Awareness alone is cureitive experiment

[Elton]

Hey. This is Elton from actualized.org.

Through this post I will perform an experiment to see if awareness alone is really cureitive.

So I have discovered this really disturbing side of me of latly where I'm totally comparing myself to others and not only that but I wish Ill for the other person.

I wish ill for my childhood friends who have higher paying jobs than me, I wish ill for my colleagues who get better prevelages than me, I dispise my old friends who have settled abroad, I dispise friends who have a better romantic life, I despise people living in better houses, I despise people being on a higher posts than me, I despise people having better experiences than me, who travel different places and enjoy life.

I wish that they all don't get what they have !

My name should be the despiser ...

I'm am aware of my buring heart at the moment as I right this post, yes my bum burns.. I am a jealousy cat. 

Be a creator Elton.. be a fucking creator, competition is useless.

Wait a min I'm beating myself up here..

Awareness cure me !

Cure me awareness... cure me !

I want to like it when people are doing well specially my friends, but I can't...I can't... I fucking cannot... 

I want to genuenly feel happy about their success but I can't, I don't. 

 ?

 

 

[Elton]

Just had another awareness about how I am jealous about some people in the forum who get so many replies for their posts and so much support. 

This is crazy how can one be so jealous.

 

[egoeimai]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️eltonakiii

[Elton]

@Judy2 hey Judy nice to know your views..

[Waken]

Perhaps simply just love the one who has all these troubles ♥

 

[Preety_India]

People who look externally happy or achieving on the outside are deeply suffering on the inside. 

Practice mercy on every soul. 

You need kindness meditation. 

That will heal your jealousy. 

Bring kindness in your heart for every person and imagine them as a child because once upon a time they were an innocent child. 

 

[Elton]

@Waken ya self love may do the trick..

[Elton]

@Preety_India @Preety_India thanks for the advise 

[Chrisd]

Cool experiment. Is it working ?

[Elton]

@Chrisd after I posted it the emotions have become milder.

There was another awareness today, I refused one deal by my company they wanted me to go to Germany for training but it comes with a clause I would have to sign a 3 year bond with the company so I refused it.

Now one of my new colleague has accepted this deal, and I am jealous about that too even though I have already been to Germany twice..

[Chrisd]

I don't get it, why are you jealous of something that somebody else gets that you didn't want?

[Elton]

Even I don't get it, I didn't want it, and I don't want others also to have it.

Maybe I'm jealous of the happiness the other will derive as I remain unhappy.

I'm neurotic. I don't think there would be anyone more jealous than me.

Maybe shinning a light of awareness on everytime I'm jealous cure me.

Maybe this thread should be moved to the journal section so that I can update every jealous episode.

[Elton]

Just had an insight about me being jealous about my friend having a girlfriend and all..

The root cause is not that I'm jealous.. it is that my friend doesn't spend time with me anymore as he is always with his girlfriend.

So actually it's a loneliness issue.. hmmm interesting..

[Elton]

Attention..why is that I need attention from people ? Why do j need acknowledgement from others ... self acceptance is what's needed.. self acceptance is indeed the mother of self actualization. 

Just became aware about how when I am not acknowledged by people on this forum after giving some great advise I feel bad... 

Well I acknowledge myself I am so aware of my neurosis I'm proud of myself.

I love myself

 

[Elton]

@Natasha or @Carl-Richard or any moderators can you move this post to my journals section ? 

 

 

Edited May 31, 2022 by Elton

[Razard86]

On 5/31/2022 at 1:07 PM, Elton said:

@Natasha or @Carl-Richard or any moderators can you move this post to my journals section ? 

 

 

I love your self-honesty!!! We need more of this in the world!! Thank you for sharing. Don't worry you will eventually get over your jealousy issue. The day you will, is when you realize that life is an infinite mirror. How you feel about others is only how you feel about yourself. What humanity does not know is that what you fear the most is yourself. By being honest....you are choosing to face yourself. Thank you for being so brave!!!

[Elton]

@Razard86 wow, thank you for noticing me and reading my post

[Elton]

So there was this girl whom I asked for sex out of the blues and then she completely rejected me and not only that she blocked me from her whats app.

Over the months I felt really bad as I didn't like being the creepy guy who was blocked, that not how I intended to be remembered, even though she obviously intuted that I wanted to use her for sex.

So I asked for forgiveness and then she also forgave me and unblocked me too.

I think she is an hr and I am doing a project in employee engagement so I asked her for help, then I called her like 2 times in the morning and then she msged saying sorry I was sleeping, so I called her again in the afternoon and she was like i don't think its a good idea to talk and my fiance don't like it.

I was really sad as I really just seeked her help for the project.

Maybe the rush in the msges to help me out came out to be too needy. No body I guess likes needy guys not even guys. Any relationships require patience and clarity of mind before starting a communication.

It is true that you can revoke your feelings at anytime but I realised that I choose to feel bad, feeling may be necessary and help teach you and make you more aware...

For eg. This bad feeling made me aware of how we must talk to people not only to use them but qith clarity to establish a human connection.

[Optimized Life]

On 25/05/2022 at 5:34 PM, Elton said:

I want to like it when people are doing well specially my friends, but I can't...I can't... I fucking cannot... 

There's 2 angles to think about this & maybe you would benefit from no,2 more . (I prefer approach 2)

1. Some sort of mindfulness, attitude or personality shift (which you're pointing to)
2. Focus on improving yourself, set goals and get to action .... your insecurity, hatred and jealousy of other's success might wither away ... 

• I've experienced this phenomena myself ... Instead of thinking my way out of jealousy for others, I just start doing shit with my life & it withers away. In fact ... when u build momentum that jealousy you have for other successful people, it turns into inspiration, you start to enjoy watching people win, you get energy from each other. 

 

• Another aspect is this ... Be so busy & productive that you don't even have time for jealousy. 
• It's easy to get jealous & crazy when you're sitting around on a forum all day ... I've experienced this myself. Be proactive. 

Edited June 9, 2022 by Optimized Life

[Elton]

@Optimized Life thanks for the advise.