I Felt Like I Just Had An Ego Death, Please Help Me If You Have Had This Feeling Before !!!

[kuwaynej]

I just realize that I am ' Literally ' not the mental image in my head. I am the awareness that i experience. Yes I can see physical objects but not in the Literal sense. The only physical object  Animals can see is light; Then again any idea you have of light is a thought and thoughts are only symbols we use to represent a feeling we are aware of, this feeling does not have a name in the true sense but you can become aware of it.

This leave me to believe that everything that i am aware of is me. Right now I know that i am 100% awareness (Don't mistake to think i am 100% aware of everything around or within me, i know there is more awareness to be had.) also, I now know that i have never seen my Literal Face, Hands, foots, neck , ears etc. I have them but i am not them. I also feel like the Outside World but i have to be in direct contact with it; i have to touch it. This is where i become aware that i still lack a lot of awareness, so Question : is there / do you believe there is more awareness ? And this feelings is amazing, how long will it last ? 

Starting to become more aware of the Ego; 

Please share your experience !!

Edited February 1, 2017 by kuwaynej

[PureExp]

34 minutes ago, kuwaynej said:

This leave me to believe that everything that i am aware of is me.

There you go ! Fascinating, isn't it?

I guess, you can directly see it, there is no need to form a belief. But then may be you are just using the word "believe" in a loose sense. Anyway, about your questions, IMO, awareness has no quantity (or quality), its not more nor less, it just is. What happens is that it gets covered by the activities of the mind - thoughts, perceptions, sensations, emotions and lower mental functions related to survival (Ego part of the mind). When the activities cease, what remains is pure awareness. Its like when the clouds disperse, the blue sky, the background reappears. It never goes away actually, it only gets hidden for a while. Its another matter that a majority of people spend their whole life in "hidden mode", not knowing what they are, and thinking that a jumble of thoughts and concepts is their "I". You are lucky that you could see through it.

Initially it won't last long, perhaps from a few seconds to few days. It takes practice to remain as pure awareness. Different people call this practice by different names, pick any. Me too struggle a lot to maintain the "awareness mode", mind snatches it back often   But I guess its improving everyday.

One advantage of hanging out in forums such as this one, is that you will be reminded more often to remain aware. So welcome and keep sharing.

[Leo Gura]

@kuwaynej A few hairs of the ox's tail

[Principium Nexus]

Everything you experience is you! It's all a projection through your own current perspective. Feelings, sensations, thoughts can be interpreted in millions of ways, the way you do that now makes you unique, but any other reality is equally valid.

After all everything is interpret by your senses and mind so your reality is shaped literally by your body and mind!

Edited February 1, 2017 by Principium Nexus

[Neo]

10 minutes ago, Principium Nexus said:

Everything you experience is you!

I understand this at a factual level. Even science tells us the only thing we ever see is the light spectrum. I can even stand back and see the screen in my mind and for fun set it in rotation so I'm spinning. However, I'm still not feeling it as yet.

[Dodo]

1 hour ago, Neo said:

I understand this at a factual level. Even science tells us the only thing we ever see is the light spectrum. I can even stand back and see the screen in my mind and for fun set it in rotation so I'm spinning. However, I'm still not feeling it as yet.

All the left brain wants is to be right. But the right brain is already right ?

[PureExp]

@kuwaynej I forgot to ask - did you use the drug Leo is recommending to experience that or was it something else?

[Principium Nexus]

Even colors are all made up in your mind like science says. Eventually everything is just a wave and you give those waves identities and begin to create a relativistic model of reality. Creating a big picture understanding, traveling, broadening your horizon is very powerful to understand what the larger spectrum is about

Edited February 1, 2017 by Principium Nexus

[kuwaynej]

@PureExp No i did not use any of the drugs on the list.

 

I Really am fascinated by the Ego, I am both Annoyed and intrigue by Ego's of others. I Really don't know how to express myself so i am happy there is a community here that I can relate to.  

When i said ' believe ' earlier i really meant to say Accepted.. In my experience  after i realizing that i am not my body, I felt sacred so i stared to believe i am the Brain; it felt like everything I was aware of came together and was one like a big pot of stew, I said to myself   " I must be the brain, the brain is the only place thoughts come together to be one " and that's how i started to get comfort, then it happen. I became aware that the brain was only a thought/idea , it took a lot out of me to let go of the idea that i am the Brain, ( image getting a rope burn from a very high fall, the rope burn it self is agonizing; felt like i was getting multiple rope burn) After becoming aware of the Ego and knowing that I am not it, I felt amazing, I almost cried out of frustration because it was so obvious that this was all there is. ..... It felt exciting at the same time.

this is the best way I can articulate it...

