Acting with integrity is leaving me thirsty

[Identity]

@Razard86 Thank you, that resonates. Also, just filled out a spiral dynamics questionnaire for a certification I’m getting. It shows that I’m mostly in the ‘delta stage’ moving to a new way living. Mostly functioning from stage green/yellow.

In terms of what I want in a relationship, dug up this old post:

I want a girl that is seriously tasty. A girl who’s whole body and energy is radiating juicy femininity. I see some thick glossy lips. A booty that lends itself to be grabbed and slapped appropriately, nice and curvy.

The look in her eyes is strong, confident, embodied, loving, giving. She has a lot to offer and is here to give, but she isn’t here to play around with bullshit. Her gaze looks right into my soul, because is she fully connected to hers.

She allows herself to melt into surrender and love as I hold her. Her body is radiating pleasure. She is like a juicy peach that wants to be bitten into.

Her heart is so open it scares me. She is so vulnerable and fearless. Love pours out through her arms as we hold eachother. I can feel it break down my own barriers as I match her love. It brings tears into my eyes to hold her.

She is free, we are free. There are no expectation games, a need for the other to act in a certain way. Being together naturally emerges effortlessly and timelessly.

 

The more practical questions you mention indeed get some gears turning. In a way they have been turning for a while.

I want to attract a life partner, or at least someone who I could spend the next chapter of my life with. 
Probably monogamous, maaybe experimenting a bit with blurring the lines, but that would definitely bring up challenges.

I’d like to have sex in a ‘conscious’ way. Experimenting with things like tantra, open communication, maybe BDSM type stuff. Definitely using sex as a practice for deep intimacy, healing, expansion from a safe space.

Kids… maybe in 5-10 years.

[somegirl]

49 minutes ago, Identity said:

I want a girl that is seriously tasty. A girl who’s whole body and energy is radiating juicy femininity. I see some thick glossy lips. A booty that lends itself to be grabbed and slapped appropriately, nice and curvy.

The look in her eyes is strong, confident, embodied, loving, giving. She has a lot to offer and is here to give, but she isn’t here to play around with bullshit. Her gaze looks right into my soul, because is she fully connected to hers.

She allows herself to melt into surrender and love as I hold her. Her body is radiating pleasure. She is like a juicy peach that wants to be bitten into.

Her heart is so open it scares me. She is so vulnerable and fearless. Love pours out through her arms as we hold eachother. I can feel it break down my own barriers as I match her love. It brings tears into my eyes to hold her.

She is free, we are free. There are no expectation games, a need for the other to act in a certain way. Being together naturally emerges effortlessly and timelessly.

 

The more practical questions you mention indeed get some gears turning. In a way they have been turning for a while.

I want to attract a life partner, or at least someone who I could spend the next chapter of my life with. 
Probably monogamous, maaybe experimenting a bit with blurring the lines, but that would definitely bring up challenges.

I’d like to have sex in a ‘conscious’ way. Experimenting with things like tantra, open communication, maybe BDSM type stuff. Definitely using sex as a practice for deep intimacy, healing, expansion from a safe space.

Wow, this was beautiful to read :')

Can resonate with some of your wishes, you gave me an idea for my wishlist. Thanks.

[StarStruck]

On 10-5-2022 at 7:37 PM, somegirl said:

What do you mean?

What he should have done in these circumstances he described in his original post? Jump on those girls? Lol

The fact is that things didn't align with him yet. He's behaving respectfully towards girls, as he should. He's not being "overly nice", just normal. 

I guess he could even get girls he wants to only if he tries a little harder.

Perhaps I was projecting a little bit. I would still have fun while finding my soul mate. If he doesn’t want to have fun because he thinks that is taking advantage of girls, then he has to be in peace with his thirstiness. Can’t have the cake and eat it too. should he jump on those girls? There are girls that want to be jumped on. The thing is that it has to be mutual. Mood has to be right. ?

