Love is not.....

[Preety_India]

If you're going to do something to me that I don't like or appreciate, I will not call it love. Because it's simply not. Watch Leo video if you want. 

Love is also feeling loved. You can't do things to me that I don't like at all and then say that you still love me and it's all out of love. 

Please explain me how this works. Because in my mind, a person also has to feel the love that you are giving them.

I find it to be psychologically abusive to violate someone's interests and then tell them that you love them 

If you hurt someone, take responsibility instead of calling it love. 

 

 

Edited May 24, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I don't understand why Leo didn't go deep into this part on his video. 

[Preety_India]

Leo is not talking about infinite unconditional love. Leo is talking about finite conditional human love. 

And in this finite love (which is not easy either), both parties have to feel the love that exists, the giver and the taker. Or else it's not love. Please understand this fundamental truth. 

 

[Vincent S]

Love and Healing is always here and always the case. We just have to remove the resistance itself, that blocks us from receiving it. And sometimes we think ourselves to be the resistance itself, because we feel it so much. ❤️❤️‍?❤️‍?

When you see this, you will know. And trust me, I have been where you are. And I am partly, but starting to see where this is headed.

I understand how much it hurts. Maybe watch the vid where Leo talks about the baby kitten. It’s either in the 30 days, 30 awakenings or in one of the what is love videos.

[Arthogaan]

2 hours ago, Preety_India said:

If you're going to do something to me that I don't like or appreciate, I will not call it love.

If we meet in India someday and I will give you an ice-cream with best intentions of being loving to you, you still may interpret it as "why did you give me ice-cream? do you think I am too skinny? Do you want me to eat some refined sugar poison? Is that your love? I am insulted by that and it is not love."

It is important to look on intentions. To try to see love in people's actions.

 

Edited May 24, 2022 by Arthogaan

[Leo Gura]

@Preety_India You have a very selfish notion of love.

But hey, I get it. You're lacking love.

[BetweenTwo]

If you were more loving you’d have a deeper capacity to understand other and as a result you’d realise that all of the love you previously wanted under conditions was just your personal agenda to maintain control… learning how to love the things you don’t understand is the first step into deeper connection 

[Preety_India]

@Leo Gura but there is some validity to my selfishness. I don't want something that doesn't benefit my survival and then having to call it love. Yea I'm thinking selfishly. But then why not? My survival is important to me than this love someone wants to give. 

And didn't you mention in the video that loving someone also loving their selfishness, loving them for who they are instead of trying to change them, loving their weaknesses and flaws and understanding why they are who they are. 

 

[Tristan12]

1 hour ago, Vincent S said:

Maybe watch the vid where Leo talks about the baby kitten. It’s either in the 30 days, 30 awakenings or in one of the what is love videos.

The ultimate structure of reality explained at 1:16:08

[Vincent S]

13 minutes ago, Tristan12 said:

The ultimate structure of reality explained at 1:16:08

✨???

[Preety_India]

@Vincent S sorry but I'll stick with Leo's current video because that's the only frame I'm using, I don't want further confusion. 

 

[Preety_India]

1 hour ago, Arthogaan said:

If we meet in India someday and I will give you an ice-cream with best intentions of being loving to you, you still may interpret it as "why did you give me ice-cream? do you think I am too skinny? Do you want me to eat some refined sugar poison? Is that your love? I am insulted by that and it is not love."

It is important to look on intentions. To try to see love in people's actions.

 

No. I don't agree with this at all. I don't want to see what a person's intentions are if his actions aren't benefitting me in any way. 

How I interpret things is solely up to me. If it hurts, it hurts. 

Anything apart from it, I would take it as gaslighting. 

 

[axiom]

@Preety_India

Everything others have said here is true.

If it hurts, it hurts. No denying it.

But ultimately, you owe it to yourself and your own sense of well-being to allow the hurt to completely dissolve. Otherwise, you carry it around with you and it will infect your own actions and your own sense of peace or happiness. The amount of unresolved trauma a person carries very often ends up manifesting as abusive behaviour towards others in later life. This is why it is called the cycle of abuse.

