Can’t do stuff that i don’t enjoy

[Majed]

I just can’t study anymore, because, well there’s a couple of reasons: first i’m in my last year of high school and i am afraid of failing because i’m just not interested in the studies like i am genuinely disinterested plus last time i was contemplating this issue i had the insight that i’m not matching with my studies that they’re not something that i want and that life ain’t limited to school, so i decided to quit school but my parents forced me to come back or they were going to leave me on the streets. I can meditate, read, contemplate, songwrite... because i feel enjoyment whereas when i study even if i do study for like 3 hours i don’t feel fulfilled i feel empty like i have wasted 3 hours, last time i studied for 10 hours for a physics test and i got like 2/7 shit is depressing, i can’t study and i’m not effective at it, i think it is also related with that i’m at the pluralist stage of ego development, and at this stage you’re more “now” oriented than to the future and that you want your career to allow for self expression and creativity, plus i watched a couple of videos from pluralist people and they were struggling with the same stuff regarding work etc... 

Edited May 18, 2022 by Majed

[SgtPepper]

can you pick another skill that you enjoy that can fulfill survival needs?

[SonataAllegro]

The only solution is to start doing things you don't really want to do but which are simple enough that it doesn't take much effort, then you'll naturally (NOT by force) want to do more things. Make your bed, run around the block, take a cold shower for one minute, read one page of a book.

You're suffering from a perceived lack of agency because of how debilitating the tasks in front of you seem. You may be a pluralist in your thinking but you haven't integrated the discipline of the conformist.

[Stephen]

sometimes you have to do the crap in order to make time for the things you love

try and make a life where you do the things you enjoy more often 

 

 

[Majed]

@SonataAllegro how did you knew all that though, have you suffered through the same thing before ? 

[SonataAllegro]

1 hour ago, Majed said:

@SonataAllegro how did you knew all that though, have you suffered through the same thing before ? 

You bet i did

[JonasVE12]

'I need to' and 'I have to' are feelings in your body. They are always going to feel like you're pushing through the now, because you don't have a good feeling connection to the thing in front of you that lets you relax into it and become one with it. You don't see it as meaningful and you don't enjoy it. Even though the thing itself doesn't connect to you feeling-wise, you can still use the tension of not wanting to, and use that to master your own mind, your emotions and your ability to be pro-active with uncomfortable feelings. 

You could treat this meditatively. When you feel resistance because you really don't want to, can you maybe let some of those uncomfortable feelings go and surrender to your studying? Maybe you can even start to enjoy studying and see the benefit in learning to relax in something just because you want to learn how to be good at handling discomfort. That gives some meaning to something that you perceived as meaningless before.

At the same time you want to find something long-term that you can work towards so you can become fully aligned to your values. Your whole life shouldn't be about 'surrendering uncomfortable feelings'. Find a way to grow out of needing to do that so your whole day is a flow-state where you have feelings of 'I want to' instead of 'I have to'. But that's a process and everyone is working at that. 

[Majed]

@SonataAllegro the chances are fairly high 

[RendHeaven]

Same. And my personal opinion is that school is doodoo. My advice is to suck it up and graduate high school. Then never touch academia again and go all-out on your passions.

[nahtanoj]

@SonataAllegro do you have a good source where I can learn more about this. Right now I’m discovering that subconsciously I’m sabotaging myself to do what I need to do, but it is a struggle. 

[SonataAllegro]

17 hours ago, nahtanoj said:

@SonataAllegro do you have a good source where I can learn more about this. Right now I’m discovering that subconsciously I’m sabotaging myself to do what I need to do, but it is a struggle. 

Looking for resources may be a tactic for the patterns to continue by filling your mind with more content. Chances are your mind is too filled with noise about personal development to actually hear yourself. Pay attention to how you feel and how different chemicals you consume, things you watch, and people you talk to enhance or sabotage your energy. This takes mental silence. Compulsive, sabotaging behaviors can't happen consciously.

Currently I'm working on talking to myself less, or writing instead of talking, because I've realized that I've been doing it for a decade and it creates various sub personalities that fight with each other. So when it comes to making decisions that affect my energy and focus, I can't think clearly because my mind is pulled in so many directions. When I instead be the unbiased, non-judgemental listener of the mental chatter, it's no longer able to control my actions and I make more rational decisions.

[Chrisd]

On 18/05/2022 at 11:12 PM, Majed said:

I just can’t study anymore, because, well there’s a couple of reasons: first i’m in my last year of high school and i am afraid of failing because i’m just not interested in the studies like i am genuinely disinterested plus last time i was contemplating this issue i had the insight that i’m not matching with my studies that they’re not something that i want and that life ain’t limited to school, so i decided to quit school but my parents forced me to come back or they were going to leave me on the streets. I can meditate, read, contemplate, songwrite... because i feel enjoyment whereas when i study even if i do study for like 3 hours i don’t feel fulfilled i feel empty like i have wasted 3 hours, last time i studied for 10 hours for a physics test and i got like 2/7 shit is depressing, i can’t study and i’m not effective at it, i think it is also related with that i’m at the pluralist stage of ego development, and at this stage you’re more “now” oriented than to the future and that you want your career to allow for self expression and creativity, plus i watched a couple of videos from pluralist people and they were struggling with the same stuff regarding work etc... 

Do you have a question?

[Dryas]

You're never not going to have to do shit that you don't enjoy, especially in highschool. You just have to deal with it, at least to an extent.

[Michael569]

Life comes with its challenges and it is what builds your willpower and resilience when you can do the things you don't enjoy. It doesn't mean following a life of mysery and some shitty career but even a life that is built along the path of your ultimate purpose will require lot of grudgingly boring work especially if you want to make a living out of it. Even when you are on the journey towards mastering something you enjoy there will be days when you don't enjoy what you do and will want to quit.

Otherwise how are you gonna build the life of your dreams and achieve creative freedom if you don't want to clock in the work and learn real marketable skills. It is hard making a living of mediating on the couch and introspecting (a common issue i see on the forum where guys have hard time actually doing THE work)  If you quit each time you get challenged, life will become incredibly hard, not just that but you will train your mind to be unable to focus and to want to quit whenever it has to do some deep work that is valued in this economy (whatever that means for your thing). Sometimes you just gotta suck it up, roll up your sleeves and get it done.