What To Do If You Feel Like You're Incapable Of Making Real Connections With People?

[Yen277]

Hi guys, so this is my first post on the forum. 

So it seems like throughout my life I've made very few real social connections in my life. There are people that I've talked to out of convenience and for a long time I searched for people I could really connect with and form long lasting bonds with, However, even with my closer friends and relationships, they all seems to eventually fizzle out into nothingness.  

All of my experiences have left me in a state of half not wanting to try because the end result will be the same anyway and half wishing that I could make at least one genuine connection with someone even if only on a normal friendship level. I am very comfortable being on my own but I am very aware of the limits of trying to do everything by yourself. Though I don't want to be around people that hold me back either.  Conflicting huh? lol

I just wanted to know if anyone else on here have experienced this and overcome this issue somehow.

 

 

[clytaemnestra]

I feel exactly the same! I was always different than others and simply couldn't fit anywhere. You just get used to it, not all of us have to be party-types, I guess. 

I make connections with people, but they're not genuine, they're simply superficial and shallow and it doesn't work in a long-term. I just got used to it, I guess. When there're holidays or something where everyone gathers with 343836876235739 of friends, I just go traveling. I prefer it than attending some social gatherings because simply I enjoy traveling (or alone or with another random travelers) and I learn a lot while being outside and exploring new places and meeting new people. I have just a one friend and that's it, another people are just acquaintances who with I study or so, but no bonding.

[Yen277]

I'm right there with you about social gatherings and I guess that's what I've always been searching for. One person.

I'll just have to do my best till then. I've actually just migrated to a new country so I'm hoping to has so better luck here.

[electroBeam]

@Yen277 I'm the exact same man. Whenever I'm around even best friends, I feel very fake, because I have to be fake in order to talk to them about something. Its like they don't know the real me, and I can't show them because they wouldn't understand it. I honestly don't really feel anything for anyone apart from my immediate family.

Don't worry about it. I wish I knew this a long time ago: "you don't need people to feel loved or happy, the only one who needs to love you IS YOU."

Use people to your advantage, keep feeling disconnected, fake, superficial with everyone, as long as your doing what your body is aligned with, you will connect with god, and that's the only thing that matters.

Edited February 3, 2017 by electroBeam

[Guest Annetta]

Yeah, can certainly relate.   

[Principium Nexus]

I really like the people on this forum! They are all on the same vibe of being present or atleast working towards becoming that. I myself had a large friend group but they are really into partying all day long so I only have one good friend. People have this idea of having many friends will make you happy but for me it's really quality of quanitiy. Same way I don't like small talk, it feels like it's only there to fill some silence and is in its core pretty void.

[Toby]

A teacher that helped me very much with this "issue" (he speaks quite a lot of this connection-thing from both perspectives: Awareness and the nervous-system):

 

[Afonso]

That's what I feel bro. Still seeking.

[clytaemnestra]

17 hours ago, Yen277 said:

I'm right there with you about social gatherings and I guess that's what I've always been searching for. One person.

I'll just have to do my best till then. I've actually just migrated to a new country so I'm hoping to has so better luck here.

Good luck! I also plan on moving abroad and while I usually don't have a problem being alone on my own, I actually now feel a bit of fear. Like, where to meet new people in a low-end society when I'm not studying or party-girl, so I have a common ground to meet people..

[Progress]

You are more consciously reexamining why you socialize... and not liking the results. For years it has been superficial covers to mask insecurities. It really has nothing to do with these people self actualizing or not. There are certain friends for certain things. Know why you are friends with the people that you are. For example, someone may not be into self actualizing but they love music and you love discussing all your favorite music with them. You know why you're friends with them and love/understand the truth of it. This does not mean you won't have superficial talkings but rather you realize it for what it is and just enjoy it.(If you so wish)

It seems eventually everyone self actualizing meets this dilemna, their motivations for socializing are questioned. One of two things can happen, You distance yourself from mostly everyone or find yourself enjoying others more intensely.(This has nothing to do with introversion or extroversion but rather if you enjoy a hobby or not). Also most people actually love talking about deep shit whether they realize that or not but you only ever played a superficial role and don't know how to naturally bring up true connections. Share yourself, break down but do so wisely, there is a time and a place for everything. Perhaps focus less on you and more on the other person? That always seems to work. Don't be so quick to judge others, They can be very suprising, even if some don't know it. 

