever happen in western countries???

But somehow Indian men are so so special that Indian women have to preserve their virginity for them or else any woman who lost her virginity is "damaged goods." A big fucking Sarcastic LOL. 

In India, I feel persecuted, shamed, guilted for simply being a woman with female needs. I also have sexual needs. I also get horny. But my horniness gets demonized by your so called Indian Patriarchy created by Indian men for their own selfish goals of preserving all women as virgins for themselves and now it's coming to bite them in the ass because women in my culture don't feel sexually free. 

The only people who put effort so far to feel sexually open are Indian women themselves. Women are daring to go out party and wear provocative dresses. It's the men who hold them back. It's the women who are desperately trying to liberate themselves from this sexual slavery enforced by your dearest Patriarchy. 

I got sexually assaulted by your dear Indian men for simply being sexually open. That's the price I've to pay everyday for expressing my sexuality. 

The reason an Indian woman wants you to propose to her is because your beautiful patriarchal society will insult, shame and mock her for not getting a husband, they will call her damaged goods if she lost her virginity to a man but failed to secure him as a husband. That's why she doesn't want a man without committing to marriage, since she has to pay a heavy social cost for agreeing to just be your girlfriend. If people find out that she was someone's girlfriend and that guy didn't marry her, her chances of ever finding a husband are gone forever because no guy will marry her, thanks to your patriarchy again. That's why for social dignity and survival, she has to ensure that the guy who loves her is totally committed to marrying her or risk living her entire life in anonymity, and as a single woman deemed unfit/unmarriageable and unworthy by society. 

Western women don't lose the chances of getting a husband just because they dated a few men or had a few boyfriends. But that's not the case for an Indian woman. She has to prove that she is this innocent pure virgin to get a husband. This automatically discourages her from wanting a boyfriend or saying "yes" to a man. 

Even an Indian woman can have fun with you if she weren't so pathetically shamed for losing her virginity. 

So before you blame Indian women, learn to take a look at the society created by men that regularly shames women for having sexual needs. 

If you shame and repress women sexually, you won't have sexually free women, are you surprised that Indian women are difficult to date?? Are you surprised that they are hesitant in dating men?

Not only that. India has low safety for women and extremely high crime rate - rapes and gangrapes are the most common crimes in India. Because of which most women feel unsafe. Plenty of indian women who get raped when they date a stranger, the newspapers are full of such stories. 

In such circumstances, if an indian woman even remotely trusted an Indian man, that in itself would be a miracle. 

I'm an Indian woman, I live this reality everyday 

 

No thank you. 

 

Edited May 27, 2022 by Preety_India

[Someone here]

@Preety_India in India and in every place in the world....Guys want attractive girls, girls want stable/strong guys. This is the human nature that we evolved over 1000s of years. In modern context, the strong guy is one who can run the family well for decades and able to look after the family, both financially & psychologically. This is the type of guy women historically want.

At 20, girls could show their attractive ability, but there is no way for the boy to show their financial/mental stability. This means that while guys chase girls in the college, the girls have very few data points to validate whether you will turn out to be the stable, family guy who can take her through the tough times of her life.

In many work environments, attractive, single girls are an endangered species. This occurs due to:

1.Many geeky places are not female friendly, leading to lower women recruiting and there is a strong feedback loop here.

2.Most girls get married/engaged within 2-3 years after graduation.

3.Divorce and remarriage is uncommon in India..

Thus, by the time they get to your workplace, they are no longer single.
In programming, finance or research, where Indian guys frequent, girls are rare. Thus, a single & attractive girl in such a market can display monopolistic tendency. This can substantially affect the pricing structures of interpersonal relationships. Just like how Apple fanboys wait in lines for their newest iPhone, Indian guys are desperate to court this rare breed of girls.

In India, if you don't date you stay single. There is a pressing need to date. In Western countries dating is an option. If you don't date, you can still get the girl with the same probability of "with dating". Thus, there is not enough incentive for many people to date. Without enough liquidity in the market, the market can get crazy.

[Preety_India]

@Someone here  Lmao you completely lost my point. 

If women in a culture are sexually shamed/repressed, dating will be very difficult. You can't ask out a girl because no girl would say yes. 

If you want to marry a girl, that's quite easy in India, you simply have to be associated with some matrimonial service and they will find the girl you want. 

But you can't get an Indian girl to just date. No girl would be ready for that. Because for Indian women, there is no incentive to dating a man, it's a loss or a bad bargain socially speaking. So most girls will reject you. 

A girl will only say yes if you propose to her. But you have to be sincere about it or else it would be considered as you taking advantage of her. 

In simplest words, Indian girls aren't looking for a boyfriend, they are looking for husbands. They are not secure or sexually free enough to have a boyfriend. 

I hope you got my point.. 

 

[Preety_India]

@Someone here  Lmao you completely lost my point. 

If women in a culture are sexually shamed/repressed, dating will be very difficult. You can't ask out a girl because no girl would say yes. 

If you want to marry a girl, that's quite easy in India, you simply have to be associated with some matrimonial service and they will find the girl you want. 

