Why am I always attracted to cocky dominating guys?

[Preety_India]

What's so special about cocky guys? 

They attract me a lot. Not overly cocky because that would come across as insecure and bluffy. 

But in general guys who tend to be cocky attract my attention more than others. 

I can differentiate between confident, insecure and over confident. 

If a guy is confident, it's great. If he is slightly cocky, that seems like an icing on the cake. 

Thoughts. 

 

 

Edited May 22, 2022 by Preety_India

[Federico del pueblo]

That's exactly what attraction theory would suggest and it's the reason why "acting cocky" is one of the recommended behaviours.

If you are cocky you are very confident, on the edge of what is still tolerable. It's polarising.

It takes something to act cocky whereas acting shy or insecure doesn't take anything.

If someone can consistently act cocky, even in spite of resistance (when the cockiness is being called out), this person must be strong. Cockiness could be seen as an indicator of strength.

Strength leads to attraction.

If a man can act cocky around a woman this might indicate that he's been able to act cocky around other women in the past and got away with it (otherwise he wouldn't have been able to maintain this behaviour and would have crumbled at some point). 

So it creates the perception of a guy who is good with women with leads to attraction.

[integral]

Maybe you haven't had sex with enough of them to realise there repulsive? 

[something_else]

Because you’re a woman

Its kind of like asking why I’m attracted to girls with nice butts

53 minutes ago, integral said:

Maybe you haven't had sex with enough of them to realise there repulsive? 

Lol, insecure much?

[Raze]

It’s possible you have attachment issues that draw you to them, but this can be healed.

[integral]

@something_else Once you're hurt by someone who walks around all cocky you'll find it repulsive. it's a fantasy that will be dispelled after its experience. The fantasy is better than the real thing. it always is. Cockiness is a narcissistic trait.

Edited May 23, 2022 by integral

[Preety_India]

@integral should I be honest about what attracts me or should I be dishonest? 

I am never attracted to guys who don't stand up, who don't confront, who are always staying too passive, submissive, who are easily nervous/scared, who don't initiate, who don't lead/dominate, who listen to everything that is said to them, who say yes to everything, who stand behind the woman like a slave, who fail to protect, who don't challenge her, who don't stare her down but look away or look down, who are nerdy, or too insecure and impatient, say stupid things just to appear smart, are overly aggressive/insecure, unnecessarily critical, who can't fight, who can't say no, who are too shy, who are afraid of conflict or too peaceful. Sorry if the man is passive and agrees to everything I say, I don't feel stimulated. I find him lacking in confidence and cowardly. It doesn't attract me. I don't see strength in him. I find such men weak and docile and that doesn't make me want them. They don't look exciting to me. They don't inspire stimulation and excitement. They get me bored. Even if it's a genuinely  nice guy. 

On the other hand men who are too bossy and patriarchal seem very uptight and aggressive and insecure to me. Like I have to bend to their demands. Nope. Such men repel me because they don't allow the woman to be a woman, they consume all space. 

The middle ground is a cocky  guy who is not overly dominating (not like the big old patriarchal preachy guy) who is dominating enough to maintain polarity but allows room for me to act out my feminine desires and gives space for my mistakes and deficit. The patriarchal guy is overly judgemental and I don't want to feel like I'm in a prison. I don't like overly aggressive guys because that shows they are too insecure and vapidly dominating me for their ego. 

If a guy dominates me, he should do this with some grace and substance, something that I can respect. He shouldn't present frivolous challenges. That would make me lose respect. If he does challenge me, it should have some substance to it. I want to be able to admire the guy. I want to look at him in awe and be inspired by him. 

So if he is cocky, it shouldn't be vacuous or shallow or empty cockiness/false pride/ego without character/depth/substance. 

He should be cocky definitely but have some substance to back up his cockiness. 

I want to look at him in awe and I want to admire him enough to feel attracted and fall in love. 

Seeing his confidence should make my knees go weak. 

So cocky is fine as long as it's backed by real  confidence, raw courage, trustworthy behavior and substance to his pride. 

Empty confidence and over confidence appears fake and farcical and suggests over compensation, "wanna be", "trying too hard" and reeks of insecurity and immaturity. 

 

 

[ZenAlex]

Are you sure it's not just confidence you're attracted to? Are you sure it's cockyness?

At the end of the day though, I see cockyness as over confidence, it may not be built on anything to back it up, so be careful.

Not everyone who is attractive is good or even strong. Some people are delusional and that leads to a form of shallow confidence.

You need to wait to see if that person has something to be back it up.

[ZenAlex]

Also about your post above, I think you need to mind your perception of what a confident man is.

Not all confident men are expressive and go out of their way to dominate. It's not all about being dominant and submissive.

Some men can be confident but be quiet and unexpressive. 

Being quiet isn't necessarily a sign of low confidence, and I think sometimes the more someone is animated, the less calm they are and the more they have something to prove.

I am confident, but I am often quiet. It's not because I am scared, it is because I have nothing to prove. 

Sometimes cocky people are capable people, but their cockyness is still largely compensating for something. 

I think you need to realise you can be assertive without being cocky and need to dominate others. 

[Preety_India]

@ZenAlex exactly that's what I do. I first screen to see if the guy is cocky. This happens mentally and subconsciously. 

But over time if he is simply cocky for being cocky and I don't see any worth or logical substance to his arguments, ideas, thoughts and actions, then his cockiness is no longer attractive or is fake. 

Cockiness is great as a surface level trait for attraction. But beneath the cockiness if he lacks substance, then that would be laughable. 

He should be cocky but that pride should come with substance. 

