Direct Experience and Projections Onto My Social Life

[AndylizedAAY]

I have been deeply contemplating the meaning of my social life and I came to this conclusion: The things that I do privately comes from a desire for connection. I think I just had an insight with my social life. Here is what my direct experience says: Whenever I try to start a conversation, I only get a one or two second response which is the same when joining another conversation. Now either I can think it is because of my autism, because of lack of forgiveness subconsciously with how I use to be like, because of the Law of Attraction, etc. All of those ideas are just concepts that is being added onto reality. Whenever I go to someone for help about this, it changes my direct experience of the situation entirely since the lack of interest in me from someone ceases to exist. The solution is entangled with the existence of the problem. There is some truth with the idea that I cannot blame other people for my problems but that is a relative truth and I am not blaming other people for my problems, I am just deeply thinking about the meaning of my life. No one else can validate my direct experience of my social life but me. Listening to podcasts, to Teal Swan and going on the forum, etc. are actions coming from a subconscious desire for connection. Me trying to hard or not being engaged are also just concepts that is being added to my social life. Overusing YouTube is an artificial way of receiving a nice story which is a distraction from my homework which creates suffering but gives more pleasure in the moment. Failing to be invited on the school podcast, lockdown, being rejected with acts of service, being left behind etc. are like threshold guardians when it comes to my true potential. All of these things are just coming from the social matrix and I need to question why things are repelling against me. The idea that I don't deserve something is just a concept. Which way does it work, my self-image being a self-fulfilling prophesy or my reality creating my self-image? I can always use my autism as an excuse for ignorance but the reality is that I can use contemplation and self-inquiry to gain insight from direct experience. Inauthenticity can be sensed, but ultimately I have to decide if that is true based on my direct experience. The scenario of my social life was ingeniously thought up by the Mind of God.

[ZzzleepingBear]

I don't know if this advice will line up with what you are trying to say . But just from reading this, and that you only get 1-2 sec short responses, wheter that is from others or yourself, sounds like it would fit into being quite short formal responses.

There seems be alot of analyzing and breakdown of how you or others interact. And while that can be a fun mind activity to engage in, it can also be very self limiting if you try to juggle all theses concepts mid conversation or prior. It can come across as self hesitant and give of an uneasy energy.

So the advice here is to relax into your own energy field rather than trying to analyze your way into any deeper conversation or activity.

[SeaMonster]

On 5/4/2022 at 2:52 AM, AndylizedAAY said:

Which way does it work, my self-image being a self-fulfilling prophesy or my reality creating my self-image?

Think of it as a feedback loop or vicious cycle.  The self-image creates an undesirable result...which reinforces the self-image...which creates another undesirable result...etc.

Moreover, the self-image has to do with unconscious beliefs, so it is the unconscious mind that has to be reprogrammed to break the cycle.

[AndylizedAAY]

@SeaMonster But which comes first, the self-image or my reality?

[WelcometoReality]

On 2022-05-04 at 8:52 AM, AndylizedAAY said:

my self-image being a self-fulfilling prophesy or my reality creating my self-image?

Reality just is.

Reality is being filtered through your belief system and is 'colored' by it, but the beliefs are taken to be reality. The self image is part of the belief system and so is autism.

That might seem provocative so let me explain what I mean. You have a certain personality and parts of the personality there are certain traits that, when grouped together, science calls them autism. But you are you. You are just uniquely you.. And then you learn about autism, maybe get a diagnose and autism gets engrained in you. It becomes a part of your self image. So much that it enhances these traits.

Then comes the belief that you must try harder to socialize. Because you have autism. So you go at it. You try really hard to start conversations but so hard that it gets repelled back at you. What if it's fine to just be you without trying so hard? Just be you.

You want connection to other people and I get that. We all do. But aswell as looking outside yourself for connection maybe you also could try to find that inside of you that feels disconnected and connect to that part of you again?