Building the Ultimate Infrastructure

[Ayham]

sorry for not being able to update, i am on a trip to Northern Iraq with a tourist group of families. 

my diet currently sucks (lots of chips and candy) since we're buying and eating local foods or at restaurants so nothing healthy, i am not able to Meditate since either im out since the early morning, or very tired at night (right now). 

i am not able to read, or do life purpose course of course.  

i feel guilty, but i will let myself enjoy it mindfully. 

also im scared lol, tomorrow we will go on a kind of cart that moves between two large mountains very slowly  to "enjoy the view". 

imma return on 15 june, until then, im taking a break. 

[Gesundheit2]

@Ayham Part of the work, in my experience, has been to learn how to let go and enjoy my time outside of my plans and schedule. Flowing with life is a skill, and you become better at it with time, awareness, and practice. I find that the more I am capable of enjoying my spare time, the more efficient I often am at what I do seriously, as long as the intention and presence is there. Fun activities refresh the psyche and give way for more creative thoughts. And in a sense, a lot of spiritual practices are a way for learning how to let go and go with the flow of life.

Enjoy your time, bro. Own it, and don't feel guilty about it. The only time wasted in life is the time we waste on negative thoughts. Focus your attention on how to enjoy the trip to the max, and on how to make the most memorable moments out of it. Good luck!

Edited June 11, 2022 by Gesundheit2

[Ayham]

@Gesundheit2your replies are always positive and motivating to read!

i get your point, it's probably true, but im still not at the stage where i can have high awareness during my daily life, it happened a few times when i had my meditation go very well, i spent the whole day afterwards in a magical bliss. im trying to not get attached to such states tho. 

so in like 10 minutes we are going to some cool mountain (one of the highest here) with a tourist place, and there's something on top, idk what's its caled, but it's basically a small glass cart that moves between two super high mountains hanging from cables or wires (it's pretty safe) 

i have heights phobia tho, so ahahahhahaha I'm scarred as fuck. 

but imma have fun i suppose! 

 

[Gesundheit2]

@Ayham I think it's called "Aerial Tramway" or "Teleferik":

Never been on one before, but always wanted to know what that would feel like.

Edited June 12, 2022 by Gesundheit2

[Ayham]

@Gesundheit2ahahaha yes this is it, i thought "teleferik" had different name in English, yeah that's what i got on lol. 

the beginning is scary, but the rest is fun (sort of). 

i enjoyed it. 

[Ayham]

@Gesundheit2@Gesundheit2 the previous post i made here was on the typing section and only the tag can't be removed (i guess a site issue on mobile). 

 

so anyways today im back to hermit mode, i woke up late but not the oversleeping late, it was like getting the needed sleep from previous nights where i didn't sleep enough. 

so it feels like my little vacation made me more energized and effective, i was better at things i do, much better in fact. 

one cool accomplishment i did was that i sat and contemplated why i waste time (i really don't know where my time goes, i seem to be unproductive because i haven't thought about time management much, not because i have poor work ethic) and i really looked at the clock and thought about each our, turns out most of my time goes to googling stuff related to personal development that don't really give answers (i use reddit and this forum on google to see posts where people ask questions about meditation/eating/cold showers/values/Lipe purpose to get answers) and i just seem to be circling around the same questions. 

so the rest of my contemplation was about how to solve this and how to be productive, i decided to specify time to Googling. 

and also opened the 7 habits of highly effective people since i remember there was something in it about time management (i have watched a yt summary of it long ago), so now i printed the weekly planner from it and will use it on Saturday, its so brilliant. 

Life Purpose

reviewed values, and did three strengths assessments, typed the results, will organize them to a final list tomorrow.

also the only part i have skipped  of the course is the negative values release visualization, since i didn't end up with a negative value in my selection, but i chose two that seemed related to me so i could do it (certainty and approval) 

Reading 

i read 20 pages, the book rambled about why social media is unhealthy, seems like something i agree with, i also tried to implement something from time management from the book, then realized it exists in the 7 habits planner. 

Diet 

all clean again, finally. 

also ate lots of fruits and made banana smoothie. 

