What Made You Feel Love As A Child?

[BlurryBoi]

oh also :

 

Offering/Surprising Them with a present/gift i Created Myself for them. 

 

[Sine]

One thing that comes to mind is my mother reading books to me. I have multiple memories of it because she did it a lot. 

The memories are special to me because it is (kind of) stored as if they happened in real life - like I actually lived the stories. I think it shaped my personality a lot because when you asked us some time ago about our favorite part of reality, mine was imagination. 

I feel loved in those memories... Maybe because sharing a story like that is as close you can come to having the same experience as each other - which eradicates existential loneliness in some sense maybe... To me, today I feel the most unloved when I feel existential lonely. So I think that could be a thing about it.

Also, the attention and her choosing to spend her time with me. 

There is also something to be physically close to her, her smell and the warmth and safety in her bed. Today I guess I also connect safety to love.

Then there is the part of getting to be a child and be taken care of. That's probably also important to why I feel loved because my childhood was kind of rough and a lot of the time I had to take care of her and comfort her - so when she read to me, the roles were as they were supposed to be.

I don't think I ever felt loved by my father. I haven't thought about it in that way until now. But I can't think of any memories of love with him. But he was also very distant. 

it surprises me I don't have more memories of love in my childhood ... haha wow. But yea It's a sense of I felt loved in general, but actual distinct memories are difficult to find... There is also something about holding hands with my parents and being tucked in at night by my mother. Probably the safety aspect again. 

 

[QandC]

My dad always used to take me out to restaurants when I was younger and then we went to the cinema, we did this every weekend and I really loved doing that. He also always enjoyed playing with me and my toys, trying to understand what I was trying to achieve, engaging while I was playing in my own little fantasy world. Always without judgement

[UnbornTao]

I particularly loved, and felt loved by, making others laugh, even at myself.

Sharing funny moments and silly jokes with others.

Also, having a connection and intimacy with someone; feeling safe to talk about similar interests that I didn't feel like I could share with most people.

For example, when I was little, videogames were for "nerds", so simply talking about this and being listened to by someone who shared that passion was pretty cool.

Edited May 8, 2022 by UnbornTao

[Armand]

I never felt love as a child. I questioned it daily until I left my parents. I was always told the love wasn't there to give due to past trauma they themselves experienced. Which I found was made up trauma to essentially say any of my trauma should be nullified. My parents were raised spoiled and never had to learn how to survive so once they became older they expect me to cater to their every whim. As if I haven't forgiven them for the various forms of abuse no child should ever encounter. I'm conditioned to have compassion for them and continue giving support knowing it benefits me none and never has. If anything I'm hated for merely trying. They never hugged me, kissed me unless it was SA related. My mother called me her boyfriend once I reached college age and told random people I was her arm candy. 

 

No love until I met my ex wife, who honestly couldn't handle being my therapist. 

[Armand]

On 5/8/2022 at 3:09 AM, axiom said:

I have thought about this deeply, and I don't recall ever feeling loved as a child. I had a father who beat me up, a mother who turned a blind eye, and an older brother who bullied me. I had noone to turn to, and suicidal ideation was pretty much the prevailing theme of my life from the earliest I can remember until I was in my mid 30s. 

I think this may be why my "heroic dose" mushroom trip a year ago was so insane in scale. I felt love, unmistakeably, for the first time in my life. It feels strange to finally know what it is.

I'm sorry you also had felt this way during the beginning stages of your life. Relating to others in this, at the very least I can commiserate that pain with you. ❤️ 

[erik8lrl]

Understanding, deep acceptance, and appreciation of what/who I am (my authentic self). The freedom to be my most authentic self and feel accepted for that. 

Edited October 10, 2022 by erik8lrl

[vindicated erudite]

Sniffing glue.

 

 

 

Just joking about that... I didn't need much, I was just happy all the time. My life was defined by what is going to make sad and bring me down not how am I going to get love in order to get to my baseline today?

[integral]

Like when I was 10 and I landed my first kick flip I felt a love for being alive and the joy of life. My childhood is filled with these moments. There are also many moments where I finally get away from people and I’m alone for a while and feel content and happy alone and enjoying being alive. 

All experiences I had with people and opening up to people involved fear and shame and attacks. Getting away from all that, being alone and focussing on my hobbies gave me satisfaction and the feeling of love.

I received a lot of praise from peers because I excelled and was good at everything and that made me feel special and separate from them. 
 

But I only experienced love when I gave myself something. The love people would gave me always had strings attached or I never appreciated anything they did for me lmao, I appreciated the things I had to work hard to give to myself!

