On Integrity and keeping my word: I want to hear your opinions

[assx95]

I love this girl. At one point in time, she loved me too. She was the first to say - I love you too back to me. I don't know if i became too needy, or too demanding or what needs of her I couldn't meet, or whether i wasn't man enough, she broke up with me 4 months ago.

All the feelings in me, were intact, and i surprised her by visiting her hometown. She was excited to meet me. And it felt like, we would get back together. Then when i started to flirt, and the vibe become sexual, and i told her that i wanted to kiss her, she said, it's not happening. This was when we were in her car. I know i cannot give every single detail. She did let me hold her hand, we did a dance together near the river front. I then told her about this dream/vision, i had of me and a baby girl playing near the river, waiting for her. And she was quick to say- She's not our baby girl. You're not having it with me. 

We then went out to a fancy restaurant by the pool. And I know i should have left long time back and not continued this. I told her - I would never go out with any other girl on a date, cause you and this moment are most special to me. And when she broke up 4 months ago - I told her- I would never say - I love you, to a girl, again. Those words were for you and you alone. I won't repeat it to anyone else. 

Here's the anti-climax, or the stupid part - While i was touching her hair, while we were in the restaurant, i got a boner. And i told her that. Later, while leaving, she told me- We could meet again but only as friends, i said- No, i can't be just friends. Then she said -It was the last time we're meeting. I text her days later- I feel hurt. She ends up calling me disgusting for having said - I had a boner, while in the restaurant. And then she blocks me. There are more nuances and context to the story but this is it roughly. 

I want to keep my word. And the toughest part is i know she isn't coming back and many would say- Why would you want someone who doesn't respect you, don't you have self respect? And to that, i would say- I want to keep my word cause I truly love her. 

[egoeimai]

Yeah but there was something she didn't like about you and that must be okay. I know it's too hard to accept, but it's better this way because you were about to give her your all. 

 

[SamC]

Though shit man. 

The thing about feminity and especially girls is that you can't hold onto them because if you do they slip thorugh your fingers. She needs to be the one to determine the relationship, you should just let whatever happens happen and follow the love by letting it flow thourgh you.

The lesson her is to learn to let go and let whatever happens happen with anything and anyone. What you need will come and be there for you - you won't need to chase it, you don't need to desperately cling to it. That's what she is trying to teach you.

[puporing]

Um.. well.. yeah that's really hard and I can sort of relate. I think it's okay to hold onto the love you have for as long as you need to, because it means so much to you. That's just me though I can't just turn something like that off in a short time either.. It will most likely affect your dating life until someone else comes along that you feel so strongly about. That's the price of the "hopeless romantic" . 

Some stuff you could do to help with this:

- Get to a point where you see yourself to be as whole as possible.

- Be open to allowing other people to come into your life. 

- Talk to someone about it. Try to find closure, in time. 

Edited May 16, 2022 by puporing

[ZzzleepingBear]

5 hours ago, assx95 said:

I want to keep my word cause I truly love her. 

If you really do. Then consider that letting go of her, is the most loving thing you could ever do for her.

For the (I love you) part. You don't owe it to anyone but yourself, when or how to say it. Just use it with care, for anyone you happen to care deeply about if it feels right to you.

And as @puporing mentioned, if you are to be a hopeless romantic, then just be aware that you also have to be hopless to be romantic in that kind of way, just as the description entails. ;-p

 

[something_else]

It sounds like you were being very clingy

A lot of girls find it very claustrophobic and get repelled by it heavily

I don't really think this is anything to do with keeping your word. That sounds like a very bizarre way to justify the clinginess to me.

It's time for you to move on and find someone else, my dude

[assx95]

Thank you everyone for your opinions!