Leo Gura, and Pick Up guy in this forum i have worries about dating and places

[John Iverson]

I have this i don't know if this is neurotic tendency, that because I don't know many various places to date girls, the first date might go well, but don't I need to switch venues? And i i need to have a new venues for the second through seventh date or more how about in the future? I believe I require a large number of locations and keep on researching in order for a girl to not become bored and to remain interested in me. 

The problem is me being really serious about thinking this way and now i am suffering. I suffer from thinking that places is really important to keep a girl that i must have hard work to really know the every places be perfect about it every switch is smooth and i think i should not repeat the place once i use that place as in no repeation forever, keep building and building in and i should researching all the places in the whole country or on earth, the seriousness of it is like me being in the keep doing the hard work of doing it 

And as a result, I am afraid that my current girl will leave me or that I am scared to be unfaithful and made her decide to leave me because she is the girl who makes me feel relaxed about places, even if I don't know any yet. If I do know a place, I can just say, "Hey, let's go here, I want to try this." It's fine if the next discovery of a place takes ten years. I hope you get my point.

Also, if I pursue dating a lot of girls, I'm worried about repeating places because what if you've already dated 40,000 girls or enough girls, and they all go there because maybe that place I made their favorite spot because of me or it just happens to be the one they chose to go. And I'm going to have issues with all of the girls I've dated since this is the only place I have because I don't have many options.

The issue is that I'm worried about places because I don't know any, and it's made me worried about girls and potential relationships because I don't know where to eat or go or to lead them, and they get bored because there's nothing interesting to them going on, or they want the sense of leading them to places and the places we go make them feel like there's something interesting going on, or because i have interesting place i lead them they won't leave me.

Edited May 14, 2022 by John Iverson

[somegirl]

1 hour ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

Another important side note: if you're going past second date without getting laid, something's wrong, and you should either fix your mistakes, or go after another girl. Ideally both.

To be honest, even going past first date is a bit too much for my liking.

Yeah, if you think about it, he should sleep with a girl the moment he sees her, no questions asked. Waiting to go on dates and get to know her is such a hassle. Besides, a girl is just a means to an end (sex), her personality doesn't even matter.

2 hours ago, John Iverson said:

Also, if I pursue dating a lot of girls, I'm worried about repeating places because what if you've already dated 40,000 girls or enough girls, and they all go there because maybe that place I made their favorite spot because of me or it just happens to be the one they chose to go. And I'm going to have issues with all of the girls I've dated since this is the only place I have because I don't have many options.

That's such an irrational thought that your mind is playing on you. You won't sleep with 40,000 most likely, and they WON'T go to the same place at the same time as you. That's so freaking unlikely.

This is just your mind playing games on you and rationalizing why you shouldn't go out and talk to girls.

 

[something_else]

3 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Yeah, if you think about it, he should sleep with a girl the moment he sees her, no questions asked. Waiting to go on dates and get to know her is such a hassle. Besides, a girl is just a means to an end (sex), her personality doesn't even matter.

I think the point being made was that if a man values sex highly, then he doesn't want a girl who's going to use sex as a tool, withhold it, and play games around it. 

If I were going on dates with a girl and she didn't want to have sex after three dates I know we're not compatible based upon that alone, I want her to be burning with the desire to fuck me and it shouldn't take more than a date or two at most for that chemistry to be built

It isn't wrong or disgusting for men to value and prioritise sex when dating

[JonasVE12]

This chaotic thinking is the reactivity to your own emotions of fear and shame in relationship to meeting and dating women. You're not handling your emotions proactively and you are escaping to your head and obsessing over banale things. Just breath. Stay in your body and be present when you show up. That's all you need. The rest is non-sense and overthinking. Nice places are cool, but if you are gonna be so reactive, man, you have much more to worry about than where you are taking her. You are thinking about building a roof while you haven't contacted an architect first. Focus on relaxing and letting things flow. Women like spontaneity. Being able to step into the unknown and handling that well makes you so much more attractive. Compulsively planning everything up front just ruins all the fun. 