Meditation 

WOAH, so today i decided something entirely different, i changed the technique to do nothing with sds, and put the timer for an hour, my plan was to force myself to sit an hour of do nothing everyday for a week as a mini retreat, but lol I couldn't do an hour but guess what!

i gave up at 35 minutes, and i could've sat more, it didn't get unbearable, so great, i thought instead of an hour i will make the challenge 35 minutes, i also know how to use deliberate practice for meditation now! 

i will bring a pencil and a notebook after my meditation session and write what went right and what went wrong and how i could make it better. 

also the meditation session results were there, i felt different, the results from do nothing are subtle and less obvious, but they're there. 

Physics 

will start Saturday, because i didn't do it today and i take Thursday and Friday as rest from studying. 

[Ayham]

oh, before yesterday i forgot to post, and yesterday post is not showing. F. 

also i started using seven habits planner, its AF. 

 

now im 100% sure of strengths, and zone of genius, values is a bit confusing, only in the top 2, i dont know which one is higher. 

This week, i will have all of my LP figured out (expect domain of mastery and ideal medium) 

Diet 

All clean

Reading

i can finish deep work in like 2 or 3 days maximum, i also set a time this week to sit with a pen and paper and make time to figure out how to implement it, im not gonna follow through things to the letter, for example there's a scheduling technique where you schedule every minute of the day, i will use covey's weekly scheduling. 

so i will apply everything, but i will combine it with other stuff for some things. 

also i will start the big leap afterwards to get my zone of genius clearer. 

Meditation 

i started with the mind illuminated yesterday, it's amazing, i am gaining so much clarity from little time (i am pushing for whole 35 minutes, but only the first 25 or 20 are actually meditation, the rest is basically me moving restlessly), i think this is what's missing from my practice, i literally started meditation with insight meditation instead of concentration lol. 

gym 

I had gym today and did amazing, i felt like a god.

Physics 

haha, didn't have time, but i put it into the weekly schedule so.. easy. 

 

 

[Ayham]

okay, today is possibly the best day i have journaled about here, for several reasons:

1. using covey's weekly schedule made me do stuff much better 2. i pushed my limits and meditated for 40 mins 3. i watched leo's last video and posted a summary in the summaries section (i stopped watching leo long ago, i watched all videos in start here section and started life purpose course, so i don't know a lot about his recent stuff, but i got the basics covered) 

the "how to fall in love with life" motivated me so much, i know i am on the right track and i am 100% committed to this, i ultimately want to reach a level nobody has reached. 

this makes me feel like I'm not doing enough, which got me researching about stuff to do and how to know if i am doing enough, then i had an insight, which is that to stop my research addiction but still research since it's important, i will make a list of what I want to research in my commonplace book and add to it everyday. 

But no, i won't just research them in a set time, the criteria to research anything on that list would be to contemplate it on my own with a, pen ant paper then research. 

this will multiply my research quality by 10x

Life Purpose 

I found zone of genius, thanks to the schedule, i also used deep work to do it. 

basically it is to find the right answers to things, anything im best at, this is the exact thing im doing when im doing it. 

for example : research, contemplation, reading curiously, studying curiously, learning. 

with the exception of planning and developing myself. 

But maybe i am best when i am developing myself or planning rather than the above. 

Diet

this is funny, my mom brought some sort of cake for me and my sister, i didn't wanna say no to her, but i did, i felt good for saying no, but felt bad for disappointing her, i think she brought it to see us enjoy it or something. 

Meditation 

well i meditated after i woke up and couldn't do 15 minutes, i was disappointed at how much mi practice is worsening. 

in afternoon, i decided to Meditate again, set timer for 40 minutes, and i was literally screaming to myself and promising that i will sit through it all without moving, i did TMI practice and a bit of mindfulness labeling on the pain at the end. 

but the last 5 minutes i wanted to kill myself, i actually teared up from the pain, i started shaking and trembling, i wanted to cry, but i sat through it all, i felt different afterwards, idk how to explain it. 

my plan now is to continue sitting 35 minutes with such strong intention, i will maintain a streak, next week i will make it 40.

Physics 

yooo, i forced myself to sit but once curiosity got running i started to have fun.

 

FUCK YOU @Leo Gura, I LOVE THIS SHIT! 

 

[Ayham]

so today wasn't like yesterday, F. 

