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[Preety_India]

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[Preety_India]

 

Here's what I replied a few months ago to another thread on eye contact issues-

  Quote

 

I had the same problem. I couldn't maintain eye contact with people. I used to look at the floor when talking to them with hints of eye contact here and there. In a 30 second long convo, 10 sec would be below average eye contact while the rest would be me staring awkwardly at the floor. And this was, of course, extremely unattractive and awkward. I had this problem more with girls than with guys. 

Now I hold strong eye contact with whoever I am talking to, whether girl or boy.

So how did I make this shift? I travel in metro for 1 hour each during morning and evening. People sit facing each other in the metro. During the 2 hour travel time, I make laser strong eye contact with anyone who I "accidentally" lock eyes with. Anyone: girl, boy, old man, child, beautiful, ugly, etc.

The trick I follow is that I don't break eye contact unless the other person does. And I succeed 95% of the time. And boy, does it get awkward. The longest I held was around 7 seconds. Now 7 seconds may sound very normal, but it's normal only during a convo with a person you know. Not with a stranger who isn't conversing with you. It gets super awkward and tense. I even think sometimes that the girl I am eye-contacting may get up and slap me for staring at her. Or it can start a verbal/physical fight with a guy. Luckily, it hasn't happened yet.

I follow the same rule with the girls and guys in my college. But only during convos. Treat your convos like staring contests.

 

I did this exercise in metros quite rigorously for 2 months. I didn't learn it from anywhere, it just struck my mind one day. And I still do it now, just not so aggressively. If my eye contact with a particular person becomes too long or awkward (this usually happens after 5 seconds), I break it. Simply because it starts becoming-

Creepy and perverted- If it is with a woman.

Aggressive and "come fight with me"- If it is with a man.

This simple exercise improved my eye contact from 2/10 to 7/10. Now it doesn't even seem like an exercise. It is natural for me to lock eyes with someone for 3 seconds, before I even realize what's up. You can say that my "safety timer" shifted from 0.5 seconds to 3 seconds. Beyond 3 seconds, tension starts building up, but still doable. Beyond 5 seconds, I usually break it. 

It is yet to reach a level where I can stare straight into a stranger's eyes for more than 7 seconds, without any flinching or hesitation whatsoever. But for now, I am happy with my results. I can stare right into a cute girl's eyes for 5 seconds straight(while talking to her). No big deal. 

Actually, this problem could be deeper than just eye contact.

Ever since I got into a rut of chronic health issues and depression, my eye contact naturally became terrible; and so did my overall confidence, humour, and "aliveliness". I wasn't the most charismatic guy out there, but I was average in all these departments. When depression struck, I rock-bottomed in all these departments. Even now I am terrible in all other aspects, because depression is still there. 

My eye contact has become strong because I deliberately trained it through brute-force. Even with such training, if I get into a very bad depressive "low", my eye contact starts becoming shaky. Because your eye contact isn't isolated from the rest of your life. It is deeply connected with all other aspects of your life.

 

PS: I see that you are suffering from multiple psychological issues. I want you to understand both the scope and limitation of this exercise. This exercise (or any other exercise for that matter) will work only when you have a certain baseline level of physical and psychological health. Your first and utmost priority should be bringing your body-mind structure to such a level that these issues come into "solvable territory" for you. Like Leo said, become a level 8 human being, and a level 5 obstacle isn't even an obstacle for you. Whereas for a level 2 human being, it's simply impossible to cross that obstacle. I know you are already taking notes and working through your issues, and I appreciate that. Just wanted to give you a customized perspective.

 

 

 

 

And then with that temporary feeling embodiment, you walk through the street and you look people in the eye confidently, you open your heart, you unapologetically penetrate them with sexual energy, you feel grounded, solid and just powerful. Woman don't know you. They have no previous connection with you. They only now see your powerful aura. And then when your consciousness disconnects from those parts of the body, then you shrink into your baseline bubble and she won't be attracted to.

 

 

Edited May 21, 2022 by Preety_India