Not feeling clubs, anywhere else to meet girls-Need advice

[Karmadhi]

Hey guys, so i have done some nightgame recently and even though it has potential i do not really see myself in it. I feel like my social skills are greatly reduced and in general it is not a very enjoyable experience. From the loud music, to the great importance of physicality, to dealing with friends and girls never solo i would like to find some new avenues to meet girls. Interesting enough, i thought girls were going to be super receptive in night game but apparently they always tend to stick with their groupie and it is not easy at all to get convos started (not easier than it would be in a gym or park for example). This suprised me a bit.

 Just some information about myself for those that do not know me.

-I am a natural introvert with decent social skills. I excel in 1 on 1 communication with a chill, laid back atmosphere around it.

-I am not a big fan of heavy physicality from the start, i prefer to use my verbals rather than my physicality at the beginning.

-My natural standards for looks are not that high. Every time im out and about (i have an active lifestyle), i see at least 4-5 girls worth approaching. So the situation that Leo describes where he has to walk for a few hours to find 3-4 girls worth approaching does not apply to me. 

- I want to get better and have the ability to get a girl if i want to as long as i am wiling to work for it.

So with these charactersistics, which place would you reccomend?

I assume daygame would be the answer, but where exactly? Where does daygame work best?

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdHY5UaT5-k

[flyingguitarist]

@RazeThat was interesting , to save time for others , the essence of the video is to

Broaden up your interests (take classes like dance , yoga, Martial arts ,art classes and visit  gallaries,etc) , and be early or stay late after the class to socialize(if possible invite them to join in your other interests too.) ,This would hit two birds with one stone (developing lifestyle + meeting girls) 

[Leo Gura]

Well, your only other options are:

• Day game
• Social circle
• Build up a public career where you meet lots of new people

If you often see 4-5 girls worth approaching then why are you asking? There it is! Now fucking approach.

I prefer gaming outside the clubs. But you need good locations for that. I am way better at hitting on a girl in the lobby of a casino or shopping mall vs inside a club.

[Karmadhi]

@Leo Gura

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

If you often see 4-5 girls worth approaching then why are you asking? There it is! Now fucking approach.

It is just that daygame and hitting on girls randomly on the street has a horrible connotation because mostly really creepy people do it and it is considered weird by society's standards. This really holds me back when it comes to doing it. 

Also a lot of girls when by themselves wear headsets and seem unapproachable af in general.

I am talking mostly about the street here. In a park for eg it is different.

What about libararies? They have a lot of nice girls there but it is usually a quieter environements, people are busy studying. You ever did approaches there?

[Ulax]

48 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

@Leo Gura

It is just that daygame and hitting on girls randomly on the street has a horrible connotation because mostly really creepy people do it and it is considered weird by society's standards. This really holds me back when it comes to doing it. 

Also a lot of girls when by themselves wear headsets and seem unapproachable af in general.

Just do a 'take of your headphones' motion with your hands, and chuck in a statement of empathy like, 'I understand this is random', then get your other fundamentals in check and you're golden ;).

Just doing daygame is tough tho, imo. I've done a solid pure stretch of it before, and I found it a lot tougher than my nightgame escapades, but I also learnt a lot of different things from it. Personally, in terms of growth, I think its important to mix doing both, but that's just me.

I think lounge bar could be something you'd be interested in, too. Good luck.

[Vrubel]

3 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

It is just that daygame and hitting on girls randomly on the street has a horrible connotation because mostly really creepy people do it and it is considered weird by society's standards. This really holds me back when it comes to doing it. 

I feel you bro, this is the core argument against daygame yet you have to rise above it. A big part of learning day game is learning to approach girls in a nonchalant way that doesn't make you feel like a clown or crazy person. Approach her like somebody you already know. Be aware of the situation but also learn to not give a shit about other people because I can guarantee you that they don't give a shit about you. At end of the day, you're the one that decides what is socially acceptable.
 

[Leo Gura]

4 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

@Leo Gura

It is just that daygame and hitting on girls randomly on the street has a horrible connotation because mostly really creepy people do it and it is considered weird by society's standards. This really holds me back when it comes to doing it. 

Also a lot of girls when by themselves wear headsets and seem unapproachable af in general.

I am talking mostly about the street here. In a park for eg it is different.

What about libararies? They have a lot of nice girls there but it is usually a quieter environements, people are busy studying. You ever did approaches there?

Now you're just making excuses. It's creepy because you think it's creepy and because you probably are creepy.

Every girl is approachable. I have gotten dates and lays from girls on headphones and even in the middle of phone calls. First time I ever got laid was from stopping a girl walking in the mall talking to her mom on the phone. She was 25, fyi. I once approached a girl at the gym who was running on a treadmill with headphones on. It resulted in a date.

Street approaching is no harder than any other kind. It's a very common approach style in cities like NY, London, and Vegas. I got wings who pull girls walking outside on the Vegas Strip on a weekly basis. Like 60 min pulls from street to sex.

Stop making excuses and train yourself to approach.

Of course you can approach in a library. Although who the hell uses libraries these days??

[How to be wise]

21 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Although who the hell uses libraries these days??

Libraries wouldn’t exist if there weren’t people using it.

[Hello from Russia]

50 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Of course you can approach in a library. Although who the hell uses libraries these days??