I also felt love when ever I  hugged my dog, I could love her and she would accept my love and i loved that and felt love from the intimacy. Something I couldn’t do with people, because they would bite me in the end. 

Edited October 10, 2022 by integral

[Tefikos]

Damn, this was difficult, because my life was really dark after I was nine years old. Before, it was pretty okay, even though I had already developed anxious attachment style, but I was always with people, so it was compensated. 

- When I was in close physical contact with my little sister and when we played together.

- When my grandfather always took me to sit on to his lap and gave me attention. When we walked long walks together, until I didn't have any more energy left to walk and he carried me back to home on his shoulders. When he showed interest to my interests.

- When I was sick and my parents cared for me and gave me love and attention. When I got injuried and especially my mother cared for me and gave me lots of love and attention.

- When I got gifts from others, chrismas especially felt so speacial for me, because I got so much attention, love, care and gifts.

- When parents did little things for me like peeled an apple and cut it in to little pieces for me to eat.

- When I always got food from my grandparents house, I always loved the foods they cooked and was so happy when I was there. They cared for me so much and gave me so much attention and love.

- When I hanged out with my friends, I was so full of joy for exploring our little surroundings with them. I was so happy when we just were together and when we played together. This was the time when I could be totally what I was and others around me accepted me fully without any judgements.

- When I was in close physical contact with my mother, I felt so safe, loved and protected. 

 

 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

On 10/10/2022 at 3:33 PM, integral said:

Like when I was 10 and I landed my first kick flip I felt a love for being alive and the joy of life. My childhood is filled with these moments. There are also many moments where I finally get away from people and I’m alone for a while and feel content and happy alone and enjoying being alive. 

All experiences I had with people and opening up to people involved fear and shame and attacks. Getting away from all that, being alone and focussing on my hobbies gave me satisfaction and the feeling of love.

I received a lot of praise from peers because I excelled and was good at everything and that made me feel special and separate from them. 
 

But I only experienced love when I gave myself something. The love people would gave me always had strings attached or I never appreciated anything they did for me lmao, I appreciated the things I had to work hard to give to myself!

I also felt love when ever I  hugged my dog, I could love her and she would accept my love and i loved that and felt love from the intimacy. Something I couldn’t do with people, because they would bite me in the end. 

[iceprincess]

my parents were just always there for me, ESPECIALLY my dad even though he's the one I have the most difficult relationship with now. it makes me tear up as I'm typing this message. my parents did their best to make me feel like I wasn't alone. I had lots of anger and rage as a child so naturally I did not make friends easily, my mom could not work and my dad was a taxi driver but he took as much time as he could to play with me since none of the kids in our neighborhood liked me. he never made me feel that I was "different" or that I needed to change. he just accepted me and my issues. every Friday night after working 13-15 hours straight my dad would play boardgames with me at night. when I got bullied in middle school my dad would drop me off at school in the morning and pick me up after so that I wouldn't have to take the bus with other kids and get  anxiety. we did not have much money but my dad made sure my childhood was as rich and fun as he could make it. I never felt spoiled, just grateful. my dad saved up for all of us to go to Disney world and universal studios which is a lot of money for a single taxi driver. another family whose parents both made six figures also went to Florida but did not take their kids to go see Disney world, they wanted to save the money and just dragged their kids to their boring concerts. I can list a bunch of things but I cant because im crying too much now lol  but that guy was just there for me all the time. my mom's awesome too but I already give her way too much credit lol 

[ZenSwift]

Sitting on the kitchen floor with my mom for hours at night talking about life. 

Edited October 12, 2022 by ZenSwift

[Twinstar]

Growing up with busy parents meant that the love I got mostly came from myself. My parents provided me with the physical things I needed to survive, but not the emotional ones. I've always wanted unconditional love, someone that actually knows me and loves every aspect of me. Someone that listens to me and cares about what I have to say. Someone that always wants what is best for me, someone that will keep an eye out for me. Someone I can trust and that trusts me. And that only person that can fit that criteria without fail is me.

So I gave myself the love my environment wasn't giving me. I pushed myself to do well in school because I knew it was good for me, and I have subconsciously always been there for myself. I gave myself the approval and support no one else did. I told myself I was proud of my work when no one else did.

The journey of self love was not easy to embark on at an early age, and I still falter from time to time. But being self reliant and self sufficient has made me a stronger and better person over the years.

Edited October 13, 2022 by Twinstar

[bliss54]

Being around my best friends at that time and interacting with them

Having my mum read me bed time stories

Edited October 13, 2022 by bliss54

[Clabber Girl]

• family showing up to a basketball game/sports game of mine
• my mother taking half a day off just to make me breakfast on my birthday
• decorating the christmas tree and seeing all the ornaments I made on the tree
• my parents buying me a trip to spain when they didnt really have the money, my mother cried at the airport when I left... when I arrived back a week later she hugged me with lots of love I could tell she was overjoyed I made it back in one piece. 

