My heart is broken. What should I do?

[lennart]

Dear fellow actualizers,

 

Like the title already said I feel currently very heartbroken due to a relationship recently breaking apart. 

I want to give you a quick history about my dating life. Currently I am 23 yo. I have always been really shy with girls and until my 20s I hadnt had much success in dating. When i was 21 i got into pick up and had lots of dates and got some experience with girls. Last year i went for vaccation to cancun where I met a beautiful mexican girl over bumble we had amazing sex and spent almost 2 weeks together hanging out all the time. When I head to fly back I talked to her and proposed the idea of me doing an exchange semester in mexico city she was excited about the idea and i started to do the application stuff. I got finally accepted and I would go to mexico in 5 months. so 5 months of long distance. In the beginning of january i arrived in mexico city and the plan was to stay here until june. The first few months were amazing and i started to really fall in love with her. I had the feeling that she did too but now I am not that sure anymore if she felt the same. After 2 months I started to get the feeling that something was off and she confessed to me that she wasnt feeling good because of the fact that I will leave soon and also that she realized that she still has feelings for her exboyfriend and me at the same time. Which was very confusing for me. After she broke up we had a period where it was a kind of on and off thing and last week she ended it completely. The first few days were horrible. I had to cry almost everyday and the worst part is that i dont have too many friends here. The only thing that really helped me was to talk to my parents and friends from germany. I am already feeling better but from time to time I get hit by these waves of sadness. I already get the feeling that this experience could be turned into something productive and positive but I dont really know how. What do you think could be the best to do in my situation to benefit the most from that heartbreak experience?

I apreciate your tips and I would also love to hear about your heartbreak experience and maybe how you could turn it into a positive thing. 

Much love

[Preety_India]

Accept and embrace reality and move on. There's plenty of fish in the sea. Find someone else. 

 

[JonasVE12]

Initially, you shouldn't really do anything with the feeling other than to feel it. The deeper you reveal how you are actually feeling within your body, the lighter you will feel day by day. I found it very freeing to just lay on my bed, my hands on my heart and bring up all the sadness, cry through it and then it lets go. After a breakup, that's a time to turn inwards instead of instantly thinking 'What should I do with this feeling?' The latter is more an external orientation and while eventually, you can use those feelings as a way to empower you to take action to create a reality more consistent with your ideals, yet first you want to understand the lessons those feelings can give you. Such as finding your peace and happiness inside the pain, seeing that you can handle it, that you don't need anyone to feel amazing. Even laying alone in your bed, with all your pain, you can feel joy and happiness after you revealed all that pain and truly embraced it. You can then start to feel a sense of courage to create what you want. But that has to come from your body and not your mind. And your body will do that naturally if you process the sadness, fear and all the emotions you are carrying now.

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0ctRMR8qXM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmNbrlmn00w

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29OGEGj2X-c

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3miuaOWsj8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5qdBMIaS_c

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eit85FAj4wg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLH7yUwkBPg

Use these to get over her

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVqANXVTLN4

http://happinessbeyondthought.blogspot.com/2012/05/surrendering-i-letting-go-of-suffering.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MU1Rp184IT4

You can also try “break through difficult emotions” by Shinzen Young 

Edited May 5, 2022 by Raze

[puporing]

2 hours ago, lennart said:

I already get the feeling that this experience could be turned into something productive and positive but I dont really know how. What do you think could be the best to do in my situation to benefit the most from that heartbreak experience?

Keep digging into this intuition of yours. All of my heartbreaks helped me awaken to god. Might help you do the same one day.

[SeaMonster]

3 hours ago, lennart said:

I already get the feeling that this experience could be turned into something productive and positive but I dont really know how. What do you think could be the best to do in my situation to benefit the most from that heartbreak experience?

Realize that you can't control what other people do.  They may be loyal or fickle.  Thus, don't build your life around one person.  Build your life as you envision it and let other things be secondary or subsidiary.  Don't be sad that this happened, because you can think of it as actually having liberated you to focus on yourself and your goals, which is a blessing in disguise.

[flyingwhalee]

Move ? on ? already ?

[RendHeaven]

You are so silly for placing your divine authority of love-giving "outside of yourself."

[Fernanda]

Don't surrender your grief so quickly. Let it cut you more deep. Let it ferment and season you as few humans and even divine ingredients can. Something missing in my heart tonight has made my eyes so soft, my voice so tender, my need for God absolutely clear. -Hafiz

[Ulax]

@lennart Heya dude,

What came to mind for me was to write a letter to her expressing your feelings, and your wants and wishes towards her and the situation.

Be those expressions of anger, grief, or of a seemingly irrational nature.

But do all this without the intention of sending the letter. You can keep the letter in a draw afterwards if you want.

[RickyFitts]

5 hours ago, Fernanda said:

Don't surrender your grief so quickly. Let it cut you more deep. Let it ferment and season you as few humans and even divine ingredients can. Something missing in my heart tonight has made my eyes so soft, my voice so tender, my need for God absolutely clear. -Hafiz

Love that.  Reminds me of a Rumi quote: 'The wound is where the light enters'.

The heart-break isn't really the issue, it's the fact that we don't want to feel it that causes us to suffer. And I don't say that as a criticism, it's just human to feel that way (or it is when you've been conditioned to believe that it's not all right to express your pain, at least). But in order to truly move on from loss, you have to allow the arising of that pain, and in order to do that, it's often necessary to become conscious of any resistance to the pain and to allow that resistance to release. And that be a very gradual process, depending on how much resistance you've built up against painful emotions.

[Anthony98]

thank you guys!

1. Before doing anything just feel.
2. Accept and embrace reality and move on.
3. Feel into my intuition
4. Write a letter and express your feelings towards her without actually sending it
5. Let go of all resistance towards the pain
6. Don't be silly haha

 

A few of these tips I already intuitively did but its definitely nice to hear what you have to say. Affirms what I already know.

Btw: I can feel from day to day that the intensity of the pain lessens. Sometimes the pain comes back in waves but it is not as gripping anymore which gives me hope.