Intrusive thoughts/dark thoughts journal

[Preety_India]

Hmm. This. 

[Preety_India]

I have been hesitant for a long time in writing this journal. 

I felt like I shouldn't. It's hard. 

But this is the hardest part of my life. 

All of my dark thoughts that obscure any goodness in my life. 

It's darkness, zero sunshine. It is what it is 

 

But exploring these thoughts will give me a chance to explore the darker parts of my psyche. 

 

[Preety_India]

I think this thread prompted me to explore my own dark thoughts. 

 

 

I just didn't know. 

I never had violent thoughts. 

Never. 

But I had thoughts of walking towards a graveyard. 

Sometimes I have thoughts about my dad and the hospital dream.. 

 

Intrusive thoughts 

 

 

...... 

 

Some thoughts are deeply sexual. 

 

 

Edited May 8, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

The biggest factor is that I was very naive  and I paid a heavy price for it 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I just puked. 

Feeling dizzy. 

 

[Preety_India]

Don't know how long I'll deal with this pain. 

 

[Preety_India]

Time to sign out. I just need some rest. I can't take this. It's painful. 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm feeling better now. 

 

[Preety_India]

So woke up with a bad headache. 

Not keeping well 

Just trying to feel okay. Drinking some coffee, just a tiny amount. 

I spent the whole night writing. 

 

[Preety_India]

So types of Intrusive thoughts I get 

 

1  sexual thoughts (not exactly Intrusive) 

 

 

2  self harm thoughts 

 

3  thoughts of graveyard 

 

4 guilt thoughts. I excessively guilt myself over little mistakes 

 

5 i get the hospital thoughts regarding my death. 

Last dream was me dying under horrific conditions and woke up feeling completely frightened 

 

 

6 sad thoughts about my dad. I feel survivor's guilt with this one 

 

 

7  thoughts that my life would end up like my dad 

 

8 low self Esteem thoughts. I'm worth nothing. I'm not deserving of love. 

 

 

9..thoughts regarding understanding. Nobody will truly understand me 

 

10 thoughts of paranoia and suspicion. That someone will harm me. 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

11  regret and remorse thoughts over my past actions and mistakes (of course I'll never ever repeat them) 

12 suicidal thoughts.... "this life is not worth living" thoughts 

 

13 thoughts of helplessness. Like I'm staring into dark space and nobody can help me. I'm screaming for help but nobody can hear. 

These are quite intense and extreme 

 

14 thoughts of failure.... Nervousness accompanied by anxiety and this feeling that I have failed in life. Everything failed. I'm defeated. Self defeat thoughts 

 

 

15. Thoughts of psychic attacks. The Devil has attacked me thoughts. 

 

 

16 thoughts that I will lose everyone that I love in some manner 

 

17 self sabotage thoughts.... Feels like I am not lucky or my work won't get through or I won't be able to complete or some obstruction will block me from success. 

 

 

 

Edited May 10, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

18. Thoughts that I'll always be abandoned. 

 

19. Thoughts that my life will only be a gimmick. 

 

 

20 thoughts of deep pain and self pity... What happened. Why it happened. 

This is like a gash that cuts deep 

 

 

21 thoughts that I will never be accepted because I'm different from everyone. 

 

22 thoughts of feeling cornered and or isolated

23  thoughts that everyone is my enemy and the world is out to get me. 

 

24 thoughts that I will never get what I truly want 

 

25 thoughts of repression and shame 

 

26

 

 

27

 

 

28 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited May 10, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Nobody will hear me 

Nobody will hear me 

Nobody will hear me 

Nobody will hear me 

Nobody will hear me 

Nobody will hear me 

Nobody will hear me