What is the Root Cause of Attention-Seeking Behavior?

[integral]

I received a message from a friend looking to vent her emotions today and i have little insight into this as I've never experienced.

She wrote this: "I’m sitting down now and I’m realizing how fucking self centered I am. I want to be everyone’s favourite and always dig for compliments, I feel like I can’t do anything for myself in terms of confidence and love towards myself."

How does someone move away from seeking attention and love outward and finding it within? What are the key insights here? What can be done to grow? 

[puporing]

Lack of love. Her love tank is probably running empty. Perhaps from childhood, past relationships etc. Maybe literally nobody paid attention to her for a sustained period.

I think some therapy would help kickstart things in the right direction and hopefully not get dependent on it, and she can start balancing between give and take with others.

[Charlotte]

@integral  She answers her own question here.

10 hours ago, integral said:

I feel like I can’t do anything for myself in terms of confidence and love towards myself."

There's the golden nugget. 

Validate her feelings and ask her would she like advice from you? Some people (a lot) just want to vent and moan, therefore not actually wanting to do anything about it. 

[gettoefl]

the feminine wants attention the masculine wants affection

this isn't wholly true but is a pointer

[Chrisd]

We all want to be happy, whether we seek it within or without.

 

[Preety_India]

She wants dopamine 

[VioletFlame]

Lack of intimacy. And I'm not referring to sexual intimacy here but the type of intimacy which looks like sharing, hearing, listening, and seeing another person and truly connecting with other human beings. She may have felt ignored or neglected for some time. Like anyone else, she wants to be seen and heard. She's seeking attention as a cry for help due to lack of true connection with others. 

It also sounds like she is having a hard time loving and accepting herself as she is. She must practice self-love to the point where she will no longer need external validation or outside approval and strive to build trustworthy, worthwhile connections which will help to build her and support her personal growth. 

Edited May 27, 2022 by VioletFlame

[charlie cho]

texting that doesn't mean she seeks attention, you've got it backwards. Her even recognizing that and texting that to you means she realizes her problem. 

Awareness itself is curative. 

Edited May 27, 2022 by charlie cho

[Gianna]

2 hours ago, VioletFlame said:

Lack of intimacy. And I'm not referring to sexual intimacy here but the type of intimacy which looks like sharing, hearing, listening, and seeing another person and truly connecting with other human beings. She may have felt ignored or neglected for some time. Like anyone else, she wants to be seen and heard. She's seeking attention as a cry for help due to lack of true connection with others. 

It also sounds like she is having a hard time loving and accepting herself as she is. She must practice self-love to the point where she will no longer need external validation or outside approval and strive to build trustworthy, worthwhile connections which will help to build her and support her personal growth. 

beautifullll fking response. Pure gold<3 

I also agree with @Charlotte , validate her feelings. It's okay to want those things. Don't make her wrong for wanting those things (she's already doing that to herself). Make it okay. Give her the missing experience. She deserves those things. The longing she has isn't coming from nowhere.  It's coming from somewhere (pain; the lack of it). Love heals pain. This is something she can't even give to herself so she is stuck and she literally needs you. Give her what she needs. Satiate her. And help her out of the war she has with herself. 

[hyruga]

Yeah you learnt that in Psychology. 

People attention-seek when they were not given enough attention (One of the reasons most of the time).

Edited May 27, 2022 by hyruga

[VioletFlame]

On 5/27/2022 at 4:36 PM, Gianna said:

beautifullll fking response. Pure gold<3 

@Gianna Aw thank you so much! ❤️

[universe]

Illusion.

Believing that you lack Love, that there is not unlimited Love and lack of Self-Love.

Being closed off from love and acceptance from others. Maybe not seeking out for it because of fear of rejection.

Believing stories about yourself that you are not "worth".

❤️