Just A Rant.

[alyra]

I just can't turn it off. ever since last year, well more 6 months ago. and I didn't realize - that I just, even when I'm taking a break. I'm thinking about this. I am thinking about how I can improve whatever my "for fun" activity is. and if I meditate - well I'm working. everything I do I am thinking about how I can do it better next time. or how to work what I'm doing into the next goal. or - or I'm thinking about my goals with self improvement, like as in I'm not paying attention to what I'm doing because I'm thinking about this. even when I say "I don't care anymore I'm just going to take the day off" - those are the days I find something - video games, you tube, tv. being social.  and the entire time I'm practicing mindfulness, or reflecting about how my actualization work is related to by what's happening. 

 

[Bronsoval]

Re-watch leos video about how to deal with confusion. Realize that "control" is an illusion.  Reality unfolds exactly as it should -and its the only possible way it can be.  Understand that you have absolutely no influence on reality and imbrace it.  Enjoy the ride.

[eskwire]

@aryberry Accept it as it is. If you fight it neurotically, you'll suffer.

Maybe restate everything you just said in positive terms.

"Hey, guys. I am totally consumed by the levels of excellence that can be achieved in all things. It's my whole world. I am even mindful when I'm with friends and relating all of my life experiences to this self actualization process!"

See? Seems fine now. Maybe watch the Perfectionism video because it sounds like you're being critical of being perfect. Levels upon levels.

Like @brovakhiin said, the issue is the overuse of analysis. I find that when I analyze, I find issues. It's ostensibly the entire purpose of analysis. If you you want to just be, then watch these thoughts with non-judgment. 

[YaNanNallari]

Your mind might have confused some things. So you might be being a perfectionist and mindful at the same time, but you're seeing it as though they both have to be there for either one to exist or something. You can be mindful of things without being critical all the time. Also aren't those thoughts about "oh how can I improve myself" just thoughts at least often? You don't have to listen to them and follow them you know. Could also be that your motivation is not of great quality.

[alyra]

yeah like. it is ok for my to have these thoughts and it's even good to be driven. in a way I am recognizing that I am working - currently I am unemployed so realizing that my "job" is mindfulness is kind of its own reward. but if I am to relax, there will be points where I let go of the sense of should. 

 

I haven't seen the perfectionist video a watch yet - I'll check it out.