Just need a little rant

[Someone here]

Happiness in life is determined by the circumstances in which you were born. If you were born into a wealthy, happy family you will likely be financially secure and happy until the end of your life. If you are born into a dysfunctional family of drug addicts you will likely be just like your parents because everything in life is perpetual as life is a competition and money is God in our society. If you are upper class you are God, if you are lower class you are treated like dirt. Drugs are for poor people to escape the pain of being poor so they can transition to homelessness where they can commit suicide after they have paid their dealers their money and time. The rich get richer. Every dollar is blood money. If you are wealthy you have everything. If you are poor you have nothing. That is how capitalism works. If you are on this forum you have been duped by the rich. Nobody has any free will except to be governed by impulses and primitive instincts like fear. If addicts had free will they wouldn't be addicts in the first place. The element of chance when you were born just happened to result in circumstances that encourage addiction, and a bad life, and this random number generator just happened to spit out the right numbers for the person next to you for them to never have any real problems. Once you are on a downwards spiral the only place to go is to continue going dowwards because nobody tells you rock bottom is actually death. The people that commit suicide just get there faster. Rich people have a life drive and poor people have a chronic death drive. The people most prone to child abuse, and other crimes are, you guessed it: poor people. In the animal kingdom the prey are destined to suffer being eaten alive while they yelp and scream in pain, while the predator enjoys it. The rich are predators, the poor prey. The gap between poor and rich is also shrinking. Some people are just born to suffer while someone else enjoys it because that's their destiny, so they have no free will. Why live like that? Better to just die than accept your lot of misery in life. Life has no bounds for cruelty, and no bounds for good luck and everything else you can never have for the randomly selected people that are the lucky ones which are 90% of people. The brain is engineered from the ground up to avoid pain and encourage addiction. Everyone is screwed over eventually. If addiction doesn't screw you over life does. Either one will leave you wanting to kill yourself brutally. Meanwhile there are filthy rich housewives that only need to think about having kids with their gorgeous husband. They get to enjoy life to the fullest. To be a man is to suffer from a perpetual inferiority complex of never being good enough. You have to provide as a man. To be born a rich woman you are a Goddess. You can live consequence free until the day you die. You don't even have to live in our reality anymore. You can take hallucinogenic drugs until you die. After the constant harem of life, what do you get in the afterlife? Heaven, believe it or not. Guess the chances of you or me to go to heaven?. Only because we're born with the wrong genitals. After all it's way easier when you brain literally produces less dopamine from watching porn if you're a blessed female. With no refractory period you can literally be a sex Goddess in this life with no consequences. Fuck being a man. Being a man is living in a constant existential crisis due to a fight between your lower brain in your crotch and your upper brain which is in your head. It's literally a joke. Being a man is nature's joke. You know what happens to males in the animal kingdom? They are disposed of. Their hearts give out at the moment reproduction is successful. A female praying mantis bites the head off a male. Men are expendable only to be used and discarded.

[Someone here]

I'm just venting right now because I'm in a fucked up mood ATM. Don't take me literally or seriously. 

[snowyowl]

Sorry to hear you're feeling rough, I kinda guessed it's not a literal rant but the feeling comes over though. Maybe it would help to share what's going on.

There's a plus side to being expendable, it allows you more freedom to create your own life purpose if nature doesn't dictate it for you. 

[Someone here]

@snowyowl I know that suicide is not an option. I dont have the balls to do it.  However, when the hell never ends because you're too traumatised to do anything about it and you have no fight left anymore, and you dread every day because you're terrified of what bad experience you could have next. I live every day in crippling fear of other people because I know they're going to make my life miserable if I stand up for myself in any way. Some people have so much power over you they can do anything to you and you can't do anything to them. The only option is to leave, but you're too scared to do the things you need to do to leave.

[Someone here]

Fuck being a man .we are doomed to suffer then die .

[Asayake]

7 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Fuck being a man .we are doomed to suffer then die .

Just a perspective man, feel your breath & inner body. No thoughts about how being a man is doomed there, is there? Keep returning to your breath and feelings of your body, that's the feeling of life, be with those feelings and let go of the thoughts, they don't serve you.

Edited May 11, 2022 by Asayake

[Loba]

Sometimes I feel this way, too, and I try to see it in a different light, but it's hard to.  I don't feel I deserve what I have, but I have it anyways.
I don't know what to make of destiny or any of that, I want people to be free and happy and for life to be an adventure to uncover who you truly are, that seems fair and we all deserve that.  We deserve to be happy and free and under no one's thumb.