Also genuinely confident men who aren't cocky necessarily are also attractive but this attractiveness doesn't build up lightening fast as it does with cocky men, this attraction builds over time. 

 

[Gesundheit2]

8 hours ago, something_else said:

Its kind of like asking why I’m attracted to girls with nice butts

Propaganda of the perverted.

[Preety_India]

@ZenAlex you made really great points. I'll address them in a while. 

 

[something_else]

3 hours ago, Gesundheit2 said:

Propaganda of the perverted.

I'm sorry?

5 hours ago, integral said:

@something_else Once you're hurt by someone who walks around all cocky you'll find it repulsive. it's a fantasy that will be dispelled after its experience. The fantasy is better than the real thing. it always is. Cockiness is a narcissistic trait.

Not all people who walk around confident and cocky are dickheads. It's better to walk around like that than to walk around defeated and insecure

You shouldn't be immediately repulsed by people like that

 

[Preety_India]

7 minutes ago, something_else said:

I'm sorry?

Not all people who walk around confident and cocky are dickheads. It's better to walk around like that than to walk around defeated and insecure

You shouldn't be immediately repulsed by people like that

 

Wholeheartedly agree. It would be too biased to think that anyone who is cocky is a jerk. I'd consider it as a preconceived notion. 

 

[integral]

@something_else I understand, maybe we can find better word then cocky. 

Cocky Definition: 

Conceited or arrogant, especially in a bold or impudent way.

arrogant, conceited, overconfident, overweening, cocksure, smug, haughty, supercilious, disdainful, lofty, patronizing, proud, vain, vainglorious, self-important, swollen-headed, egotistical, presumptuous, lordly, pompous, blustering, boastful, brash, self-assertive, opinionated, bold, forward, insolent.

---

Of course Secure and confident > insecure and defeated. But Confident > Cocky. Real cockiness is repulsive. 

I think a better is confidence and in playful state. I'm not sure what word that is.  

4 hours ago, Preety_India said:

should I be honest about what attracts me or should I be dishonest? 

Good list, taking notes lol. 

[Gesundheit2]

2 hours ago, something_else said:

I'm sorry?

I think feeling attracted to ass is a result of propaganda brainwashing. At least, I think that's the case for me. When I was a kid I wasn't attracted to ass, mostly lips and breasts, which is also propaganda brainwashing, imo.

It's sick if you think about it, like why would anyone be attracted to a shit factory? Like, seriously, why?! That's where the perverted part is coming from.

[Preety_India]

19 minutes ago, Gesundheit2 said:

I think feeling attracted to ass is a result of propaganda brainwashing. At least, I think that's the case for me. When I was a kid I wasn't attracted to ass, mostly lips and breasts, which is also propaganda brainwashing, imo.

It's sick if you think about it, like why would anyone be attracted to a shit factory? Like, seriously, why?! That's where the perverted part is coming from.

Guys weren't/aren't open about it. The last guy I met wanted ass too. I never met a man who never wanted ass, that's the first thing in their mind, and this applies to all races, men have a thing for it, my exes would never leave my ass alone and you can take that line whichever way you want, it's very hard for me to get a man to get off my ass for some reason, they cry if they can't get my ass, it's that bad. I've realized that men (at least most) have a thing for the ass. It's their favorite on a woman. In my case, my ass is super round and cute and even females tease me about it causing me to feel a bit awkward, but it definitely presents a problem to me in relationships since I don't particularly like  the idea of anal sex but I have been propositioned for anal sex multiple times by my ex partners much to my trouble/pain.

 

 

Edited May 23, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

@Gesundheit2 extremely sexual guys have a thing for a woman's ass, they just don't talk very openly about it. 

 

[something_else]

34 minutes ago, Gesundheit2 said:

I think feeling attracted to ass is a result of propaganda brainwashing. At least, I think that's the case for me. When I was a kid I wasn't attracted to ass, mostly lips and breasts, which is also propaganda brainwashing, imo.

I wasn't into ass at all really until I got my first GF who had an amazing one and now I fucking love girls with an ass

I don't see how it can be propaganda or brainwashing. Where is the brainwashing coming from?

Also why in the fuck would anyone want to brainwash people to like butts?

It's probably largely that these things (ass, boobs, lips, legs) are sexually dimorphic that make them attractive. And also that well filled, symmetric butts, boobs, lips, legs are all good indicators of health

43 minutes ago, Gesundheit2 said:

It's sick if you think about it, like why would anyone be attracted to a shit factory? Like, seriously, why?! That's where the perverted part is coming from.

Why would you be attracted to a mouth/lips? That's a slimy, saliva-filled, disease factory. Why would you be attracted to boobs? Those are just gelatinous milk factories. Why would you be attracted to a pussy? That's objectively disgusting to look at, yet somehow it drives the male brain crazy

[Gesundheit2]

12 minutes ago, something_else said:

Why would you be attracted to a mouth/lips?

I think that's also propaganda and brainwashing.

12 minutes ago, something_else said:

Why would you be attracted to boobs?

Same thing. Not that there's someone behind the scenes who is deliberately trying to put these thoughts into our heads, nor that there's a conspiracy against anyone, but that the influencers themselves are perverted to begin with.

12 minutes ago, something_else said:

Why would you be attracted to a pussy?

The rawest form of attraction to the opposite sex that I've ever experienced was that I just wanted to hold girls tight and squeeze them in my arms. Like I wanted to merge with them, literally. But there was nothing sexual at all. That's before I learned about sex. The first few months I learned about sex I was heavily disgusted, like someone gave me an immune response, so I guess that's the natural reaction because sex is inherently dirty and disgusting.