Libraries nowadays are hubs for working on something in silence : P , I personally enjoy modern library vibes

Edited May 12, 2022 by Hello from Russia

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Hello from Russia said:

Libraries nowadays are hubs for working on something in silence : P , I personally enjoy modern library vibes

Hand her a Post-It note:

"Pssst... Just wanted to tell you, you are fucking adorable ;)"

[Hello from Russia]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Hand her a Post-It note:

"Pssst... Just wanted to tell you, you are fucking adorable ;)"

There is even a whole section on pornhub with library stuff, don't underestimate it

[mmKay]

. 

Edited May 13, 2022 by mmKay

[Karmadhi]

20 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Now you're just making excuses. It's creepy because you think it's creepy and because you probably are creepy.

Every girl is approachable. I have gotten dates and lays from girls on headphones and even in the middle of phone calls. First time I ever got laid was from stopping a girl walking in the mall talking to her mom on the phone. She was 25, fyi. I once approached a girl at the gym who was running on a treadmill with headphones on. It resulted in a date.

Street approaching is no harder than any other kind. It's a very common approach style in cities like NY, London, and Vegas. I got wings who pull girls walking outside on the Vegas Strip on a weekly basis. Like 60 min pulls from street to sex.

Stop making excuses and train yourself to approach.

Personally i do not think it is creepy per say if done right, society sees it as creepy and conditiones you 24/7 to think it is desperate, creepy and weird. You are basically going against all social norms which ofc are fake in an absolute sense but you feel them in the relative survival sense.

How do you condition yourself not to care about society norms?

[Federico del pueblo]

@Karmadhi I don't know...now it sounds like you don't feel clubs, but you also don't feel daygame.

But you know...night game and daygame are simply the best options unless you have some hobbies where you're almost guaranteed to meet girls frequently, like living close to the beach being a surf dude or so.

Why do you not go to bars instead of clubs? Bars are definitely more quiet than clubs and are basically built for people to talk to each other. Yes, you still have to talk loudly enough there, but it's ok.

Getting good with girls is a lot about getting good with people in general. You can't just skip the socializing. You won't find places where a docen of hot girls is lined up for you to talk to them (in a chill laid back environment ?).

So this way or another you'll have to do things that are awkward to get girls.

In night game you must engage the entire group and spend considerable time with all of them, and if you're good and the friends like you, then maybe isolation is possible.

In daygame you have to deal with the awkwardness of approaching in more silent environments where other people might overhear you talking to her.

If that wasn't the case, daygame would be easy and everybody would do it, but because it is hard, nobody does it, so if you get good at it, you win.

You can only gradually desensitize yourself to the awkwardness, by doing social challenges, structured in a progressive way, so each challenge is a bit uncomfortable, but doable.

Also forget about the "I'm a natural introvert" thing. Everybody who wants to start with game thinks that. It's just another limiting belief EVEN if true. Your brain is plastic. You can change. If you do the right things you could become someone who regularly speaks in front of a several thousands people audience, as the natural introvert.

For the library: draw a tic tac toe game on a shit of paper already with your first X written somewhere and write "you won't have any chance :)" on it, then beat her at the game, then start convo

[Karmadhi]

2 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

Why do you not go to bars instead of clubs?

Because people there are in groups and it is super weird and not socially acceptable to just join in. It annoys people, especially if there are girls and guys there. Imagine you go out with your cirlce of friends to have  a good time and some random guy wants to join you. If there are 2 girls for example it can work great if you are with another guy but that requires you to have a wing. You cannot rely on having a wing 2 times every week. 

2 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

In night game you must engage the entire group and spend considerable time with all of them, and if you're good and the friends like you, then maybe isolation is possible

In clubs you can do this, in bars not. At least where i live these are the social conventions.

2 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

In daygame you have to deal with the awkwardness of approaching in more silent environments where other people might overhear you talking to her.

I do not mind silent environement, i just mind the horrible stigma it has. It makes me feel like i am being weird, desperate etc. It goes against my identity as a "normal" guy according to society standards.

2 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

You can only gradually desensitize yourself to the awkwardness, by doing social challenges, structured in a progressive way, so each challenge is a bit uncomfortable, but doable.

I have definetly have done that by going to social events by myself and forcing myself to talk to people. I love meeting people through social events, it is by far the best way to meet people imo because everyone there is super friendly, it is a chill enviroenemtn and not weird. However, there are not enough of them unfortunately.

2 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

Also forget about the "I'm a natural introvert" thing. Everybody who wants to start with game thinks that. It's just another limiting belief EVEN if true. Your brain is plastic. You can change. If you do the right things you could become someone who regularly speaks in front of a several thousands people audience, as the natural introvert.

I agree with that totally, i have personally made massive imporvements in socializing.

[Federico del pueblo]

15 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

Because people there are in groups and it is super weird and not socially acceptable to just join in. It annoys people, especially if there are girls and guys there.

If I offered you 10.000$ to try to just talk to a group in a bar, would you be willing to risk it?

If so, what do you think would happen, with wich likelihood? (Worst case/best case)

I don't know where you live, but where I live (Germany, which has this stereotype of people having a stick up their asses), I could definitely think of bars that kinda lean a little bit towards a club, but not as loud music, with fairly high energy and people being all fairly close to each other so that it's not like you have to walk 20 ft from one group/place to another group.

And yeah, it's not like people look like they're bagging you to talk to them either, but possible. But who knows, maybe where you live it's different.