Healing 2.0 (how to stop lying and manipulating)

[Preety_India]

Work on this. 

Edited May 9, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Working on my lying habit. 

 

[Preety_India]

Much of my lying was because of my trauma. 

Being a borderline is tough.. Toughest. 

I'm really pissed off with this Amber Heard thing. 

And I don't need to give any justification for my mental disorder, no I don't 

Just be candid about what I want/need and move on 

I feel like I'm growing at such a huge pace, that I am begun to be afraid of myself. 

Where's life taking me? 

I don't want to be a liar anymore. 

I don't want to be a manipulator anymore. 

I want to be free of my own sins 

I want to feel liberated. 

I don't want to be around people who make me lie. Who expect me to shut up. 

Who abuse me and distort my reality. 

I'm not a psychopath but I do have those tendencies. 

Sometimes I feel like whenever I open up about my dark side, people use it as an opportunity to double down on me, I hate that crap those are fucking covert abusive bullies. Just wanna pick on me for something I never did. 

People are just waiting to go at your flaws, especially if you're a woman. It makes it impossible to grow through mistakes. 

Acknowledgment is the first step and when people judge you for acknowledging, admitting and acknowledging gets harder. 

But I'm trying to circumvent this somehow. 

Like.... 

I'm asking myself. 

 

What if people hated me? 

What if people hated me for the things I never did? 

What if people hated me because they judged me the wrong way? 

Isn't it better this way because this way such people are auto-eliminated any way. 

Why do I need people who judge me? 

Plus I might need people who judge me positively!!! In the sense they want to judge not to discard me, but for my own betterment, such judgement won't hurt.

 

 

[Preety_India]

What's the source of my manipulation?

Maybe it's people pleasing.. 

[Preety_India]

I want to be this avatar so desperately. It reflects my borderline personality so well.

 

 

[Preety_India]

 

On 5/3/2022 at 2:24 AM, Preety_India said:

Wasn't it like moral and spiritual abuse then? 

That made me cry. 

 

 

On 5/3/2022 at 2:21 AM, Preety_India said:

 

 

 

 

On 5/3/2022 at 1:41 AM, Preety_India said:

So far mostly white lies.