 Life Purpose 

I figured out my impact statement, it did not change, but during my brainstorming session which was very deep, i think i also found my domain of mastery. 

my impact statement is basically: to make people reach their full human potential. 

combined with my zone of genius: finding answers that make people reach their full human potential. 

my domain of mastery is personal development. 

so in practice it would bel like choosing a topic, getting to deep level if understanding nobody has gotten to before through reading + experimenting + contemplating, then present in a practical way through my ideal medium (no idea what it is) to make people grow to extraordinary levels!! 

this lights a fire under my ass. 

Diet 

all clean, ate lots of fruits too. 

Reading 

i can finish the book tomorrow, after i finish i will sit with a journal and contemplate how to implement it. 

Meditation 

so i said i will be on a streak for full 35 mins without moving at all and without checking timer, but today, i also sat with strong intention, but the last 7 minutes i was restless and kept moving, but i didn't end it early. 

i also found i get whatever i push to, if i make timer for 25 mins, i will find it hard to reach it, same with 30, 20 and whatever.

Physics 

did good work. 

gym

i pushed my limits today 

[Ayham]

well.
so um i woke up early today, its great, i was super motivated today, life purpose stuff is really lighting a fire under my ass.

i also got back in the habit of watching videos after taking a break from theory (videos theory specifically).

i watched a video from healthy gamer channel and Leo`s motivational speech (i am taking notes, i didn't complete it all, tomorrow i will post my notes in the summaries thread).

Life purpose

did new me sheet.

only one thing i am not sure of is zone of genius, but i will read the big leap for that.

i still don't know my ideal medium btw.

Diet

clean.

Reading

surprise surprise, i finished deep work and completed my notes for it and made an implementation plan.

i will start big leap tomorrow.

Meditation

i sat for 35 minutes, i gave up at the last two, i still sat but i was just moving around, i also checked my leg once since i felt there was a cockroach on it.

you know what, fuck it, i think i have got into a victim mindset about this, there is really nothing stopping me from sitting the whole time, enough bullshitting myself, i will sit the whole time tomorrow, and no i wont try, i will do it.

Physics

i did what i used to do in school to procrastinate, watching personal development videos rather than studying.

F, will do better tomorrow.

[Ayham]

AHAAHAHAHAHAH, this keeps getting better and better, i love this stuff so much.

today I finished my contemplation tools (i have these small yellow papers, that are put in like a stack notebook you can pull from) so I got the bigger version after coming back from the gym.

hmmm, what else, oh yeah.

I realized I am starting to turn these spiritual stuff into dogma and ideology, and I don't know how to not do that, I will add that to my contemplation list.

Life Purpose

well I tried making a vision board, i was trying to download abode photoshop cracked but internet sucks so it starts downloading then stops midway, even when I use IDM.

Diet

clean.

Reading

did not read a lot, only introduction of big leap.

Meditation

 my technique worked!  I sat the whole time, i thought: its probably 25 minutes in now, then i heard the goddamn bell, its been 35 minutes!

but my focus was weird, it would get so deep for like 30 seconds, like sooo deep, like everything other than the breath disappears from existence, then after 30 seconds or so i get sucked back in to distraction for like 2 minutes or even more.

i also spent the whole day in spiritual bliss, and yeah I'm trying not to get attached to it.

Physics

watched meditation videos instead, F, BUT I WONT GIVE UP, I WILL DEVELOP GODLY WORK ETHIC.

Gym

yo, so currently I go each other day, i decided to make more structure into my routine, i would go the first day on Sunday, second day on Tuesday and third on Thursday.

and in between them I will go do HIIT on the treadmill (Monday and Wednesday)

[Gesundheit2]

7 hours ago, Ayham said:

I realized I am starting to turn these spiritual stuff into dogma and ideology, and I don't know how to not do that, I will add that to my contemplation list.

Wow! This is huge! And it's a tricky thing for sure, but I think you're on the right track as long as you are willing to self-reflect.

Quote

Life Purpose

well I tried making a vision board, i was trying to download abode photoshop cracked but internet sucks so it starts downloading then stops midway, even when I use IDM.

Did you try mutaz.net or pesktop.com?