But you can't get an Indian girl to just date. No girl would be ready for that. Because for Indian women, there is no incentive to dating a man, it's a loss or a bad bargain socially speaking. So most girls will reject you. 

A girl will only say yes if you propose to her. But you have to be sincere about it or else it would be considered as you taking advantage of her. 

In simplest words, Indian girls aren't looking for a boyfriend, they are looking for husbands. They are not secure or sexually free enough to have a boyfriend. 

I hope you got my point.. 

 

[Preety_India]

@Something Funny  I stopped dating Indian guys at some point because they would shame me too much especially sexually and otherwise, they were too insecure to deal with. I suffered terribly so I stopped dating them. I moved on to western men but I didn't have sex. One reason being that the repression still wasn't out of me. It's deeply ingrained. 

Joseph was my third boyfriend (a white American dude who I met in America) but I refused to have sex with him because I did not want to lose my virginity. I wanted to keep it for the man I wanted to marry. 

I was close to thinking that Joseph would be my husband until his ex wife told me about his violent tendencies. He got arrested the same year for threatening to kill his landlord. He was in jail. That's when I dropped all plans to marry him. 

I would have allowed Joseph to have sex with me if he were to be the guy I was gonna marry but that did not happen and the plan derailed. Plus Joseph was very abusive and I wasn't sure if I really wanted him to be my life partner back then. I still tried my best to hang on to him, although I was deeply unhappy with him, until I discovered his cheating and I broke things off immediately after that discovery. Cheating is not something I can take. 

Next is Marcel, but that was on the forum so it was an online relationship. That fizzled due to personal reasons, my anger issues etc. 

Next was a short term online  relationship that was nice but it fizzled. So total 5.

Joseph was the first guy who kinda encouraged me to open up sexually and not feel shamed to think about sex. And then Marcel was encouraging too. 

My Sexual repression was partially healed by Joseph and Marcel. And the last guy. 

If it were for Indian boyfriends, I probably would have never experienced what it means to have a proper orgasm and never said a word on sex because with Indian guys it would be a completely no no. They would shame me for it. Orgasms can be experienced even without sex, that is by masturbation. I don't remember orgasming with any of the two Indian exes I had. 

I never had sex because it was in my head this traditional cultural belief that I should preserve myself for the man I truly love and want as a life partner. 

But I'm trying to work around this belief that premarital sex is not a bad idea. 

For so long I thought I would never have premarital sex and I never had. 

My mom had told me strictly that I would disappoint her badly if I had premarital sex. 

So it was a deep belief for me and it still is. 

 

[Tudo]

@Someone here So you are doing sexual tourism in another country and you like girls with penis and want to buy a dildo for your future wife. 

You are a total creepy. And a weirdo too.

Sexual tourism is disgusting, I hate when gringos come to my country to take advantage sexually of women and children in difficult financial situations.

Edited May 28, 2022 by Tudo

[LSD-Rumi]

@Someone here You can try the more liberal sides of the county. Look for places where more open minded people hang out and start hanging out with them. 

[Someone here]

15 hours ago, Preety_India said:

@Something Funny  I stopped dating Indian guys at some point because they would shame me too much especially sexually and otherwise, they were too insecure to deal with. I suffered terribly so I stopped dating them. I moved on to western men but I didn't have sex. One reason being that the repression still wasn't out of me. It's deeply ingrained. 

Joseph was my third boyfriend (a white American dude who I met in America) but I refused to have sex with him because I did not want to lose my virginity. I wanted to keep it for the man I wanted to marry. 

I was close to thinking that Joseph would be my husband until his ex wife told me about his violent tendencies. He got arrested the same year for threatening to kill his landlord. He was in jail. That's when I dropped all plans to marry him. 

I would have allowed Joseph to have sex with me if he were to be the guy I was gonna marry but that did not happen and the plan derailed. Plus Joseph was very abusive and I wasn't sure if I really wanted him to be my life partner back then. I still tried my best to hang on to him, although I was deeply unhappy with him, until I discovered his cheating and I broke things off immediately after that discovery. Cheating is not something I can take. 

Next is Marcel, but that was on the forum so it was an online relationship. That fizzled due to personal reasons, my anger issues etc. 

Next was a short term online  relationship that was nice but it fizzled. So total 5.

Joseph was the first guy who kinda encouraged me to open up sexually and not feel shamed to think about sex. And then Marcel was encouraging too. 

My Sexual repression was partially healed by Joseph and Marcel. And the last guy. 

If it were for Indian boyfriends, I probably would have never experienced what it means to have a proper orgasm and never said a word on sex because with Indian guys it would be a completely no no. They would shame me for it. Orgasms can be experienced even without sex, that is by masturbation. I don't remember orgasming with any of the two Indian exes I had. 

I never had sex because it was in my head this traditional cultural belief that I should preserve myself for the man I truly love and want as a life partner. 

But I'm trying to work around this belief that premarital sex is not a bad idea. 

