I'm done with being numb.

[Ninja_pig]

I'm done with being numb in my life. For a while I have been avoiding the current state of my life that I have created, mainly through porn and YouTube. I'm writing this because I decided to quit porn and YouTube just a week ago, and it's like I woke up from a coma. My emotional system was completely fucked up to the point where I did not even see many problems I have.

I actually don't have that many friends. The ones I do have are kind of weird. They're not bad but they're kind of numb like me.

I am functioning far below my capacity in school and in my work.

I'm making almost no progress spiritually

My body is becoming awkward to use and weirdly shaped form lack of exercise

My sleep schedule is very screwed up

I don't have a girlfriend even though I really want one

I'm doing just enough to stay in the middle of the pack in general

I'm not invested or interested in my life

I'm not that hopeful for the future

All this stuff is just becoming more and more clear to me the longer I abstain from distractions. I've decided that I like confronting the reality though, even though it isn't all that great. I will never go back to my ways of constantly flushing my brain with overstimulation and emotional overload in order to not feel anymore. I choose to feel pain over feeling nothing. If it leads to depression, so be it. I would rather live in hell than not live at all. If I end up with an incredible life, I'm going to feel as happy about it as I can. I will no longer be scared of big emotions. I will no longer run away. I will love life to the very end. It is better to be dead than half alive.

[ZenAlex]

Anything that gives you instant gratification needs to be limited or restricted, that's a big part of the secret. 

Video games, TV, junk food, alcohol etc.

Without these things you'll likely be more motivated and focused.

[Rahul 2paradox]

Work on ur traumas head on.

Mostly our escaping behavior, our coping mechanism , our mentality of ignoring our situation and being absorbed in media , addiction n stuff arises from that only. 

What I've learnt that quitting porn is not hard , quitting porn is tricky. The more days u go off it , the more easier it gets and the more alive we feel . It just takes that one little edging that one little relapsing to go back on that same hell and the cycle continues. Giving up porn is not possible without meditation. Even if the person goes many months he's still likely to get back to it if meditation is not his daily practice. 

We unknowingly run from our problems till the point we don't feel anything. No good no bad just that endless emptiness , that numbness eating up from inside and taking our all things away. 

Edited May 6, 2022 by Rahul 2paradox

[Asayake]

Good job, it seems to me you've already evolved by becoming aware of things you want to improve on in your life. Just remember to also not be too hard on yourself because you couldn't have done things differently than you did in the past. But Now you can do things differently moving forward. Oh and also don't be too hard on yourself for being too hard on yourself ..

Yoga can help with the numbness by energizing you and helping you to stop reaching for external stimuli to make some excitement happen, it helps you reconnect to your body and heal. Other than that I would say keep doing what you're doing, keep reflecting on what's a good way forward for you and use this forum for some guidance. Just don't wait too long before you take action. That's ultimately how to create movement in the right direction, at the end of the day thinking too much gets us nowhere.