Have Resentment and Disgust for my Mom for not respecting my soveriegnty.

[Revolutionary Think]

Everything that Leo said about parents who just want to use their children of an extension of themselves and not giving a damn about what they want out of their own lives fit my mother to a T. She would always take me to loud annoying and obnoxious family gatherings that I can't stand and tell me I need to enjoy these things to be more "sociable" always telling me I need to interact with certain people more. Not giving a damn about my actual passions and what I want to get out of life only interested in what she wants me to get out of life. Telling her all this stuff to her stupid face just gets her angrier and more beligerent. I feel like I'm trapped. It's very annoying and bothersome. 

[Osaid]

31 minutes ago, Revolutionary Think said:

Everything that Leo said about parents who just want to use their children of an extension of themselves and not giving a damn about what they want out of their own lives fit my mother to a T. She would always take me to loud annoying and obnoxious family gatherings that I can't stand and tell me I need to enjoy these things to be more "sociable" always telling me I need to interact with certain people more. Not giving a damn about my actual passions and what I want to get out of life only interested in what she wants me to get out of life. Telling her all this stuff to her stupid face just gets her angrier and more beligerent. I feel like I'm trapped. It's very annoying and bothersome. 

Lol my exact situation. It's a good spiritual test tbh. I've completely given up on changing her mind or making her see my side of things or whatever, that's impossible. She's like a robot that can't take in new information or change herself. She might pretend like she understands on some days, but then the other day she'll be contradicting that. You really have to come to terms with this idea of loving people, even if they are selfish, kind of in an unconditional way. Pay attention to those tiny little moments where she does show you love, or the moments where she is scared. She's just scared of certain outcomes, and her selfishness is how she copes. Also, try not to take anything she says seriously. Like, just laugh about it, she will say ridiculous stuff all the time, you don't need to prove yourself to her or prove her wrong, it's just a waste of energy.

I guess the main points are:

1. Do your best to not spend time or energy with her. Don't argue or prove anything, just laugh it off or whatever. Imagine if you were working at retail and some customer came up to you with some absurd idea about how they live their life, you wouldn't act attached and argue with them or whatever, you would just think "ok that's interesting" and leave it at that. This is easier said than done, I know, especially when the person in question is closely linked to your survival condition.

2. Learn to appreciate what she does offer. Think back to your childhood, when she took care of you when you were sick or completely helpless. We're all selfish to some degree. Don't take what she says or does too personally. There are about an infinite number of factors that led her to being that way, and you would be that way as well if you went through what she did. Ultimately, any sort of hate against another person is delusional, because you are imagining an image of that person that doesn't exist, which is an image that lacks understanding and compassion and context for what that person went through.

3. Learn to control emotions, and ground yourself in the present moment. Just study how your emotions work, how they fluctuate, and question all of it. Why do you react a certain way to certain things?

4. Enjoy yourself even when she is around. Take your power back. Don't let anger and grudges stagnate your experience.

But anyways, it is a very annoying survival bind. Once I get the opportunity, I'm moving out. But there are quite a lot of lessons and insights to gain while in such a relationship.

I also remember Sadghuru had a video on this exact situation but I can't find it now, sad.

Quote

She would always take me to loud annoying and obnoxious family gatherings that I can't stand and tell me I need to enjoy these things to be more "sociable" always telling me I need to interact with certain people more.

She always does these exact things to me lmao. I don't understand their fixation with this stuff.

Edited May 25, 2022 by Osaid

[Leo Gura]

Focus on building out your own life.

[puporing]

Yeah I get it, you are sovereign, and you want to be able to grow and be independent (from your family of origin). Not sure what age and life situation you're in but moving out helps create more of that sense of being your own individual. Then if you do spend time with her once you're more independent it's more of a charitable/loving act, but you should only have to do as much as your own growth is honored.

[Revolutionary Think]

3 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Focus on building out your own life.