For so long I thought I would never have premarital sex and I never had. 

My mom had told me strictly that I would disappoint her badly if I had premarital sex. 

So it was a deep belief for me and it still is. 

 

I agree with all you mentioned.  Which is why I don't wanna marry an Indian girl . The situation in India is so messy .unlike on Thailand or other neighbouring countries..

I think Indian women are difficult to date since Our traditional values say it is wrong

We are more family oriented than other countries. , which is why in a lot of cases, family comes before love. This applies to men as well. Indian men don't  like the idea of a woman being free thinking and independent, but when it comes to marriage, even the guys ditch those women for homely, family oriented women whom their families would approve of. 

Society brands sexually experienced women as sluts. 

If women are not married by the age of 28, it is a matter of shame. This limits the independence even of those career oriented women who do not really care about marriage. Of course, we have exceptions, but for the common Indian woman, this is the truth.

Indian men still are not very good at asking girls out. It takes practice, and in a few years, they might be as good as their western counterparts.

Edited May 28, 2022 by Someone here

[Someone here]

11 hours ago, LSD-Rumi said:

@Someone here You can try the more liberal sides of the county. Look for places where more open minded people hang out and start hanging out with them. 

There is no such thing.  Don't get fooled by what you see in bollywood movies.  There is so much close mindedness in all regions of India.

because most of the times, you need to offer a commitment before you get to date a girl in India, which in the first place violates the very own meaning of dating.

We Indians never really understood the concept of dating.

[Leo Gura]

1) Big cities in India must have nightclubs, bars, and a liberal social scene.

2) Yes, dating in deeply stage Blue societies is more formal and challenging. Casual dating isn't so acceptable there. You need a stage Orange society to do dating effectively. Dating is a stage Orange notion. Pickup advice is not geared towards places like India, it's geared towards Western parts of the world. Obviously you cannot go to a tribe in the Amazon and start running game or setting up coffee dates. When in Rome you must do as the Romans or they might kill you.

3) Move to where dating is socially acceptable.

[Razard86]

13 hours ago, Tudo said:

@Someone here So you are doing sexual tourism in another country and you like girls with penis and want to buy a dildo for your future wife. 

You are a total creepy. And a weirdo too.

Sexual tourism is disgusting, I hate when gringos come to my country to take advantage sexually of women and children in difficult financial situations.

Interesting....so from a few words on the screen...this poster is now creepy and a weirdo? I didn't know prejudice was so rampant.....prejudice (Pre= before you know) Judice= to judge. So you judge without fully knowing the person. Wow.......

[Someone here]

32 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

1) Big cities in India must have nightclubs, bars, and a liberal social scene.

2) Yes, dating in deeply stage Blue societies is more formal and challenging. Casual dating isn't so acceptable there. You need a stage Orange society to do dating effectively. Dating is a stage Orange notion. Pickup advice is not geared towards places like India, it's geared towards Western parts of the world. Obviously you cannot go to a tribe in the Amazon and start running game or setting up coffee dates. When in Rome you must do as the Romans or they might kill you.

3) Move to where dating is socially acceptable.

Trust me Leo..the dating situation is so shitty in India. That's why I moved to Thailand. But I have to come back to India next month for university. 

Our society as a whole lacks maturity to deal with issues of dating or flirting or even talking with the opposite sex!!! Sad but true!!!

We, while wanting to break norms and inculcate the lifestyle of the West are unable to break the mold completely .

So yes, it's difficult to date an Indian woman...

She is taught by her parents, teachers, family members, well-wishers to be dependent on them for all decisions... how can she then take as big a decision as date?

She is guided by her religion and society structure to follow a set of rules and not deviate from the path... how can she break her oath?

She is influenced by dreams of 'true love' that happens on first sight or other cliches... how can she date when she hasn't fallen in 'love' yet?

She, in other words, is a brainwashed doll... who even while living earning or being highly educated in caught in the tangles of being unable to think for herself....

I'm not gonna date an Indian girl. I must travel to a stage orange society and date there .

Edited May 28, 2022 by Someone here

[Tudo]

1 hour ago, Razard86 said:

Interesting....so from a few words on the screen...this poster is now creepy and a weirdo? I didn't know prejudice was so rampant.....prejudice (Pre= before you know) Judice= to judge. So you judge without fully knowing the person. Wow.......

He made multiple posts and even threads about these subjects, so it's not just from a "few words on the screen". You are assuming stuff here.

Indian guys usually are known for being kind of creepy and low EQ and this definitely appears to be true.

 

Edited May 28, 2022 by Tudo

[Someone here]

@Tudo yes I like dicks .and I like girls also.  That makes me bisexual. Is that wrong or something to be ashamed of?  I thought folks here are open-minded. 

[Tudo]

4 minutes ago, Someone here said:

@Tudo yes I like dicks .and I like girls also.  That makes me bisexual. Is that wrong or something to be ashamed of?  I thought folks here are open-minded. 

I really don't care what people do with their sexuality. The problem is that the way you talked about it hurts some women. And you are doing sex tourism.