Neediness as the ultimate bottleneck for general growth

[5-D - L O V E]

My life's biggest issue has always been feeling unloved because of the total absense of physical contact with others all throught my life.

This has obviously been the catalyst in "me" reaching my highest highs but also my lowest lows.

I fancy myself as being God realized,  and my enlightnement is pretty solid, BUT, there is one feeling/aspect of my reality that I can't still change for the life of me, and that's to have a human to human physical connection/relationship, I've had platonic relationships which went as deep as Love goes, I've also experienced raw uncoditional divine Love in many occasions, but nothing of what I seem to do (or not do) can get me what I feel I truely need to heal, which is geniune physical affection.

I feel descently about myself as a human, I mostly love myself when I'm not lost, I've been as vulnerable as I can be, I've approached and tried with more women than any of my male peers, I have solid game, I am a solid person, I consider myself to be quite attractive (on a good day), I am intersting, open minded, talented, smart (and the qualities I have I didn't even devellop consciously as part of my "game arsenal"..) but still.

I can geniunly feel/understand incels (being one technically) and anyone in the "manosphere" but I still see through the bullshit of it all, conceptually and intellectually I am "above" all those beliefs, but I symphatise with how crippling it can be for anyone who couldn't explore attraction/sexuality in their teens early twenties and feel now stuck.

Sometimes, I feel I need a miracle for this to sort out. Not knowing how to ask God for things (that's still one of the things I'm working on) I don't know how to get such a miracle consciously.

How should I go about this knowing that I feel denied beyond repair (I know I denied myself those experiences) But I still can't fully forgive myself even when I try and I can't seem to consciously be able to change the situation...

[SamC]

What is stopping you to have a physical relationship with a girl?

[5-D - L O V E]

In a way I experience it as systemic and twisted and I can't break out of it.

I feel too "broken" to even go out or try, and this feeling has been going on for months.

Everytime I go out to try anything I end up returning more broken, I live in a broken dogmatic society where sexuality for its own sake is repressed, shadowy and "wrong" in the eyes of the collective, yet most people go on with it just in twisted ways, you basically can't date if you don't intend "serious" outcomes (i.e marriage) and women who are active sexually I feel never go for the adventure unless it involves money and cars (sorry to be this blunt and I know how I may appear to anyone reading this, but it's just what it is).

The case I desire to fall into, which is "raw attraction" and just acting out of it I feel I have missed on, since I know that people in a certain age are explorative but all women my age I feel are too blinded by their desire and need to find a provider and keep him.

The country/society I live in is notorious for its sexuality problems and everybody acknowledges it, but when it comes to practicality nobody is transcending any of the factors we need to transcend to overcome these issues (religion, dogma, marriage as an absolute, inherent sin in promescuity and sex...)

 

[SamC]

6 hours ago, 5-D - L O V E said:

In a way I experience it as systemic and twisted and I can't break out of it.

I feel too "broken" to even go out or try, and this feeling has been going on for months.

Everytime I go out to try anything I end up returning more broken, I live in a broken dogmatic society where sexuality for its own sake is repressed, shadowy and "wrong" in the eyes of the collective, yet most people go on with it just in twisted ways, you basically can't date if you don't intend "serious" outcomes (i.e marriage) and women who are active sexually I feel never go for the adventure unless it involves money and cars (sorry to be this blunt and I know how I may appear to anyone reading this, but it's just what it is).

The case I desire to fall into, which is "raw attraction" and just acting out of it I feel I have missed on, since I know that people in a certain age are explorative but all women my age I feel are too blinded by their desire and need to find a provider and keep him.

The country/society I live in is notorious for its sexuality problems and everybody acknowledges it, but when it comes to practicality nobody is transcending any of the factors we need to transcend to overcome these issues (religion, dogma, marriage as an absolute, inherent sin in promescuity and sex...)

 

Can you move to another country?

[Kshantivadin]

I wish you weren't going through this. It might be what you need to grow, though. Trauma needs to be released and integrated. You are acknowledging the problem, which is great!

Do you perhaps need an approach accountability partner?

[5-D - L O V E]

@SamC Not in the near future, plus I feel that if I can't fulfill some aspect of reality here, it doesn't matter doing it somewhere else.

