I'm Preety /Babloo

[Preety_India]

 

My third boyfriend Joseph 

Joseph had a couple of friends. 

Clay, and Mack, Marty, Dawn and Dan, Webber and Linsey. And Jeff. 

I remember their names. All of them. 

He did tell me that he didn't talk much to them anymore. But that's how Joseph was. 

Joseph was bipolar. 

He would get violent towards me if I didn't pay him attention. 

 

Edited May 29, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

My third boyfriend Joseph 

 

he would flip out over every little thing and call me a bitch even when I'm being pleasant. He would name call me a million times.. Call me ugly, fat, coward, bitch, slut, pig and some racist terms. 

He would call me fat even when I wasn't fat. 

When I started dating Joseph I was kinda skinny. 

So one day during an argument Joseph called me "fat." 

After the argument was over, I asked Joseph, "Do you really think I'm fat?"

(because I was so skinny) 

Joseph replied, "no. You're not fat. I said it to humiliate you." 

This was shocking to me that Joseph would go to such great lengths to humiliate and gaslight me. It began to psychologically impact me. 

He would say sorry the next day and expect me to get over it. Saying that this is just how he reacts in anger. 

Throughout this whole period I started gaining some weight as a result of the stress of the relationship and the events in his life. 

Part of my weight gain was because of his constant shaming me calling me names. Almost like twice every week.. 

There was little affection. 

.. I was deeply in love with him and wanted to be able to support him in every possible way. 

During this whole period my health began to decline rapidly because I would feel very tensed and anxious all the time with the events in his life. I was almost walking on eggshells. 

 

 

 

Edited May 29, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

My third boyfriend Joseph 

June 2018

And this incident was when I was having a conversation with Joseph and he said to me that he wasn't emotionally invested in me. I was very hurt. Because I had helped him so much and I had done so much for him and I was totally in love with him and I wanted to marry him so it kinda hurt that he didn't consider me as his partner. 

It was very hurtful and I remember crying a lot after the conversation was over. 

This is the first time that I felt like I shouldn't be in the relationship. 

So i was very upset that even after a year of being together Joseph was still treating me like a stranger.. He was not committed. 

 

 

Edited May 29, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

My third boyfriend Joseph 

July and August 2018. 

Joseph was living at Yogjif with a group of Mexican guys as roommates. 

They began to harass him. 

They would play loud music at night and if Joseph complained they would tell him to shut up. 

It was getting unbearable for Joseph to live there. He was facing racism as a white guy because he was the only white guy there.. 

Yogjif began to harass Joseph over little things.. 

One of the Mexican guys had complained to Yogjif about Joseph and they wanted him out. 

Joseph wasn't having it. 

Edited May 29, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 Trauma bonding with Joseph 

At first Yogjif had promised Joseph that he would help him in every possible way. Now Yogjif began to deviate from his promises. 

There were arguments in these months. 

My time with Joseph wasn't good during this period. I remember sending him lots of gifts.. 

This time was very brutal for both Joseph and I. 

Joseph tried to calling Rebecca and called her a bit*ch and she blocked him. 

Now he couldn't talk to his son. 

Yogjif was constantly humiliating Joseph. 

Once Joseph was in the play area where the men were playing pool at the table.. 

Yogjif came, there was a scuffle and someone called 911. Yogjif was a big liar and he wanted Joseph out because someone was ready to pay higher rent. Yogjif told the cop who arrived there that Joseph had threatened to kill someone. 

Joseph was tensed and furious. I had called him on his phone and he informed me not to call him for the rest of the day 

He later explained me that he told the Cop everything that it was all okay. 

I was totally confused and I just decided to forget it all. 

The next week Joseph told me that he needs to move out because he has been served an eviction notice by Yogjif 

By now Joseph had been served evictions three or four times. I had lost count of how many times he was evicted in 2018.

I was scared that he might never be able to have a home that he could call home. His chronic homelessness was wearing heavily on our relationship.. 

Whenever he was in problems he would take out all his anger and aggressions on me and my job was always to calm him down and give him support. 

By then it had become a routine for me. 

I loved doing things for him but of course there was no appreciation, plus I was being called a bi*tch on a daily basis. 

The name calling during this time was extreme 

He would call me bit*ch and who*re and even racist things.. He would say that he would kill me 

When I attempted suicide and told him about it. He told me "go die" and he said "I will put you out of your misery you suicidal maniac" 

Joseph had a total of 3 prior arrests. 

A domestic violence case for violence against Rebecca. 