Edited June 23, 2022 by Gesundheit2

[Ayham]

 

Quote

Wow! This is huge! And it's a tricky thing for sure, but I think you're on the right track as long as you are willing to self-reflect.

yeah it is sneaky, I just read through this article.

self reflection seems similar to contemplation but more practical, I think this journal is a form of self reflection, I will also do it when making weekly schedule on Saturdays. 

Quote

Did you try mutaz.net or pesktop.com?

well I don't know about those, but I downloaded something called GIMP, its good, free, and open source.

[Gesundheit2]

@Ayham Yeah, GIMP is good and very similar to Photoshop, and at the same time it's a lot lighter.

[Ayham]

it is this time of the day.

today I was frustrated cuz I woke up at 12 pm, so yes.

also no physics today since i decided I wont study Thursdays and Fridays.

Life Purpose

well, I download GIMP, did not know how to use it, figured it out, collected shit ton of images, will organize them into a thing tomorrow, I will share my vision board here tomorrow.

Diet

clean.

Reading

I read like a chapter of the big leap.

today I also continued with the mind illuminated.

Meditation

so, I did only 20 minutes, mainly because I was hurried since I woke up late.

also I am thinking, what stage of TMI do you reach access concentration, I think when I reach that stage, I will add Shinzen noting meditation back, but it will be a combined thing, so I would start the session with TMI, until I reach access concentration, and when I do reach access concentration, I switch to noting, that means I would keep developing my concentration, but at the same time do noting, but that means I need a way to be able to reach access concentration within each session, which means I need advanced levels in TMI, so..... idk.

I will keep this idea, will see where it goes.

 

 

[Ayham]

letss gooooo.

today was cool, i contemplated "what is meaning" and had an insight that transformed how i look into life purpose, which is baiscally, life purpose is supposed to be meaningful, and what you find meaningful comes a large part from your beliefs, ex: you believe that what humanity needs is eco friendly cars, so that will meaningful for you, so baiscally after choosing a life purpose, you grow into it as you believe into it.

i also started using wikipedia, it might be one of the best sources i have found, everyone knows about wikipedia, but this is the first time i actually use it.

Life purpose

wait, IT IS MORE THAN THE MAX FILE SIZE, I CANT PUT IT HERE.

ok i will try taking a screenshot of it, idk if that helps.

yes it did

ok the quality is now bad, but it is good on the original one.

so, it is kinda embarrassing to hang this in front of my family, but UGH, fine, will find a chance to go to printing place.

Also i love this vision board so much.

Diet

clean, lots of fruits.

Reading

read lotss today, I love this book.

Meditation

so i went through the whole 35 minutes, very good, I SEE IMPROVEMENT, the amount of times i can get to 35 minutes is increasing.

Gym

I DID GREAT, lots of improvement in the amount of weights i can lift.

[Ayham]

OHOHHOHOHO

ok these reactions are getting old lol, so today lots of cool thingies,  I woke up early, I made weekly schedule, I watched space movie.

I also texted with friend for like hours, I also shared my life purpose, and I made him take strengths assessment and choose values (more like forced him). but it was not the same as the course, i basically did the very basics without details, we also talked about turkey (we both have a plan to study university there, it is very cheap, and for me i want to go to Canada after getting degree) i also told him about contemplation, he did not like it, and told me this philosophical stuff and personal development im into is not for him and he does not like it, i understood that.

I think there's no reason to share these stuff with others unless they ask , but i am always tempted to tell others about this, and i get disappointed from them not caring or sharing the passion, embarking on this journey, i basically lost all my friends, literally, i go weeks without taking to someone except my parents and it is mostly small talk, i am naturally introverted, so its not hard, but i still get lonely from time to time, and when i talk with others i get drained so much, i am a strong introvert, but i still get lonely, but when i talk i get drained, its weird.

and if i talk about these things and someone belittles these stuff, i feel like i have been robbed from.

but this is my journey, it is a lonely path and i dare to walk it, and i truly have never been happier.

and for me there is literally no option other than this, seeing what can be possible makes me not able to return to life of playing video games, watching anime, scrolling Instagram, etc. 24/7

also I will start learning to code tomorrow (learning web development as a skill to work as a freelancer to start saving money for my life purpose for when i grow up)

Life Purpose

Imma print the thingies tomorrow, and imma change Vitruvian man to a censored version. 

and i am going through the "making it real" part, idk if i should implement, i think making it real should happen after growing up, right now i need foundation and having a vision of where my life should go, and developing my domain of mastery so i am capable as an adult.

also i think my ideal medium is either coaching or seminars, probably the latter.