Edited February 1, 2017 by kuwaynej

[Barna]

For long I felt like awareness is an entity which I am, and which is aware, and that I had to focus on awareness to raise my consciousness. :)) I was soo wrong.  I don't know if you are in the same trap right now.

Awareness is the most effortless "activity" that exists. Awareness is simply what is happening from your perspective in the here and now. It cannot be more effortless than this. Awareness is simply everything what is happening!   And you are awareness, so you are everything what is happening and what already is!  You cannot lose awareness once you realize this. How could you lose what is happening? :))   

[kuwaynej]

1 hour ago, Barna said:

How could you lose what is happening?

@Barna This is a good question and i believe its because I was living in the 'land of thoughts' constantly thinking about Something (my budget, weekly objectives, reality, sex, self improvement/development etc...) all these are important but I had no control over my thought, so I was never or hardly in the moment. I do believe it is possible to loose the little awareness you have and go on autopilot mode. So in a sense i do believe you have to work hard in order to maintain and build up your awareness. For example I realize that this morning when I was walking to the bus stop i had little awareness compare to what i had last night. So there is different levels to awareness or whatever it is.

I maybe wrong , I would love to hear what you think !!

Edited February 1, 2017 by kuwaynej

[cetus]

@kuwaynej That sounds about right to me! One slip of not staying conscious and the mind goes right back to running on it's default mode network.

 

[Barna]

:)) If you know, that something happens, then you are aware of it. If you know, that you are walking to the  bus stop, then you are aware of it. 

If you are so deeply submerged in your thoughts that you don't know what's happening around you, then all you know is thoughts, but you are perfectly aware of your thoughts.  You see, awareness is always there, you cannot do anything to maintain it.  Awareness is simply your reality in the here and now.  And you are all of it!  

Look forward to the moment when you lose all your awareness, because that's the moment when your reality becomes Nothingness itself. That is an enlightenment experience!  

[Visionary]

2 hours ago, Barna said:

For long I felt like awareness is an entity which I am, and which is aware, and that I had to focus on awareness to raise my consciousness. :)) I was soo wrong.  I don't know if you are in the same trap right now.

Awareness is the most effortless "activity" that exists. Awareness is simply what is happening from your perspective in the here and now. It cannot be more effortless than this. Awareness is simply everything what is happening!   And you are awareness, so you are everything what is happening and what already is!  You cannot lose awareness once you realize this. How could you lose what is happening? :))   

Yeah, exactly. Heard some master say that every conscious step you take, is one further away from your true nature. So one should completely drop all desire and surrender to reality. 

[Principium Nexus]

Awareness is always but getting properly in-sync with reality is maybe what is meant. Expanding your conciouss awareness to unseen concepts that build your day to day activities. Improving your larger understanding enables you to use that awareness efficiently.

[Barna]

1 minute ago, Visionary said:

So one should completely drop all desire and surrender to reality. 

Are you saying that desires are not part of reality? :)) 

The method of dropping things that you think you are or have is useful to relax. After you drop everything, you realize, that you are only awareness. But the plot twist is that awareness is everything what is and what's happening, including desires.  

[Visionary]

19 minutes ago, Barna said:

Are you saying that desires are not part of reality? :)) 

The method of dropping things that you think you are or have is useful to relax. After you drop everything, you realize, that you are only awareness. But the plot twist is that awareness is everything what is and what's happening, including desires.  

Yes, the dropping is needed to calm the mind and realize the nature of reality. Which is nothing and everything simultaneously. 

Edit: it calms the mind and tempers the resistance to the present moment,  created by an ideal scenario (desire)

Edited February 1, 2017 by Visionary

[Barna]

9 minutes ago, Principium Nexus said:

Awareness is always but getting properly in-sync with reality is maybe what is meant.

Getting in sync with reality is the same as easing into reality. In other words, realizing that you are already reality. All of the here and now.  

You can be aware of more and more things, this is useful for the person. You can improve the person, there is nothing wrong with that. But if you want to be in sync with reality, if you want to live in truth, you have to realize, that you are already reality. You are already your full reality, doesn't matter how extracted or contracted it is.  And reality is the same as awareness. Both are all what already is and what is happening right here, right now. Including thoughts, emotions, everything!  

[Neo]

Good point. I'm not "my" awareness, I am awareness.

[PureExp]

4 hours ago, kuwaynej said:

No i did not use any of the drugs on the list.

Happy to hear that. I have an intuition that such realizations are completely natural, a part of evolution.

When the fruit is ripe, it drops.

May be it is me, but perhaps many people are having such realization in recent years. Internet, youtube and forums such as this are catalyzing the "Ripening". The speed and spread is increasing day by day. But then it can be just an illusion I'm having. May be it was always like this, and these days we simply come to know of it more.