Edited May 12, 2022 by StarStruck

[somegirl]

16 hours ago, StarStruck said:

should he jump on those girls? There are girls that want to be jumped on. The thing is that it has to be mutual. Mood has to be right. ?

Lool, true true. ? 

[ll Ontology ll]

@Identity Hey man, yeah just gotta work on that inner communication. There isn’t any room for a way out in these situations. We don’t act integrous with our values sometimes and then not, you’re a bright guy you’re very capable of putting yourself in situations with novel possibilities where you don’t have to bend your integrity. Best wishes, I know the difficulties of working through my own inner experiences and have developed a bit by starting a journal on it however I’m looking forward to achieving a lot of inner work that’s still to come. Let me know if you want any resources or whatevs can take this anywhere you like. Peace

[Leo Gura]

On 5/9/2022 at 11:46 AM, Identity said:

Yes, in a wierd way, consciousness actually makes less free. In the sense that some things just no longer become possible once you’ve seen through the dysfuction of it. Not as a belief, but as something you know.

Yeah, well, selfishness ain't free either. The devil pays an even higher cost for ruling over hell than God pays for surrendering to heaven.

Integrity will cost you quantity of sex but gain you depth and quality of sex. If you go the integrity route, get good at jerking off.

[Thought Art]

11 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

 If you go the integrity route, get good at jerking off.

LOL! Bruh

Isn't their more nuance than this ahah

[Hardkill]

25 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Yeah, well, selfishness ain't free either. The devil plays an even higher cost for ruling over hell than God pays for surrendering to heaven.

Integrity will cost you quantity of sex but gain you depth and quality of sex. If you go the integrity route, get good at jerking off.

Then, why did many tyrannical rulers like Joseph Stalin, Henry VII, and Putin and corrupt high ranking religious leaders like Pope Alexander VI live very long lives for their time without ever suffering from any serious consequences?

What about all of the corrupt politicians, businessmen like Manchin, McConnell, Bush, Cheney, Trump or monstrous judges like Clarence Thomas and the late Antonin Scalia, have never truly gotten the comeuppance that they all deserved?

Some people are hoping that Putin will eventually deposed or punished for his crimes, but many experts say that we shouldn't really count on that ever happening given how powerful he has become and how ingeniously complex the kind of power structure he developed for himself in Russia over the past decades that will be able to totally protect him from any of his enemies for the rest of his live regardless of what he does.

As for Trump, it doesn't look like anymore in the legal system in America will actually be able to get Trump convicted and thrown into jail or even a seriously steep financial penalty for any of his crimes. It also is lately becoming an increasingly real scary possibility now that Trump could be re-elected president in 2024, especially considering that the big-tech companies are becoming inclined to let him return back to all of their social media platforms.

 

 

 

Edited May 12, 2022 by Hardkill

[michaelcycle00]

On 5/10/2022 at 10:37 AM, somegirl said:

I guess he could even get girls he wants to only if he tries a little harder.

Try harder how? I resonate with the integrity part as well and how it tends to leave one sexless but honestly now that I have come to think of it, "sexual integrity" (if we wanna call it that) from a male POV is literally useless and a stupid thing to abide by. 

I've always been respectful and nice (not overly nice though) towards everyone, girls included. And that's it. You're just "a nice guy". I've had many girl friends in my life that I've been nice to, and some that I've liked romantically as well. I'm chill, funny, witty. I certainly have more good attributes than bad when it comes to being either a friend or a partner. Guess what I'm not and have never been towards the opposite sex though? Intense, selfish, opportunistic, bluntly direct. And that's just left me a single, 22 y/o virgin. Now, the funny part is, these girls I liked and was nice towards, were all eventually taken by a guy who was intense, selfish, opportunistic, and bluntly direct. This guy would date them, fuck them, leave them an emotional mess, whatever. Literally all of them without fail. He got what he wanted and made an actual lasting impression on them, other than just "he's a nice guy". 

