Caffeine trip reports

[Preety_India]

omg yeah. That's how I can describe it. 

I felt intense synchronicity and then I could have these psychic downloads about myself.

I could feel things around me, my thoughts were clearer and Lucid. 

I can easily tell the difference when I have taken a dose of caffeine for the whole day (I keep sipping every 2 hours till the whole day) 

The effect lasts up to few hours to a full day. 

And my thoughts and mental state are very different from the days when I'm not on caffeine.. 

The adrenaline is obvious so I take few sips so that it doesn't shoot. 

• Tolerance grows slowly. 
• Now the effects are these 
• Alert state 
• Synchronicity 
• Brings euphoric feelings 
• Reduces my depression a bit 
• Controls my bpd on the worst days
• Causes crashes due to high energy state during comedown 
• Excessive sleep during withdrawal /deep sleep /almost crash sleep
• Giddy "high" 
• Clearer thoughts 
• Hyper awareness
• Able to sync with my inner feelings/thoughts better 
• Repressed emotions/thoughts tend to flow out 

Sleeplessness in the beginning. But later it's okay. 

Past two days whole did caffeine and had much more clarity in my thoughts. Like I could really bring it to the surface what my heart really wanted.

Couldn't achieve that before.

[Preety_India]

 

So far the results are good. 

It has kept me giddy. 

Adrenaline. 

Helped improve bpd moods. 

I can do this on weekends. Not too much. 

Calibrated amounts till I reach a high/peak. 

 

 

Edited May 22, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

My Insights after 2 rigorous days of caffeine.

I did caffeine because I had been dealing with a breakup. I found it difficult to cope. 

Felt better. 

My bpd was kicking in very badly because of the breakup. But the caffeine took care of it. 

When I feel too high, I wash down the caffeine with extremely cold water, shots of water continuously for hours will drain the caffeine from the system once I don't want it to stay. 

Till then nice high. 

 

[Preety_India]

My Insights after 2 rigorous days of caffeine.

One is that I need a leader to lead me. 

That I have deep neediness that's not healed and I'm a codependent 

 

I can't differentiate between abuse and love. 

 

 

Edited May 23, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

The other stuff. 

 

[Preety_India]

Satan meditation helps. 

Caffeine and music helps to dumb down bpd and brings clarity. 

 

Edited May 23, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I just remembered. 

I have four major insights. I forgot to note down when they came on. 

 

 

1 I have a lying disorder. I'm a pathological liar and this is difficult to cure. I lie out of deep fear. This fear doesn't go away. 

 

 

2  I have a problem of manipulation. I manipulate and this is my psychopathy I need to heal. I manipulate, again out of deep seated fear. I feel like If I don't manipulate I can't live

 

 

3 I can't differentiate between abuse and love. And I'm a codependent who needs a disciplining punishing protective leader 

 

 

4 I have bad memory and trauma amnesia that gets worse during bpd episode. After every bpd episode, I forget a lot that happened. My memory goes blank and I forget whatever I felt before. My brains generates new memories and new patterns and creates a new environment as a coping strategy 

 

5.. My emotions are extremely intense and volatile and stay this way for weeks especially after an emotional trigger or emotional event

6 I engage in massive levels of self destructive behavior as a coping strategy against pessimism, nihilism, low mood, bpd depression, and intense emotional highs. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

Time to sign out and go to sleep.

 

I feel like I am crashing. Too tired. 

 

Goodnight. 

 

 

[BuddhistLover]

I drink 600mg of caffiene a day. I don't know if there is another way to live. I guess life really is a trip. Do you think life is a trip?

[Preety_India]

@BuddhistLover  I love you 

 

 

[Preety_India]

@BuddhistLover the trip told me that when I wake up I'll see/meet an angel 

I woke up now and saw you in my journal. 

You are that angel. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I was buying fish pendants in the dream 

[Preety_India]

I feel love. 

Love for everyone. 

[Preety_India]

The dream wasn't a good one. 

There was hurricane. 

I'm in the comedown right now. 

There was a storm 

 

I lived near it. Someone offered me shelter. 

I didn't want my family. I saw them as torture 

 

Near the Storm it was good. 

I was living near the sea. 

I could see sea gulls hovering. 

I remained tucked under a blanket. 

Trying to protect. 

Trying not to hurt. 

 

[Preety_India]

I tried to forgive the one that tried to rape me. 

I'm not a rape victim. 

The blanket meant protection of my body 

 

[Preety_India]

It's ok. This too shall pass 

I remained at sea. It was a long deck. 

Like a long thing. Can't describe. 

But I could see something stretching long, the floor below me. 

 

[Preety_India]

I remained on the floor.. 

On the floor. 

And then the whole the whole. 

The whole the whole the whole 

The whole 

The whole thing. 

The whole sky. 

Blue. 

Light blue 

Calm 

Skyline 

Me under blanket

I see outside 

And it was..... 

Outside 

I was hiding 

I was wondering 

I was looking. 

I was peeping 

 

[Preety_India]

Was a good thing overall 

 

I did feel a bit nauseous though 

 

Caffeine - —-->fun fun —--> ice water—-->fun fun —--> lemon juice ——> fun fun —--> trip complete. 

 

Edited May 23, 2022 by Preety_India