No time for night dates. I work weekday evening and girlfriend works weekend evening

[DanTheLurker]

I would appreciate your input on the following problem, because I currently feel very stuck.

I work from afternoon until midnight Monday to Friday at my job and also work one weekend day IN my business, as well as all extra time I have during the week ON my business.

My girlfriend also works a lot since she occupies two different important job roles at her workplace. She sometimes has weeks where she works dusk till midnight from Monday to Sunday, some weeks where there is not much to do (but these are very rare) and weeks where it's somewhere in between, but she always works weekends and never knows if she is gonna be home by midnight.

She knows she works much more than the average person but she loves what she does even thogh it's taking time from other things.

I want to prevent our relationship to becoming platonic or "buddy" like due to us not being able to go on dates. I already feel it kinda is becoming like that and this I think is the main factor contributing to that, that we have conflicting schedules.

Neither of us is at a point where we can let go of one or the other. We know it's just a phase, a chapter that is going to balance out, but I don't want our relationship to become a sexless one or one where we don't spend time as a couple even in the short term because that's not really a couple and I don't think I could mentally cope with that.

So... what would you do if you were in my place? We tried going on lunch dates but that's not nearly as intimate and feels more like a business meeting since people usually have lunch break around that time or have business meetings.

When we get home after the lunch date the sun is shining brightly outside and you don't really feel like opening a bottle of wine and pretend it's as sexy of a mood as having dimly lit lights and just you and your spouse. So because it doesn't feel right we just resume our normal day to day activities after that.

We do have spontaneous sex but it's more so as if we do it because we haven't in a few days or weeks and we don't know when we might be in the mood or have the time for it again since we both work so much and both are so tired.

TL;DR

I work a lot. GF works a lot. No weeknights or weekend nights available for dates. How can we go on dates and keep the passion alive and keep a healthy sex life with this kind of schedule until this chapter of constant work ends?

I am looking forward to your answers.

Thank you!

Edited May 26, 2022 by DanTheLurker
proofread

[Leo Gura]

Good relationships requires sacrifice, which you are unwilling to make. Therefore no good relationship will be possible.

If keeping your schedule is so important to you, find a girl who fits your schedule. Although it sounds like you shouldn't have a girl at all with that attitude.

[DanTheLurker]

12 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Good relationships requires sacrifice, which you are unwilling to make. Therefore no good relationship will be possible.

If keeping your schedule is so important to you, find a girl who fits your schedule. Although it sounds like you shouldn't have a girl at all with that attitude.

I am willing to adjust my business work schedule to fit it, but that is not really the problem. If the business time was in the evening I could easily play around with it so that we could go on dates.

It's my job work shift which starts at 3:30pm and ends at midnight M-F and it's fixed, it never changes, and it can't change unless I quit my job or change jobs (but it's very hard to find one like the one I have now). So I can't just randomly not show up for work to go on dates with my GF, same way she can't.

I can make any weekday morning/afternoon available and I can do the same for weekend nights, but my GF's only day off is on Monday (and sometimes not even that because some work related stuff comes up).

And don't get me wrong, we are in a very loving relationship. That's exactly why I am working to find ways for it to continue to work even in dire circumstances. I thought about it a lot and I couldn't find a solution on my own so that's why I am asking you guys how you would go about it, maybe there is something I am missing.

Does this clarify it?

Edited May 26, 2022 by DanTheLurker

[Hello from Russia]

Move in with her if you really like her

[DanTheLurker]

25 minutes ago, Hello from Russia said:

Move in with her if you really like her

We are living together and have been for almost two years. We have been together for 3+ years.

[Hello from Russia]

@DanTheLurker what is the problem then, lol. Just follow your morning wood and you'll be alright

[somegirl]

11 hours ago, DanTheLurker said:

When we get home after the lunch date the sun is shining brightly outside and you don't really feel like opening a bottle of wine and pretend it's as sexy of a mood as having dimly lit lights and just you and your spouse. So because it doesn't feel right we just resume our normal day to day activities after that.

Oof. This sounds bad. It does sound like a cold business meeting.

You're not excited to see your partner and do things together even after a long day at work? You should be so excited to spend time with her after a long day (and vise versa), not go to bed.

Seems like something is seriously off here... Is there not enough attraction between you guys, would you say? Not enough things in common?

Maybe the lack of time you guys spend on each other is the reason you have this kind of dynamic. Time should definitely be made. Otherwise one shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place if one doesn't have time for it.

Try telling her that you want more passion in your relationship. Maybe she feels that way too and you can work on that.

Edited May 27, 2022 by somegirl