Another arrest when Rebecca was at a restaurant with him in 2016 March when a black man attacked Joseph and the cops were called and the black man lied to the cops and Joseph was arrested.. This was shortly before the divorce . Joseph was in jail at the time when Rebecca came and served him divorce papers. 

The last arrest was when he was with Rebecca, married to her and a neighborhood woman had called the cops on him while he was fixing the roof of his house and threw some of the material on the floor and that lady had an issue with that. 

Most of the times Joseph was arrested falsely. I knew it. I believed it.. 

The divorce was also heavily against Joseph. Rebecca completely cleared Joseph's entire bank account, took his car, took his house and transferred it on her name, took his therapy dog and gave it to someone else, and took his son and left. 

Joseph was traumatized and left for the dead after the divorce. He had lost his home and everything in the divorce. 

Rebecca drove Joseph to a psych ward and dropped him off. 

When Joseph tried to return, she told him that he cannot come home again and that if he tried she will call the cops on him. That's when he became homeless for the first time.. After living in homeless shelter for a month, Joseph finally found a place at Kev's.. 

Which of course he was evicted  in  early February 2018.

The divorce had given Joseph PTSD. 

For this same reason, I loved Joseph to death 

Him and I shared the same journey of struggle with PTSD with our past traumas. 

 

We trauma bonded. 

 

Edited May 29, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

My third boyfriend Joseph 

I think the greatest source of my trauma bonding with Joseph came from his childhood. 

I'm emotional as I write this. 

Joseph's Dad Gene had abandoned him since Joseph was just 2 years old

This traumatized me heavily. 

I really wanted to confront Joseph's Dad one day and tell him what a bastard he was to do this to his son 

In my mind, I could not believe a father could do this. My dad was the biggest person in my life. He had raised me with such great love 

I had attempted suicide 2 months after my father's death. 

I had missed my dad forever. I never got over his loss 

And here was Joseph whose father never spoke to him, never called him, never wanted to know how his son was doing. 

How could a father do that to his child? 

Joseph wanted to find and kill his dad when he was 13 years old.. 

I understood his anger. I had similar kind of anger towards my mom for abusing my dad. 

Joseph's mom Cindy was cruel and narcissistic. 

Joseph had Norwegian dad and Italian mom. 

Joseph's mom threw Joseph out when he was barely 18. Joseph was drinking heavily and doing cocaine. 

Joseph was sent to a religious catholic cult in Florida. 

They nearly abducted Joseph and took him to France where they confiscated his passport. And his life in France under the religious cult was extremely brutal. He would be made to sit out in the cold and left without food and made to work till he broke his back working for them. 

Their abuse, torture, bullying heavily traumatized Joseph. When Joseph was 21, he made an escape plan with his friend and they somehow came back to US. 

His mom wouldn't have him back. So he flew to Canada. Where he had his first gf. 

He was deported from Canada because his visa had expired. Back in the US, he found Rebecca in Colorado and moved in with her. He basically cheated on his Canadian girlfriend Crystal with Rebecca. Crystal was very upset. 

He basically slept with Rebecca and then told Crystal to fuck off. (he would later tell me that he would never cheat on me but cheating he did) 

He married Rebecca and had a son but during the first year of his marriage he suffered a heart attack. Rebecca divorced him post his heart attack. He had held a lot of resentment against Rebecca for leaving him post his medical condition. Rebecca had put a restraining order against him because Joseph had been violent with her on several occasions during the marriage and he had been arrested once for domestic violence when Rebecca was pregnant with their son. (Joseph would tell me that he was falsely arrested for violence and that Rebecca had cooked up a story). Hindsight Joseph had lied to me about his violent past with Rebecca. This became clear when he began to give me death threats during every argument we would have in the relationship. 

 

 

Edited May 29, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

October 2018

 

One day in October I discovered his texts to another girl.. And I was furious. Her name was Mosar (name changed).. 

She was a huge problem in the relationship 

I quickly grew very insecure because he wouldn't stop talking about her. I discovered a lot of flirty texts between him and her 

So I confronted Joseph on this. He was nervous and starting to get really violent with me. 

I was livid with anger. Joseph said that what if she wanted him. He also said to me that he found her hotter than me. I was completely furious. This was no longer just him flirting her casually, this was much more, Joseph was fantasizing being with her. 

I was very angry. 

I blurted out..... "go f*ck her".... 

I was in sudden panic. My chest was pounding. I wanted to be done with Joseph right that minute. The feeling of knowing that he wanted to cheat on me was very traumatizing. My first boyfriend was also into stuff like that. 