See where I'm going with this? While we're playing the respectful type always remaining in the background somebody else isn't and he's the one winning. Girls fall for them all the time anyway. Might as well be me then. I'm done hiding my sexual impulses, and the OP shouldn't either.

Heck, we don't even have to get too far from home. You, for example, were ready to fall for this handsome Instagram mini-influencer who messaged you and I can guarantee, is messaging many other girls as well. But you decided to overlook this and give him a chance (although I believe he didn't message you back, correct?), despite saying that you want this amazingly deep, spiritual relationship and whatnot, yet deep down you know it had high chances of being a flop. Now the reason I say this is because that guy is a good example of someone who is 99% likely to be fucking many girls, not actually looking for anything serious, and they all flock towards him despite saying they want respect, equality, and all kinds of things. But tbh I know that women just say this for plausible deniability and their real intentions aren't really what they say they are.

 

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

LOL! Bruh

Isn't their more nuance than this ahah

Yes! There is a lot of nuance to jerking off properly.

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Hardkill said:

Then, why did many tyrannical rulers like Joseph Stalin, Henry VII, and Putin and corrupt high ranking religious leaders like Pope Alexander VI live very long lives for their time without ever suffering from any serious consequences?

What about all of the corrupt politicians, businessmen like Manchin, McConnell, Bush, Cheney, Trump or monstrous judges like Clarence Thomas and the late Antonin Scalia, have never truly gotten the comeuppance that they all deserved?

A long life isn't necessarily a good thing when you are a devil.

It's not that they need a comeuppance. It's what they are missing out on when they are being devils that is the true cost. It's the opportunity cost.

Also, I wouldn't call all those people devils. Most of them are just stuck in a stage Blue/Orange conservative worldview.

[somegirl]

1 hour ago, michaelcycle00 said:

Try harder how? I resonate with the integrity part as well and how it tends to leave one sexless but honestly now that I have come to think of it, "sexual integrity" (if we wanna call it that) from a male POV is literally useless and a stupid thing to abide by. 

I've always been respectful and nice (not overly nice though) towards everyone, girls included. And that's it. You're just "a nice guy". I've had many girl friends in my life that I've been nice to, and some that I've liked romantically as well. I'm chill, funny, witty. I certainly have more good attributes than bad when it comes to being either a friend or a partner. Guess what I'm not and have never been towards the opposite sex though? Intense, selfish, opportunistic, bluntly direct. And that's just left me a single, 22 y/o virgin. Now, the funny part is, these girls I liked and was nice towards, were all eventually taken by a guy who was intense, selfish, opportunistic, and bluntly direct. This guy would date them, fuck them, leave them an emotional mess, whatever. Literally all of them without fail. He got what he wanted and made an actual lasting impression on them, other than just "he's a nice guy". 

See where I'm going with this? While we're playing the respectful type always remaining in the background somebody else isn't and he's the one winning. Girls fall for them all the time anyway. Might as well be me then. I'm done hiding my sexual impulses, and the OP shouldn't either.

Okay, I hear you, I actually understand what you're saying and can empathize with this issue you guys are having. Having to balance between being a decent human being and being a jerk (which seemingly gets more results and sex) This all actually reminded me of one friend I have.

And I also wonder how he feels. I can imagine he's not happy romantically/sexually and is frustrated and probably wonders what he's doing wrong. All his life he's been surrounded with girls (friends) but noone actually wanted to date him (and it's not because he's ugly, he's actually pretty handsome) but because he's being "a nice guy". I understand that.

I can imagine him sexually frustrated and kinda bitter, deep down.

Okay so having this in mind, what you're suggesting would be an alternative? How would you want to change this - to swing to the other side of the pendulum and be a "bad guy" like other guys you mentioned?

And how would you feel being this way (if you decide to take that path)? How would you feel leaving girls heartbroken left and right? Would that fullfill you? 

