Did I messed up?

[Alta]

I was doing the neti neti method and when the last thing was gone (thoughts) I started vaguely seeing in my imagination something that I actually saw in my childhood during a fever dream and this memory from childhood got completly deleted from my memory but when this experience occured it just clicked in me and I suddenly remembered it  and it even felt the same. I can't describe it now, and I think I would'nt be able to put it in words even during the experience. But the thing is that during this state what was really present is fear. I, or better maybe my body felt so much fear that it affected my mind and so I started to become terrified. I tried to surrender to this fear and calm myself down, but about in a minute this experience completly wear off and I was left with the biggest confusion and "what the fuck was that" thought. Did I messed it up? Cuz at some point I tried to describe what I'm experiencing and maybe it ruined it. I really want to point out the fact that I definetly experienced that in my childhood maybe even multiple times and it used to scare me a lot (I was a kid cmon who would put a child through such thing) Elp  

[Omni]

21 minutes ago, Alta said:

I was doing the neti neti method and when the last thing was gone (thoughts) I started vaguely seeing in my imagination something that I actually saw in my childhood during a fever dream and this memory from childhood got completly deleted from my memory but when this experience occured it just clicked in me and I suddenly remembered it  and it even felt the same. I can't describe it now, and I think I would'nt be able to put it in words even during the experience. But the thing is that during this state what was really present is fear. I, or better maybe my body felt so much fear that it affected my mind and so I started to become terrified. I tried to surrender to this fear and calm myself down, but about in a minute this experience completly wear off and I was left with the biggest confusion and "what the fuck was that" thought. Did I messed it up? Cuz at some point I tried to describe what I'm experiencing and maybe it ruined it. I really want to point out the fact that I definetly experienced that in my childhood maybe even multiple times and it used to scare me a lot (I was a kid cmon who would put a child through such thing) Elp  

Any experience that arises fear is a sign that you're headed in the right direction. Your ego will do very weird things to distract you and the deeper you go the weirder and intense these distractions tend to be. 

The recurrence means that you are clinging and when you're doing this method it is perhaps trying to force you to continue identifying. I suggest trying to maintain the method through any experience that arises if possible.

[Alta]

I see, the point is to find the irreducible 'thing' so trying to reduce even that experience I had is the way to go, thanks! Also in the past I was doing the kundalini yoga and meditation and I felt this random surge of energy in my body, which felt so weird and I couldn't understand it so I came here for the info and everytime I would read about kundalini or nature of reality this energy becomes turbulent and I become very impatient with what I'm reading as if almost discomforting (which basically never happens to me). So is it ego again trying to distract or hide the truth? Its interesting cuz I understand the context of kundalini and all of that which means the ego also understands it and so the deeper I go about this journey the closer my ego is to dying

[Omni]

3 hours ago, Alta said:

I see, the point is to find the irreducible 'thing' so trying to reduce even that experience I had is the way to go, thanks! Also in the past I was doing the kundalini yoga and meditation and I felt this random surge of energy in my body, which felt so weird and I couldn't understand it so I came here for the info and everytime I would read about kundalini or nature of reality this energy becomes turbulent and I become very impatient with what I'm reading as if almost discomforting (which basically never happens to me). So is it ego again trying to distract or hide the truth? Its interesting cuz I understand the context of kundalini and all of that which means the ego also understands it and so the deeper I go about this journey the closer my ego is to dying

Could be, hard to say. Your investigation can answer that eventually.

I personally yes have had instances where my ego will send me through extremely vivd hallucinations when i’m introspecting, i tend to find myself getting lost in these relatively easy because of how real they feel, sometimes its a memory, sometimes its a scenario playing out or a conversation - but they are the strongest when I’m hitting sensitive stuff within myself.

[_Archangel_]

@Alta When you maditate you will experience all sorts of emotions, visions, childhood memories, Hidden memories etc.
Sometimes without any reason or logic.
When this happens it IS a sign of progress, meaning that you are starting to face the hindrances that prevent you from going further. It is usually called Purification. Think of it as surfacing bubbles that had to be popped.

Don't strain your self. If you see you can't yet handle this emotions (fear in particular) feel free to calm down and end the meditation.
If instead you feel you are still in control of the situation, bite the bullet, accept the emotion or whatever you are experiencing and go on with the practice.

It is important not to suppress it, the attitude should be to accept, embody and let go.

Edited May 16, 2022 by _Archangel_