[Loba]

Mmmn... hmmmn... I faintly remember experiencing a lot of love as a small girl, but once I hit about 7-9 years old, it started to fade.  I think people love children because they are "cute" and sweet and dependent and simple, but many times as the child grows into an individual person, they do learn that human love is shallow, fickle and fading.  When I was very little before my mother moved to a different state and forced my father to move away from us due to her anger issues - I had a complete family and a lot of cousins and a good support system - but about a year after I left, these things faded away as people moved on with their lives... it's hard to remember what love felt like as a child, I don't have a lot of experiences of it to fall back on.  
As an adult - aside from caring for animals and showering them with affection, I don't really feel the emotions of love for myself or others.  Maybe a very fleeting infatuation that is gone as soon as it starts, or perhaps if I sit with a story about a character - I might develop an emotion for them in a controlled environment, as I can pick them up and put them down as I need to... but love... let's see...

• I remember, before my grandmother died of cancer at the age of five that she held me a lot and would push me on the swing on a tree in the backyard.  She was very gentle, attentive and I got my needs to be held met from her until she passed on.
• Visiting my family at my uncle's wooden cabin the forest of Idaho, we all got together and had Christmas and it was one of the most amazing experiences, I remember it to this day - how it felt to watch the clouds fall behind those mountains, and back when my consciousness was pristine and things held wonder within them, it was almost a psychedelic religious experience - to be completely open in such a way...
• When my mom would buy me a kitten, when things were hard she gave her "love" by providing things like kittens, or big Christmases/birthdays and nice meals.  She was never very warm, though and couldn't/wouldn't mirror my emotional needs - and so I was given a lot of objects and pets to compensate for this.  I still feel love through a kind, thoughtful gift.
• When my dad would visit me on the weekends, before we moved out of state.  I looked up to him as a "cool dad" and preferred his company.  We would stay at a motel and watch movies and eat junk food and I enjoyed his company.
• Spending time with family in large gatherings - before we moved, I had three aunts, three uncles on either side of the family, a bunch of cousins, grandparents, and I loved it - our get togethers were fun and I felt supported, safe and adored.
• When I visited my dad in Arizona during the summer, my neighbor made me a stuffed animal.  She acted more like a mother.  Her husband knew that she liked my dad and because they fought all the time he would joke and say, "Here - Chuck you take her.  She likes you.  Go go go go."  She would have made a good step mum ngl.
• The sunsets of Arizona.  I would pine for God, as a child - and I felt love and a desire to go back to heaven.  It became an obsession with the sky almost.  I think, I felt the most love out of anything from this - and later on in my life as I unrolled my soul blueprint, I learned that this love of those skies was what I was supposed to follow through - that my strong unwavering faith was something that was clouded over and needed to be ripped open again.

 

Edited October 14, 2022 by Loba

[Jannes]

Little note I wrote yesterday which fits here:

The gym got my little safe place. I feel more comfortable there then in my own home. Sometimes I do little unobstrusive dances after sets for fun. It further developed in the past days. I wasn’t just dancing a little for my own entertaining, my inner being got carried away also for just a second. I threw my head back and then flirted with myself in a playful way in the mirror. Authentically playful, dramatic, strange, whacky, beautiful, loving. It was a brief moment into something I always did as a child. Like a short second my inner authentic being stretched all the way out and I remembered that that’s how I survived being lonely and rejected as a child. I developed an inner joy for myself that was so beautiful that it provided me energy to take on pretty much any challenge. I often hummed myself to that place as well. I saw people around me looking strange at me and I feared to stay authentic and crawled into my shell again. 

[newbee]

On 6-5-2022 at 1:37 AM, Leo Gura said:

I am in the midst of developing a deeper theory of love.

That's odd since you claim to teach from 'direct experience'. So why develop a *theory* of love based on other people's childhood experiences? It kinda proves you have no direct experience of love if you need to come up with a theory.

I also have wondered why you have previously stated that love is 'not an emotion and not a sensation', what is it then according to you? 

[Leo Gura]

3 minutes ago, newbee said:

That's odd since you claim to teach from 'direct experience'. So why develop a *theory* of love based on other people's childhood experiences? It kinda proves you have no direct experience of love if you need to come up with a theory.

It proves no such thing. Love is a complex and tricky topic. Just because you have direct experience of it does not mean you automatically understand how to apply it or how to articulate it.

Absolute Love is not the same a relative love. This thread is about relative love.

Edited October 17, 2022 by Leo Gura