1 hour ago, michaelcycle00 said:

You, for example, were ready to fall for this handsome Instagram mini-influencer who messaged you and I can guarantee, is messaging many other girls as well. But you decided to overlook this and give him a chance (although I believe he didn't message you back, correct?), despite saying that you want this amazingly deep, spiritual relationship and whatnot, yet deep down you know it had high chances of being a flop. Now the reason I say this is because that guy is a good example of someone who is 99% likely to be fucking many girls, not actually looking for anything serious, and they all flock towards him despite saying they want respect, equality, and all kinds of things. But tbh I know that women just say this for plausible deniability and their real intentions aren't really what they say they are.

Lol.

I'm glad I have secret fans following everything I write. ?

Since you mentioned, what the heck was wrong with me finding that guy interesting? ? Do you get messages from mini celebrities every day? ? 

And also, who is to say he is an f boy? Just because he has followers and is kinda popular, that automatically means he's not a good and loyal potential partner and messages girls left and right? Let me see how he is and decide from there. ?

Edited May 13, 2022 by somegirl

[Hardkill]

19 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

A long life isn't necessarily a good thing when you are a devil.

It's not that they need a comeuppance. It's what they are missing out on when they are being devils that is the true cost. It's the opportunity cost.

Also, I wouldn't call all those people devils. Most of them are just stuck in a stage Blue/Orange conservative worldview.

What would those devils be missing out on if they are living a life that is longer and more successful than most other people out there in the world?

How is such a devil's life worse than a typical good everyday person who is barely able to live a mediocre life everyday?

Let alone, how is it worst to be that devil than to be a poor innocent person who is actually gravely suffering from either poverty, life-threatening illnesses, or some kind of crippling trauma?

You're saying that not every corrupt politician or corrupt businessmen or corrupt leader is a devil?

[Leo Gura]

Just now, Hardkill said:

You're saying that not every corrupt politician or corrupt businessmen or corrupt leader is a devil?

Look, every finite avatar of God is selfish as fuck. It's just a matter of degree.

[somegirl]

5 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

What would those devils be missing out on if they are living a life that is longer and more successful than most other people out there in the world?

How is such a devil's life worse than a typical good everyday person who is barely able to live a mediocre life everyday?

Let alone, how is it worst to be that devil than to be a poor innocent person who is actually gravely suffering from either poverty, life-threatening illnesses, or some kind of crippling trauma?

I also wonder about this. 

[Roy]

I've also struggled with this. Look, ultimately you've got to find a balance between being patient waiting for the exact thing you want to come along (or an approximation of it) vs enjoying life and taking what is right in front of you. Going too far in either one direction or the other won't leave you very satisfied.

If you compromise (or abandon) your integrity too much you'll have plenty of sex and experiences, but most of it won't be that quality and you probably won't be fulfilled. On the other hand if you close yourself off with being too picky and maintaining high integrity, life will pass you by without waiting and you'll feel lonely. I suggest appreciating these and checking in with your intuition every so often to negotiate what you feel is best for you at each chapter of life you're in.

At the start of last year I got into a relationship I knew wasn't going to work long term from the very moment it began, but it burned hot and bright for a few months and was quite enjoyable for both of us. Yea I had to sacrifice a bit of my integrity and rules to make it happen, but it was worthwhile and in the end I'm glad it happened.

Life is short.

[Bando]

1 hour ago, michaelcycle00 said:

You're just "a nice guy". I've had many girl friends in my life that I've been nice to, and some that I've liked romantically as well. I'm chill, funny, witty. I certainly have more good attributes than bad when it comes to being either a friend or a partner. Guess what I'm not and have never been towards the opposite sex though? Intense, selfish, opportunistic, bluntly direct. And that's just left me a single, 22 y/o virgin.

What does being a "jerk" when it comes to women look like to you? What exactly does your friend do thats gets him the results you want? What does low integrity when it comes to women mean to you?

Im pretty sure you already know but theres a difference between being authentic and being a "nice guy." You can be blunt and direct while still being a good person.