Men like that can never be trusted. They eventually cheat on their girlfriends.. Such men are never authentic. They are just players. 

I was ready to forgive everything but not cheating. It's just female nature. 

Something about cheating was very triggering to me.. 

Maybe because my very first relationship, the guy who I thought I was going to marry, SHT had cheated on me.. The pain of cheating was very hard to deal with. 

Anyone who has been truly in love knows that cheating can completely desecrate you. 

It is one sin you should never commit in a relationship. 

Of course there are exceptions to the cardinal rule. 

If you are unhappy with your partner and are going to be leaving him/her anyway, but even in such a case, it's best to first break up and then start your new romance. 

That day was a dark day in October. 

I slashed my wrist when I was home. I told Joseph about it. That was my last suicide attempt.

 

Edited May 29, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

.. 

Joseph tells me that he needs to find a new place post eviction. 

So I began hunting a house again for him in Seattle. 

Joseph responded to an ad close to Everett. 

He went, there were a couple of white dudes living there with an Asian landlord. 

Joseph immediately signed. Paid cash and moved in. 

I had sent a golden rose as a gift to Joseph. He forgot to collect it on his way out. He left his laptop at Yogjif and went to the new place. 

I was a bit upset that he didn't carry the laptop with him but I was still glad that he found another place. 

Joseph had asked Rebecca to help him find the new place and that's when she denied and he called her a bit*ch and she  blocked him 

 

By November Joseph was all set in the new place. 

 

Edited May 29, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

My third boyfriend 

Joseph lived at Yogjif place for approximately five months till August. He was served an eviction notice in the last week of August(2018) because he was acting aggressive with the landlord Yogjif. He had no idea but Yogjif had secretly filed a police report against Joseph in Mukilteo police station. Joseph wasn't aware of this. 

Joseph left Mukilteo and found a rented house with a Chinese land lady, there he lived with a bunch of men (4 or 5, I don't exactly remember), and they were Rob (a Jewish guy), Rick (a 70 year old man), Warren (a drug addict) and another guy Doug. 

Rob became close to Joseph within a few weeks of moving. 

Edited May 29, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

  

November 2018 

I was very unhappy after knowing that Joseph had shown interest in another woman meanwhile I was always by his side. He had apologized to me and told me that he would never do that again. 

I was feeling overwhelmed by the stress of these events and mainly by the emotional stress from Joseph's constant name calling me. The name calling was very regular and it was getting unbearable to even talk to him. 

My stress levels going very high and by then I had started overeating to get comfort in food. 

Whenever Joseph called me a fat pig, I used to have a very heavy meal to feel better. 

I began to eat a lot. I just wanted to feel okay. I wanted to feel better. 

Eating compensated as a coping mechanism against Joseph's emotionally abusive behavior. 

 

Then suddenly I lost weight. 

I gained weight again 

The overwhelming stress of our fights gave me insomnia. My health was completely out. 

I was staring into death.. My body would feel heavy. And sometimes I would feel like I was going to get a heart attack simply by the stress Joseph was putting me through. 

By December I had become sick. 

He would start a fight over little things, even if I hadn't said anything at all, he would take offense and then proceed to attack me verbally and when I protested he would get aggressive. He was bipolar. Sometimes on meds. Sometimes off meds. 

If I called him, he would block me. 

 

I had told Joseph to not call me back 

By December last week I had decided that I wanted to break up with Joseph 

 

I told him that I was too upset

 

 

Edited May 29, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

December 2018/January 2019

Rick began to create a lot of trouble for Joseph. Rick used to constantly post little notes on the door of Joseph's room.. These were notes reminding or warning Joseph that if he didn't follow certain rules around the house, Rick would complain to the landlady. Silly things like keeping the shower door closed or leaving something in the kitchen, Rick would make a big deal out of little things that Joseph did. Joseph was a bit careless and lousy around the house but it wasn't something big. But Rick would Constantly pick on Joseph. 

If anything went wrong between Joseph and Rick, he would take out the anger on me. 

I was silently taking in a lot. 

At the same time I was looking online and I accidentally came across articles on narcissism and narcissistic abuse. 

I came across this article by Shahida Arabi where she wrote about narcissistic abuse. At the time I did not know the word narcissism or what it meant. This was the first time I came across words and phrases like narcissism and narcissistic abuse. 

So as I was reading the article, I began to feel ominous because everything given in that article about narcissistic abuse matched my situation very closely. 

Joseph was exactly doing the things to me that were suggested in the article that a narcissist would do to their partner. I was a bit nervous. 