I am doing this but, it's easier said than done. I'm thinking of what my escape hatch can be since I live with her. I'm happy to finally be employed because I don't spend as much time at home with her so my job has been a good for my mental health. Although it's extremely boring. I'm also creating quite the brand for myself on Twitter Spaces. 

[Revolutionary Think]

7 minutes ago, Osaid said:

She always does these exact things to me lmao. I don't understand their fixation with this stuff.

Do you come from middle eastern heritage as well? Mine is Persian and in Beverly Hills so it's just a culture thing that I don't like. 

[Osaid]

1 minute ago, Revolutionary Think said:

Do you come from middle eastern heritage as well?

Yeah, from Pakistan. Huh, I guess it is a cultural thing.

[Revolutionary Think]

19 minutes ago, puporing said:

Yeah I get it, you are sovereign, and you want to be able to grow and be independent (from your family of origin). Not sure what age and life situation you're in but moving out helps create more of that sense of being your own individual. Then if you do spend time with her once you're more independent it's more of a charitable/loving act, but you should only have to do as much as your own growth is honored.

Ya right now I'm not sure even with the money and job I have I can strike it out on my own. 

[puporing]

55 minutes ago, Revolutionary Think said:

Ya right now I'm not sure even with the money and job I have I can strike it out on my own. 

Depends on how important this is to you and is affecting you by living with her. I striked out with less than $1000 in the bank to another city with no job lined up, but I had to do it for sanity and a chance to be myself. Only you know when is the best time to do it.

Edited May 25, 2022 by puporing

[Vision]

Holy shit dude... are you me? 

I feel the exact same way about both of my parents. 

I've lost thousands of hours of my life due to them dragging me around to places and gatherings I didn't want to be in. I've lost so much of my childhood and it really feels like my time has been stolen. They emotionally manipulate me and don't give a single shit about what I actually want either. They just impose their own agenda on to me. 

I was just about to ask if you are middle-eastern and then I scroll down and see that you are. Middle-eastern families breed narcisstic parents. 

Do they also tell you "I've done so much for you, the least you can do is do this for me."?

It was your decision to have a child, not mine.

I wasn't born with the ability to sign a contract where I had to agree "My parents will do the bare minimum to raise me, in return I will slave away my own life to meet their agenda."

But they make it sound like you signed a contract — that when you were born, you had to agree to the terms of conditions of you being born, which are to become a slave to your parents emotional needs and wants. 

When your parents tell you that "they've done so much for you" and that they deserve something in return, they didn't actually do anything for you, they did those things to maintain their control over you.

[Osaid]

11 minutes ago, Vision said:

"I've done so much for you, the least you can do is do this for me."?

wtf, I guess this is also a cultural thing lol. Looks like we all had the same parents.

Edited May 25, 2022 by Osaid

[Revolutionary Think]

2 hours ago, puporing said:

I striked out with less than $1000 in the bank to another city with no job lined up, but I had to do it for sanity and a chance to be myself.

From where to where? And how did you take care of yourself?

[Revolutionary Think]

I've got some good news for everyone I was in a heightened emotional state when I wrote this post. (That's not the good news lol) The good news is we went out to see the hotel the wedding was going to be and I had an unintentional heart to heart with my mom. She kept criticizing me about random stuff and I kept cussing hear under my breathe. Until I just couldn't take it anymore and told her the exact same thing Leo said in the video I said you see this image of me that you want that makes you happy but, it's not going to make me happy. Then when she asked OK what'll make you happy then after that I told her about how I'm trying to build a brand and a name for myself. I told her once in a Twitter space I can hold a rooms attention for 6 hours on important topics, I told her not everyone has that talent and I really want to be some kind of personality that has something similar to a talk and interview show. I told her I emailed everyone in the state of California running for office I got a couple of responses and landed some interviews I recorded. 