It's a lottery, a game of chance in most instances.  I've been trying to accept the more negative aspect of the human condition, but it isn't easy, you know?  I hate seeing poor, disabled people on the street in the middle of a rainy, damp winter.  

It reminds me of this song:

Sometimes I see in the distance just, so much suffering for so many people.  I have privilege in many aspects of life and yet, suffering is still there.

I feel expendable, too.  I was just going through my own process, minding my own business and someone who followed me got a bee in their bonnet and left - and I feel... used.  Consumed, used, and that people don't actually know what they want, and someone had the gall to have to put my heart and soul in any of that.  That someone is so removed that they viewed me poorly, even though I write my heart out and actually 'try'.

I feel expendable because what I have to go through isn't what other people have to go through and they will get to do more with their lives, while I am just preparing to be in the right mindset for the afterlife, because this one was so full of anxiety, I can't imagine wanting to come back here, if there is a heaven - or just something that feels better.  So in that sense, I feel grand, too, like... I have a whole world within me, literally that will spring forth at the moment of death and I just want that to be respected for what it is even if it's an intangible thing that I'm doing my damned best to grasp at, and I just can't with people sometimes.

It's like "don't make me your commodity."  

I'm just a person, trying to put the pieces together.  And I'm not perfect.
I don't get why you think a woman's life is any easier.  I am doomed to be misunderstood no matter how I am, or what I do and having a really great life in the way you suggest involves being stunning looking.  Most of us women are just normal looking.  Not bad, not good, just like a person.

I guess, my biggest concern is that some silly feeling or delusion or feeling "down" at all will prevent me from being connected to the afterlife; I want to go there in a way that allows me more freedom, something more colourful and intuitive.  I feel like I will forget what I'm really trying to do and get bogged down with a concern about someone that doesn't matter.

There is an afterlife, but much of it consists of what you do here.  Now.  I don't get how it works.
But I feel as misunderstood as the next person, for sure.  And... it is tough being so sensitive.  The world is so harsh.

Edited May 11, 2022 by Loba

[Someone here]

@Asayake @Loba

I’ve been focusing on all the negative in my life and multiplying it in my head, creating this general mindset of apathy and disdain for this existence. I found myself asking why. Why do I feel deflated, demotivated, apathetic? Why am I okay with letting myself feel like that?

Last Thursday I walked up to Tower to overlook the city (which helped remind me of how small we all are and further emphasized the whole nothing matters mindset), before going out with a few friends and making some arguably poor judged decisions ..

However: it was one of the happiest mornings I’ve had in a long time.

After having a fun, relaxed and genuine night with these friends I realized a few things.

I have been holding on to so much negative energy revolving around my current life circumstances. And I realized that this is what matters when you decide nothing matters: if you are going to hold on to that mindset (which I do), and if you’re going to take the positive things in life and dwell on the nihilistic fact that they don’t matter, then you have to do the same thing with the negative things, too. If you’re going to say nothing matters, then believe nothing matters (cause nothing does matter!) and stop wasting so much mental energy and angst on this ultimately meaningless negativity!

There is a fine line between cynical and beautiful. The divide between nihilism comes in depending on where and how you see it, and where and how you use it. It’s cynical when you take all the good things in life and beat them down with their ultimate lack of significance, which in turn only makes you beat yourself down. It’s beautiful when you let the fact that nothing matters drive you to make this life as joyful, exciting, and wonderful as possible.

Knowing  that nothing matters and we are each teeny tiny creatures of the utmost unimportance, it is important that we make our own meaning out of life. That might sound very contradictory, but that’s really where the fun comes in: if there is no real meaning in life, then we can make life be about whatever the hell we want! We give our own meaning to our own lives, no matter what that means. And it doesn’t matter what it means, because there is no matter of meaning in this context (I don’t think that made any sense but if you’re picking up what I’m putting down, good on ya.)

[Raze]

No, you can cultivate happiness independent of conditions through meditation 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKS6Z66yOMg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4_wLkD6_x4

https://jeffwarren.org/articles/neuroscienceofsuffering/

Edited May 11, 2022 by Raze

[Someone here]

@Raze thanks for sharing those . I like shinzen. 

[Loba]

@Someone here I wonder what lack of meaning looks like?  I feel like that is Kali, in a way - like the void opening up the truth of what you are right before a tiger eats you.  Or you fall into a ravine and break both legs and are stuck there for three days before dying - that - I have seen the extreme lack of meaning and it feels meaningful still.

