LSD, becoming conscious of infinite love, realizations

[Asayake]

Last night I did 105 ug of LSD. It ended up being the best trip I've ever had. I spent my trip listening to music, meditating, and peeing(an awful lot ). Here's a summary of what I learned:

My comeup was not the smoothest. I did not have any nervous thoughts or anything of that nature, my feelings were peaceful as well. But my body reacted way stronger than on any comeup I ever had before. My heart was beating out of my chest, my palms were sweating like crazy, I could feel the inside of my throat very vividly and it felt like it was very narrow and uncomfortable, claustrophobic. I felt an oncoming intensity and sense of doom on par with going up a very tall rollercoaster that I was soon to regret going on("you're in for a ride kid"). I just lied down in my bed and was aware of my body's reaction. My heart was beating very fast for a while and I was uncomfortably aware of it. I just reminded myself that I don't have to be afraid of the sensation of my heart beating out of my chest, but to get to know it and be curious, to let it express itself to me. I was being present with my body like a mother is present with her distressed child. Then it suddenly hit me. I realized the love I have for myself. When it seemed like everything was about to go to shit I kept my cool anyways and did what I thought was the best thing to do. Because I have a deep love for myself. And that deep love for myself is what defines me, it is who I am in the purest sense. I was never more real than I was in that moment, yet that was the way I had been all along, this situation just made it clear enough for me to see that it is this way. My body was soon soothed by my loving presence and realizations were had:

- I became conscious of infinity, infinite love for what is. Every moment presented me with a new form of infinity that I was constantly falling in love with. 

- You can not grasp it intellectually because what it is transcends the intellectual.

- It is pure love, I can not come up with better words to describe what it is.

- LSD is like a cold shower of love. So much love that you're afraid to let yourself feel it. So much love that it hurts, so intense that it can give you instant ego death when you let it take you, when you let yourself feel it for what it is. At one point I felt a serious intensity arising. I put my head onto my hands to let myself relax into it and let it take me. I connected to my breath and suddenly, out of nowhere I had an instant ego death. Visuals were going absolutely crazy as I was one. It was the most powerful ego death I've had since doing big amounts of Weed & Nitrous Oxide a few years ago. But during that ego death I was completely dissociated and "gone", it was just like I became a 2D object/computer program and then was reborn into a human being when I "came back to it". This time I was fully aware of what was going on(I even had the thought, "wow, full on ego death, that easy huh ?"), but I was still completely merged into one. It was insanely intense and powerful. When I came back I was a bit shocked because of the sheer intensity and how it hit me out of nowhere. I was a bit shaken but it felt like a weight had been lifted of my shoulders, like I had let go of a lot of fear.  I had the similar feeling of being reborn when coming back that I had on the weed/nitrous combo, except this time I was not surprised that I was back. 

- Everything you go through in life is because you love the beauty of it all for an eternity. The best way to express it is through love for what is, being with what is.

- Even philosophy is not what you think it is.

- Music shows us the infinite. Music(and life itself) is a trip through infinity. A good music album(or a song) is like a gourmet slice of infinity, infinity organized in a beautiful way. The music I listened to during the trip sounded just like normal music. It's just that I could hear it more accurately, for what it truly was, and being with it in every moment that transformed it into something more beautiful than it would have been in my usual sober state of mind. Just like being with my uncomfortable sensations at the beginning of the trip transformed the negative sensations into a wonderful trip. Because being with what is is what love is. Turning water into wine. Show a rabid dog love and it will transform into a loving pet. Being with the meaninglessness of music is what creates the meaningfulness of music.

- At one point I was looking at a stopwatch timer on my browser that I used to check how much time had passed in the trip occasionally. The browser had bugged so it was frozen at 2 hours or so. I thought to myself, "holy fuck, time has stopped!" and had a strong feeling of time standing still. Then after looking at the frozen timer for a while I realized it could be bugged so I tried refreshing the page and the timer started working again.  Then I realized that time is actually standing still all the time and laughed at how stupid and profound what had just happened was. Later on I was thinking about this more and realized that even thinking about how much time had passed was pointless, since time is so warped on LSD that keeping track of it doesn't really matter anyways.

 

 

WOW. What an experience, will definitely do LSD again at some point in the future. LSD is officially my favorite psychedelic .

 

[Leo Gura]

Good work!

[Matthew85]

@Asayake Excellent insights! Thank you for sharing.