 Try integrating the more aggressive and forward aspects your personality in your day to day life, if your not getting the results you want its time to switch it up, your still young consciously create type of personality that works best for you its going to take effort

[ZenSwift]

@Roy I like that. 

[michaelcycle00]

3 hours ago, somegirl said:

Okay so having this in mind, what you're suggesting would be an alternative? How would you want to change this - to swing to the other side of the pendulum and be a "bad guy" like other guys you mentioned?

No, I’m not suggesting that. What I’m saying is that me and everyone who feels the way I do should stop feeling shame about their sexual nature. Stop listening to women and the media as well, since they’re talking from the place of being a victim, so you’re bound to get even more repressed. They’ll tell you approaching is bad, wanting sex is bad, taking the lead is bad… and in the end it’s all a hoax that does more bad than good. It’s all a matter of being clear about who you are as a person, and that you won’t let society dictate what you should or shouldn’t do (within the bounds of what’s reasonable of course). 
 

3 hours ago, somegirl said:

And how would you feel being this way (if you decide to take that path)? How would you feel leaving girls heartbroken left and right? Would that fullfill you? 

Wouldn’t really fulfill me, but if the only 2 options were die alone and a virgin or be a fuckboy I’d take the latter. But again, what I said above is what I really think is the best course of action.

 

3 hours ago, somegirl said:

I'm glad I have secret fans following everything I write. ?

I literally read it not too long ago (among like 30 other posts), not that hard to forget given the quality of most posts.
 

3 hours ago, somegirl said:

Since you mentioned, what the heck was wrong with me finding that guy interesting? ? Do you get messages from mini celebrities every day? ? 

I didn’t say there was anything wrong with you finding him interesting. Based on your description, if I was a girl I’d find him interesting as well. But you still let your guard down for him very innocently. And no, I don’t. My account is private and I’m not one to be posting pictures for the world to see.

 

3 hours ago, somegirl said:

And also, who is to say he is an f boy? Just because he has followers and is kinda popular, that automatically means he's not a good and loyal potential partner and messages girls left and right? Let me see how he is and decide from there. ?

No, not because of that. He most likely is a fuckboy because he messaged you (I don’t remember who messaged who first) to meet or whatever (obviously, he has to lead up from somewhere lol), on Instagram, where you can find millions of super hot girls, and he did so based on your pictures alone. Quite the coincidence. Do you look like a supermodel by any chance? Or doesn’t it make more sense that he just wants to fuck, since he doesn’t know you, and therefore wouldn’t make sense that he messaged you because he sees you as relationship potential? Added to this is the fact that he didn’t message you back promptly (or at all I guess), so you’re not even on the top of his head. So what we can deduct by this is that he most likely just sees you as another Instagram girl he has a chance to sleep with. If you can’t see this, then I don’t know what to say.
 

 

 

Edited May 13, 2022 by michaelcycle00

[michaelcycle00]

2 hours ago, Bando said:

What does being a "jerk" when it comes to women look like to you? What exactly does your friend do thats gets him the results you want? What does low integrity when it comes to women mean to you?

Simple, he sees them as objects he can use for his own pleasure and therefore doesn’t feel bad about playing them in order to get his pp wet. I think that’s what we call “game” nowadays. 
 

2 hours ago, Bando said:

Im pretty sure you already know but theres a difference between being authentic and being a "nice guy." You can be blunt and direct while still being a good person.

I’m blunt and direct while still being a good person and people still take me as rude and arrogant. You just can’t challenge someone else’s beliefs because the either crumble or get aggressive. 
 

2 hours ago, Bando said:

Try integrating the more aggressive and forward aspects your personality in your day to day life, if your not getting the results you want its time to switch it up, your still young consciously create type of personality that works best for you its going to take effort

Yeah, I’ve been trying to. It’s harder than you would expect. I think it’s more about being unapologetic because you’re always gonna piss people off for not being like them and adapting to their expectations.