To dissolve the pain you need to recognise that abusive behaviour never exists in a vacuum. It is always the result of past conditioning - or of limited consciousness. Not forgiving someone is in fact totally illogical. 

More than anything else, forgiveness is love. Compassion is love. One's very ability to love is the result of how far they can extend their forgiveness and compassion to others and to themselves. Open-mindedness is love. Judgement and condemnation, by contrast, is hate.

Love is about giving unconditionally. It is not about receiving at all. Love is never felt more than in the giving of love. The amount of love you can give is infinite.

[Preety_India]

@axiom no no no no no.. I can't do it. I want to survive. Maybe I can love person unconditionally, but not everyone. 

What you're asking for is impossible for me to do 

 

[Preety_India]

@axiom maybe I'm unlovable because of my selfishness 

[axiom]

21 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@axiom no no no no no.. I can't do it. I want to survive.

Survival in what sense? 

If you are personally in danger due to someone's abusive behaviour, then it is not unloving to get out of that situation. It makes sense not to put yourself in danger physically.

Equally, if you're unhappy in a relationship for any reason, provided things can't improve to your satisfaction then it makes sense to leave.

You can still forgive people in your own mind. The key thing is not letting the trauma or the anger become an infection. That's true survival.

Quote

maybe I'm unlovable because of my selfishness 

Everyone is loveable in spite of any of their supposed traits. Love is forgiveness, compassion and understanding. If you consider yourself selfish, then you're on a path to positive change.

Edited May 24, 2022 by axiom

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

but there is some validity to my selfishness.

Be as selfish as you can stand.

[GreenWoods]

5 hours ago, Preety_India said:

If you're going to do something to me that I don't like or appreciate, I will not call it love. Because it's simply not. Watch Leo video if you want. 

Love is also feeling loved. You can't do things to me that I don't like at all and then say that you still love me and it's all out of love. 

Please explain me how this works. Because in my mind, a person also has to feel the love that you are giving them.

I find it to be psychologically abusive to violate someone's interests and then tell them that you love them 

If you hurt someone, take responsibility instead of calling it love. 

Good points, I agree with everything.

The only thing I would add is:

When someone does something to you which you don't like, then relative to you it is not love.

But relative to the other person it might still be love for you, depending on why they do what they do. ( out of love for you or love for themselves).

Edited May 24, 2022 by GreenWoods

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

Be as selfish as you can stand.

A man recently told me that he will choke me to death if he made love to me. For some reason I did not feel a single ounce of fear about it. I began giggling wildly like a child. And I felt excited instead of threatened. 

In my mind I trusted him so implicitly, that my mind doesn't want to think that he can/could kill me. Even if I was losing my life the very last minute, I would be bewildered that I'm actually dying or that he is killing me. 

I don't know what to call this phenomenon. But I can't bring myself to believe that someone that I love can harm me or want to harm me. Because my trust reached extraordinary levels with this person. I fell fast asleep like a baby even as they were talking about harming me. 

 

[Leo Gura]

6 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

A man recently told me that he will choke me to death if he made love to me. For some reason I did not feel a single ounce of fear about it. I began giggling wildly like a child. And I felt excited instead of threatened. 

In my mind I trusted him so implicitly, that my mind doesn't want to think that he can/could kill me. Even if I was losing my life the very last minute, I would be bewildered that I'm actually dying or that he is killing me. 

I don't know what to call this phenomenon. But I can't bring myself to believe that someone that I love can harm me or want to harm me. Because my trust reached extraordinary levels with this person. I fell fast asleep like a baby even as they were talking about harming me.

You have a very warped way of pursuing love because of your childhood trauma which caused your BPD. Until that trauma is addressed and healed you will keep getting into dysfunctional, toxic, and abusive romantic relationships. You are attracted to abusers.

Much of the stuff I teach will not work for you until you get that trauma healed.

Psychedelics could seriously help you do that healing work, but that's going to be serious long-term work, not some quick fix.