[Someone here]

13 minutes ago, Loba said:

@Someone here I wonder what lack of meaning looks like?  I feel like that is Kali, in a way - like the void opening up the truth of what you are right before a tiger eats you.  Or you fall into a ravine and break both legs and are stuck there for three days before dying - that - I have seen the extreme lack of meaning and it feels meaningful still.

It has two sides to it .the first is being completely hopeless and sorrow. And live in meaninglessness and lack of ambition. And I'm stuck in this phase. Don't know how to make it to the other side .

 the positive side is that..If truly nothing matters, then we have the chance in this life to do whatever the hell we want and be whoever the hell we want to be. That’s f*cking awesome. This life is about going balls to the wall and experiencing it for what it is and what you make of it; take risks, challenge yourself, push the envelope, break rules, discover new things, learn about the world and the people in it, chase your dreams, thrive in failure, find peace in success, be happy.

But I'm not there yet .

[Loba]

Certain days can produce that for me, like today - it's so sunny and warm out all I care about is the sun, letting my dog run around a bit and smoking a bowl and things just feel so great - but there is still some sorrow there for sure.  I don't know if I believe there is no meaning though, I have felt the opposite, even if I can't grasp at what that meaning might be.

[Asayake]

12 minutes ago, Someone here said:

Last Thursday I walked up to Tower to overlook the city (which helped remind me of how small we all are and further emphasized the whole nothing matters mindset), before going out with a few friends and making some arguably poor judged decisions ..

However: it was one of the happiest mornings I’ve had in a long time.

 

Yes, the human "Someone here" is very small and fragile. He makes poor judged decisions all the time just like all humans(just like me as Asayake constantly fucks things up and makes mistakes), sin as they call it in Christianity. It's nothing to beat ourselves up over since it is simply put human nature. But our sins can weigh on us like heavy baggage, which causes us suffering. We carry the baggage of our sins with us everywhere we go(just like Jesus carried the cross to his death, Jesus was God in his human form). But in the Now is where you stop being the human "Someone here" and your deeper self is revealed.

The baggage of sins we carry with us exists only in our thoughts(past & future). Our sins cause us suffering right now only because we think about the mistakes we made in our past and it feeds into negative emotions of shame, guilt, despair, meaninglessness etc. We are afraid of making mistakes again in the future and so think thoughts about everything that can go wrong in the future. But the future & past doesn't really exist. It's just an illusion created by thought. When you feel your breath and body you are free from your thoughts, freed from your sins by God. Try to notice how there really is no problem when you feel your breath, if you keep returning there it will transform you. You will gain clarity and less and less mistakes will happen because the mistakes that happen in the future is just a repetition of mistakes that you made in the past. In the Now no mistakes are made, thing just are as they are, even if something unfortunate happens it's a part of Gods plan. My bet is, when you looked out over the city you were in the moment, the Now. That's why it was one of the happiest mornings you've had in a long time. A deeper knowing of yourself which transcends thought was felt right then and there while you were watching the city. The moment was pure even if you had feelings of meaninglessness or being small, those feelings are actually healing in the Now, it's just that our mind is scared of them and wants to escape them because feeling those feelings ultimately leads us back to who we truly are and kills the illusion of the ego.

[Someone here]

@Asayake  thank you. I'm feeling slightly better right now 

[Asayake]

7 minutes ago, Someone here said:

@Asayake  thank you. I'm feeling slightly better right now 

[Bojan V]

@Someone here What happend with your solipsism realization?

[Someone here]

39 minutes ago, Bojan V said:

@Someone here What happend with your solipsism realization?

Nothing.  What do you mean ?

[snowyowl]

21 hours ago, Someone here said:

@snowyowl I know that suicide is not an option. I dont have the balls to do it.  However, when the hell never ends because you're too traumatised to do anything about it and you have no fight left anymore, and you dread every day because you're terrified of what bad experience you could have next. I live every day in crippling fear of other people because I know they're going to make my life miserable if I stand up for myself in any way. Some people have so much power over you they can do anything to you and you can't do anything to them. The only option is to leave, but you're too scared to do the things you need to do to leave.

Have you had experience of being bullied when you stand up for yourself, rather than going beta male and submissive? I'm curious because the usual wisdom is to stand up to bullies so that they respect you. Otherwise you'll become a tool in their competitive game with each other. 

It does seem that self-respect and respect from others are intertwined, as long as you're afraid of other people it'll impact on your own feeling of self-worth. But I know it's really hard, I have anxiety too and my instincts are for avoidance of a difficult situation rather than facing up to it. 

[RendHeaven]

Bro weren't you the solipsism guy? What happened to that?