 

[something_else]

You can research good places in your city online. Or even just walk through your city on a Friday and Saturday night and see which places are busy, filled with people in your age range

Or, you can use my strategy, tell her: "let's meetup and walk about till we find somewhere for a drink"

You could then have somewhere in mind and walk her there, or just actually explore the city together and look for a place that you both like

The other plus side of this is that there's usually less tension when you walk and talk than when you sit across a table from each other, so walking a bit is a nice way to start a date

[somegirl]

21 minutes ago, something_else said:

t isn't wrong or disgusting for men to value and prioritise sex when dating

Sure it's not, it's just that I found funny that someone would suggest that you should move on to another girl if the first girl is not willing to have sex even after a first date. 

A bit much, no?

26 minutes ago, something_else said:

think the point being made was that if a man values sex highly, then he doesn't want a girl who's going to use sex as a tool, withhold it, and play games around it.

A girl is not playing games when they are taking time to decide if it's smart to sleep with a guy so soon (of course some play games). It's just that a girl functions differently than a guy. It's more riskier for a girl to sleep with a wrong guy. This is why girls are picky. We have more things at stake.

29 minutes ago, something_else said:

If I were going on dates with a girl and she didn't want to have sex after three dates I know we're not compatible based upon that alone, I want her to be burning with the desire to fuck me and it shouldn't take more than a date or two at most for that chemistry to be built

I agree with this.

I was just talking about people suggesting that one should move on if they're not getting laid after the first date. 

[Ulax]

You are enough dude. Sounds like some childhood stuff around needing to earn attention. 

Short term, just don't go to places that overtly suck.

Maybe see it as an exploratory thing. Where would you like to explore that you haven't explored before? What would you like to do? What's a place that suits both your interests.

[something_else]

5 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Sure it's not, it's just that I found funny that someone would suggest that you should move on to another girl if the first girl is not willing to have sex even after a first date. 

A bit much, no?

Yea, I do agree that deciding to move on if sex hasn't happened after one date is definitely a bit much.

I would say if it hasn't happened after two dates, that's when I'd start to seriously consider moving on. If she can't work out whether she wants to have sex by the second date, we're probably not going to be compatible.

10 minutes ago, somegirl said:

A girl is not playing games when they are taking time to decide if it's smart to sleep with a guy so soon (of course some play games). It's just that a girl functions differently than a guy. It's more riskier for a girl to sleep with a wrong guy. This is why girls are picky. We have more things at stake.

I want to go for girls who are immediately very attracted to me after just one or two dates, I want the attraction to be raw, pure, obvious and passionate. If it's taking her three or more dates to get attracted, then IMO the attraction is not strong enough and I'd feel like I'm wasting both our time by pursuing it any further

I know that girls who connect with me quickly like that are out there, so I go looking for them instead of girls who can't make their mind up about me

I think this is the essence of what @Knowledge Hoarder was getting at

[somegirl]

@something_else Thanks for being his advocate. ?

I understood what @Knowledge Hoarder differently, which is why I commented.

4 hours ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

To be honest, even going past first date is a bit too much for my liking

This was what I found interesting and kind of unreasonable. But whatever. 

Edited May 14, 2022 by somegirl

[NoSelfSelf]

You are alredy at a loss putting her above yourself no matter if you take her on the end of the world and back....

Edit:and putting things outside of yourself that will bring value to make her stay is a big no no disconeccted from your own self better queastion is what my inner world ill show her that nobody can? instead of what venue ill take her...

[Arcangelo]

On 5/14/2022 at 8:29 AM, John Iverson said:

I have this i don't know if this is neurotic tendency, that because I don't know many various places to date girls, the first date might go well, but don't I need to switch venues? And i i need to have a new venues for the second through seventh date or more how about in the future? I believe I require a large number of locations and keep on researching in order for a girl to not become bored and to remain interested in me.

Yes and no.