But strangely I completely forgot that article at the end of the week. I think my stress levels were extremely high during this time making me forgetful often. 

 

Edited May 29, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

December 2018 and January 2019 

 

I cried a lot during the entire last week of December. I was fed up with Joseph's homelessness and his abuse and the constant feeling that he didn't love me. 

It just didn't feel right. 

The abuse was too much. 

When I told him that I was breaking up, he gave me a death threat. He told me that he will kill me. 

 

I told him that it wasn't okay. 

I didn't talk to him after that. 

By first week of January Joseph started contacting me again. 

He was telling me that he will change 

I was too tired and I started to get health complications from my insomnia. 

Joseph kept assuring me things would be okay. 

Joseph had won me back again and we started talking and meeting once again. 

Edited May 29, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

January 2019 

This month was mostly uneventful. 

February 2019

Uneventful. Just few fights. 

 

March 2

Joseph's birthday.. I ordered a cake. 

I tried to wake up Joseph. He yelled at me and called me a bitch. 

I told him many times not to call me a bitch. 

I felt awful... I sat with the cake. I had custom designed the cake to have Joseph's photo on it. 

I am fed up with Joseph's horrible behavior. I have nobody to talk to about it.. 

 

[Preety_India]

March 2 2019.

I am fed up with Joseph. I wanted to reach out to someone.

So... 

I login to my favorite game and find Tracey a British woman. I tell her I'm in deep distress and that I need to talk. 

She offers to video call me.. I talk to her for an hour, tears rolling down my cheeks. 

And Tracey says, "He is using you as a punching bag. Don't be with him." 

And I thank her for the support. 

That day I make a firm decision to leave Joseph once and for all

 

 

[Preety_India]

Joseph apologizes profusely to me for the birthday incident. 

And I get back with him. 

I tried breaking up with him numerous times in the past. 

But I was deeply attached to Joseph. 

Back then I had no idea I had BPD. 

BPD means you're are strongly attached and can't let go. Abandonment fears. 

With Joseph, it wasn't just the fear of abandonment holding me on to him, it was also my extraordinary empathy for him. 

This extraordinary empathy is called ENHANCED EMPATHY and is often observed in BPD victims. 

BPD victims tend to empathize with their abusers through trauma bonding and self sacrificial behavior. 

 

[Preety_India]

In the month of April 2019, I went back to Joseph. 

 

[Preety_India]

May 2019.

Joseph continued his abusive behavior. 

On May 7th I finally had enough. 

 

[Preety_India]

May 2019. 

I make a firm decision that I needed to part ways with Joseph. 

I don't tell him right away. I so so wish I had. The confusion and chaos that ensues just wasn't worth it. 

Hindsight, I haven't been able to understand why things happened the way they did. What was God trying to tell me? 

I simply didn't deserve to go through what was to come. 

I could have broken up in May 2019 and walked away from Joseph for good. Why didn't I? 

It was the most unfortunate circumstances that ever happened in my life beginning May 2019. 

I so wish I had told Joseph clearly that I wanted to break up. 

 

[Preety_India]

May 2019. 

Joseph told me something that month. He told me that Rebecca had gone to court and asked for a name change for their son. 

She wanted the last name of their son to be changed to hers. 

Joseph was furious. Totally furious. He wanted his son to have his own name. Understandable. Any father would. No idea why Rebecca was playing games with him. 

So my very first thought was - 

"Wait a minute. How can I tell Joseph that I'm leaving him when he is going through so much. He needs me. This is when he needs me the most. I need to be by his side. This one last time I will be with him and when this court thing is over, I'll tell him goodbye and leave him forever and never come back."

That was my plan. And it appeared reasonable enough. 

The court date was scheduled on May 24th.

I decided to wait till May 24, 2019 till the end of May and then tell him that I'm breaking up. 

My empathy for Joseph cost me dearly. 

 

Little did I know.... 

 

 

[Preety_India]

May 24, 2019.

D day. 

I was desperately waiting to hear good news from Joseph about the court case. 

Joseph calls me and tells me something that I'll never forget. 

He tells me that they are arresting him for a pending case filed in Mukilteo months ago by Yogjif. 

I'm like....... What????????? 

 For a moment I became numb. My senses were paralyzed.. That's the last thing I wanted. The last thing I could take. 

My heart was pounding. This is just not and this just wasn't acceptable to me.. 

Joseph was talking to me before they took his phone away and all contact ceased. He told me to pray for him. 

And this is where my real nightmare began. 

 

 

 

 

Edited May 30, 2022 by Preety_India