When I explained it in that way it kind of leveled with her because she didn't really understand the power of digitial technology and how people can build a brand and a career with it. She tells me that I hardly talk about her about these things and she did have a bit of a point and I can spend time explaining it to her. I said that you can't compare a Doctor or a Lawyer to Martin Luther King. I said that when I was young she should've noticed that I'm not like the other kids. I was never interested in sports, partying, drinking, going to clubs etc. I was interested in expanding my mind, politics, science, technology, philosophy etc. and that's what made me unique. She did agree with that part. I told her that when I got a full time job and wasn't on twitter spaces everybody was asking where I was because I was the one who ran really good spaces and everyone remembered that I was really talented at hosting and moderating and not everyone had that talent. I was really happy that I could finally let this all out, it was really liberating but, I don't know how long this'll last and we'll just go back to the same old relationship. 

With all that being said I know my mission and goal in life even if she doesn't like or respect it but, after Tonight it seemed like a window is open where she can finally get it and respect it. Communication is important. 

[Leo Gura]

4 hours ago, Revolutionary Think said:

I am doing this but, it's easier said than done. I'm thinking of what my escape hatch can be since I live with her. I'm happy to finally be employed because I don't spend as much time at home with her so my job has been a good for my mental health. Although it's extremely boring. I'm also creating quite the brand for myself on Twitter Spaces. 

Just double-down on that. On your career and life purpose. Your #1 goal should be to move out and be financially independent of family.

[Vision]

39 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Just double-down on that. On your career and life purpose. Your #1 goal should be to move out and be financially independent of family.

What would a realistic overhead be for living in a one bedroom apartment all by yourself, with groceries mostly being organic food (which is relatively expensive)? 

I wonder how minimalistic one can get.

I don’t need a lounge or a living room since I never watch TV or use couches at all. So for me, all I need is: 1 bedroom, 1 room for working/my technology setup, and 1 kitchen. 

[Vision]

1 hour ago, Revolutionary Think said:

I don't know how long this'll last and we'll just go back to the same old relationship. 

I will come back to this post 3 months from now to ask you whether the relationship improved or if it just went back to the same old relationship. 

I hope it’s the former ?

[Charlotte]

@Revolutionary Think do you see why she is why she is? And acts the way she does? From a holistic perspective? 

[Hello from Russia]

36 minutes ago, Vision said:

What would a realistic overhead be for living in a one bedroom apartment all by yourself, with groceries mostly being organic food (which is relatively expensive)? 

I wonder how minimalistic one can get.

I don’t need a lounge or a living room since I never watch TV or use couches at all. So for me, all I need is: 1 bedroom, 1 room for working/my technology setup, and 1 kitchen. 

Just do some research and come up with your own number

I recently had my own which is around $2-3k as a baseline and $5k as ideal

It all depends on what standards you want to put for yourself and what choices you want to entertain in your overall strategy

[Vision]

1 hour ago, Something Funny said:

this has been a total game changer.

In what ways? Could you be more specific? 
 

47 minutes ago, Hello from Russia said:

Just do some research and come up with your own number

Theoretically I can move to Thailand and work online – not just yet though since I’m under 18.

It’s a LCOL area but I don’t know what the living conditions are like there – or what the quality of food is there, which is important to me since I have health issues. Being cheap with food is not an option for me so I wouldn’t be able to follow the philosophy of “only eat ramen” that some business gurus propose. I don’t think that’s a good strategy regardless of whether you have health issues or not. 

I recall @Yarco saying that being in Thailand is having life with cheat codes on. Yarco, what do you think about being there as a form of “semi-retirement” while one works on their business? 

Edited May 25, 2022 by Vision

[Razard86]

5 hours ago, lxlichael said:

@Revolutionary Think 

(A reference frame is simply a frame we're using to justify our perspective, I made this term up on the spot right now.)

 

I came here for this quote!!  I had issues with the beginning part of what you wrote....was kind of hard to understand....the last part of your writing was better at illustrating your point. But this quote I LOVE!!! Lol!! Great post!!!