Apathy Journal

[Raptorsin7]

This is going to be a journal where I write down everything about my journey beyond emotional apathy.

[Raptorsin7]

What do I really want?

I want a girlfriend who I am in love with. Someone who I find incredibly attractive and someone who I can experience magic with. It would be awesome to have someone to go on vacation with. I'd definitely travel to Japan with my girlfriend. I feel like having a great girlfriend would be such a bright spot to life. What a dream that would be to have someone like that in my life. 

I want to have awesome hair too. I've been self conscious about my hairline for years now, and it would be cool to be able to regrow as much hair as I want. It would be awesome to be able to do my hair however I want to. 

I want to be so rich that I don't have to work and I can just do whatever I want all day everyday.  I wish I could just fly wherever I want whenever I want, I would be travelling all over the place. I wish I didn't have to go work and I could just go visit some cool teachers and stuff like that. 

[Zeroguy]

 

You are welcome.

[Zeroguy]

 

[Raptorsin7]

 @ZeroguyThanks man. 

Why does it matter that I'm an INTP? I don't understand the value of personality typing.

I just booked an isha hatha yoga teachee so that should be fun. I'm going to restart my inner engineering online so I can get initiated into shambhavi mudra. 

Today I was feeling really apathetic. It made me depressed to think about how little I have developed. It's weird a few weeks ago I believed I was progressing well, but now I feel at though I'm very stuck

[Zeroguy]

2 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

 @ZeroguyThanks man. 

Why does it matter that I'm an INTP? I don't understand the value of personality typing.

 

https://www.truity.com/personality-type/INTP/careers

 

[Zeroguy]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lvUtvhvk3Y

[Raptorsin7]

@Zeroguy I still don't fully get the point, but thanks for the vids maybe in the future it will click for me.

Okay so I feel myself getting very depressed. It's probably because I haven't been to work for a week due to COVID, but i just feel really bad about myself and my progress. 

In the past this would slip into a deep depression, but I'm not going down that road again. I will resolve to do what it takes to improve my life and overcome this chapter of my life.

CHANGE THE BREATHE RATE. DON'T FUCKING FORGET THIS DETAIL.

This is the only thing that has brought any relief to me so far. Lowering my breathe rate consciously actually makes me feel a bit better. Nothing else has worked.