Diet

clean.

Reading

read a lot.

it is talking about a problem called upper limit problem and that everyone has it, I didn't see it in me though, I probably need to increase my awareness.

Meditation

35 minutes is becoming easy, i think i should stop thinking of quantity and switch to quality, here is my plan:
in July I continue 35 minutes

in august 40

in September 45

in October 50

in November 55 

and finally an hour in December, this way I will make myself used with each duration and I will increase gradually, which will allow me to focus on quality.

physics

bad, i don't like this anymore, but i have to train myself to be able to do it in school.

 

 

 

[Ayham]

ok..

so i woke up late, and yeah.. nothing special

also like 4 months ago i read Shinzen book called the science of enlightenment (except two last chapters)

so i completed one today and will see when I can complete the second, it feels weird to have it left finished but not completely.

Life Purpose

WELL, I want to cry, well not really, more like I want to bury myself.

so I went to printing place, I was literally dying out of embarrassment, anyways printer guy looked at me smiling or laughing but didn't say anything, and there's the other part that my family are seeing my vision board and me sheet, my mom liked the idea, though she doesn't know what the me sheet actually is, because few people are able to speak English beyond basic stuff taught in school here (btw i learned English by accident by watching gaming vids on YouTube when i was 12 in English) and i have put the me sheet in English so, they might understand words but not everything which is exactly what I want, it feels to cringe and embarrassing to have people see my me sheet)

I actually thought about printing it in some secret code lol.

also I did fear visualization, was great, and the limiting beliefs exercise and watched two more vids.

I can complete the course after tomorrow.

Diet

clean

Reading

well, my reading method involves that before reading each chapter, I read the first sentence of each chapter to get the big picture, but the chapter was very long so just doing that took a long time.

Meditation

yo, I checked timer when 2 minutes was left, and that's  the only time I moved.

my next step in meditation: access concentration.

also I did shit ton of practice in daily life which skyrocketed my sensory clarity to an observable degree, colors got super intense, just like when I first started meditation, but remember! detachment from states, and I will also enjoy them while they last.

Gym

I lifted higher weights today, improvement!

ah I'm so happy, everything I'm doing is starting to snowball!

Physics

welp, didn't do it, listened to a lecture about Buddhist philosopher and the path of the middle way.

I also busted the limiting belief about procrastinating about formal studying things, so that will change tomorrow, I will prove it to myself! its now or never.

Programming

hell yes, new thing, well I am starting with HTML since i want web development, I was unsure whether to start with the Odin project or free code camp.

ended up starting with FCC.

I will learn HTML, CSS, JavaScript, then PHP.

 

 

 

[Ayham]

so, idk

nothing special.

played monopoly with my sister tho.

Life purpose

i am kind of confused, i will do the getting it in your subconscious mind exercises, i don't know about building skills, you know what, i will do that in holidays, so right now, but not yet, i am kind of overwhelmed from doing so much stuff, my priority is to complete the course, will see how to do organize it afterwards.

also, I AM SO PASSIONATE ABOUT MY LIFE PURPOSE.

Diet

clean.

Reading

13 pages, more about upper limit problem, the part today was insightful.

Meditation

so i basically got used to 35 minutes, i am using see hear feel technique again, with trying to get to access concentration in the beginning, if i can get myself to access concentration then do see hear feel, i think my meditation will be ideal for me, all i need is to continue increasing 5 minutes a month afterwards.

i might do the thing in the video "going from abstract to concrete" to get to access concentration.

Gym

today was the running only day, not weight lifting, i ran too fast and my waist killed me, hehehe.

also i am actually too skinny, i don't know why i am running, i mean it is healthy but still, maybe it might be harmful to me.

Physics

I actually did study today, it was actually fun.

I proved to myself that i can study when i commit to, now i need to continue the habit so that i get used to studying school subjects so i can study when school comes.

[Ayham]

so ahahaaha, i woke up late, ate, meditated only 20 minutes, didnt do anything productive afterwards , i took it as a vacation.