I will always feel lacking. The way I frame it is not even about getting laid, or love, or  connection, but the overlying psychology of it all, how I couldn't adapt to reality the way it is, and the huge amount of regret and resentment I carry.

@Kshantivadin Probably, but every time I opened up about this I just experienced frustration because of the lack of understanding of anyone I approached this with, people always see things through their own skewed and biased experience and nobody is willing to open up to the degree necessary for understanding and true compassion, so I stopped asking for both.

[Leo Gura]

@5-D - L O V E Solution is obvious: talk to girls, date, get the physical contact you need. Don't make it complicated.

[Leo Gura]

On 5/22/2022 at 7:02 AM, 5-D - L O V E said:

I fancy myself as being God realized

Don't kid yourself.

[Kshantivadin]

13 hours ago, 5-D - L O V E said:

 

@Kshantivadin Probably, but every time I opened up about this I just experienced frustration because of the lack of understanding of anyone I approached this with, people always see things through their own skewed and biased experience and nobody is willing to open up to the degree necessary for understanding and true compassion, so I stopped asking for both.

I offer myself to approach the same volume you approach, or whatever you might want to do/ need.

[5-D - L O V E]

@Leo Gura Yes, sometimes we just need to put into practice whatever degree we have in the art of the obvious, today I opened a hot girl on the street, had a solid interaction, we talked for about 10mins, got each other instagram... It just felt automatic and natural and I was quite in flow

6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Don't kid yourself.

I was gonna argue, but I'll just nod for you calling me out and putting my ego into check.

[5-D - L O V E]

@Kshantivadin I really appreciate the care to help 

today I had an epiphany as I was approaching a girl, before I crossed the street to go talk to her, I saw she had earpieces on, usually this is one of those things that can set me off in a spiral of approach anxiety but I was so focused that I saw myself getting agitated internally and getting anxious/tense, I just had to feel it fully for 2 seconds to know that I had the choice then & there to "erase" those feelings and just go into the playfull mood I was in just seconds ago, and it just worked! I had a solid approach all throught because I didn't go in with a defeatist mindset, but in openess and trust that she might like or reject me, but it doesn't matter the slightest what the outcome is, what's of importance is to overcome myself and get better with time and practice

To sum things up, within a week, I see atleast one girl that I find geniunly attractive, and a few that I might be interested to just talk or interact with, so I'll just have to find a way to make myself accountable for approaching all these girls I might regret otherwise, not forcing myself into "game" as in doing X number of sets per night out or anything of the sort because those end up to feel forced and needy to my taste.

[Loving Radiance]

Get out of hiding. Express your needs.

Quote

If you avoid those aspects of your life that are not in harmony, those aspects of your life where you may still be in denial, that kind of avoidance is going to hinder your spiritual awakening. In the early stages, it may not have much of an effect. But later, as we get into the more mature opening of realization, there is no more room for denial.

Quote

Awakening can be the ground from which we meet every person and situation. It can be the ground from which we relate to all the circumstances of life.  But this takes a lot of courage and a lot of fearlessness. It also takes a very simple sincerity. This kind of sincerity arises from that which loves the truth and sees that the truth is the greatest good.
To be anything less than real, to be in avoidance of anything at all, diminishes our experience of who we are. To be less than truthful with the people and situations in your life is to withhold the expression of who you are.

Quote

Awakening calls forth a transformation in both our interior and exterior lives.

[Leo Gura]

14 hours ago, 5-D - L O V E said:

@Leo Gura Yes, sometimes we just need to put into practice whatever degree we have in the art of the obvious, today I opened a hot girl on the street, had a solid interaction, we talked for about 10mins, got each other instagram... It just felt automatic and natural and I was quite in flow

Good! Get phone numbers, not Instagrams. And set up your date on-the-spot as you get her number. Stop pussy-footing around. You want results not bullshit.

[Tech36363]

@Leo Gura why? Times have changed it's instagram now. Instagram is like a funnel to manage many girls 

[Leo Gura]

1 minute ago, Tech36363 said:

@Leo Gura why? Times have changed it's instagram now. Instagram is like a funnel to manage many girls 

You know how many douchebags that girl has orbiting her on Instagram? 100