Some things to think about are/try out(You only need one authentic motivation to enjoy socializing although different Whys yield very different results) -

Do I enjoy people for people?

Do I enjoy the warmth people bring?

Do i enjoy the conversations?

Do I enjoy the new experiences?

Do I enjoy learning about new people?

Discussing my passion?

Discussing the world?

Disucssing reality?

Getting these things off my mind?

Forcing myself out of my comfort zone?

Potentially finding people to self actualize together?

To bring a new world forward?

Finding a soul mate?

Fascination by how Sociology happens?

Have some good memories?

Share some hugs?

Share a moment?

Explore the world?

Its time to rethink how we socialize in a higher conscious seeking world. (I know I posted this late, but I feel many can really benefit from this, The advice is all from personal experience)

[abgespaced]

@Yen277

Assuming you're a guy then you can expect some level of distance from everyone, even your closest friends. It is healthy to keep some part of yourself to yourself that nobody else sees or affects. It provides internal security and creates and air of mystery that is attractive. 

Also keep in mind that men are naturally action prone and tend to form alliances/friendships with other men who have similar interests and partake in the same activities. This gives you common ground on which to walk conversationally, keeping the topic of conversation impersonal and directed towards some practical end. 

Think of some of the best conversations you have had with other guys. They were probably about some shared hobby you both enjoyed. Which is why as you grow and your interests change your friendships will also change. Simply keep an eye out for others in the spaces you are entering and see if you can find something that you admire about them. You will find some common ground in there. 

Edited April 8, 2017 by abgespaced

[Shin]

Get intimate with yourself, learn to love yourself, to be kind to yourself, to be comfortable just by yourself, to enjoy your presence, to emanate positive energy from yourself.

If you can do that, it's only a matter of time until you find a really nice boyfriend/girlfriend/friend(s).

You got to have faith in you, this isn't gonna be easy, it will tear everything inside you appart, and you will want to quit many many times.

Sooner or later you'll understand this is the only way, I just hope it won't be at your death bed, like 99% of the human race.

 

Much doge

 

Edited April 8, 2017 by Shin

[Toby]

The really "sad" thing is, it is possible to have sex, a relationship, friends and being social without being able to relate and connect to people or life. This teacher in the video says something like 1/3 to 1/2 of all people are like this (western society), and in spiritual circles it is even higher. People go on the path because they long for that connection. They don't find it in a physical-emotional way, so they try to find it in a spiritual way.

Edited April 8, 2017 by Toby

[electroBeam]

On 2/4/2017 at 4:27 AM, Toby said:

A teacher that helped me very much with this "issue" (he speaks quite a lot of this connection-thing from both perspectives: Awareness and the nervous-system):

 

so to generate connection with someone, you need to speak to them, and relate to them in such a way, that they connect to their own knowing? Interesting. 

Maybe that's why people really react to individuals have common interests with themselves? Because it points their awareness more inwards, it lightly taps their true selves. When people say "I really relate to your message" They are realizing that the world is themselves, very very slightly and subtly. I've just had a huge epiphany, thanks @Toby for sharing the video very insightful! Just discovered a new approach to interacting with the people in my lives.

Edited May 4, 2017 by electroBeam

[Shane597]

I am so on the same page as everyone on this forum. I am tired of taking to people that are highly unconscious.

[Toby]

@electroBeam he talks about different subjects in the video. He's not talking about relating to people all the time but it is a theme that comes up again and again.

[Shin]

13 hours ago, Shane597 said:

I am so on the same page as everyone on this forum. I am tired of taking to people that are highly unconscious.

If you really think that, you're not that conscious yourself.

[Loreena]

Well I prefer quality over quantity every time. I try maintaining friendships with folks I get along with. 

I have now realized that the only person who can keep myself happy is me. I don't expect much out of others anymore. I just keep to myself these days.