Something's happening to me

[Frosty97]

Recently somethings been happening to me.

Before a couple of days ago, I was consumed by fear. I resisted a lot of my experience and my eyes looked always hurt and always was giving hurt to other people(This might be imaginary now that I think of it, but what's the difference?)

I think also that I'm becoming more like Leo. Leo's words or looks or in song lyrics or in my past interaction with other people give me messages that only I can know or understand(or is hard to communicate)

Now I am no longer consumed by fear and walking around anywhere is comfortable for me(before it wasn't)

By no means am I saying its all easy. But when uneasy feelings come to me I hold space for it.

I am afraid this would go away but the thought of it going away also happens within me.

 

I take anti-psychotic medication but I think as time go by I can overcome my "illness".

The gist of it is I am not the hurt, fear,my illness, and so in.. although I am also all that.

 

I don't think it's a God realization but I am not in a hurry to achieve that state anymore.

I am what I am and I will not give more or less attention to anything that passes through my consciousness.

 

But I have a dilemma. That I have a girl in my life. If I give her more attention that mean's I'm putting her above other things and I'm not ok with that.

I'm in a cross road of starting a family with her or pursuing indifference to anything.

 

I write this through how it flows through my consciousness. Maybe you see something

 

Oh I think Kendrick Lamar's recently announced song 'The heart part 5' started what I said in the writing(It's not the only thing but a big part of it). it's a really good listen, expanding you.

 

 

Edited May 24, 2022 by Frosty97

[puporing]

This sounds like growth to me. Good job! You're moving from fear to peace/acceptance and now you're in a position to move towards increasing love.

About your dilemma.. nobody can really decide for you but you. Try to see if you could separate the voices that are yours and that of "others", then you can find the answer from what's most true to you. 

[Frosty97]

10 minutes ago, puporing said:

Try to see if you could separate the voices that are yours and that of "others"

What voices?

[puporing]

11 minutes ago, Frosty97 said:

What voices?

Well I don't know you. Just a suggestion. Maybe you just have conflicting feelings. 

[axiom]

@Frosty97 Since you're already on anti-psychotic medication you may be aware that some of these things you describe have a pretty high correlation with psychosis. Particularly the idea that lyrics in songs are in some way tailored for you as an individual.

I am not suggesting that these symptoms are psychosis-related.

I am suggesting that you should be on guard for that.

[Frosty97]

@axiom I just accept them as part of life

[Leo Gura]

6 hours ago, Frosty97 said:

I take anti-psychotic medication

Be careful with that.

[Frosty97]

11 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Be careful with that.

By that you mean taking it or getting off it?

[Leo Gura]

3 minutes ago, Frosty97 said:

By that you mean taking it or getting off it?

Both

[RMQualtrough]

29 minutes ago, Frosty97 said:

By that you mean taking it or getting off it?

One thing I do know, is that if you are taking Lithium, LSD could easily kill you. Might be the same with other psychedelics. Avoid any combo of Lithium with psychedelics.

[Frosty97]

@RMQualtrough Is lithium taken to a person at all? When do you consume lithium?

Edited May 24, 2022 by Frosty97

[RMQualtrough]

9 minutes ago, Frosty97 said:

@RMQualtrough Is lithium taken to a person at all? When do you consume lithium?

Def prescribed for bipolar sometimes, not sure about other conditions. But basically if Lithium is involved, never take any form of psychedelic, even MDMA if I remember right... Same with MAOI antidepressants. MAOIs are used in Ayahuasca but the amount is carefully measured to avoid serotonin syndrome.

[Frosty97]

@axiom I’ve experienced psychosis and tbh it does sometimes border on it. But I don’t take it there anymore. And what’s the difference?

Edited May 25, 2022 by Frosty97

[Frosty97]

@Leo Gura Leo I’m having insights front back and center.. It’s honestly quite challenging